Telling Me To Let You Go (11)

"I barely couldn't, I barely couldn't recognize
But I play bad into it, who am I to criticize,
Somehow I get the way and you won't even realize,
Falling through your own disguise,
It's like over and over,
you're pushing me right down to the floor,
I should just walk away,
Over and over,
I keep on coming back for more,
I play into your fantasies,
Now that it's over,
You can lie to me right through your smile,
I see behind your eyes,
Now that I'm sober,
You're more intoxicating than wine,
Even the Devil wouldn't recognize you, but I do..."

I'm not sure if that last line is, "the more intoxicating my mind," or "you're more intoxicating than wine..." I think the wine one is the one I like better, so I'll just pretend it says that.

That's a worry that I have. I think I'm going to always put lyrics in my albums because I would hate if people are singing the wrong words. It would kill me. It completely loses it's meaning that way... and then don't you hate it when you've been singing the wrong words and then one day you realize what the RIGHT words are, or someone tells you, and then all you can think of is that you were singing the wrong ones for forever. I did that with No Doubt's "Don't Speak" -- I won't say which part, but every time I sing it now, I just think about how I sung it wrong half my life.

11 days until LA. Everyone keeps saying to me, "you must be SO excited!!" But the truth is, I'm terrified.

I can't go into more details than that because I have promised all those fears to my documentary, but I'll just tell you that I haven't been this scared in a long time. Tina said yesterday that she would be all packed with her things waiting by the door, ready to go... and I think that's the difference between Scorpio and Sag. Sagittarius' are prone procrastinators and it's not even really that for me -- I don't think there was ever a trip that I prepacked for. I always pack, like, hours before I leave and I continue packing as I'm walking out the door. It's just what I do. It's kind of a trait of mine.

Speaking of packing, I heard that airlines (some, not all... apparently) are charging $25 a bag after the first bag, which is really going to be a problem, because I have 3 bags I need to check and I don't have an extra hundred bucks for this... that would mean that I would have to get EVERYTHING for a week into ONE suitcase.

Let's take a moment to realize what i just said.

EVERYTHING FOR ONE WEEK INTO ONE SUITCASE.

I couldn't even get everything for one DAY into one suitcase for Las Vegas!!! I had to have a bag just for shoes and purses... oh it was a girls dream...

I hope that Southwest hasn't started this or I'm fucked.

Anyhow, last night I worked on my lyrics. It's a very tedious job. I was actually thinking about just typing them up and then printing them off. That would be faster and probably more ledgable.

Ya. *note to self, type lyrics.*

Great, I had thought of this wonderful idea to put them all into one notebook and then no. Crap. Oh well, a writer can never have too many notebooks, right?

Last night when I was pointlessly writing my lyrics into a notebook, I was also organizing my planner... I scheduled 4 photoshoots and reminded myself of things to pack. See, I'm good at that -- PostIts are what I'm good at. Not packing.

When Jennifer got home yesterday we drove around to survey the damage by the storm, and at 70th and N. Oak (Like I said yesterday, I live at 69th -- so this is one block East from me --- LIKE ONE BLOCK, OKAY??) there was a building completely torn apart... Completely gone. Tell me that that was just wind??? No, that was a tornado and the sirens didn't go off... so when my furniture was levitating -- that was from a tornado. Okay??

Fucking scary.

Pics of the Day:

(links because they're too large to load to here and I'm too lazy to upload them -- they will load in same window -- either right click, open in new window -- or just arrow back to my page.)

http://i31.tinypic.com/1197csn.jpg
Blockbuster's roof came apart.

http://i25.tinypic.com/ohlpwy.jpg
Check cashing place's sign is half gone.

http://i32.tinypic.com/2vdo49e.jpg
Margarita's Mexican restaurant won't be open for at least a month, is what they're saying. It got substantial damage to it's roof.

http://i30.tinypic.com/6paglf.jpg
Margarita's again...

http://i32.tinypic.com/296hpva.jpg
This was once a pawn shop... Seriously.

http://i30.tinypic.com/2i8ueed.jpg
Pawn Shop again -- 70th and N. Oak -- a block away from my home... Sirens didn't sound... Scary!

http://i25.tinypic.com/28bxhyu.jpg
Pawn Shop again... the sky is eerily calm...

http://i27.tinypic.com/1r4s45.jpg
Some minor tree damage. Minor compared to some other photos!

http://i27.tinypic.com/28l77s2.jpg
A large tree snapped in half - at least they made some good firewood!

http://i29.tinypic.com/2na3c5t.jpg
A huge tree literally uprooted... this like, amazes me that tornados can do this.

http://i32.tinypic.com/2j3ptmh.jpg
I hope they had full coverage.

And the areas where it was worst, like houses blown into bits, that area was closed off... so it gets even worse than this.

xoxox