Dear 100 Monkeys Fans

I am beyond moved by the reaction to my blog I posted earlier about 100 Monkeys. Your unwavering loyalty and support for the boys has floored me. It did not surprise me, but it floored me.

I am so proud for how much everyone has taken up for the guys; it truly was unfair that they did not get to finish their set and that they were asked to leave. They (The Hard Rock Las Vegas) conducted their practices unfairly and unprofessionally. However, I believe the boys handled the situation well and gracefully. (I would have thrown things... just sayin'.)

The feedback that I've gotten through comments on my site, my Facebook, the Chatter and my Twitter has been extremely overwhelming to say the least. I've been busy all day responding and replying. Someone (I'm unsure on if she wants to be named, so I won't say her name here) mentioned to me that the boys are not disrespectful and the Hard Rock Cafe of Las Vegas made them sound that way. I completely agree.

I have never before met 5 men who are more gracious, giving and downright RESPECTFUL than 100 Monkeys. They constantly look out for their fans, they take excellent care of their equipment and are beyond grateful to get to play the shows they play in the cities that they do.

I really hope that all of this can get put behind us as soon as possible. I am glad that everyone is now aware of what happened and how the boys were mistreated, but I'm sure that it's not something that they want to dwell on, so I'm thinking that if we all just get it out not -- bitch and moan at the Hard Rock for an apology and then move on to focus on the boys' amazement, that we'll all be happier Mnky fans. ;)

This is a memory that makes me upset when I think of it -- I get upset at how they were treated, how the staff treated the fans, how the staff treated their equipment, how the staff treated the boys... HOWEVER, there are a few other memories from yesterday that immediately make me *beam* when I think of them, so I do believe that I'll try and focus on those now.

I'm not saying that I'm "over" this, that it's all better and fixed now - I'm just trying to look ahead to the future. I know that RIGHTNOW this is such an important thing that 100 Monkeys fans ALL OVER THE WORLD want to deal with head on.

Here's a list of places that I am aware it's been posted:

Ten Gossip, as written by the ever-fabulous, Willow Raine.
Team j.action Facebook
Monkey Business 
Team Jacksper
Jackson Rathbone Online
Jackson Rathbone Source (from Brazil!)
100 Monkeys Chatter

If you know of a website or blog that has posted a link/my story, let me know so I can add it up here! Overwhelming, yes?!

My blog post has been RT'd countless times on Twitter - I don't have an exact number of how many hits that I got, but I know that it's been a lot. That is actually a really scary thought, if I can be honest with you. I know that by now, with how many times my Twitter name has been mentioned along side @100MonkeysMusic that they boys have read the blog. I just really hope that they're not upset about it, I hope that they're also thankful that someone put the real life account of what happened. I really tried to make it as accurate as possible.

(Jackson said that he wanted people to know and be aware that the Monkeys did nothing wrong in this. Well, I guess I did my part then, didn't I? I think this is one of those "be careful what you wish for" situations.)

I really just want them to know that I support and love them. Isn't that what we all want? We all want to support and love them and show them our undying gratitude for giving us their fantastic music and face melting shows.

Some people had asked, "well did anything good happen yesterday?" The answer to that is YES! The second show was so fucking incredible that half of my face is still missing from being melted off. They. Rocked. HARD. It was amazing. Yesterday I experienced shows 5 & 6 and last night's show was one of the best that I had seen - regardless of what happened, regardless of them not being able to hear themselves (I've been there boys; nothing frustrates me so much...) they still melted my face. I can't speak for everyone who was there, but I know that Jennifer, Crystal and Alissa and I all LOVED the show and we all said that we had never rocked that hard before in our lives.

So in closing - thank you 100 Monkeys fans for the support you give to the boys each day and then in turn, for coming here to read my blog, post your thoughts and retweet about it. You're insane in the best way possible. You're fucking amazing and you know it. I want you to know that I read and appreciated EVERY single time you commented the blog and every word that you took the time to say. I read every single tweet and if I missed replying back to you I deeply apologize, but know that you were not overlooked. Not in the slightest. You are incredible people.

Please keep rocking,

Jodie Platz

PS - I'm going to party tonight in Vegas for my BFF's 25th birthday celebration, tomorrow I'm spending the day in Vegas but I'm editing photos. I didn't get as many good ones as I did in Tulsa. Along with the sound equipment sucking major ass, the lighting was wretched, go figure. But! I will be seeing the Monkeys again soon... ;) Always an opportunity for new photos. I really liked setting my camera down and just rocking out, singing their words back to them last night...

100 Monkeys At The Hard Rock Las Vegas

This is not going to be my official Vegas blog, this isn't going to contain the *wonderful* moments that happened with 100 Monkeys, this blog is just here to tell you all the SHIT the guys went through last night while playing the Hard Rock Cafe on the strip in Las Vegas.

NEVER SEE A CONCERT THERE.

NEVER EAT THERE.

They do not deserve your patronage.

100 Monkeys were supposed to take the stage at 1145p and apparently were supposed to be off the stage at 130a. The sound crew was apparently having the worst case of technical difficulties known to man because after the first opening act, The Rooks, the next band, Imagine Dragons, was literally on stage fucking with their equipment and trying to hear themselves in the monitors for 35 minutes. They still had not started their set when the Monkeys were supposed to take the stage.

[We had seen the 100 Monkeys soundcheck earlier in the day and it went on without a hitch, everything was fine -- a few adjustments were made, of course, but it was all fine... what could have possibly gone wrong?]

Imagine Dragons was very professional; they started the set even though they couldn't hear themselves in the 2 front monitors just because it was getting so late. They were worth the wait, they were fantastic. (More on them in the official blog.)

After each song the lead singer of Imagine Dragons would ask to be able to hear himself more citing that he "had no vocal on the stage", meaning that he couldn't hear himself at all -- that's an extremely important thing to a live performer in order to create the best show possible.

They wrapped their set and shortly after the boys took the stage, tuned their instruments and did their usual, "we'll be back in five," kinda deal...

They didn't end up going on stage until right about 1230.

They were constantly asking for more vocal, more vocal, more vocal - less bongos, less bass drum, more vocal.

It came time for the improv song and Jerad went down the line, he looked at me and my friends and I had decided before the show what we were going to ask them to sing, "Lipstick On My Collar". They took our suggestion...

About halfway through the performance and after asking during the performance for more vocal Jackson grabbed the mic stand -- now, I can't be completely positive but I think it was a combination between not being able to hear himself, being frustrated about not being able to hear himself and getting into the performance - he broke the mic stand. He slammed the base of it against the stage several times until the bottom of it broke.

After that he held the stand without the base until he became frustrated with that and tossed it aside.

It wasn't long after that - 145a that the guys said they were going to take a quick break and then come back on for their encore.

Before the guys came back on 2 guys came up on stage and started breaking down a few things, grabbing the broken mic stand and said that the guys would not be coming back out. A lot of people had left when they left the stage for the first time and this pushed out a lot of the others -- I knew that the guys were going to break down and pack up their own equipment, so we stayed put where we were in the front row.

Jackson's beer was setting by a mic stand and by the foot pedals for the guitar, when one of the guys was taking a cord apart, he knocked over the beer and soaked their control board for the guitar pedals. He didn't care, I grabbed the beer as quickly as I could, but a lot spilled very quickly.

When someone asked this guy on stage why the guys weren't coming back out he said, "because the band is being a bunch of assholes." I promptly stopped that shit right there and I snapped back, "don't call them assholes, if you're pissed about the mic stand maybe your sound guys should know what the fuck they were doing - it's just a fucking mic stand and you shouldn't be pissed at them for it, I'll pay for it if it's that much of a hassle to you, just don't fuck with the band." He stood there and just kind of stared at me.

A few minutes later they came back on stage and Jackson announced that they were not allowed to do their encore; that "the Hard Rock Cafe will not let 100 Monkeys play anymore" saying that he was so very sorry and thanks for coming out.

Jackson and Jerad came over to us, thanking us over and over, holding our hands and apologizing to us/the fans.

We got a moment to talk to Jackson about what happened with the Hard Rock - he said they were giving them a hard time from the moment they got here. He said to go online and make it known about what really happened. Johnson said they were upset, but just wanted to get out of there.

Jackson was so visibly upset, trying to control it, but this had made all of them so mad - he was standing on the left side of the stage when the rude guy started with him - Jackson looked & pointed to us and said, "[they] saw everything," and then I said back to him, "we are going to support 100 Monkeys; we're taking their side. That guy spilled your beer on your equipment." He asks me, "which guy, this guy?" I nodded. Jackson looks at the guy and starts to "rawr", he then quickly asked for his name - he replied (it was something with an "M") and then he extended his hand to shake Jackson's. Jackson walked away.

I pulled Jerad aside amongst the chaos and told him that the guy had spilled Jackson's beer. He lifted up the board and there was beer all under it. He asked who it was, I pointed and Jerad bolted over to him, asking his name, asking what the fuck...

Ultimately, I heard that the Hard Rock was mad because the guys were supposed to be off at 130 - however, they could have played had Imagine Dragons gone on stage on time. (The Hard Rock's fault; not theirs.)

The boys told us they had planned another 30 minutes of songs, but were asked to leave.

They were mad because Jackson broke the mic stand. (He wouldn't have done so had the sound been working properly, I firmly believe that. I don't think he was just *that* into the improv song about lipstick.)

[EDIT: I don't think that when Jackson picked up the mic stand that he had the intentions on breaking it -- I don't want people to think that, I think that shit happens and the stand broke - it was nothing that the Hard Rock should have gotten upset about.]

The boys were banned from ever playing the Hard Rock Cafe Las Vegas again (not sure about the other Hard Rock's, but I would assume that they wouldn't want to associate themselves with the Hard Rock any longer) - but even if they weren't it left such a nasty taste in their mouth that there's no way they would ever want to go back.

At the end of the night, after all of this shit that had gone down - instead of 100 Monkeys leaving and the Hard Rock Cafe being happy to get rid of them, someone I talked to said she overheard a conversation with one of the employees of the Hard Rock and Marty (the "bananager") in which the Hard Rock was demanding that 100 Monkeys PAY. Pay for damages, pay because the DJ that was supposed to go on stage after the Monkeys couldn't - PAY.

Fuck. That. Fuck. You.

If you were at the show last night, please write or call the Hard Rock and DEMAND that they apologize to 100 Monkeys.

I love all of those boys with so much of me - it felt amazing sticking up for them and helping them out when they needed it.

Jodie

[Another edit: Anyone who wants to post this on their Facebook/MySpace/Twitter/Fan forum -- please feel free. Also, please go and read Willow Raine's write up on www.tengossip.com!]

Las Vegas Airport Blog

*LOUD NOISES!*

I have to start out my blog with a heavy sigh -- this morning Willow's flight from Charlotte got cancelled. So [yet again] she's going to miss out on going to Vegas. :( I am so super sad about this. It's just terrible.

While we have only had the trip to Vegas planned as long as the boys have (you know, a whole two weeks...) I love seeing Willow and I know how much she loves seeing the boys. This will actually be the first Monkeys show that I'll be seeing without her. *starts to sob...* I hate that. I never ever ever want to see another one without her. Ever again.

I hate planes.

I mean, I love planes - they get me places... Maybe I should hate North Carolina. Yep. Going to hate NC. I already hate it - it's too far away.

Good part of the day? I accidentally left my lighter from Tulsa in my purse - it didn't get confiscated. #unexpectedwin

I'm tired. Had a dream about the Monkeys last night -- you know Mitch Hedberg once said:

I hate dreaming because when you want to sleep, you want to sleep. Dreaming is work. Next thing you know, I have to build a go-cart with my ex-landlord.

I feel the exact same way at times -- on one hand, I love dreaming; it's like an extracurricular activity for me. On the other hand, sometimes my dreams can be exhausting.

A lady just sat next to me who sprayed a whole bottle of perfume on her. Fuck her life.

Pic of the Day:

Just a few more hours. :) I'm going to take some new open shutter pictures with my new camera, will post if they're worth it. I seriously don't know how it can get much better than this, however... I love it.

xoxox

Dread, The Movie - Part Two

"I should be on a Greyhound...

I may be a wrench in the gears,

but it's just because I'm fearful..."

This is a continuation of the Dread blog that I posted in December after first seeing the film. You can find the first part of that by clicking on the link -- however, be forewarned that it includes MAJOR spoilers.

This post will contain much less spoilers since I already gave everything away *points* up there.

As you well know by now, tomorrow morning I leave for Las Vegas to see 100 Monkeys at the Hard Rock Cafe... I learned something about myself today, you know? What tends to happen is that something will "hit me" (as in I realize what's coming and I get super fucking stoked for it) and then the feeling will subside and I won't feel much anticipation or real excitement until moments before the big event.

Now as this happens, things tend to "hit me" early on, well before any of my friends and then I'm calm and cool as a cucumber as they're freaking out - I guess in the end this seems to work out well; they can help me, meanwhile I'm calm to help them.

Then once the event has arrived (I should be anxious tomorrow morning while heading to the airport but I don't believe anything will start to "hit me" again until we're either more than halfway in the air or have landed...) -- I have very little time to calm my nerves and freak out a bit. Say, for instance, Tulsa. I was fine, totally calm, I didn't really feel anything happening even so long as we were sitting in Ida Red's waiting for the boys to arrive. Suddenly everything hit me - HARD - and I had to throw up. I suspect the same thing is going to happen tomorrow.

[This is where I would enter a lil fun fact about me, throwing up and uh... you know... err, no you don't, cuz I didn't tell you -- but I can't tell you because this is a very, very public blog.]

So! (All of that had a point, I promise...) I went to see Dread in the theater.

It was only playing at one theater here in KC - the Legends 14 - I had never been there before, but apparently they made it Jodie-proof. Jennifer walked me to the theater, knowing that I would get lost and then she pointed me in the direction of Panera for when I got out of the movie -- I walked up to the doors and... wait... um... something's wrong here... there's no... door handles? How the hell do I get into the cinema if there's no door handles. *looks around confused* I started to call Jennifer when out of the corner of my eye, hidden, I saw the box office.

OH! Okay... apparently I had to buy a ticket first with the box office on the OUTSIDE instead of on the inside... okay... and then will there be door handles...?

So I walk up... "One for Dread, please." The guy kinda smiled, I paid ($6.75!) and then he goes, "enjoy the show..." in a kinda weird tone like, "ha ha ha ha, you're going to see Dread! It's SCARY!" I was like, "Uh. Thanks." And then I walked over to the door... where I suppose I was waiting for the door handles to appear...?

The ticket tearer guy opened the door for me, (what a strange place) and asked for my ticket. I gave it to him, "12 is on your right... don't get too scared." I was like, "um... thanks... I won't." *Mutters to self, "cuz I've already seen it before..."*

I go into the theater, practically skipping down the hall and it's empty. Yay! I have first pick on where to sit. Of course I choose the dead center. (Hah. Dead center. Get it? I made a joke.) A little while later one dude came in solo... then a couple... then the lights went down and I got a little sad that not many people were going to be there. As soon as I Twittered there were only 5 people in the theater, including myself, one last straggler came in. So six. Six people.

The movie didn't feature any previews, which I may have needed and I was looking forward to. (#lovespreviews) BOOM - There's his name. Jackson Rathbone. Top billing. In white, all caps. *beams with pride*

Now, since I had seen the film (twice) before, I wasn't expecting it to really move me as much as it did to see it on the big screen. Wow, I was mistaken, but I welcomed it. Of course some of the thoughts that went through my mind were, "you so get to see him tomorrow, Jodie! EEEP!" and then the always ever popular, "fuck my life, he's too talented."

To see the movie on the big screen was amazing. My only complaint about the art direction in the film is that it was too dark, contrast wise... there were times where I couldn't see features and facial expressions -- I understand the film was meant to be dark (in lighting terms) however, there are ways to make that happen and also be able to see how people are reacting on screen.

I got completely overwhelmed during some scenes... Jackson's talent spreads much further than the ability to deliver lines effortlessly and with feeling. His minor facial expressions absolutely floor me. He can convey so much in just a single look. When Abby asks him if she can show him something, instead of nodding or anything - he merely sits there, his eyes widen just slightly to show his interest in whatever it is, his head leaning in just a touch... I think so many actors overdo it to show their ability to act. While I'm always captivated when he's delivering his lines, it's when Jackson is not speaking that I am floored by him. He's very... aware of his being. That absolutely fascinates me.

Swiftly moving on... no need to give him more praise... *bows head slightly, knowing that everyone here thinks I'm completely bias...* At the end (which I won't give away for those who don't want to know it, but you can find it out by going to my previous Dread blog) I didn't cry. I held my breath, sure, but I didn't cry. The first time I saw it, I cried. Shock, perhaps... however, once it was "over" and I remembered the credits were coming I started to tear up - all the sudden I remembered that The Stevedores "Fearful" played at the end...

And then, the credits. Spencer's voice came through the theater and I beamed - my entire body resonated with happiness - I stayed until the end to see all The Stevedores names on the "thank you" list, taking in Spencer Bell's name.

I was proud. Proud of Jackson. Proud of The Stevedores. Proud of Spencer.

I *bounced* out of the theater and promptly called Willow, leaving her a voicemail about how I had forgotten The Stevedores song was at the end. :)

And now, here I sit... the DVD for Dread is being released March 23rd and will contain a commentary and a featurette - if you couldn't support the movie in theaters, whatever your reason may be, please do support it and go buy the DVD.

In closing, also please take a look at my previous blog from earlier today, my to do list (and other random shit) that will be updated throughout the day. :)

Pic of the Day:

Jackson on the set of Dread.

My Massive To Do List

"I wish you'd known me when I was alive..."

I woke up this morning feeling like P. Diddy. Funniest thing in the world. Laughed my ass off.

My to do list for the day... It's so close. Tomorrow I won't have much time to do anything in the morning before my flight to The Vegas. I'll have time to straighten my hair, do my make up and throw up a few times, maybe get something to eat (so that I have something to throw up, that was my mistake in Tulsa - not eating).

[[This list will be edited throughout the day so feel free to check back later and see what all I've completed or added to the list -- comments of encouragement earn you gold stars.]]

-Go see Dread!

-Get a coffee

-Update iPod

-Put confirmation numbers into iPod

-Call Hard Rock. For the 6th time. Literally the 6th time.

-Finish packing.

-Find my concert outfits.

-Do my nails. (I have electric orange and navy blue... opinion?)

-Pack BOTH pairs of sunglasses

-Bring meds

-Chargers, batteries, BOTH cameras.

-Sharpies

-Burn DVD for boys & Willow.

-Burn CD for boys.

-Dye my hair Came out a lil redder than I wanted it to. Oh, *this* is why you're not supposed to wait until last minute to do things! #lessonslearned

-Remember what else it was that I was supposed to do...

More to be added... gotta go.

Pic of the Day:

#ROFLACOPTER

Rock With Me

"Life's the start the middle and the end..."

The other day my pic of the day was j.action playing the trumpet with some stellar Ray Bans on.

Turns out the Ray Bans weren't just a fashion statement...

Yesterday was a busy day... Jennifer finally got her plane ticket. She's coming home the 1st... she gets to spend her whole birthday on a plane... but you know what... it works for her. She loves planes.

Jenn's phone started going insane yesterday, kept restarting and wouldn't let her do anything... so we took it up to the Tmobile store and they were going to order her a new phone, except charge her for shipping... the Tmobile guy goes, "do you have the same phone, let me see it..." so I handed him the phone and he was showing her how to save her contacts to her sim card... he tried to do so with my phone and it restarted itself...

For the next two hours I couldn't do anything and I needed to call my mama to see if I could have her old Tmobile phone now that she got an iPhone. (How does my mama have an iPhone!?!)

So we make it home and I'm saving my contacts to my sim as it restarts again... upon boot up, I have no contacts. No contacts saved to my phone. No contacts saved to my sim. And now I'm slowly regaining all the numbers that I lost, but they won't stay saved to my phone... or my sim.

After I finish this blog I'm getting Jennifer up so we can go to the Tmobile store and I can yell at someone. ;)

I heart yelling.

We got an insane amount of things at Target last night. We're, for the first time ever, not checking anything (since our 1st Monkeys show is literally minutes after our plane lands...) so we had to buy the entire travel aisle...

Last night after all this drama, we did however, have a yummy dinner! We had carnival food! :) Pretzels, corn dogs and nachos. I had beers. Only thing missing was a sno cone!

2 days until Vegas!

xoxox

Imaginary Friend

"there's a crazy cast of characters,

none of which are real at all..."

The lyrics couldn't be more perfect for how today has gone... iTunes was really feeling me on this one today.

I wrote about half of my blog and then I realized that you weren't worth the blast.

So I deleted it.

Oh, haaay, sort of like you deleted me! Fancy that.

Swiftly moving on... Today marks three days until The Vegas... Tonight is going to be busy. There's so much to do and... well... only three days left to do it. Wax eyebrows, dye hair, buy things for Vegas, figure out WTF I'm wearing to the shows... etc... laaaa... I'm tired just thinking about it.

I do believe we're going to [attempt] the champagne brunch on Sunday. Should be good times. We went to the MGM Grand champagne brunch in 2007 and it was quite enjoyable. Of course now I do believe we're picking a much cheaper one than that. ;)

I've been in a Spencer Bell mood lately.

That's all I care to say about that.

I guess today is a short blog

Pic of the Day:

Tonight I'm buying my ticket for Dread -- in select theaters ONLY on the 29th (this Friday!) Check your local theaters and see if it's playing near you -- if it is, PLEASE go out and support it! It's an incredible film, beautifully shot, beautifully executed and fucking terrifying. ;)

xx Jo

Set Fire To Everything I See

"I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe,

There, I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me..."

I didn't used to think about my lyrics of the day... used to just pick whatever it was I was listening to at the moment... now I tend to make them a bit more... ahmayzing.

My icon of the day? You know what? That's my favorite part of posting my blog. I love my icons. I didn't make this one, but it made me laugh. :) I am sort of ambivalent at this point, towards Robert Pattinson, but there are some icons I have from him that make me laugh and smile.

Now, when I say I'm ambivalent towards Rob... I like him - he's a fine actor, a fine Edward Cullen... hate what fame is doing/will do to him... but I'm just not all "fangirl" for him, you know? Either way...

Decided to go to Panera today and soak up their wifi... needed to get out of the house. I so want to take a nap here in this oversized leather chair... I'm beyond comfortable.

You know what's made me mad? The living room light went out like 2 weeks ago and we've got 12 foot ceilings... no chairs... no ladder... wtf am I supposed to do now? I am living by the Jack nightlight. (Nightmare Before Christmas)

Let's see, let's see... four days until Las The Vegas. I think I'm going to take more open shutter photos with mah new camera while I'm there. *nods once* EEEP! I can't wait now... Will piss off my guests... Jennifer got soo mad at the obscene amount of photos I was taking... Or perhaps it was the obscene amount of time I was taking with my photos... I reckon Willow is in for a treat then... ;)

Jennifer still doesn't have a plane ticket home. She's buying one tomorrow... I hate that we have to do last minute planning like that. That's no fun whatsoever... Dude... Someone remind me to put my confirmation numbers into my iTouch -- I'll forget and be screwed when I get to the airport.

I think I'm going to re-vamp my blog here in a minute or two...

Want a new Spencer Bell song? Click here and download "DMV" which will be on the new Spencer Bell B-Sides CD available at the Dallas Legacy show April 24th. (Please alert me of a broken link.)

Picture of the Day:

Adam makes me laff...

Evening On The Ground

"We were born to fuck each other,

One way or another..."

Tonight we're going to have drinks with Jenn's parents for her birthday celebration. They have no idea that the reason why we had to reschedule was because we're going to be in The Vegas for her birthday now... *smirk*

Want to hear a great song? Go listen to Iron & Wine's "Evening On The Ground". *Obsessed*

I haven't been sleeping well lately. Stayed up til 330a last night just because I couldn't sleep. Tried... Really did. Failed. Ended up taking 4 Benedryl's and stayed up an hour after I took those too... then I woke up cranky... of course that had nothing to do with the Benedryl and all to do with Jennifer and my stupid phone... Blah. Whatev's.

So I'm stoked for The Vegas. I may have mentioned that a time or two in passing, I believe.

Five days.

Picture of the Day:

How good does he look?

He looks fantastic and pretty fucking put together for a show. The hat matches the tie. The suit is hot. Love the fucking Ray Bans. ;)

xoxox

An Open Letter To Las Vegas

"this necklace be the reason all of my dates be blind dates..."

Dear [THE] Vegas,

I would like to prepare you for what you are about to endure. You will have several highly intoxicated girls on your hands here in a week. You have one week to prepare for our visit, but I guarantee you that is not long enough.

You will rue the day that Willow Raine, Patty McAwesomeness, Jennifer Gammon and Jodie Platz all visited you together. Add to that mix 100 Monkeys... and us girls being there for The Monkeys... in The Vegas. Oh lord... we are what your mother warned you about.

This just got SRS. And personal.

In my previous post I stated that The House Always Wins and that you will never beat The Vegas, that The Vegas will always kick your ass -- but you'll always love it. It has been brought to my attention that I was wrong. I didn't foresee the current circumstance of last minute The Vegas trips with the collected awesomeness of all the people previously mentioned in this letter.

The world may implode from successive WIN!

Don't worry... I tell you what. How about we leave Fremont alone? We won't tear down Fremont. How's that for fair? And you know, you can keep Summerlin and all that... we're just taking down the Strip. ;)

Much love, hugs and kisses,

Jodie Platz

Pic Of The Day:

Normally... I do say normally... I would hate the fact that he's standing on a bed in his SHOES. However, I will let it slide this time because firstly: It looks like it's a hotel. Secondly: I'm sure he wouldn't do this to his bed at home...

Third, and most importantly:

He's wearing the Texas flag in his pocket.

PS - I do know Patty's last name isn't "McAwesomeness" I just didn't know how she felt about me posting her last name on my blog... so... I...uh... didn't.

It's Not Right, But It's Okay

My candle burns at both ends

It will not last the night;

But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends -

It gives a lovely light.

Heath Ledger April 4, 1979 - January 22, 2008

I wasn't planning on blogging today... or talking today, for that matter... but I couldn't do that to Heath. I didn't want anyone to think that I forgot about him. Even with my life circling in a thousand different directions, my heart, my mind and my body being pulled in so many different directions - I still think of Heath. I didn't forget him.

[[my Heath Ledger post from last year... tons of pictures.]]

"I know it was me who called it over,

but I still wish you'd fought me till your dying day,

Cuz I can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me,

so I can say this is the way I used to be..."

There's been so many things going on in my mind this week that I can't even begin to set them straight. This has been one of the hardest weeks of my life emotionally. I've been so many things to so many people, yet not once this week do I think I've been myself -- to myself.

I've had a week of breakdowns.

You know... I almost apologized right there for being a little "emo", but you know what? You came to my blog... you came here for whatever reason -- to keep tabs on me, perhaps you actually enjoy reading what I write, or maybe you're just bored... who knows... but you came here. There is no disclaimer and I make no apologies. I am the way that I am... or I am not. I am not sure.

Earlier this week during one of my breakdowns I took a stack of Post Its and a Sharpie and made notes to myself. I then posted them all over a picture frame, so many orange sticky papers covered it that you could no longer see the photo and they all were overlapping.

I'd like to share those Post Its with you now.

-Believe in something real.

-Don't lie to yourself.

-hate yourself before they can.

-He won't love you.

-RUN.

-make your autopsy interesting.

-Never be alone with your own thoughts.

-No more emotions.

-Save your heart. Now.

-LET GO.

-Stop breathing. It doesn't help.

-Love is painful.

-Stop loving.

-Talk yourself out of it.

-control more.

That's all of them except for one... One that in the light of day I don't agree with, so I'm not going to post what it said.

You know what I don't understand? Why I am so fucking honest here. Like, I didn't have to tell you that I was hiding a Post It from you... I could have told you that was all of them, and unless you were here to look through the Post It stack, you would never know the difference... but instead of lying, I told the truth.

Weird.

I often find myself wondering if things matter... if I matter... If I was to disappear tomorrow, would people ever notice or care? And then as I was wondering this someone Follow Friday'd me on Twitter. I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous... but it was someone who I had never gotten a Follow Friday from before and I realized that just with one song, I had touched this persons life -- just a tiny bit, but enough for her to think of me... just a bit. It made me smile on the inside.

I know that there's a handful of people who would be "sad" if something happened to me... I also know that I didn't make that big of an impact to where anyone would be changed forever if I stopped living.

I've got friends that I live in the same city with that I can't keep plans with... I see my Twitter friends and my favorite bands more than I see these people that live in the same city/state as I do. I know a lot of that is my own damn fault.

A Post It that should have been: Everything is your fault.

I'm tired.

Drained... completely. I'm too tired to search, to press on... to find the next big thing in my life. I'm tired.

There's so much that I want in this life and I let so much ride along with it. To quote Van Wilder: "You can't treat every situation as a life or death matter, cuz you'll die a lot of times."

You know, that movie had a lot of amazing quotes. That one is particularly true of me. I know that everything is very dramatic in the life of Jodie - I know that I treat so much like life and death. Just last night I was having one of those moments...

Perhaps it's better that the music career didn't work out for me - I really can't stand the thought of people hating me. When someone says something to me just a little curt I immediately think of how they're ruining my life when I'm not there -- how I hate the fact that they "hate" me. Meanwhile, I think I think people think much more of me than they really do. While it all lingers with me - I'm sure I've left their minds just as quickly as I came.

I don't know what I want to do. I know that there are a few things in this life that I will literally die without. All of which, I cannot name here. They're not hard to figure out, if you know me...

While the definition of "die" changes. When I say that I will "literally die" without these things. I do mean "cease to live". You may take that in any way that you desire. For some that will mean that I will stop breathing in the literal sense. Stop living in the literal sense... for others that will mean that I will stop living as in stop caring, cease to care about living... whether that may mean that I'll be careless in my actions, giving "fate" free will towards my body and soul or whether that may mean that I'll just remain a shell of my former self. (More than likely, the latter.)

"Everybody's just a stranger,

But that's the danger in going my own way..."

Sleep has been hard for me lately. Jennifer's not pleased with my recreational use of drugs, however... even with my recreational use of drugs, I slept a whole thirty minutes or so before jolting wide awake. Usually "fantasies" help to drift me back to sleep, however lately, they're just keeping me up at night. I try to be tender with them, gentle, should-be-happy-thoughts, but my mind has been black lately. One happy thought quickly leads to string of ten "bad" thoughts, my mind forever rolling around in it's own filth.

I wish I knew how to let go. How to breathe without trying... how to just live. How to not focus on these thoughts... They're mostly worries. Worries that... well... worries. Worries keep me up at night. Worries are the demons that hide under my bed, that poke me each time I try and get some peace.

I'm tired.

Picture of the Day:

Look in the mirror.

xoxox

Probably

I probably should stop where I'm at now.

I probably have two choices ahead of me and I probably have to choose the one that you do.

I probably won't be happy with the decision.

I probably will get my heart broken by the end of this.

I probably don't remember what it's like to breathe without you.

I probably will want to hate myself forever for even starting this blog if you ever find out how to Google.

I probably will have to explain myself to you someday.

I probably will then want to kill myself because I have a very large mouth and tend to word vomit all over you.

I probably do all of this because I am so fucking in love with you that I can't see straight.

I probably will scare you away because I don't know how to hide my feelings.

I probably should stop loving you...

I probably can't, so I won't.

Leave The Light On

"...the kinda morning that lasts all afternoon..."

Niiiine days! Wewt! Mnky, mnky, mnky!

So... we *finally* got a fridge... Dude. We've only been living here for fucking two months. Yo. Still no stove, which is irking me because I'm so tired of eating like Hot Pockets and shit out of a can... At least now we'll be able to buy more than just a days worth of food at a time. Ick. And ice! Yo! We've been buying a BAG of ice a day and of course, the left over melts and we have to buy another bag each day... but dude... no longer.

We have a fridge.

Now... now we just need to work on getting a stove.

Man, this landlord is like, super slacker of the year. Does that mean he wins? I don't know.

So... VEGAS!

Willow, Jenn and I are fucking MAYJAH excited about The Vegas.

You see, [imagine me with glasses, this works better if you think I'm wearing glasses...] Vegas is so proper, so refined and mature (not premature... very mature) that Vegas (or the city of "Las Vegas") must be referred to as "THE Vegas".

You must RESPECT The Vegas. You must UNDERSTAND The Vegas. You must never underestimate The Vegas. The house always wins. You will never kick The Vegas' ass... it will ALWAYS kick yours... And you will LOVE it. ;)

Things I'm stoked to see in The Vegas:

-McCarren.

-Monkeys.

-Willow.

-Patty.

-Copious amounts of alcohol.

-The MGM. (The greatest place on earth.)

-Dollar margaritas.

-My convenience store!!

-The Bellagio fountains... again...

Willow and Patty have never been to The Vegas... meanwhile this is me and Jenn's 7th time... *counts on fingers, then nods* Yep. Lucky number 7. :)

ALSO!

This will be the very first time that we're going to The Vegas NOT for Justin Timberlake.

*INSERT LOUD BREATHY GASP HERE*

...Dude.

I know.

Shocked the fuck outta me, as well. But... we always have October... No worries, Justin. Howeverrrr... we WILL be in The Vegas for Justin's birthday... and Jenn's. Lordy... uh... how old is he? *hangs head in shame that I actually have to THINK about that...* 29? Lord almighty. 29.

We have a kinda system going with Justin and Jenn's birthday... Since his birthday is January 31st and hers is February 1st we do two shots... One at 11:59 and one at 12:01 --- celebrate his birthday, celebrate her birthday -- all at once.

Now. Justin has a habit of going to Vegas for his birthday... so... uh... hey, Justin... Don't.

So mah chickas... what are you most looking forward to in The Vegas? It can't be seeing The Monkeys... like, duh. ;)

Picture of the Day:

Plan your life accordingly.

We're Going Down

"Am I more than you bargained for yet?

I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear,

Cuz that's just who I am this week..."

Ahh, Las Vegas... How I love thee, how I loathe thee... I wish that Las Vegas was a secret city that only a select few knew about and how awesome it is... I feel Chicago is very much like that. Most people have no idea how awesome it is...

Most of the time people don't know how awesome Las Vegas is, so it's always fucking fantastic to find someone who loves it just as hard as you do. [Insert sly eyebrow raise here...]

However, apparently EVERYONE knows how awesome Vegas is at the moment. After Tulsa we all (Jenn, Willow and I) decided that "fuck yes, we're going to see Monkeys in Vegas..."

Mnkys + Vegas = An awesome time that I will not remember the next day = WIN!

So we bought our plane tickets to Vegas, bought our Mnky show tickets and decided it wasn't THAT important that we go see the first Monkeys show... it starts at noon, meanwhile our plane literally lands AT noon... No biggie... We'd just go to the 21+ show later that night. (Those are more fun anyhow. *nods once*)

We didn't buy our return home plane tickets yet and I noticed on Southwest they were freaking edging us out... first the 1st went up to $281... that's fine, that's fine... we'll fly home the 2nd. So this morning I go to buy the return home tickets and the 2nd was $281... Well, fuck my life... so I'm staying in Vegas until the 3rd and meanwhile Jennifer is trying to either find a Greyhound or another airline... it's kinda becoming a pain in mah ass.

And then... last night I was on the computer and was just click, click, clicking things and totally decided that if the Monkeys and I are in Vegas at the same time that I HAVE TO SEE THEM. The end. So then we decided that we would not check baggage, get off the plane and fucking RUN to the Hard Rock in order to make it to the first show. :) That's love, boys... I don't run for anyone.

So we may not have everything all planned out, but who gives a shit. It's VEGAS. It's MONKEYS. Monkeys IN Vegas. The end. It doesn't get better than that... I'm freaking stokeeeeed and soo ready. 10 days.

We still have HELLA free VIP passes to Vegas clubs. I do believe we're hitting up Coyote Ugly again for Jennifer's birthday. :] T'will be greatness.

Dontcha wish your Larry was an Uncle, like mine...?

For The Girl

You know, you have the life.

You live the life you like, you have the man you want.

Nothing can stop you. Nothing can break you or bring you down.

You're able to look at things objectively and see the positive in almost everything.

Meanwhile...

Meanwhile I'm dark and twisty. I try to smile, but people take it the wrong way.

Thoughts and people consume me to an unhealthy level.

I adore the feeling of pills and knives, only for the reasons of control.

I can't control anything; I can't control life.

I never thought that I had a problem or issue with control... not until recently, anyway.

I let worry flood my mind, forcing all of the so-called "happiness" out of me.

Pink. Hearts. Happy faces.

Merely a facade to keep everyone from constantly inquiring "what's wrong?"

What's wrong... what's wrong?

If I could only tell you.

Why You Wanna Bring Me Down?

If life is made for living and it's based of the goods and bads of karma - why do people feel the need to push the "fuck your life" button?

When someone's life if going right, why can't they just keep it that way? Why can't they just let someone ride out a high and... I don't know... uh... be *happy* for them?

You know, I've done some wrong in this life and I'm really trying to set myself straight -- I have burned some bridges and I feel terrible about each and every one of them, I truly do. I would set it all right and apologize to their faces if I thought that it would change anything or cause peace, but I know better. I know that by speaking to these people it would just set off a chain of events called "DRAMA". The people that I've burned bridges with are good at that...

But I don't understand why they just won't leave me alone. I don't enter their lives, I don't even mention them in small talk or casual conversation... why can't they grant me the same gift?

I suppose I should be something like "flattered" that they still think of me, however I'm bothered that they still bother me and try and press my buttons.

I used to want everyone to like me, I used to want acceptance. Then I woke up and realized that was never going to exist. The best that I can do is do the best for myself, take what I was given and try to get through life smiling or faking it.

Please know that words hurt others. Maybe words have never hurt you, so maybe you're the one who does the hurting. Someday, I have faith, the tables will turn and you'll get hurt by someone's careless choice of words... then maybe you'll take the time to see that it's not all peaches and cream and that you were wrong.

...Or perhaps no one will ever hurt you and you'll continue to go about your peaceful existence. That would be fine too. I suppose as long as I have pain, I'll have art. That is something that these *bridges* don't have.

Is That Duct Tape?!!?

"she said "I love you Daddy..."

I love you Rock 'n Roll..."

You know what? Tulsa was so epic that it doesn't deserve one icon. Though that icon says so much, it doesn't say nearly enough, so here are three other icons that fit Tulsa perfectly.

Let's begin.

First of all, I love that Willow came all the way out to Kansas City to take the trip with us to Tulsa. It *made* the trip. Twas epic. I forced her to watch some Justin Timberlake shit, we had more laughs than I think anyone in the history of the world has ever had and it was amazing.

The Monkeys show was January 11th and we left super freaking early for Tulsa on the night before. It's a 5 hour drive from Kansas City down there and I tried, tried, tried to stay awake as long as I could but ultimately, I napped in the car.

We got to the McDonalds that spans over the highway -- Jenn had always told me about it -- and she woke me up, "look, it's the McDonalds." I basically said. "Awesome. Let's pee here." She asked me if I wanted a "hashy" (hashbrown) and I said, "No. Tired." So we went pee and then I went back to the car and went to sleep.

I had some amazing dreams while sleeping in the car that day... somewhere they crossed over from fantasy, into the almost reality and back again into sleep. Amazing. :)

We got to Tulsa at nearly 9a and went into Ida Red's somewhere between 12/1...? When we walked in we were the first people there and actually got to help out with the people who worked there setting up their stuff and stuff. She asked us about the Monkeys, their music, what they were like live... what they were like as people... of course we told her all we could.

She was going to fetch some food for them and asked what they liked to eat. I said that Ben G liked sweets, but Jackson didn't care much for them so she should have something salty (err, you know... uh... not sweet) for him. Sure enough when the boys showed up, Ben came out with a Butterfinger in his mouth.

She said that the boys had asked for beer but the owner had vetoed the idea. So I turned to Jenn and Willow and told them we should buy the guys beer and keep it in our van so we could lure them in. (*wink*) They loved the idea and went to Quik Trip and bought the boys a 20 pack.

The boys came in not too much later, still before there were hella people there -- of course once the boys GOT there that's when everyone else did too... Within seconds of walking in Ben and Willow were talking. Jackson walked in and within seconds he was with the one he wanted to be with too -- the piano in the corner of Ida Red's. :) He was playing it beautifully.

Willow and Jenn went to fetch the beer from the car and they brought it to the boys, who were of course, fucking stoked to have beer. XD Jerad talked to Jenn a bit about Vegas... ... ...

So da da da... concert thingy started... twas good. I got video of the boys singing Junkie (errr, Jackson singing Junkie... Ben played the piano that was over in the corner. Twas adorable.)

They sang the Monkey Song... before which they asked if anyone knew of Spencer Bell. We all woo'd... of course I think the only ones who knew of Spencer were us three and Lisa... That kinda broke my heart but then Jackson said, "Google him, or ask one of these fine people about him." We shouted, "we love Spencer!" And Ben and Willow had a bracelet moment. :)

Johnson sounded INCREDIBLE during The Monkey Song this time. :) Very proud... at the end of the song I said again, "I LOVE YOU SPENCER BELL!" And Jackson kissed his thumb, crossed himself and looked upwards...

...and I also got video of them singing Keep Awake.

Ben and I had a laugh moment during Keep Awake. :) I did the knife movement for "a knife that's itching for your red blood..." and he smiled really big and pointed at me. At the end of the song the chick behind me goes, "so do you do weddings?" Jackson asked, "are you proposing? Cuz Jerad's already done a wedding... ...I'm looking for my first ex-wife, it's true..." and the look on Jerad and Johnson's face was PRICELESS. They were both in utter shock. I love it. Captured it on the vid. Epic. :) Ben G was just lauuuuuughing.

Then it was off to the autography thingy... we took up an insane amount of the boys time. It wasn't until later that I heard they cut it short and didn't even get to sign for everyone -- kinda felt bad about taking up so much of their time then... of course in the moment I was just happy to be spending time with them.

I gave them copies of the photos I have with each guy and asked them to sign them... I got an "I love U" from Jerad and a "much love!" from Jackson. :) Willow got a heart from Ben on her autograph and Jackson said to her, "that's serious business..." (hence one of the icons up there...)

I gave the boys their "tour survival kit" that I had planned since Nashville to give to them. Jerad and Jackson started going through it, naming off some of the things they liked. Jerad said they needed the Sharpies and the Germ-X wipes [for Ben's feet...] they both kept thanking me and then Jerad realized he was holding up the line and said, "what else is in there?" I told him there was water balloons, super glue and grow animals. (Amongst other things.) Jackson asked me what grow animals were and I told him they were the little things you put in water and they expand to grow. :) *shrugs* As Jerad was putting the bag down, thanking me again, Jackson looks up at me with these bright wide eyes and goes "is that Duct Tape?!" ((go look at the third icon up at the top of the post. XD)) I said "YES!" He said, "that's awesome!!!!!" ((yes, with that many exclamation points...)) and I said, "I KNEW you would love it." Because in all honesty when I got the duct tape, I knew that Jackson was going to be the one to hijack it.

Just like I got the Fender guitar picks thinking of Jerad... I got the grown animals thinking of Ben G... I got the Germ-X thinking of Johnson...

So right after the duct tape moment I got my picture with de boys again... The stupid "security guard" like, wouldn't let me any closer to Jerad... uhhh... I'm not going to hurt him. Swear.

I've, of course, compared the photos and Jackson is smiling wider in my photo here than in my last one. :)

So we leave the boys... "I'll see you later..." and head over to Cain's... not before we get lost forever on Jackson Av... Lisa said, "hey at least it's a good place to get lost." XD

Finally we get to Cain's. We hate their will call. Do me a favor -- go to Cain's. It's amazing... incredible... it's sooo wow... but DON'T get will call. Just, don't.

We get inside and *would* have had front row... if it wasn't for will call, but instead we're somewhere between the 2nd and third row--ish...

Opening act was pretty good... took me a second to get into them, but I really liked their sound. Willow said, "the opening act was... MEH. Sang about whales. Fuck them." (She *really* hates whales.)

We (us three and Lisa) were SOOO the only people who knew the words to most of their songs. There were some obnoxious bitches right behind us and all of us girls were ready to rip some hair out... I got some incredible photos from the show... check out some of them here.

During Sleeping Giants Jackson dug a blue lighter out of his back pocket and grinned at me... it was one of the lighters from their tour survival kit! :) He used it as a slide during the song and kept looking at me and smiling at me like, "yep, I'm using your lighter." (Photos of that on Facebook...)

The boys asked for their improv -- I suggested duct tape... my girls echoed my decision and Jerad chose...?

DUCT TAPE! XD

Twas a good and sexy song -- I got a video of it, however, youtube must think it's waay too awesome or something because it just won't let me load it for whatever reason. :( I'll eventually find a way around that or find somewhere else to host it. Will work something out.

After the show I ran up to Jerad as he was leaving (with the bottle of Jack from the stage...) and I said "JERAD!" He turned and smiled and I said "high five!" He high fived my hand and kinda grabbed it while I said, "great show tonight... I'll see you again soon." He smiled and ran off backstage.

The show was awesome, the energy was incredible -- especially for Jerad and Jackson being sick and feeling like ass. :( I felt soo bad for them, but then felt good that I had given them tea and cough drops. :) I think the Jack Daniels made them feel better... just sayin'...

It was the best Monkey show that I have seen so far. :) Annnnnnd... Jerad maaay have had something to do with us deciding to go to Las Vegas.

MONKEY! MONKEY! MONKEY!

Spent All My Rent, Yeah You Know I Enjoyed It

"Could we fix you if you broke,

Is your punch line just a joke,

I'll never talk again,

Oh boy you've left me speechless..."

4 days!! I get to see my Monkeys in 4 days!! I'm sooo stoked! Willow is coming down so that we can all go to the Tulsa show together. She gets here in 2 days. :) I'm sooo happy to get to see her again.

It's been freaking cold here... wintery death pit O' Kansas City. Hey man, at least we get to get out of Kansas City for a day or three... [depending XD]

So the other day Jennifer and I were at HyVee and I looked at this truck funny... I knew it was going to back out even though we were standing right there, so I pulled her out of the way and then the truck started backing up. I got livid, walked around -- he saw us and continued to back out! Nearly hitting Jennifer TWICE! I started screaming at him... rawr rawr rawr! So then we get up to the doors of HyVee and this old dude told me that it was MY fault that we nearly got run over because I was wearing a black coat. I said, "is that what you're going to tell the police" Because pedestrian's have the right of way, asshole! It made me sooo livid... I wanted to punch that old guy in his shrivled old balls. Dick face.

Watched Justin's HBO special last night on the HD -- looked and sounded amazing... After watching Cry Me A River I had to go back and re-edit my Justin photos...

Justin photos of the day:

Taken in Memphis, 07 - although he wore the same tie to the New York HBO show a week later... XD

You Play The Guitar On The MTV

"Look at them yo-yo's,

That's the way you do it,

You play the guitar on the MTV,

That ain't working,

That's the way you do it,

Let me tell you, them guys ain't dumb,

Maybe get a blister on your little finger,

Maybe get a blister on your thumb..."

I need to practice my Dire Straits more. Ultimate goal is to be able to play the intro to "Money For Nothing" effortlessly. It's one of those songs that I was raised on, it's magnificent. Truly. Mark Knopfler is god.

Well, turns out the little "intruder" that we had on New Years Eve was nothing to freak out over... it was our neighbors cousin - he ran upstairs to get something from his cousin's apartment and didn't know which one was hers. Jennifer works with this girl that lives across the hall, so I guess it was harmless. However, still scary nontheless. I am happy to hear that it wasn't some completely random person, though.

Today I made a FormSpring account... it's where people can ask you question anonymously and you answer them. :) Fun times... ask me a question or 20 here.

Today we're getting our stove and our "ice box". I really hate when people call refridgerators an "ice box". Just a random pet peeve. I guess it's because I grew up calling it a fridge and I never heard "ice box" until I moved into the "ghetto" part of KC. Just sounds... strange. *pictures a box full of ice...* I also really hate when Jenn's mom says to "zap" something in the microwave. Then I think of bugs.

I feel like I'm on the brink of something, I am just not sure what it is yet.

Pic of the Day:

**DJ Action**

[[I kinda really just want to move that beer a little farther away from the equipment...]]

Last night the boys played a show at the Beauty Bar on Fremont in Las Vegas... Jennifer remembers the bar clearly from our last trip out there, I didn't remember it until I saw a picture of it today.

I am going through serious Vegas withdrawals. Jay had his 25th birthday there, then turned around a week later and celebrated New Years Eve in Vegas --- Jenn and I KICKED ourselves for not following through on our plan to celebrate our ten year out there, but we wanted to save money for the Monkey tour --- and then they had their show out there last night, after which they boys tweeted that "DJ Action" was going to be the DJ for the bar after the show... today they have a free acoustic set and signing at a record store.

There's so many things that I *want* to say about Jackson DJing, but I will just stick with that I'm fucking impressed and I hate myself for not being there. At least I know The Vegas is in good hands. ;) Tear it up, Monkeys!

National Hangover Day

"that's the way, that's the way it ought to be..."

I hope that everyone had a happy and safe New Years Eve and that no one is TOO hungover today.

Strangest thing happened to me last night. (Well, more than one strange thing, but one at a time now...) Jenn and I polished off 3 bottles of champagne and I didn't "break the seal" once... didn't pee before bed and then when I woke up this morning I didn't have a hangover, didn't even really have to pee...

See? Strange.

Had a dream about Monkeys and boat... that was weird.

Now, onto our New Years.

We opted to stay in, thinking it would be the safest way to party... we got champagne and some snacks, listened to music... had some laughs, talked, took pics... etc... It was all fun and gravy until about 1115p when I went to get another drink.

I left Jennifer sitting in the living room and she was texting, I went into the kitchen... I come around the corner and the front door is open just a crack and there's some random dude in a white hat and a red shirt peeking around the corner. Jennifer is completely oblivious. I said, "what the fuck?" And the guy pulled the door closed, leaving.

Jennifer was still completely oblivious and unaware of what had just happened.

I grabbed the kitchen knife and I went out of my door... I said loudly, "who the FUCK was just in my house?" I looked and looked, couldn't find anyone... knocked on the doors downstairs, no one answered...

I guess it's a good thing that no one answered because they would have gotten to see a very bad side of me.

However, the landlord and I are going to have WORDS. Many words... not many words on his part -- but he's going to get an earful from me.

So... needless to say, that ruined my night and my buzz... Jennifer apologized for not locking the door. (Something I am a stickler for.)

I ruined my tally of "good days" and ended up taking the knife into the bedroom with me... The feeling of being out of control just makes me want to control something. I can control the pressure in which the knife cuts my skin.

Jennifer spent midnight with me wiping up my blood and wiping up my tears. I only cried after she saw my cuts. She deals with too much from me... she takes care of me entirely too hard. I really am completely useless without her.

So now I'm pressed. Do I want to move? I've only lived here like 2 weeks or something like that... I guess we're approaching 3. It's pretty unpractical to want to move... however if shit doesn't start to change fucking YESTERDAY with this asshole of a landlord, I'm going to have to kill him and hide the body in the attic with the critter that lives up there.

Pic of us from last night... I'm laughing at how Bella is positioned:

xoxox