National Hangover Day

"that's the way, that's the way it ought to be..."

I hope that everyone had a happy and safe New Years Eve and that no one is TOO hungover today.

Strangest thing happened to me last night. (Well, more than one strange thing, but one at a time now...) Jenn and I polished off 3 bottles of champagne and I didn't "break the seal" once... didn't pee before bed and then when I woke up this morning I didn't have a hangover, didn't even really have to pee...

See? Strange.

Had a dream about Monkeys and boat... that was weird.

Now, onto our New Years.

We opted to stay in, thinking it would be the safest way to party... we got champagne and some snacks, listened to music... had some laughs, talked, took pics... etc... It was all fun and gravy until about 1115p when I went to get another drink.

I left Jennifer sitting in the living room and she was texting, I went into the kitchen... I come around the corner and the front door is open just a crack and there's some random dude in a white hat and a red shirt peeking around the corner. Jennifer is completely oblivious. I said, "what the fuck?" And the guy pulled the door closed, leaving.

Jennifer was still completely oblivious and unaware of what had just happened.

I grabbed the kitchen knife and I went out of my door... I said loudly, "who the FUCK was just in my house?" I looked and looked, couldn't find anyone... knocked on the doors downstairs, no one answered...

I guess it's a good thing that no one answered because they would have gotten to see a very bad side of me.

However, the landlord and I are going to have WORDS. Many words... not many words on his part -- but he's going to get an earful from me.

So... needless to say, that ruined my night and my buzz... Jennifer apologized for not locking the door. (Something I am a stickler for.)

I ruined my tally of "good days" and ended up taking the knife into the bedroom with me... The feeling of being out of control just makes me want to control something. I can control the pressure in which the knife cuts my skin.

Jennifer spent midnight with me wiping up my blood and wiping up my tears. I only cried after she saw my cuts. She deals with too much from me... she takes care of me entirely too hard. I really am completely useless without her.

So now I'm pressed. Do I want to move? I've only lived here like 2 weeks or something like that... I guess we're approaching 3. It's pretty unpractical to want to move... however if shit doesn't start to change fucking YESTERDAY with this asshole of a landlord, I'm going to have to kill him and hide the body in the attic with the critter that lives up there.

Pic of us from last night... I'm laughing at how Bella is positioned:

xoxox

The Beers Are Always Empty

"drinking by myself while everybody else

is passed out in the park

or going home in police cars..."

Last night I got a very strange urge to go back and re-read my journal entries. I didn't go back too far, I went back to last November and read up until August of 2009. It was kinda weird. I found the journal entry where I discovered Twilight... When I first blogged about Jackson, a whole bunch of Heathisms, when Matilda died, when I dyed my hair pink... and black... and cut it short... was kinda nice to go back and see things. Of course, there was also a lot that I had forgotten about and blocked out of my mind... like New Years Eve last year.

Swiftly moving on from Memory Lane... I guess we could rock down to Electric Avenue.

Two days ago Jennifer comes to me and says that she 'might have a place for us to live'. I said, "I'm not moving in with anyone else." (Just clearing that out before she gets any more "ideas".) She said, "no, no... it's an apartment." I asked where. She said 29th and Metropolitan. I told her that I was unfamiliar with KCK. (I know KCMO and the cities North of the river just fine, but I'm sooo new when it comes to KCK.) She tried to explain to me where it was... I can't remember if I was listening or not.

So then last night she comes home and says that we're going to look at this place.

She heard of it from one of her co-workers who had just moved in there... the co-workers cousin owns the building.

So we go look at this place and well... first impressions and all... eh. The lease for where we're living now is up in February so while I didn't express this to anyone but myself, I was really worried that we weren't going to have a place to live when it was up... I was scared we were going to have to move back into a hotel.

I was never fond of the hotel idea.

I never wanted to move into a place with anyone else either... just having a "room". Even while the common areas are just that... I, quite frankly, enjoy walking around the house in less than appropriate attire. I don't want to have to get dressed if I'm in the bathroom getting ready to take a bath and I forget something in my bedroom -- I would like to just walk down the hall naked and fetch whatever it is that I needed. I mean, I guess that I *could* do that here, but I just don't want to scare these poor people. ;)

So living with Laura and [sometimes] Mack was never in my grand plan. It's what was available to us at the time. It was the only opportunity that we had, so we had to take it. That's understandable. Things could have been a lot worse for us.

We've lived with Laura and [sometimes] Mack for 7 months... that's actually quite a long time for us considering our past moving history. We moved three times in 2009. Not something I'm proud of. This will make for move number 4.

The pros about this place is that there's only 4 people that live in the building... all female. (One has a boyfriend, I think... but whatevs.) It's right across the street from a school and a park, so it's a good neighborhood -- though I'm still lost on where it ACTUALLY is. We'll finally be living in our own place again.

When we moved out of the place we lived in at the beginning of the year (before we moved into the hotel) -- Jennifer forced me to throw away hella of our things. All my wine/drinking glasses, all my dishes, pots, pans, silverware, furniture, drapes, rugs, etc... so it'll be nice to start building that stuff up again.

I already have a vision for how I want the place to look... however... I'm having a hard time finding bean bag chairs...

The cons of this place... well, it's old. Very old. The carpet is stained... but, it's just carpet and I plan on getting some area rugs. Hopefully some very loud and colorful, tacky area rugs. :) It doesn't have a bathtub. :( That's a major bust for me. I love baths. The bathroom is insanely tiny and the mirror is a little bigger than 8x10. (That's fine, it can be worked around... I'll go buy more mirrors.) The closet space is... well... the mirror and the closet are about the same size. LOL I prefer the living room to the actual bedroom, so I think we're going to make the bedroom kinda the music/dressing room and make the living room where we actually sleep.

(I don't need an actual living room because I don't have friends and I don't ever have company come over...)

The front room, as we're now going to call it, is going to be badass when I get done with it. It's got really high ceilings and a fan in there... although, the string on the fan is so long I keep hitting my head on it. Heh.

I will post pictures, but it'll be once I'm done making it fabulous.

Everyone keeps asking me why I'm moving again... well, don't hold onto hope that I'm staying too long at this next place either. Nothing feels like home to me.

xoxox

Breathe, Keep Breathing

"Let you choke... let you choke..."

So I asked people on Twitter and Facebook what I should make a film about and I got one response... Megan said I should make a film about a day in the life of Bella. (My dog.) So basically that would be 9 minutes of sleeping, 30 seconds of eating, 20 seconds of playing and 10 seconds of pooping. Not something anyone would want to see...

I text Jennifer today and MADE her give me a suggestion. She said obsessions/addictions (because, you know... that's what comes to her mind when she thinks of me.) And so I've started my film... not exactly on that topic, but almost close.

I'll let you know when I've got it finished.

Loving the HD video setting on my new camera. *BLISS*

Drank last night... that was... almost fun.

Was supposed to be for my the tail end of my birthday, but it kinda blew. I just sat there refreshing Twitter while Jennifer was texting. Ultimate fail. We ended up watching Push and I passed out... I did make good drinks, however. So that's a plus.

I have not been feeling myself lately, I guess. It's been coming through in photographs as well. As a photographer you evaluate every picture that you see, well, I already do that when I see a photo of myself -- I judge it very harshly -- but it had been a minute since I had taken photos of myself, so I tried to do that today and 98% of them came out craptastic. The look on my face just... just wasn't "Jodie".

I guess I'll wait a few days and try again. Don't think there's anything wrong, per se... just apparently my face isn't cooperating with my camera.

Tonight I'm supposed to chat chat chat with Jessie and Willow. :) Looking forward to that. Also tonight I'm apparently supposed to go look at this thingymajigger with Jennifer... should be fun to be 2 places at the same time. (They just slightly overlap each other.)

One of my favorite photos I took today...

Yep, those are my legs.

[Insert Blog Title Of Your Choice Here]

"I can see straight through you,

Right to the other side,

There's something that you could do,

But then you'd have to try..."

Today was a hard day.

I had to wake up at 730a.

I don't like that very much.

Catfish had to have her water at 8a... Jane McConnell came over to help me with it this morning. I love Jane. She's truly saved my mothers life and Pam just adores her... I'm glad that they have her in their lives. She's a beautiful soul.

Catfish had a hard day... won't go into all that... *shaking my head*

I took a long nap.

Haven't been sleeping well... dreaming too lucid.

I'm exhausted.

I'm drained.

I'm supposed to be on "vacation", but this is the hardest work that I've ever done in my life.

I HAVE to keep this cat alive. I don't have a choice.

Tonight hasn't been easy, my heart is aching and bruised... My body and mind don't know what to feel, they don't know if they should feel filled with love or hollow and empty.

I'm over it.

Is it New Moon time yet?

Is it the new year yet?

I'm over it.

Never Gonna Catch Me

"You say 'don't buy dope from the man you don't know',

I don't know you won't,

Don't get stuck in his pickup truck,

In arms reach from his seat man, you're out of luck..."

Burned the shit outta my finger last night while I was trying to make eggs. :( My Batman bandaid will make it all better. :)

Thursday I'm getting my industrial piercing... I'm so nervous and stoked at the same time. I heard that the first piercing doesn't hurt so bad but then the second one hurts cuz all the blood rushes to your ear... course, then people told me that my tragus was going to "hurt", that my navel was going to "hurt", that my nose was going to "hurt"... that tattoos would "hurt"... I definitely have a higher threshold (and different definition) of pain.

Sometime this week I guess I have to finish clothes shopping for the Vegas. I'm really facking stoked to be out of Misery Missouri. 17 days... 17 days.

Jennifer asked her chairperson for the tournament if she could work more hours... She's now volunteering 65 hours... she wrote a blog about why. Read it (and comment!) here.

In other random news - I hate where I live... again. I hate living with people. I am such a loner... a recluse... that I just can't stand people. Plus, I don't trust anyone. Hate it. Hate it here. Hate it, want to move. Jennifer keeps telling me to "be nice", and to "cut Laura some slack cuz she's pregnant"...

Eh. Idontwanna.

Picture of the Day:

J. Rad and J. Action. 'Nuff said.