Passion Vs. Photography

Fortunately I have people who believe in my photography and my art. Fortunately I have people who tell me that I capture 100 Monkeys unlike anyone else can... that they can see my passion for photography and my love for these boys in my photos.

I'm so thankful for that.

I may not be spot on with everything technical in each photograph - but I do know what I'm doing. (For what I am doing and what I am happy with.) I do make my living by this... although, I'm finally at a point where I feel like I don't have anything to prove to anyone.

My passion for photography is strong. I'd love to say that "I love my camera more than anything," but... that would be a lie. I love these boys more than anything. I'm just thankful that my love for them transcends the lens and is captured onto the shots that I bleed for.

I put my heart and soul into each shot and I hope that you can see the heat of the moment and the vibrancy of the music and THEIR passion through each photograph. That's my ultimate goal... not to make you feel MY love for them - but for you to feel THEIR love for the music and each other and their love for performing.

I re-edited a few photos from the last show on the winter tour... I've shared them everywhere else - it's time to share them here.

To those who support me and my photography - thank you so much. To those who don't - thank you so much.

Thanks for taking a look at them. Catch more at www.jodieplatzphotography.com and www.facebook.com/jodieplatzphotography

Each and every one of you who reads this is appreciated! Thank you so much for your support! I can't wait to see you on tour!

The Nightmare Before Christmas

"I walk around and I feel so lost and lonely,

You're everything that I want,

But you don't want me..."

I've got a new slew of icons! I made that one up there yesterday from Jackson's movie, Dread. :) Thought that it fit well for today.

The Monkeys released some tour dates yesterday... 40 minutes after I found three of them. I was search-search-searching for Monkey leaks and I found the Austin, San Antonio and Tulsa dates before they were released... and then they had to go and dumb down my miraculous find by releasing the dates up until January 13th. LOL Oh well... Check out the dates here.

Today my Daddy is picking me up and taking me back to Wamego. First we're stopping in Topeka to go to the World Market with my step mom. I've decided that I'm not taking Bella down to Wamego with me this time... she's too much to hover over for 4 days. Jennifer will be coming down to Wamego on Christmas day and so she's bringing Bella down with her then so my step mom can see her.

Last night I had to clip her nails... I admit, it had been a long time since I had done it. Poor girl hates it being done so much, if she only knew how much I hated doing it. Ugh. Miserable.

Last night Jennifer and I had a few beers and I showed her S. Darko. :) It's the sequel to Donnie Darko and featured a certain birthday boy. It's not the best movie on earth, but it has it's good moments and it has a very freaking adorakable Jackson Rathbone in it, so I recommend.

Jenn made fun of his glasses. XD I was like, "those are his real glasses!!" She goes, "nuh uh!" I said, "true story" and then showed her pics.

S. Darko still:

Ta daaah:

I personally fucking love his glasses. They rock.

That's all for today, kiddies.

Lucky you, two pics of the day!

Found this picture I took back in August right before I went to Michigan. :) The parents are getting a copy of it for Christmas. Too cute! Must avert your eyes!!!

Two reasons I am posting this photo, first of all, Phoenix Taylor is fucking amazing. Check out his other shit if you don't know him -- and secondly, the red, black and white bracelet on Jay's left hand over there? I didn't notice this until yesterday as I was going through my pictures and I looked down at my wrist and I was wearing the same bracelet!! XD Too cool for school, kids.

xoxox

The Massive Post

"and when I woke up, you were by my side..."

Two days without sleep. The first night I was just wide awake all night and I didn't even try to sleep. Last night I actually attempted it. Finally this morning I slept for a whole 30 minutes before being awoken violently by my dreams... which I will not share.

Lately it's just been agony to close my eyes. Every time I close my eyes, or turn off my music, turn off a movie -- have just a moment of peace and silence, I find myself traveling down roads I never wanted to venture down again, reliving memories - searching for different endings, horrible endings... my mind is... horrible. I really wish I could take my brain out, rinse it with bleach and stick it back in - start over.

I've always said my memories were my most valuable possession, but I do love sleep. Would it be worth it to lose all my memories if I could rest easily and never have a worry or care in the world? I don't know. I don't know what I would do if I was faced with that opportunity.

I've always had trouble sleeping. I don't know why it's been just so much harder as of late.

I've been watching a lot of movies lately... trying to take my mind off of things. Watched Dread, as I blogged out... watched it again last night with Jennifer and then we watched The Nightmare Before Christmas. :) [[heart]]

Today I'm going to watch Walk The Line and S. Darko. :)

So... I still have yet to send Christmas cards. Bugs me. I feel bad... what's worse is that I don't know if we can even afford to send Christmas cards... terrible, right? I know there's going to be one person in Tennessee who will literally think I hate them and never want to talk to them if they don't get a Christmas card. So I guess I have to find at least enough for one stamp.

No one gets Christmas presents this year. Can't afford them. Was going to get everyone cards... but while I paid $5 for my box of 18 cards, I can't afford the stamps.

I guess that's what we get for moving this close to Christmas.

I would like to lump this all together and say "2009 sucked." But... well... wait... upon further observation... 2009 DID suck. It was a shitty year with a few good moments, but nothing more. I can literally think of 2 good things that happened this year. I met Willow. I met Monkeys. If you would like to add to that list, if you can find something else spectacular that happened, then please, by all means, add to the list.

The year started out horrible. Not even 30 minutes into the New Year and I knew this year was going to be hard. It's times like that that make me have no faith in my own survival. Speaking of which, I only had two suicide attempts this year. That number decreased from 2008.

We moved three times this year. Jennifer broke every single promise she made to me about moving... I won't put her on blast here about that...

Listen, I'm not trying to be Debbie Downer here, I'm just being honest. Honest. This isn't a pity party for one - I'm literally just blogging about my life. I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me. I don't want that.

Let's see, what plans do I have for 2010? Well, on New Years Eve Jennifer and I will have officially known each other for 10 years. I guess that deserves it's own massive blog, eh? We're going down to the Power and Light District... which... well... err... every time I go down there I end up getting waay too drunk and someone has to carry me home, so either that's what's going to happen or I'll "pace" myself. I assume it's going to be the first one, seeing as how it's a holiday and all.

At midnight they're shooting off a cannon full of $5000. Reckon I'll try and grab $5 so I can buy myself a drink. We'll probably end up partying at The Shark Bar. We LOVED it there on St. Patrick's Day - they only play 90s music. (Or at least, that's what they did for SPD.)

As far as the rest of 2010 goes, my goals are: learn guitar, take more photos, be honest, lose weight (rolls eyes), no suicide attempts, only move once, take better care of Bella, travel more.

Tomorrow my dad is picking me up to drive me back to Wamego so I can have Christmas there. Jennifer is driving down on Christmas to spend some time with us and then to drive me back home with her... I don't think I'll take Bella down there this year. First of all, her nails are facking long and I'll catch flack for that. (Can't find her clippers.) And secondly, I hate hovering over here the whole damn time to make sure she doesn't get into anything. It's different at my own house... so maybe Jennifer can bring her down on Christmas so my step mom can see her. (If I clip her nails and give her a bath before then.)

I'm nervous for Christmas.

I always feel terrible showing up anywhere empty handed, let alone on Christmas. I burned my parents some CDs...? I don't think that counts as a "gift".

Tell me something, does life ever get easier? No? Didn't expect it to, was just wondering. (I guess it's my own fault and I could make it "easier" if I wanted to. Financially speaking, of course... but it's all more money, more problems. I would rather be poor and happy than "comfortable" and miserable...)

Pic of the Day:

Happy 25th Birthday, Jay! :)

I'm so proud you celebrated it the right way by taking it to Vegas!

Dread - The Movie

"but it's just because I'm fearful... fearful..."

This post contains MASSIVE spoilers/stills for the movie Dread with Jackson Rathbone.

If you don't want to know what happens so you can be surprised on January 29th when the movie hits theaters, then I suggest you run now. If you would like to read about part of it but don't want to know what happens at the end, I will warn again before I post stills of the ending of the film.

Don't get pissed at me if you know the ending after you read my blog! I warned!! ((And I don't spoil EVERYTHING!! You will still be surprised about a lot when you see the film!!)

I was lucky enough to see Dread, starring Jackson Rathbone. After seeing a few stills, the trailer and a behind the scenes of the movie a few months ago, I could not wait to see the movie. It looked different, scary and something that would allow Jackson to have some range and put himself in a different role than he had ever been in.

The story is by Clive Barker, the same guy who is responsible for Hellraiser, so I was expecting genuine, balls-to-the-wall HORROR.

The film is rated R for "strong bloody violence, disturbing sadistic content, graphic sexuality, nudity and language."

Strong bloody violence? Check. (But not until the end.)

Disturbing sadistic content? Check. (Not till about half to 3/4 the way through though.)

Graphic sexuality? Check. (They manage to get that in there pretty quickly.)

Nudity? Check. (At the same time as the graphic sexuality.)

Language? Check. (Jackson's character, Stephen, has a bit of a potty mouth.)

(PLOT SPOILERS, MINOR.)

For those that don't know the plot, let me lay it out for you. Stephen (Jackson Rathbone) is a film major student who works part time at the library with his friend Abby. Abby has a birthmark covering half of her body... Stephen meets Quaid (Shaun Evans) and they decide to do their senior thesis on "dread", what it is about people's fears that keep them from living, that sort of thing. They enlist Stephen's friend Cheryl to edit the film.

The three of them have very diverse backgrounds that lead to their "dread". Quaid's parents were murdered in front of him when he was six and subsequently, he's on medication to keep the nightmares and illusions at bay. Cheryl's dad molested her and worked as a butcher, so she's a vegetarian that can't stand the smell of meat and Stephen's brother drove drunk and got in a car wreck, killing himself when Stephen was only 15.

(PLOT SPOILERS, MODERATE)

As they are interviewing people for their film Cheryl and Stephen hit it off and have a nice little date, make out a little...

but it turns out that Abby likes Stephen more than just a friend. While they're interviewing people for their video, Quaid goes off of his meds and Abby offers to be interviewed, but only if Stephen will do it alone. He goes to her place and interviews her and while the tape is rolling she says that she'll show him what she's not shown many people and she strips down to her underwear. (Major kudos to the makeup department.) She touches his face lightly and kisses him. He kisses her back briefly but then tells her that he can't because, "my heart is in a different place." She goes, "what the fuck does that even mean?" And then she tells him to get out. He leaves the camera, while it's still on, and then asks Quaid later to go pick up the camera.

When Quaid goes to pick up the camera at Abby's place, he seduces her, makes her feel beautiful and they have sex. (Hot, kinky, sex.) Later on, Quaid loses it at his place and breaks all Stephen's camera equipment and Cheryl's computer. Cheryl storms out and Stephen basically tells him he's bat shit crazy and leaves, abandoning the assignment, even though it's near the deadline.

(PLOT SPOILERS, MAJOR)

Turns out that Quaid had a backup on an external hard drive and edited the assignment and turned it in, getting them all a B+. While Stephen is leaving school that night, Quaid pulls up in a car exactly like the one that Stephen's brother had been driving when he died (which Quaid had bought for Stephen off of Craigslist...) and apologizes, tells him he'll replace everything and asks him to get into the car so he can apologize.

Stephen gets in the car and Quaid starts to tell them how he wants to take their film to the next level, he doesn't want to stop it yet. Stephen tells him that he's done with the film, it was just a senior thesis for him and he wants to move forward. Quaid takes out a flask and takes a drink... Stephen is mad... Quaid tells him to think about what it would have been like for his brother to be drinking and driving... what he would have thought moments before he died as he's pushing the car as fast as it will go... Eventually the car stops and Stephen gets out, looking like he's about to throw up... he leaves as Quaid begs him for forgiveness... again... Stephen leaves him.

Quaid starts to turn the project around make people face these fears that they opened up about... he does it with Abby and Cheryl (I won't tell you how... he did it with Stephen and the car - that was minor compared to the girls...) and he does it with one of the other interviewees.

Finally Stephen realizes that Quaid isn't going to stop this until he's faced with HIS fear... so Stephen gets an axe... heads up to Quaid's bedroom while he's sleeping... starts to chop down his door. (It's intense.) Finally Stephen drops the axe and Quaid storms out from his bedroom and shoves a gun to his head before pistol whipping him...

(PLOT SPOILERS -- ENDING)

Stephen wakes up and he's tied to a chair, his face bloodied. While Stephen and Quaid are watching a video of what happened to Cheryl, they hear a noise downstairs. Quaid storms off and leaves Stephen, who eventually gets himself untied from the chair and he heads down to the kitchen to get a knife...

(I'm in the kitchen with a knife that's itchin' for your red blood...)

he's about ready to tackle Quaid and stab him when one of the other interviewees comes to Stephen with an axe and chops into him.

Stephen lays there... dying...

Quaid hovers over him... watching him die and looking majorly unimpressed.

Stephen dies...

his eyes unfocus and Quaid drags his body down to his basement where we find Cheryl is still alive...

(NO MORE SPOILERS)

The movie, overall, was not as scary as I had imagined... however, as far as phycological thriller goes, it definitely seeps into your brain and makes you think. You genuinely care for Stephen, Cheryl and Abby's characters. (And not just because it's Jackson Rathbone...)

Jackson did an outstanding job. It was everything that I was banking on it to be, honestly. Jackson can probably rest assured that he'll never be typecast. I will say what I've been saying for over a year now -- Jackson is the most talented actor out there today. He's got depth and range that are going to eventually make him a veteran in this business. The way he develops his characters is fascinating, little nervous ticks, glints and looks in their eyes... etc...

The film reminded me of a lot of things, one thing it reminded me of was Spencer... so it was almost not a surprise when I heard The Stevedores "Fearful" in the credits. :) A little bit of Spencer everywhere you go.

I hope that you'll see the film!

Tyler Shields

Random thought after checking out www.tylershields.com and seeing the New Moon post that he did - I think that Tyler should photograph Jackson Rathbone. (or 100 Monkeys as a whole.)

Amazing.

Also, to add to that... I would love to one day be photographed by Tyler... but seeing as how that's NEVER going to happen, I sooo want to own one of his pieces, I just can't decide which one.

He's my favorite photographer. Or, I guess I should say my 2nd favorite photographer... after my mother, of course. ;)

New Moon

"and good luck with shootin' the moon..."

What an AMAZING Twilight/New Moon day I had yesterday.

First of all Jennifer and I went to Target where I got the cutest new boots and I got some jammies for my Bella... they're adorable and they have feets!! :)

Then we went to Hot Topic to see some of thew NM stuff and see if there was anything that I couldn't live without... the employees brought out some of the Twilight merchandise they had stuffed in the back that was now on clearance so we got some trading cards, a pillow case for $3 and I bought the Twilight lunchbox. XD Yep.

The movie theater experience was incredible. We went to the Mainstreet 6 AMC downtown in the Power and Light District. It's fairly new, hasn't been up a year yet and it was our first time there. That alone was mindblowing! I'm so, so glad that we chose to go to that theater. It was super fancy, if I do say so...

The staff was very helpful and uber professional. They sold merch there, which was kinda strange... t-shirts, posters, bags... They had a collectors cup if you bought the large drink so we both did that. Bad idea. I peed twice before the movie started and then 10 minutes into the film I had to go again (now, you know I didn't leave my seat, though! I would have just peed myself first before missing any of that film!)

Speaking of pee, (there's a sentence I never thought I'd say...) the bathrooms were exquisite! Each stall featured an Academy Award winning actress. (I got Lauren Bacall both times I went pee... Jenn got Reese Witherspoon both times.) In each stall they had their own private sinks and hand dryers, astonishing!

This theater had assigned seats, which I adore. I think every theater should have assigned seats! We were right in the middle of the rows, pretty much dead center.

Now.

Onto the film.

**SPOILERS**

**SPOILERS**

**SPOILERS**

**SPOILERS**

**SPOILERS**

**SPOILERS**

**SPOILERS**

The opening title sequence FLOORED me. I do believe I literally held my breath. Wow. The dream sequence in the beginning was just as I had imagined it to be and this is where we first get to see Edward's new sparkle.

Wow.

I could write an entire paragraph on the sparkleage that is Edward Cullen. THAT is how a vampire is supposed to sparkle.

Now, sorry Catherine... you know I love you, I know that you didn't have basically an open budget in order to make Twilight, so I will cut you some slack, but goddamn. Chris Weitz NAILED it.

Also, I am uber impressed with the new way the vampires run. I know that's something very simple, but it was definitely something that needed to be fixed from Twilight.

Edward and Bella talking in class about Romeo and Juliet and about suicide was great. It was heavy enough, not dulled down for the audience, I really appreciated that.... that honesty with such a mature subject.

Bella/Kristen Stewart looks sooo much more beautiful in this film than she did in Twilight and I'm happy to see she didn't try and chew her face off the entire film. (The lip biting was a tad too much in the first film.)

Edward/Robert Pattinson looks dashing and handsome. I'm glad that they didn't wax his eyebrows like a girls this time around... however the airbrushing on his stomach in the Volterra scene was a tad overboard. (No one believes that that's his real stomach.)

Jacob/Taylor Lautner for some reason annoyed me a bit. Mostly I think it was the god awful wig, perhaps I was distracted by that... I did notice the girls shrieked when he took off his shirt after her motorcycle crash.

The Wolf Pack could use a step up on their acting skills... I'm not familiar with all of their names, I do know that I love Alex Meraz. He's a great actor, but mumbled his line just before he phased. The guy who plays Sam Uley was good too... I liked Emily, she was great and I loved her scar... Hopefully I like the wolves better in the next movie.

Speaking of wolves... I know in the book they say these wolves are like, fucking huge, but my god... did they have to look like big foot?! I think they maybe were a tad TOO large... How is Jake supposed to nudge Bella's hand in Breaking Dawn if they stand 10ft tall?

When did Angela Weber get hot?

Now... onto the good parts!!

Jasper. Jasper apparently has a sense of humor in New Moon, which is strange since he's usually... um... not funny? But it works! I love that Jasper is now the comedic relief! He was so high-larious in the first scene he's in... the school scene... "Happy... uh... nevermind."

I was freaking BEAMING with happiness that we finally addressed Jasper's powers! When Edward is talking about the families talents in Twilight he explains that he can read minds, that Alice can see the future and that... oh no wait, let's just forget about Jasper's awesome ability to taste/alter emotions! *spits*

The stranger chick next to me kept looking at me every time Jasper/Jackson was on the screen because I would cover my mouth. Hahah!

The birthday scene: There were 3 scenes that Chris Weitz had to get right in order to win my love and devotion. The birthday scene, the months and when Bella saves Edward. Well, two out of three ain't bad... I was not as amazed and blown away by the birthday scene as I had hoped to be. *insert mayjah sad face here* Jackson was incredible, it was nothing wrong on his part... his growl? Wow... His eyes, his stance, his snapping of the teeth, the look of remorse/fear/shame at the end? Perfection...

The scene was not intense enough for me... it's THE moment in New Moon. It's the entire reason for the book and it's supposed to capture just how hard this is for not only Jasper and Edward, but the entire family. Jasper didn't come CLOSE to Bella... that was the biggest let down and then he stood there while she was sitting on the ground covered in blood... meanwhile in the book they literally have to DRAG him away.

I loved how it started, I love how Jasper ducked Carlisle and the blur of him as he ran towards Bella, I love the crashing of the piano, I just really wish I would have seen more struggle...

I guess this is the part where things can never live up to how you imagine them in your mind when you're reading.

See, I saw Twilight before I read any of the books, so then when reading the book, I pictured some parts of the movie and I was fortunate enough to picture the cast while reading - but now it's a lot of pressure for these directors to live up to the expectations of the fanbase and I can finally understand why so many Twilight fans were let down after the first film -- it's not their fault, the actors fault, the directors fault -- everyone has their own imagination and that will always be more vivid than anything they can depict on screen.

Moving on... I loved the talk with Carlisle and Bella, that was very well executed and I really loved when he placed his finger under her chin for a split second. That was adorable.

Bella's scar? Badass. Perfect.

The breakup scene was moving and definitely well done... and then as I said he had to get it right... the months.

I had really hoped that he would leave just a blank screen, a black or white screen with simple writing, "October", "November", "December"... however, I LOVED it. That's one of my favorite parts in the book and I can't get through it without putting my bookmark in, setting the book down and putting my head in my hands and bawling. That part just is so overly emotional for me.

Bella writing/talking to Alice while she's away? I loved that addition... That worked well into the film.

Daddy mustache was funny in this one. :) Made me giggle...

Let's see, the hallucinations of Edward... well, it was never addressed that he never actually came to visit her in some form, that she was just imagining him and going crazy... so those who haven't read the book aren't going to understand that.

The cliff diving was great and Victoria was badass... that color red for her hair was WOW.

The scene where Jacob is driving Bella home and Carlisle's car is parked out front? From that moment until Alice and Bella are on the plane --- that was executed EXACTLY how I pictured it in my mind... The phone call made my heart ache. I hate that part in the book... I mean, I hate it with good reason, because it's wrenching... I love it and hate it, if that makes sense...

I was sad that we didn't see Alice and Bella or Bella and Edward talk on the plane... so we miss Alice talking about Jasper and we miss Bella and Edward talking about souls/death/heaven.

When Bella saves Edward? I almost wish that it were dragged out just a liiiittle bit more, just so that it left you more on the edge of your seat like, "dammit Bella, RUN FASTER!!!" You know? But the sparkle, the stepping out into the sun and when she SLAMS into him? Amazing...

"Heaven," he utters... don't think I missed that. *beaming*

I loved the little moment that they had together and their kiss... that kiss was my favorite of the film. His pain was back. It was somehow pain and relief... hurting either way. Hurting to be closer to her, hurting because he knew the Volturi would do something, hurting because he knew that hurting her would never be over... still unable to walk away. Amazing.

Onto the Volturi!

Jane? Wow. Dakota did fantastic. Her acting is so subtle. She's stellar, a real pro. After she realizing she has no effect on Bella her face changes just ever so slightly to reveal her disappointment.

Aro. Aro is my favorite... Aro is in the top 5 of my favorite characters from the Saga. When I heard that Michael Sheen would be playing Aro I knew that everything would be okay, but still, you picture someone a certain way and so you expect that.

Michael said that his daughter was disappointed that he had black hair when she pictured him bald... truth be told, I always pictured Aro with white hair... I'm not afraid of Aro, I don't hate the Volturi. I know they are not bad. They are just old, set in their ways and they make the rules... I get that... and I love Aro's laughter, his buoyancy. Aro/Michael Sheen BLEW me away! Fucktastic.

The fighting scene with the Volturi was sort of freaking incredible. I can't wait to see that again. Wow. Bella's reaction to Edward/the fight was great. Kristen did great in that scene.

The vote...

*sigh* I loved that Bella told Edward to shut up... however, I'll be honest to say I missed half of this scene from the mere shock that Jasper said "yes". I haven't read the book in a while, but I was pretty sure he said no? I thought that two of them said no... I thought it was Jasper and Rosalie...? Course, I could be wrong and I don't have my book with me... anyone wanna open theirs up to Chapter 24 and tell me verbatim what Jasper says in the vote scene?

And then the end... the ending couldn't have been more perfect. Freaking amazeballs. Edward's hella long pause before he utters the words, "marry me, Bella," and the sound of Bella catching her breath.

Freaking incredible. Wow. I was like, so uber impressed with that.

Overall?

I give it 4/4 stars and say that it was 100% improvement from Twilight. I can't wait to see it again!

YAY WOO!

What did you think? What were your favorite parts? Least favorite parts? Etc? Think Chris Weitz should direct Breaking Dawn?

Doo-Bee-Di

"She said my name like it was her breath,

And she needed it to survive..."

Few days ago I made a mistake that I swore I would never make again... I was sleeping, I "dreamt" of a song lyric - it was so simple, perfect rhythm and rhyme and yet I swore that I would remember it when I awoke so I didn't write it down... just like the rest of my dreams, thoughts and memories, it faded and now it's forever lost.

I'm on my 2nd day here at my Mama's house... the cats are still alive, the house hasn't burned down yet...

I don't like giving Catfish her IV. I know that I HAVE to or else she'll die, but it's so hard for me to poke a 14 gauge needle into a cat... that just... I can't do it... I mean, I do it, I've given her the IV four times now, but it's just... it's so hard.

Earlier this morning I was writing in my journal and I came across a few thoughts... first of all, no matter how hard I try to be honest with my journal, it's hard for me... What's the point then, you should ask. What's the point in writing in a journal if you're not going to be honest?

I guess there's a lot of my life that I just leave out of my journal. I wish that I had the patience and utter selflessness, honesty to write everything down exactly as it happens... there have been times that I've written in my journal and gone back to read things that happened several years ago and I had honestly forgotten that they happened. So then if I leave things out of my journal now, things that I may believe that I'll remember forever, mundane things like details - I could potentially lose them forever.

My thoughts are precious, I don't share them often. Not my true thoughts. I hardly even share them with myself because I know that I'm crazy. The way I get to conclusions is ridiculous... if you were inside my mind for one day you would kill yourself by lunch time.

Speaking of which, I had a piece of Gouda cheese for lunch and it was exquisite.

But why lie, Jodie? Why lie to your journal?

You see, I lie to my journal because of 3 reasons.

1- I'm lying to myself. I can change the smallest details of how things happened when I write it in my journal. No one will ever be the wiser.

2- I'm paranoid. I can't go into that as much as I would like, but I'll just say that I constantly think that someone will read it.

3- I know that eventually someone WILL read my diaries... Whether someone happens upon them and they read them, or when I die... they WILL get read... unless I burn them, which I don't plan on doing because my memory already isn't so great, (the ADD, I blame.) so I can't afford to lose the things that are written inside of these books.

This thought is still incomplete, just something I thought I would share.

Picture of the Day:

Mr. Jackson Rathbone at the premiere of New Moon last night in Hollywood. Smiling. :)

I heard everyone bitching that Rob showed up with stubble... (which, I think he looked sexy as hell with the stubble, thankyouverymuch) But Jackson shaved for the premiere! I'm really ambivalent when it comes to his facial hair (as well as the hair on his head -- it's HIS choice!!) -- but I do think the long side burns look good on him. Not too many people can actually pull that off.

His suit? His suit looked fantastic. Definitely different, which I appreciate and HE wore it, it didn't wear HIM.

I didn't see many pictures of him smiling wide or laughing, but that by far is his greatest accessory. :)

I am definitely uber proud of that man.

Where The Whiskey Tastes Like Wine

"Keep your left eye open and your right toe twitchin',

Cuz I'm in the kitchen with a knife that's itchin' for your red blood,

On those white sheets...

I will kill you in your sleep,

So you better try to, try to keep awake..."

HERE'S YOUR BLOG, MONKEYS!

First of all - person that commented my Vegas blog and asked about the song of the day lyrics - I commented back under your comment, but in case you never read that, the song was "Great Lakes" by Telekinesis! Great album, go get it.

Secondly - to the chick who came up to me at the jam session while I was filming and said, "Are you Jodie?" and introduced yourself to me cuz you were a Twitter follower and read my blog -- I didn't mean to not pay attention to you, I felt bad afterwards and felt like I had blown you off -- thank you SOO much for coming up and introducing yourself to me... it's just... MONKEYS! I was a bit distracted by something shiny at the moment... I hope to see you out on tour, come and say hey to me again and we'll sit and chat for longer than 2 seconds!!!!

Alright, down to business.

Disclaimer: Please remember that there are some parts of this story that I'm flat out not going to tell you -- some are private, some I don't think the other people in the story would like me telling, some are quite frankly none of your business -- that being said, you're still in for a good read. :)

Amazing weekend. Best weekend of my freaking life. Amazing. Amazing. Wow. That's about all I can say.

Let's see, I got there Wednesday and was able to spend the entire day with Willow undisturbed. It was very peaceful. :)

Wednesday night Angie, from France, arrived... Thursday we went shopping at a huge mall... Willow got a new shirt to wear to drinks that night, Angie got some makeup and I got a Venti iced coffee, a harmonica at the Gibson warehouse and a memory card. :)

[Harmonica, by the way, harder than it looks... lip ring + harmonica = interesting, but I'm learning quickly. I can play "When The Saints Go Marching In" and the 12 bar blues. :)]

Thursday night we had drinks with Tim, who I swear, is busier than Dave. (One of the other tour mangers that I know. Of course, Tim isn't anywhere near old enough to be doing this as long as Dave has been.) Tim was busy, busy, busy, so we ended up going to this conference room thingy upstairs and drinking there with Tim, Vi, Heidi and a few other peoples.

I hadn't eaten all day and I had 7 of these badass drinks that Vi was making -- surprisingly I didn't fall over or have word vomit. LOL We played drunken Scrabble - (YETI!) and listened to Milli Vanilli. Was badass. I had waay too much fun.

Friday we got there kinda early, Angie had some posters that she needed to give to Shannon (ASCC Now) from the Euro Legacy site... The Monkeys were on TV for an interview and we all gathered around listening to the interview... that was when I officially met Madison.

Madison is this amazing little ball of energy - she reminds me soo much of Ben Graupner (who happens to be her "PEEP FOREVER" XD) and Maddy and I hit it off instantly. We spent the next five hours talking, making inside jokes and naming things, "PLANT!" Madison is the most badass person that I met all weekend. (Jackson Rathbone included.)

Friday afternoon I met Kimbra Hickey - the hand model from the Twilight book, she was so, so awesome and nice... very beautiful person. :)

So that night was the NewCon private party karaoke dealy on "the Bridge". The Bridge was literally a bridge that spanned across the road and had a bar on it. Super trippy and awesome.

...Before that amazingness, however, we had dinner with Brady Bell... well... yep, that's all I can say about that.

So! Then we karaoke'd! THAT was soo much fun! Heidi, Vi, Willow, myself and a few others did "Blame It On The Rain" by Milli Vanilli. I think that Willow and Heidi were the only ones who knew all the words. LOL

Madison and I did "At Last" by Etta James. (Those on here know that that is *my* song, and YES, I let Maddy sing it with me... that's how much I love this chick.)

I also did "Like A Virgin" by Madonna. Totes awesome. :) Jose Zuniga (Mr. Molina) was at the party that night and Willow and I spent an hour talking to him. He was incredibly genuine and so nice. (He said I asked good questions. XD)

It was a fantastic party... definitely one that I'll never forget.

'They' (the man) tried to shut us down at midnight after a few complaints... so we took the party down Broadway to another karaoke bar... It started out with 19 of us... then 16... then we finally came back at closing time with 11 people.

Before we went out we all sat in the lobby bar area and got drunk on Vi's drinks... we chugged lord knows how many of them and we didn't have to buy any drinks when we were out. LOL YAAY! At karaoke we all got up and sang "Bohemian Rhapsody" - I told Jennifer this and she goes, "I know you would never attempt that sober." She's very correct. I respect Freddy Mercury too much.

Oh! Forgot to tell you about the AMAZING jello shots that Jessie made! I hope to have some of them on tour, Jess! I think we need to corrupt the boys with those... just sayin'...

On our way back to the hotel we ran into Ned Bellamy (Waylon in Twilight) who was going out with his girlfriend - he was very quick witted and super nice.

Saturday was the big day... we showed up late to Jackson, Kimbra and Jose's Q&A -- oops. For whatever reason it was just so, so hard for me to get up and going Saturday morning... like something was literally holding me back... I felt bad, but I guess everything happens for a reason.

At the Q&A I was standing next to Jose's... uh... personal assistant? I think she was... she leaned over and asked, "Are you going to ask a question?" I said, "um... no. I wouldn't know what to ask." (Truth is when I thought I was going to Jackson's TwiTour in Chicago I came up with a question, but being in front of him for the first time, I... well... yeah, all that went out the window.) So she leans over and says, "you should ask..." and then she prattled on this very long question with very big words... I kinda nodded and was like, "Yeah, sure..." and then someone asked another question. She kept looking at me, and said, "are you going to ask?" I told her that it confused me. So she dumbed it down like twice for me...

Finally I raised my hand... (sounds so unlike me, I know... something came over my hand and it raised itself...) Jackson looked at me and did that head nod, eyebrows up, as if he were calling on me... and I spoke (I know, something came over my voice as well.) I said, "How do you stay in character when there are so many things that you can't control, such as weather and scheduling?"

I managed to get all of that out -- without stuttering -- all the while looking right in his eyes the entire time. He stared into my eyes and paid complete attention to me as I spoke. Then he answered... it was a long answer and he kept his eyes on mine the entire time. Of course, I couldn't tell you exactly what he said. LOL He did mention his role as Amanda, which made me happy since that's my favorite thing that he's done to date.

Willow told me later that she was so proud of me. :)

For those who don't know me -- that was a big deal for me to speak up like that. I can perform in front of thousands but with social anxiety, its very hard to do things like that. As soon as I started speaking everyone in the room turned to look at me - I didn't waiver, I didn't back down - I just kept my eyes on his and continued to breathe. :) Go me!

After that Q&A was the music Q&A with Tin Tin Can, Shawn Fernando (the Stevedores) and Ben J (the Stevedores, 100 Monkeys) -- it was very awkward, that was... I asked a question there too, which wasn't as nerve wracking... "Do you sit down and write your music collectively as a band or do some write lyrics, some write a melody and then you come together and iron it all out as a whole?" I thought that was a very good question and they all took the time to answer and said that it's a little bit of both... they also mentioned Spencer in answering my question, which was badass. :)

Jennifer arrived shortly after that - I was sooo happy to introduce her to Willow, Kasey and Madison. :) Poor Jennifer, 2 seconds after she got there she was forced to "ride escalators" with Maddy and I as we were like, "PLANT!" It sucks soo hard to be on the outside of an inside joke. I felt bad.

Jennifer and I were riding up the escalator with Ned Bellamy when I was asking him what time he got back in last night... "we were out late," he says, "4 or so." I told him we didn't get in until 5a. "I wasn't out that late!!" He later signed my book, "TWILIGHT FOREVER!" XD and gave Jennifer an autograph, "Worth the drive, yes?!" He's from Joplin, MO. Badass muthertrucker.

Next was the meet and greet with Jackson.

Willow left the meet and greet to go be with Ben Graupner... Can't say I wouldn't do the same thing if I were in her shoes. :) However, my shoes (my epic shoes that have tried to meet Jackson THREE times) were staying put!!

I met Jackson, walked up to him, shook his hand - told him that it was "great to finally meet" him, he smiled and asked my name... I told him... had him sign my Eclipse book on the chapter "Newborn." so he asked how to spell my name... "J-O-D-I-E". He has his hand on the book, he's not signing it... he's... he's... he's reading it?!! Heidi leans over and goes, "Stop reading that!" And he goes, "I was trying to figure out where in the book it was..." she goes, "Newborn... where Jasper tells his story." Jackson moves his hand, turns around to me and grins, "my hand was covering the chapter."

XD

So he asks again... "how do you spell it?" "J-O-D-I-E".

He ended up asking three times before he signed it. Pretty freaking adorable. He smiled big at me and hugged me, I said, "thank you so much," and he said, "it was my pleasure." In his Southern drawl. *giggles*

Then it was Jennifer's turn -- before Nashville she was all, "Jackson Rathbone just doesn't phase me," and I was like, "not even his Southern drawl?!" "No." "Not even his SMILE!?" "No." "His eyes?" "No." "His amazing talent?!" "No."

Nothing.

She gets up there in front of him and the girl is freaking star struck and SPEECHLESS.

Jackson has a certain energy about him... I was very humbled to be in his presence, but surprisingly, I was still able to speak. LOL Jenn? Not so much... she got a picture, hug and then she was going to be on her way... While she was getting her picture with him, Madison came up behind me and goes, "did you tell him?!!" and I shook my head. "TELL HIM!"

So then after Jennifer was done I said to Jay, "oh, by the way... your hat is *really* lame." ((inside joke with Jackson.)) He throws his head back in laughter, smiling as everyone around me goes, "AWWWW!!" like I'm the worst person in the history of the world and he turns to look at Maddy and says, "I guess it's catching on!"

XD Haaaha! It was great! Heidi later commented me on Facebook and said, "I can't believe Maddy got you to tell Jackson he was lame." Hahaa! I loved it! It was great!

So then we went downstairs and found Willow, showed her the pictures and asked where Graupner was... he was over at Starbucks with Johnson, so we went over there and talked with the Ben's for a bit... I introduced Jenn to Ben, finally. :) He said she needed a drink. Yes.

After that was the private jam session... which. was. incredible. I'll never forget it... Jackson's voice... his performance... amazing.

Willow and I got to dance with Jackson... Jackson sang at me... Ben gave Willow the cowbell and Jerad gave me the tambourine so now Willow and I are officially Monkeys!!! (The rule is once you've performed or jammed with the 100 Monkeys, then you're a Monkey!)

(You can see pics from all this on my Facebook.)

After the show I was talking with Jerad for a bit when a girl rubbed his head. He turned his head and another girl rubbed his head... then he offered his head to me... well, I didn't want to be rude, so I rubbed his mohawk and I said, "it's like a petting zoo." LMAO He laughed and said that was very correct. Loves it.

We talked with Ben for a bit... I kinda just let Jackson be - he was already surrounded enough - Willow gave him some shirts and he seemed very happy to be getting clothes!!

Then twas off to the hotel to change, then to the Wildhorse for the concert...

The show melted my entire face off, no lie. Twas a gone face by the end of the show. Jackson sang at me again and pointed to me during the "Thank You" song... which, during the jam session, he touched my arm, was right in my face looking in my eyes and goes, "thank you," :D I love the Thank You song, just sayin'.

We started out in the 10th row or so, by the end of the concert we were in the 4th. Badass. I got some videos, but YouTube can eat me cuz it's been a bitch lately. I'll be sure and post the links here when I get them all posted. I have a few up so far. Nothing amazing, though.

Something that I need to say about 100 Monkeys live - first of all, this was my third 100 Monkeys show, and it was the first with Jackson Rathbone... so I had never seen him perform live before. As you may or may not know, I've seen over 200 acts live and I can honestly say that I have never seen anyone perform with such passion and energy as Jackson. I was impressed beyond belief. His energy and stage presence was so huge it filled the room and it was impossible for you to take your eyes off of him. All the energy that he gave to the crowd I tried to give right back to him by singing every word that I knew, dancing my ass off and grooving along with him.

I was blown away and I left the concert feeling high and enlightened.

After the concert we went and bought some Tin Tin Can merchandise (soo my favorite band right after the Stevedores.) After buying their merch I talked to two of the boys and was like, "this is going to sound so weird and random, but I listen to your album, Confetti Machete, every time I straighten my hair, which is like, everyday..." then Jennifer goes, "it's true, I'm her roommate and it's like, 'oh! Tin Tin Can again!'" haaahaa!! They loved it.

When we got back to the hotel parking garage we got to ride the elevator with 2 other members of the band and I said, "I was just telling your other bandmates..." and then I said the same thing... they laughed... was great. I was sooo high at that point. (On music only.)

Sunday was sad... sad to say goodbye to Willow and Kasey... sad to leave Nashville... however, there was hope there at the end, hope because the boys would soon be releasing the rest of their tour dates!! (Those funky Monkeys are addictive!)

Driving home from Nashville was awesome, actually... we listened to Tin Tin Can the entire way home and made it back in record time... usually it takes us double time to get home - nope... we got home in 9 hours... and that was also counting our little Harold and Kumar White Castle adventure we went on in St. Louis.

I Heart White Castle.

So that's it, babes... phew. Now I'll have some mayjah cities to look forward to on tour. ;)

Little Rock & Fayetteville, AR • Auburn, Birmingham, Mobile & Tuscaloosa, AL • Phoenix & Tucson, AZ • Fresno, Los Angeles, Sacramento, San Diego & San Francisco, CA • Colorado Springs & Denver, CO • Bridgeport & Hartford, CT • Wilmington, DE • Gainesville, Jacksonville, Miami, Orlando, Tallahassee, Tampa & FT. Lauderdale, FL • Atlanta & Savannah, GA • Honolulu, HI • Des Moines, IA • Boise, ID • Chicago & Champaign, IL • South Bend & Indianapolis, IN • Wichita & Topeka, KS • Louisville & Lexington, KY • Baton Rouge & New Orleans, LA • Boston, MA • Baltimore, MD • Ann Arbor & Detroit, MI • Minneapolis, MN • Kansas City & St. Louis, MO • Jackson, MS • Missoula, MT • Asheville, Greensboro, Charlotte & Raleigh, NC • Omaha, NE • New Brunswick, NJ • Albuquerque, NM • Las Vegas & Reno, NV • Buffalo, New York City, Syracuse, Albany & Rochester, NY • Cleveland, Cincinnati, Columbus & Toledo, OH • Oklahoma City & Tulsa, OK • Portland, OR • Allentown, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Scranton & College Station, PA • Providence, RI • Charleston, Columbia & Greenville, SC • Chattanooga, Knoxville, Memphis & Nashville, TN • Austin, Dallas, Amarillo, Houston, San Antonio & Midland, TX • Salt Lake City, UT • Arlington, Richmond, Virginia Beach & Roanoke, VA • Burlington, VT • Seattle & Spokane, WA • Madison & Milwaukee, WI • Huntington, WV

Pic of the Day:

Mr. Rathbone and I.

(I meant it when I said that I would trade all of my photos with Justin Timberlake just to MEET this man. His talent far exceeds any expectation that I would never dare set for him.)

Oh My God, The Wings On Fire

"Hey little waitress lady, please,

Hand me a little liquor bottle,

Anything to help me ease the pain of this crashin' plane because,

Oh my god, the wings on fire,

Oh my god, this suckers gonna hit the ground,

We're going down..."

This isn't going to be "THE BLOG" of which I spill all about my time in Nashville, but I wanted to give you something.

Patty called me out at the show and told me she'd kick my butt if I didn't get to bloggin' quickly, so I just wanted to give you a short one with a few highlights.

-November 7, 2009 was so the best day of my life.

-I spoke to Jackson at the Q&A.

-Met him officially, shoot his hand, got my picture, autograph, hug, epic smiles.

-I made Jackson laugh... was the highest feeling I've ever had in my life.

-Went to the jam session with 100 Monkeys

-Danced with Jackson.

-Jammed with the Monkeys, playing the tambourine.

-Had a pretty epic spot as far as the concert was concerned.

-Had so many realization moments. (Will discuss later.)

I will blog about all that and more... I was in Nashville from Wednesday until Sunday and so, so much happened along that time. Some of it I can't talk about, but I will try and spill as much as possible.

Here's a little something that I'll leave you with, however:

(You have to wait to see my picture with Jay. XD)

xx

I Hope You Have More Luck With This Than Me

"What's the point of holding on to what never gets used?

Other than the sick desire for self abuse..."

Leaving for Nashville in less than 24 hours...

*inhales and holds breath for a long minute*

I'm still really not sure what to think and it hasn't completely hit me yet... I mean, I *think* I get that I'm going to be on a plane tomorrow morning... I may comprehend that... I know I'm anxious to get to be with Willow again... other than that? I can't see past Wednesday, really...

Things to do today:

Shower

Straighten hair

Wax eyebrows

Face mask

Pack pills

Camera

Chargers

iPod

Update iPod

Find/pack clothes

Carry on items

IDs

Do nails

Pop bubbles

Finish painting

Get lots of sleep tonight

I may update this throughout the day and cross off what I've done... check back for edits.

Pic of the Day:

This photo ALMOST made it hit me last night... ALMOST... but not quite.

EDIT 101p: Thank you soo much for all the comments/support,

people! I appreciate it soo much! Unfortunately, I only know

who one of you is! Haha!! Come up and say

something to me in Nashy!

...Now I don't really know where to start...

EDIT 236p: When Jennifer did the laundry she didn't wash either

pair of my jeans... so now I'm like, "No Pants Platz".

Just did my nails, I know I'm stoopid for typing now because

it's just going to fuck them up, but the ADD restrains me from

just sitting there and doing nothing, watching paint dry.

I finished my painting. :)

My wax is... uh... waxing... tis melting itself. And then its

facemask time... I guess I'm putting off packing as much

as possible. Been listening to Death Cab all day. <3

Definitely calms me and makes me feel soo much better.

EDIT 450p: I am going to kill my dog. She won't stop barking,

and whining... and jumping on my clean clothes. Let me

tell you a typical day with me and Bella... she sleeps all day,

I sing loudly, she licks my face twice and we're just calm

together. Today I've been cursing and screaming at her all

day. She knows change. She feels it... so I can't blame her

too much, but still it's soo obnoxious. I think she knows

that she's not coming with me. Now she's sitting in my lap

and being all adorable... that's why they're so cute, you

know? So we don't kill them.

I can't find any of the clothes that I want and it's pissing

me off. I keep going, "okay, 2 outfits a day... wed, thurs,

fri, sat, leaving sun..." yet, I feel like I'm packing for life.

That always happens because I have a horrible fear

of forgetting something. I'm using my medium sized suitcase,

which I usually only bring with me as my 2nd suitcase...

my "accessories" suitcase. In Jan 07 I took it to Vegas

and filled it with JUST purses and shoes... and we were

only there one night... so this is definitely a big change

for me and I'm not comfortable with it... but I'm

also not comfortable with carrying around a 15lb laptop/

carry on bag AND dragging around a huge suitcase.

*sigh* this is a classic no win situation.

None of the outfits I've packed will make me happy...

I had to pack "dirty" jeans. (Technically they're just

worn and a big baggy, I would classify them as "dirty"

just yet.) I feel very fat this week. I mean, I know

I'm already fat, but I feel fatter this week than, say,

last week... I haven't been eating any more... probably

less... but it's just how I FEEL. You know?

I still have no idea what I'm going to the airport in

tomorrow... the "plane outfit" is the most important and

I have no idea what I'm wearing... *bites lip*

EDIT 749p: I napped.

EDIT 1007p: It hit... not organically, but I forced it to hit...

the bad part is is that I know it's going to hit again, when

I least expect it to... I just hope it's not when I'm standing

in front of him. *shaking my head* that would be

terrible and mortifying.

I thought I couldn't breathe BEFORE... *shakes head

once more* that was nothing compared to what I just

went through...

Three days... when I wake up I'll be seeing him/them

in three days...

Photos definitely helped lunge me into the realization

process... the guitar and harmonica photos especially.

I'm glad that Bella-dog was the only one here to see that.

She sat on my lap and licked my face. Perhaps I do

love her after all.

Soon Everybody Will Ask What Became Of You

"As the flash bulbs burst,

She holds a smile,

Like someone would hold,

A crying child..."

It's been a few days... 5 to be exact now since there's only 5 days left before I go see the Monkey boys. :)

I am leaving on Wednesday morning. I cannot wait to get to Nashville. Can't. Freaking. Wait. Jennifer is going to drive down to Nashville after work on Friday and then the Monkeys concert is Saturday night.

I can't wait to see my Willow. *beams* Can't. Wait. I will finally be able to breathe again...

(God, both our boobs look freaking great here... just sayin'.)

This is soo my favorite photo ever. Hopefully I will get my ass in line and take more photos of us on this trip than I did in August. August! Can you believe it's been so long since I've seen my Willow? Or my Monkeys?!! Insane.

This trip... *bites lip* I don't know... I guess I don't want to express all of my worries here (for obvious reasons) however, this trip is worrying me... I'm worried about so many different aspects of it - ultimately I want to just GO and just GET THERE and just BE with my Willow. Then perhaps either we can worry about these things together or we'll just say "fuck it" and we won't worry about any of it and we'll just GO and have a fucking great time... Lord knows. *shrugs*

I'm stoked for Friday... *excited squeal* ...but I'll tell you about it AFTER it happens. I am so not jinxing that!!! XD

I'm nervous. Anxious. Excited. Nervous. Nervous. Shaking. Anxious. Excited. Why? I'll tell you why:

<--THAT IS WHY.

The last two times that I was supposed to meet/see Jackson he unfortunately had to cancel because of Eclipse filming/scheduling... but this time? This time he is GOING to be there... and I'm... well... yep.

I'm still waiting for it to hit me and sink in. I wish myself good luck with that. (I'm so screwed.)

Pic of the Day:

Lady Gaga is my hero/style icon.

Oh Hai

"This beat is hypnotic, I wanna ride it like chauffeur... "

I have not liked a pop song as much as I like LOVE Ashley Tisdale's "Crank It Up" in a hella long time. Probably since Hilary Duff's "With Love". Oh crap. Is this the return of pop? I sure hope not. I'm not done with indie rock yet, y'all... but damn, this is a perfectly structured pop song. Good job, Tiz.

I leave for Vegas in two days. The countdown on my computer basically scared me with that. I am so unprepared.

Last night I got SOME clothes together, but we have to do laundry again Friday morning (we are leaving KC by 9p Friday night) so there's really no sense in "packing" just yet.

To Do List:

-PACK.

-Make CDs for the road trip.

-Buy snackies for the road trip.

-Paint nails?

-Do face mask thingy.

-Shower/straighten hair

-Bathe the dog -- someone remind me of this, she reeeeeks!

-Set up booby traps

-Bring Fun Sized Edward

-Wash car? Nah.

-Pop bubbles.

-Find something to wear to the concert.

-Talk to my liver about what is about to go down.

Tis all I can remember at the moment. Anyone think of anything else?

Pic of the Day:

That's how you make me feel daily.

Just sayin'.

Today Is The Hard Day

"And the hardest part was letting go, not taking part..."

Not sure how to say it any other way:

Yep.

Keep The Car Running

"Gonna make some plans, wait and see,

Turn it off, turn me on...

Open your eyes look around you,

Fuck what you heard,

You were lied to..."

This morning I woke up twice. Once at 530a-ish and again at 930a-ish... both of which are too damn early for me.

Why did I wake up that early, you ask? Because it was like 50-fucking-degrees in my house and I was literally shaking from being so damn cold.

I think my dreams get weirder when I'm freezing... I had a dream that I was in Vegas and at a charity event and Muse was performing. My childhood friend, Shena, was sitting across the table from me and Paul (who I met last year in Vegas) was next to me. His blue eyes were piercing. That was the most vivid part about the dream; his blue eyes. Jennifer was off galavanting with Timberlake and it pissed me off... LOL Figures.

Today was hardly productive. I think I did three or four posts for Truth... nowhere near enough to consider it a full day of work. Reckon the news had better stop being slow or Imma start just making up shit. (I would never do that, for those who don't understand my sense of humor.)

Talked to my Daddy tonight! :) That was really awesome, actually. I keep trying to think back about the last time I talked to him and I can't remember if I have talked to him since the 4th of July...? Either way, it's been so freaking long that I can't remember and that's just sad.

I always wonder if I have anything to say to him, but then we end up talk-talk-talking, which I love. We always talk about technology too, which rocks. My dad is the only person I know who loves technology, yet doesn't have a computer. LOL

He told me about these glasses that have a camera in the frame of them and our mind both went to the same place: CONCERTS. Yep. That made me happy, I am my father's daughter. *beams*

From there I told him about how I went to have coffee with my Mama and she took a picture of me with her cell phone and then told me that her cell phone camera was a 2.0 megapixel and that in 2000 her first digital camera was a 2.0 megapixel Fugifilm camera that set her back $700 and now she had 2.0 megapixels in her PHONE. From there I told her that it was insane that the 12.1 megapixel camera I want is only $199.

My dad and I are both flabbergasted by technology.

While I was talking to him I realized that while filming the 1989 Batman they thought they were cool shit... going onto the next Batman (Batman Returns) which was filmed in 1992 - their technology advances just over those 4 years or so was incredibly dramatic and of course it just gets more advanced with Batman Forever and Batman & Robin...

Then I told him that while watching The Dark Knight I'm thinking to myself that this is just the coolest thing in the entire universe and that the quality of it is mindblowing... but then, I'm sure that's what they thought about all four of those Batman films, right?

So if the technology from 2000 to 2009 can expand this far with digital cameras, eventually there is going to be a 12.1 megapixel camera inside of your PHONE. Think about that.

Now think about how awesome The Dark Knight was... It's been 20 years since the first Batman movie... you know how shitty it looks? Think about watching The Dark Knight 20 years from now and thinking that it looked "shitty".

That's almost hard to wrap your mind around, but you should get used to that idea because that's where we're headed.

Technology is ever changing and as my Daddy said, it's supply and demand... there's always going to be a demand for it, for something better... so they're always going to have to make better.

My Dad also told me that my thinking of this was pretty progressive, which I'll admit, made me very happy to hear. I think it also just means that I think of things that others are too busy to think of... my mind works differently than yours.

Pic of the Day:

Jackson in Hurt...

I'm kinda anxious for this DVD to come out. (November 10th, 2009) I saw two mini clips today and got all kinds of excited that he's an artist in the film.

He was welding (*DROOL*) an octopus and his girlfriend was like, "eeew!" And snapped back at her, "they're beautiful." And then he told her that if they get a tentacle cut off they can grow it back and that they have three hearts... I mean, c'mon... that's automatic badass on the sea-creature scale.