Doo-Bee-Di

"She said my name like it was her breath,

And she needed it to survive..."

Few days ago I made a mistake that I swore I would never make again... I was sleeping, I "dreamt" of a song lyric - it was so simple, perfect rhythm and rhyme and yet I swore that I would remember it when I awoke so I didn't write it down... just like the rest of my dreams, thoughts and memories, it faded and now it's forever lost.

I'm on my 2nd day here at my Mama's house... the cats are still alive, the house hasn't burned down yet...

I don't like giving Catfish her IV. I know that I HAVE to or else she'll die, but it's so hard for me to poke a 14 gauge needle into a cat... that just... I can't do it... I mean, I do it, I've given her the IV four times now, but it's just... it's so hard.

Earlier this morning I was writing in my journal and I came across a few thoughts... first of all, no matter how hard I try to be honest with my journal, it's hard for me... What's the point then, you should ask. What's the point in writing in a journal if you're not going to be honest?

I guess there's a lot of my life that I just leave out of my journal. I wish that I had the patience and utter selflessness, honesty to write everything down exactly as it happens... there have been times that I've written in my journal and gone back to read things that happened several years ago and I had honestly forgotten that they happened. So then if I leave things out of my journal now, things that I may believe that I'll remember forever, mundane things like details - I could potentially lose them forever.

My thoughts are precious, I don't share them often. Not my true thoughts. I hardly even share them with myself because I know that I'm crazy. The way I get to conclusions is ridiculous... if you were inside my mind for one day you would kill yourself by lunch time.

Speaking of which, I had a piece of Gouda cheese for lunch and it was exquisite.

But why lie, Jodie? Why lie to your journal?

You see, I lie to my journal because of 3 reasons.

1- I'm lying to myself. I can change the smallest details of how things happened when I write it in my journal. No one will ever be the wiser.

2- I'm paranoid. I can't go into that as much as I would like, but I'll just say that I constantly think that someone will read it.

3- I know that eventually someone WILL read my diaries... Whether someone happens upon them and they read them, or when I die... they WILL get read... unless I burn them, which I don't plan on doing because my memory already isn't so great, (the ADD, I blame.) so I can't afford to lose the things that are written inside of these books.

This thought is still incomplete, just something I thought I would share.

Picture of the Day:

Mr. Jackson Rathbone at the premiere of New Moon last night in Hollywood. Smiling. :)

I heard everyone bitching that Rob showed up with stubble... (which, I think he looked sexy as hell with the stubble, thankyouverymuch) But Jackson shaved for the premiere! I'm really ambivalent when it comes to his facial hair (as well as the hair on his head -- it's HIS choice!!) -- but I do think the long side burns look good on him. Not too many people can actually pull that off.

His suit? His suit looked fantastic. Definitely different, which I appreciate and HE wore it, it didn't wear HIM.

I didn't see many pictures of him smiling wide or laughing, but that by far is his greatest accessory. :)

I am definitely uber proud of that man.