The icon that I used for my last post, earlier today, was quite accurate. "The loneliness is temporary."
The past few days while I've been here at my Mama's place, I have felt incredibly lonely.
It's not so much as not being able to talk to anyone... I have people that I text... that's not filling this aching void I've been feeling. Today has been worse than the other days. I feel like I'm near tears, that the tear in my chest is slowly getting bigger and I can't place it... I don't know exactly why its here or where it came from.
I'm in need of human contact. I think that could be part of it. I miss my dog, cat's are anti-social and independent, plus I'm deathly allergic to them, so I maintain my distance from them unless I'm administering medication... that could be another part.
Perhaps part of it is change? My birthday? I really don't know... I wouldn't know where to start if I tried to find out the sole cause for this, but I truly don't know.
I just know that I feel empty... Lonely is the best word I have for what I'm feeling at the moment... and the people that could fill this void, this hole in me... they're thousands of miles away, making this ache seem larger than life.
Ironically, I am not feeling depressed or sad. Those are usually common feelings for myself. I've noticed that lately I've been very self-aware, which is rare for... well, anyone, but especially myself. I'm not sad, depressed or even feeling anti-social... I'm just feeling lonely, disconnected from myself and empty, achy.
*shrugging*
1 comment:
I was afraid this was going to hit.
I just didn't know when it was going to.
I'm so sorry you're distanced, detached, empty.
I've felt it, I feel it daily, and if I could take it from you, to save you from it, I would.
I know what it feels like, the air is thicker, harder to breathe, harder to process each breath.
You want, need the lifeline that makes it easier for you to live, not merely exist.
Talk to me, I can understand this.. so well.
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