Conversations With Heath

"Held to the past too aware of the pending
Chill as the dawn breaks and finds us up for sale
Enter the fog another low road descending
Away from the cold lust, you house and summertime"

First of all I want to thank Kim and Mistaaay for reading my bloggage. ;-) It's great to know I have more followers. Now comment, dammit! LOL

I always think that I'm going to blog on Wednesday's and Thursdays, but in actuality, you should never expect one from me on these days. It's Jennifer's only days off and so I spend most of my time with her.

The only time I even got on my computer these past two days was Wednesday night to buy Jenn's plane ticket home from Las Vegas and to pay for two Heath things on eBay. I can't wait to get them!!! Casanova on DVD and an unread copy of Heath's last GQ cover. (Most of which on eBay are going for upwards of $40 -- I bout mine for $6.50 cuz I'm a rockstar.)

Wednesday's are becoming my new favorite day. Jenn and I went up to Target in Liberty to order her new glasses. I helped her pick out the cutest Isaac Mizrahi frames evar. We asked about ordering me new contacts before Vegas and apparently my perscription was old so I had to go back Thursday for an appt. I hateeeeee eye appts. But this new doctor I have is really nice and he gave me a trial pair of contacts that are like, super new. They have only been on the market for 3 months and they're super cool!!

So Wednesday Jennifer goes into work to get her check and I stayed out in her parents van that has been on loan to us since Jenn wrecked the car -- I was listening to the radio and I heard Kelly Urich (the only DJ I'm still friends with at the station I used to work at) say that the Veronica's were in studio and they were opening for Hanson tonight!! I practically screamed! Jenn comes back out and I tell her. She called Kelly and asked for tickets... well, ask and you shall recieve. :D We got 12th row seats!!


Jenn and I at the show.

I had to coach her on how to do the rockstar and then you couldn't even see it in the photo!! LOL

I am in loveee.







They were just the most adorable thing ever.


She called me babe. ;-)



Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!

Oi! Oi! Oi!


Love herr.


Some of the pics have a bit of a green tinge to them because I was lazy and clicked "auto" instead of just editing the colors myself to lighten them... deal with it.





HOT




I got a guitar pick from each of the boys. ;-)







So Jennifer's parents were very upset with us because we were supposed to go get our new van on Wednesday right as Jenn was getting Hanson tickets. So we had to push it back to Thursday... I don't really see what the problem is... we had unforseen circumstances... you're allowed to cancel plans with people when it comes to bands you used to be OB-sessed with... right?

Anyhow, I was bored, just got my contacts and so I took these on the way to get the van. LOL



I was super happy to be able to wear sunglasses again!!

Oh and I was wearing my OLD contacts to the Hanson concert, and actually in the process of putting my right eye in I don't know what the fuck happened but it felt like someone took a pen to my eyeball, it was horrendous.


We got the van and it's actually pretty freaking cool. I'm putting all my stickers on it when Jenn gets home. Those PETA stickers that I told y'all about back in July, actually. ;-) It drives really nice, it's got a CD player, AC and um... tonsssss of space. TONSA.

This is a pic of me in the new van cheesin. LOL I still haven't taken a pic of the outside, perhaps with the stickers. LOL



So speaking of space in the van -- we were at the Hanson show, Veronica's had just performed and we had been up by the merchandise -- Jenn got a keychain -- any we were looking at the backs of the shirts and I had told Jennifer about how Ingram Hill was going to be up in Wisconsin in November or so and on the shirt Hanson is going to be in Wisconsin or Chicago or something in November... so we're at our seats and Jenn asks me what day Ingram Hill's show is...

First of all, I can't stand it when she just asks me random things like that. Like, we'll be in the car or whatnot and I'll mention something, like "oh I looked up plane tickets to Australia..." and she wants the EXACT price for it, she wants to know EXACT everything... and hello?! I don't know my own phone number. So I was like, "yeah, I totally memorized all that shit..." and so I look it up on my phone and they aren't close enough together to make the treck up north for either of the bands, butttttttt while I was on Ingram Hill's myspace I GASPED!!! Ingram Hill will be in Lawrence (45 mins) on November 17th @ the Granada (small awesome club)!!!! I DIEDDDD.

Not that I really gave her a choice, but Jenn said that we could go. ;-) Ooh, we need to buy tickets soon... probably won't happen until after Vegas, but oh well. (16 days til Vegas!) We're going to go there superrrr early and camp out. I am determined to be the very first fucking person in line, the first person in the front row and I will marry Justin. Okay, maybe not that last part... but all the stuff before that. ;-) I am stoked. I saw them LAST November, actually too... When they opened for Hanson. LOL

Hanson is ironically how I got interested in Ingram Hill. Back in 04 I went to their show -- a fall show, what's with Hanson and touring in the fall? LOL And Ingram Hill was the opening act and I fell in LOVE. It sealed the deal when they said they were from Memphis and the lead singers name was Justin. I fainted. LOL Okay, not really. LOL

*thinks* Wow, I've seen Hanson 6 times. More times than I ever thought I would.

Anyhowwww...

When I got home I had some wonder wonderful happen. I was so happy because I rushed home so that Jenn and I wouldn't miss Ugly Betty or Grey's Anatomy (which both weren't as fantastic as I thought they would be. UB was a huge letdown.) And what's sitting on my porch?!?! The HL book that Gemma had sent me! :D I literally screamed.

This was like, moments after I opened it, hence the goof smile. LOL



During the commercials of my shows I flipped through the book and read some Heath quotes and looked at all the photos.

I cannot express enough -- I adore him. Adore. Love is too soft for how I feel for him.

This is where the title of my blog title comes from... I realize how crazy I'll sound, but this isn't for you, this is for me.

Here's a few of my favorite quotes of his from the book...

"People always feel compelled to sum you up, to presume that they have you and can describe you. That's fine. But there are many stories inside of me and a lot I want to achieve outside of one flat note."

You are so right, Heath. I've tried for months, probably years to describe you and it's one of the hardest things I've ever done. I agree with you that people always think that they know you. People do that to me, when in reality you may think I tell you everything, but honestly? You know nothing.

"My parents left my soul and spirit untouched. They gave me nothing but confidence andlove. And I think that's all you need. As long as you're surrounded by love, it gives you the confidence to do anything."

I am really trying to understand this one, actually, Heath. I almost feel that this quote is above my head. What do you mean they left your soul and spirit untouched? Like, they didn't try and mold you into who they wanted you to be? They left you alone, loved you and let you become who you became? Wow, that's very lucky. I truly admire that person that you became. You are a very good man.

"I'm not good at future planning. I don't plan at all. I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow. I completely live in the now, not the past, not in the future."

This is something that you're teaching me. I'm not a good planner, so I'm just scrapping the whole thing. I really admire this quote from you because I aspire to do this in my own life.

"If you just be safe about the choices you make, you don't grow."

That's true, sometimes I forget to let go and let the wind take me. It seems like you do that a lot. I would like to have that trait of yours. To learn to just be free...

"When it's true love, it feels like something you're rekindling, as if you've met the person before."

I've tried my whole life to describe what love is, to wonder if I've had it... but they say if you have to wonder, then you haven't been in love. You just successfully described love for all it's worth in one sentence. I hope one day to know what that's like.

"Music is such a pure expression of a song from the soul. It's always been a key that unlocked or enabled me to express anger or pains of any sort. It's always been a wonderful door opener for me in terms of being able to express, creatively and personally."

This one I definitely understand. Music has been one of the things that's most helped me to cope with losing you. Although it's been hard to listen to some songs, I feel that sometimes you have to burn through the pain to get to the joy on the other side.

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date;
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st:

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,

So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

-Sonnet 18 read by Michelle Williams at Heath's funeral.

Well how about some happies now?


Can't go wrong with Chihuahua!

She does be the prettiest.

I think that's all for today. I was going to post a couple new Heath pics that I got, but I think I'll just leave you wanting more Heath. LOL You got quite a lot of him today.

xoxox

*I can't remember what you said, but I'll never forget the look on your face.