And I'm Feelin' Good

"Miss Otis regrets she's unable to lunch today, madam,
And she's sorry to be delayed,
But last evening down at lovers lane she strayed, madam..."

So up until yesterday's 2nd post of the day with my before and after photos I had actually remained fairly reserved about speaking on my weight loss... that doesn't sound like me, does it? LOL

Anyhow, I think I have been quiet about it because I didn't wanna jinx it all or build myself up to be something I wasn't and then let myself, and you down.

Today is the 7th day of doing great and I've lost 10 lbs in the process (24 pounds total from my highest weight.) I'm not even thinking about breaking my concentration on this. I'm going to keep going until Vegas and then in Vegas I'm going to eat small and try to be as good as possible, but I know while I'm there I'll gain a few pounds. That's okay because when I come back it's back on track for me.

So last night Gemma and I were having a pretty deep conversation. She's been a good constant fall on for my weight loss the past week, as she's doing the system with me. We're doing everything the same so it's easier for me to go to her than anyone.

But Gemma was the first to notice that not just my weight has changed:

I've seen a BIG change in you these past few weeks. Like, everything u say and do has some kinda bounce to it, sure u still take meds, and I think that's helping a lot.

You seem to have much more of a positive outlook on things, and I believe heath has brought something out in you that was scared to make itself known.

The past week or so we've chatted has been some of the greatest times with u, the chats on ichat, the random sillyness, the deep chats we've had. I've loved every minute of it.

So for not only your sake, but for that of others, including me, don't go back to being a jodie. Sure I loved jodie to death, but chloe has something that jodie never had... And I'm loving every minute of u.

I've never had anyone really be that honest with me about change. I've tried in the past to change myself, but I have never been completely successful.

I told her she was the sweetest person and that I felt Heath had a lot to do with it as well. Which... I'm not going to get into openly here.

I will always thank heath for what hold he has over you, cos even from far beyond to the other side with the angels, I SWEAR he's checked In on you. And you've felt his presance.

But ya.. I've noticed that a lot recently about you, and couldn't find the right time or words to say so. U really are something else miss ledger, and I'm proud, and very very very honoured to call you my best freind. I'll love u til the day the earth runs out of air.

I guess I could keep going, but I think I'll keep the other parts to myself.

It's incredible to think that Heath has changed me in some way for the better, but I really do notice it. Maybe it took Gemma noticing it for me to really notice, but now I do and it's perfectly clear to me.

I've had my moments of ---- well, we'll say uncertainty with Heath, but I'm past that now. I live to celebrate his life and carry on his memory -- no longer mourn his death. Sure, to me it's still tragic and mysterious, but he's more to me than just a dead actor.

Heath is and always will be my angel. I truly feel that he watches over me in some way and in some weird way, I feel like I'm living for him. Heath and I have too much in common when it comes to sleeping disorders and prescription pills, anxiety, depression, etc -- and there was someone wise who once told me that I should learn from his death.

I may not be able to speak for everyone you assosciate with, but I can speak for myself when I say I love you and care about you, because we've got a bright future ahead and a lot to look forward to together, as best friends...I mean fated friends ;) maybe my purpose in your life is to be the one who saves you because I will if I have to. I'm not just gonna watch you give up on life and everything when you've got so much left to see of the world! Trust me ;)

You and Heath may have everything in common but you won't end up like him instead you'll LEARN from his death. Maybe that's why he even matters to you at all? Maybe in a secret sort of way he's teaching you to change before its too late like he should have?

Think about it.

Love you hard Jo.

Miss Rachel is far wise beyond her 18 years.

These two friends I have, Gemma and Rachel, are my everything's. They hold two seperate parts of me, our friendships are polar opposites but one thing remains the same: they both are my world. I think that because our friendships are so different is why they both mean so much to me. I really couldn't imagine my life without either of them... it would be hard to live.

These girls save my life everyday. It's not just when I'm suicidal and I call upon them -- everyday that I wake up and there are messages on my phone from them is reason enough for me to keep living.

I know sometimes you don't understand,
But know I need to hold her hand,
She means to me what you won't know,
And I'm living for our friendship to grow

Anyhowwwwwwww... I think that's enough for today. I love you girls.

Pic of the Day:



I love this pic. (Do I ever post pics I don't love?!) I think he's just too adorable. This was back in Sydney a few years ago. I love how he just kicked off his shoes and took a seat. :) Shows a lot about who he was.

(Pssst, I do that all the time.)

Clip of the Day:



I can't wait to see this movie! I wanna sneak Bella into the theatre. ;-)

xoxox