I, I Know Just, Just What You Are, Are, Are

"Oh, I'm a dark diamond
I've turned hard and cold,
Once was a jewel with fire in my soul
There's two sides of the mirror,
One I couldn't break through
Stayed trapped on the inside,
Wound up losing you..."

Happy Birthday to me!! WOO!!!! I wish I could get presents and cake and whatnot. LOL

This is the part where you're very confused. LOL

When I went to the astrologer for my actual birthday, he told me that today was my 2nd birthday. (Because of my Libra rising...) So, happy birthday to me!

So when I first heard Britney's new song, I wasn't quite partial to it... Then I downloaded the acapella version and I absolutely love it. I think the harmonies in the chorus are fantastic, unfortunately you can't hear them in the studio version. So, I've decided that I like the song, I love the words and I think she sounds pretty good [for her voice being completely manipulated]. And the song itself is all too catchy! LOL

Somehow I have misplaced my Four Feathers DVD... *worries*

I won a bumper sticker that says "Why So Serious?" on it... ;-) That's balls awesome. I should be getting my Heath GQ and Casanova in the mail soon... *can't wait* I think I told you, but yesterday I won the Lord's of Dogtown DVD and then I'm just 7 hours away from winning a Batman bracelet.

Every few days I worry about the mail for when I'm going to be in Las Vegas, and then I remember that Kristi is going to come by the house every day. Duh.

*note to self, make new keys*

Something is wrong with my iTunes... it keeps playing bubblegum... tell it to stop.

I think I'm going to read my Heath book when I get done here... seems like a good thing to do. Perhaps I'll blog after I read it.

Tomorrow starts our 10 day water fast, that means 2 things: Today is 11 days, and tonight we're having Alfredo. LOL Jenn's friend has been BEGGING for Alfredo since his birthday, but on his birthday I didn't feel good and I wasn't about to stand in the kitchen for 2 hours making it and then not eating it. LOL I only make Alfredo about once or twice a year. It's expensive and very rich, but wonderful...

Rachel is definitely in for a treat when we move in together! ;-) And Gemma and I have already agreed we have to have a spaghetti cook off because we both think we're the best. ;-) Well, we'll see.

Today is Tuesday, that means that Jennifer has tomorrow and the next day off, so I might not be around to blog and whatnot... I just enjoy spending time with her when she's actually here. LOL

Tomorrow is gonna be so hot TV wise! Pushing Daisies, Private Practice AND Dirty Sexy Money all premire tomorrow!!!!! I am stoked!! If you haven't seen Pushing Daisies or DSM -- YOU HAVE TO.

Also tomorrow we're going back up to the eye doctor, Jenn's glasses came in and I hate my contacts. LOL I really like them, actually and I want them to work, but they get foggy as soon as I put them in, I don't know what that means, but I can't see. LOL

ALSO TOMORROW --- Is Bella's third birthday!!!! Yup!!! Can you believe?! We couldn't get presents ahead of time, so we're just going to have to get them tomorrow... but I'm getting her a new collar and tag and some treats. Then she always has a hamburger from McDonalds and we have some vanilla cake for her. Kind of a small birthday, considering the large milestone number, but we just can't afford it this year with Vegas coming so soon.

Pic of the Day:



This is by far one of the cutest things that I've ever seen in my whole life.

Clip of the Day:



It's Ingram Hill covering Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" - Justin is so adorable... first time he says "I hope my boyfriend don't mind it..." and looks around a bit. Phil laughs at him. LOL The 2nd and 3rd time he sings, "I hope her boyfriend don't mind it..." There ya go, babe!! He kissed a girl, and he liked it. ;-)

xoxox

You Think I'm Easy Because I Let Them Win

"You say you want to kill yourself
It might make it just a little bit easier
You think you're the only one who hurts
Try looking just a little bit harder
I don't know why you're holding on
To the damage that's been done

'Cause you've got me wrapped up in your illusion
I keep on trying to change your conclusion
But you've got me wrapped up in your illusion
I keep on dying 'cause you're busy wasting life"

I cleaned up my living room today... I haven't slept in my room but a handful of nights since we moved here and thus, I've accumulated some clutter in the living room.

There's Batman toys at McDonalds, and oh how I love knowing the manager... I have 2 of each toy available. ;-) One to play with and one to keep in the package. I'm a lucky bitch.

I won the Lord's of Dogtown DVD for $2.25 yesterday. :D Unfortunately, today I got outbid on Candy... seems like that's just the hardest DVD for me to get, and of course it's my favorite Heath film. That just doesn't seem fair, does it?

Saturday the 4th I'm going to the Renaissance Festival with my step mom, my Aunt Laura and my cousin Miles. Unfortunately, I'll be in the final stretch of my water fast before Vegas then, so I won't be eating... well... anything. LOL

Jennifer and I are doing 10 days of just water before we go to Vegas and then we're going to try the vegan thing again. Being a vegetarian is not hard, it's being a vegan that is a little more trying.

I just saw Lance on Dancing with the Stars and fucking screamed like 10 times afterwards!!! I fucking loved it... "I kissed a girl... and I liked it." Loves it. Youtube it, bitches if you didn't catch it live! That's definitely what everyone is going to be talking about tomorrow.

So I emailed my Mama and I asked for her advice... everyone know that my mothers love and passion for photography got passed on into me, well now it's time for me to take it all a little more seriously. When I borrowed her camera to do the photography for Heather's wedding I told her that I really wanted to do this. Not so much as a career, but a hobby - and perhaps I could do more weddings in which case it would be a paying hobby. LOL

Anyhow, so she reccommeded for me to get a Canon Rebel... well back then anyhow. The Rebel is basically known as the starter SLR. It's the camera you get when you're not sure if you're going to like photography but you wanna give it a whirl. It's a great camera and you can put a great lens on it and take great pics with it...

So, I had just seen the commercial for the Nikon D60, which is about three steps up from the "beginners" SLR camera on the Nikon side, but it costs the same amount as the Rebel. (Well... the Rebel comes with just the camera, not the lens... the Nikon comes with the camera and the lens.) ANYHOW, I emailed my Mom both the links to the cameras and she said that I should get the Nikon. Now I'm anxious and I can't wait to get it...

Here's another thing she said: "I will say forever that the best Canon lens can't beat a Nikon Nikkor (Carl Zeiss lens)"

Well if that doesn't tell me anything, then I don't know what will!

Pic of the Day:



Top: Heath tossing Matilda

Bottom: Heath and Matilda.

The look in Heath's eyes is just absolute wonder...

And since I have you here about H & M... Heath's insurance company isn't giving Matilda the $10 million life insurance policy that is rightfully hers. They aren't surrendering the money because they believe that he commited suicide... it says on his death certificate that it was an accident...

This is just riduculous. They are never going to just let him be... I'm sure he already still worries about Matilda, and I wish that everyone would stop so that he could rest... if that made sense...

Michelle has hired lawyers in Matilda's name to sue the company. Michelle is a very smart woman.

Clip of the Day:



Ben Harper's "Morning Yearning" -- oh yeah, Heath directed this video. ;-) It's gorgeous. He's so incredibly talented.

xoxox

I Don't Want Your Old Letters

"I'm a million miles away,
There was nothing left to bring me back today..."

First of all I want to say that Rachel and I got everything settled with NYC and whatnot. I did not say in my last blog that I didn't want to move there... it's like this one time when I was in middle school, Alice (my mom's girlfriend at the time) said, "let's go to Chinese". So I was thinking "Chinese" in my head... thinking about what I might order, how it would taste, etc... then at the last minute she changed her mind and said "Let's go to Jumpin' Catfish!" -- Now, for those who know me know that I don't eat seafood, so you can imagine my shock... but it wasn't just that, it's that I was expecting Chinese and I got seafood. (Of course I didn't order seafood.)

It wasn't that I was necessarily 'disappointed' per se... it's just that I was thinking and planning for Los Angeles. As I had explained, I love New York and I'll be more stoked to move there when I visit in Jan/Feb but it was just new.

I think I'm probably running myself in circles here.

I want to move where my friends are... I love NY. I love LA. I could really care less where I move... I will be happy either way... now I'm just going to start fantasizing about NY instead of LA, that's all... which will only get me more stoked.

Secondly, I love -- scratch that... I adore Las Vegas... but there's no way in hell I would ever live there. It's a dirty city ran by money and booze. It's one of those places you visit but would never stay. It's literally a piece of land in the middle of the fucking desert, so thanks, but no thanks.

Lastly, my blog was really only a reason for me to post the three photos that I did and then all I got was what I got. I'm not calling myself ungrateful here, I'm just saying is all. I don't want a whole comment, speil or email about how this this that with my blog or whatever... I adore your comments, if you stopped commenting, I would probably stop blogging because, well, what would be the point? But I take careful consideration into what photos I should post because I don't post them for me... I post them for you.

Either way... moving on.

Went to see Batman for the 9th time today. It was just as unexpected as you think! LOL Today I really soaked him in... not that I hadn't before... but people had said "wow, he's really scary as the Joker" but I never saw it because I kept trying to think about what he was thinking about, I kept trying to get under his costume and makeup and see Heath... this time I let it lead me, like a song... I just took him in and yes, he was really scary. Maybe not so much "scary" as very intimidating.

Ahh, let's talk about Heath some more for a moment, shall we?

I haven't read the book that Gemma sent me yet. I thought I would just read it all in one day when I got it, but I think I'm avoiding reading it because I know I'll bawl and then it'll be like, it's over... I keep saying that "if I do this, then it's over, then it's final"... I've said that with many things... but now I'm beginning to wonder if it'll ever be over.

I have said to myself that once I get my tattoo that I can maybe "move on" from his death, or at least accept closure. I am not sure if that is the case. I am not sure if I care any more tho... having that tattoo is my way of carrying him with me. That's all I really want.

I think that once I go to New York and see where he lived, see where he wrote Matilda's name in the wet cement, eat at his restaraunt, walk the streets where he walked, that I'll be able to put something behind me... but really, I know deep in my heart -- what I've always known deep in my heart and what Jennifer was counting on -- that seeing all that will only make me long for NYC more and more.

...I think I'm going to try to talk Jennifer into taking her birthday trip up to NY a week early so that I can be in the city on the anniversary of when he died. Is that morbid? Is it completely fucked up for me to want to be outside his apartment on the day he died? Oh god, it is...

Watching his movies, seeing his photography and learning as much as I can about him while seeing every known photo of him has drawn me to him in the only way I can describe - like a magnet. For whatever reason, he's the most important person to me right now... and he's not even here.

I found this link to a dedication video for Heath from his friends. It features video of Heath directing (which he was just starting to tap his talent for), Heath and Matilda (of course she was his world) Heath taking photos and photos that Heath had took (photography was his favorite hobby outside of chess) and Heath acting (which we all know he was pro at.)

It touched me deeper than any other thing I've viewed on him.

Enjoy.

http://wearethemasses.com/dedicationheath/index.html



I love this pic because it gives me the feeling that I'm spying in on his private moment to himself...

He seems vulnerable to me here.

xoxox

I Eat Antipasta Twice Just Because She Is So Nice...

"Boys and girls pretend to know me, they try so hard
And I get what I want, my name is my credit card
Don't try to hate me because I am so popular..."

I started this page to make a blog hours ago... for some reason today I don't have the right words, so I think I'll just leap and start typing.

I put the stickers on the van today. I realize that I promised to show you pics of the outside of it, but keep in mind that Jenn has the car from 5a-1a when she's working, thus I cannot take pics. LOL I reckon I could have taken pics of it when I was putting the stickers on it, but I just didn't.

Jenn said, "no more eBay until after Vegas..." oops... I'm bidding on 5 auctions... I get bored and wander over there... LOL But!! Nothing I'm bidding on is more than $3. ;-) I'm a smart eBayer.

Today is 14 days until Vegas. You have no idea how nervous/anxious/scared/excited/stoked I am. No idea...

Talked to Rae for a hot second today... new plan. I think LA is out the window now... Now I think we're moving to New York. Honestly? I don't think I'm ready for NYC, I think it'll be more expensive than Jennifer or Rae realizes, but what can I say? I'm outnumbered. Sure, we can spend the same amount on rent that we were planning to for LA, but we're also going to get a smaller place... I just need space for my studio and I'll shut up.

Jenn can't wait to take the train everyday... I don't mind the train, but I adore my car. I can't live without a car... driving is what clears my head, you can't take that away from me.

I'm not knocking moving to New York -- so don't think that, I've got three years to go and we're going to NY in Jan/Feb and after I'm there again I will feel better about it... I was just severely looking forward to being surrounded by beautiful beaches, dolphins, nice people, driving distance to Las Vegas, glitter, vegetarians, and all that Hollywood has to offer.

There are many things for me to look forward to in New York. Jenn wants to move there, Rachel wants to move there and my friends are more important to me than where I live.

Jenn and I were going over outfit options together today... I *think* I might be alright on em. I think I'm only going to be able to afford one new dress before Vegas... or a pair of pants.

I'm hungry... as people like to point out, that's my own fault. I wish some people would just stop eating for one or two days to see how refreshing it is... anyhowwww...

I think I'm just getting myself in trouble with this blog.

Pics:::



No, the lips aren't a manipulation... they were *really* that color.



Showed that one to Jenn... I just stare at it. It's a part of him, he took that. It's not like the photography is outstanding or I'm just amazed at it, I'm just in awe that it's his. (Although I do like the texture of it.)

Then Jenn pointed this out...



It's how I do.

Clip of the Day:



*this is where my blog title comes from*

Oh Momma, Zooma Zooma...

Peace

xoxox

Conversations With Heath

"Held to the past too aware of the pending
Chill as the dawn breaks and finds us up for sale
Enter the fog another low road descending
Away from the cold lust, you house and summertime"

First of all I want to thank Kim and Mistaaay for reading my bloggage. ;-) It's great to know I have more followers. Now comment, dammit! LOL

I always think that I'm going to blog on Wednesday's and Thursdays, but in actuality, you should never expect one from me on these days. It's Jennifer's only days off and so I spend most of my time with her.

The only time I even got on my computer these past two days was Wednesday night to buy Jenn's plane ticket home from Las Vegas and to pay for two Heath things on eBay. I can't wait to get them!!! Casanova on DVD and an unread copy of Heath's last GQ cover. (Most of which on eBay are going for upwards of $40 -- I bout mine for $6.50 cuz I'm a rockstar.)

Wednesday's are becoming my new favorite day. Jenn and I went up to Target in Liberty to order her new glasses. I helped her pick out the cutest Isaac Mizrahi frames evar. We asked about ordering me new contacts before Vegas and apparently my perscription was old so I had to go back Thursday for an appt. I hateeeeee eye appts. But this new doctor I have is really nice and he gave me a trial pair of contacts that are like, super new. They have only been on the market for 3 months and they're super cool!!

So Wednesday Jennifer goes into work to get her check and I stayed out in her parents van that has been on loan to us since Jenn wrecked the car -- I was listening to the radio and I heard Kelly Urich (the only DJ I'm still friends with at the station I used to work at) say that the Veronica's were in studio and they were opening for Hanson tonight!! I practically screamed! Jenn comes back out and I tell her. She called Kelly and asked for tickets... well, ask and you shall recieve. :D We got 12th row seats!!


Jenn and I at the show.

I had to coach her on how to do the rockstar and then you couldn't even see it in the photo!! LOL

I am in loveee.







They were just the most adorable thing ever.


She called me babe. ;-)



Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!

Oi! Oi! Oi!


Love herr.


Some of the pics have a bit of a green tinge to them because I was lazy and clicked "auto" instead of just editing the colors myself to lighten them... deal with it.





HOT




I got a guitar pick from each of the boys. ;-)







So Jennifer's parents were very upset with us because we were supposed to go get our new van on Wednesday right as Jenn was getting Hanson tickets. So we had to push it back to Thursday... I don't really see what the problem is... we had unforseen circumstances... you're allowed to cancel plans with people when it comes to bands you used to be OB-sessed with... right?

Anyhow, I was bored, just got my contacts and so I took these on the way to get the van. LOL



I was super happy to be able to wear sunglasses again!!

Oh and I was wearing my OLD contacts to the Hanson concert, and actually in the process of putting my right eye in I don't know what the fuck happened but it felt like someone took a pen to my eyeball, it was horrendous.


We got the van and it's actually pretty freaking cool. I'm putting all my stickers on it when Jenn gets home. Those PETA stickers that I told y'all about back in July, actually. ;-) It drives really nice, it's got a CD player, AC and um... tonsssss of space. TONSA.

This is a pic of me in the new van cheesin. LOL I still haven't taken a pic of the outside, perhaps with the stickers. LOL



So speaking of space in the van -- we were at the Hanson show, Veronica's had just performed and we had been up by the merchandise -- Jenn got a keychain -- any we were looking at the backs of the shirts and I had told Jennifer about how Ingram Hill was going to be up in Wisconsin in November or so and on the shirt Hanson is going to be in Wisconsin or Chicago or something in November... so we're at our seats and Jenn asks me what day Ingram Hill's show is...

First of all, I can't stand it when she just asks me random things like that. Like, we'll be in the car or whatnot and I'll mention something, like "oh I looked up plane tickets to Australia..." and she wants the EXACT price for it, she wants to know EXACT everything... and hello?! I don't know my own phone number. So I was like, "yeah, I totally memorized all that shit..." and so I look it up on my phone and they aren't close enough together to make the treck up north for either of the bands, butttttttt while I was on Ingram Hill's myspace I GASPED!!! Ingram Hill will be in Lawrence (45 mins) on November 17th @ the Granada (small awesome club)!!!! I DIEDDDD.

Not that I really gave her a choice, but Jenn said that we could go. ;-) Ooh, we need to buy tickets soon... probably won't happen until after Vegas, but oh well. (16 days til Vegas!) We're going to go there superrrr early and camp out. I am determined to be the very first fucking person in line, the first person in the front row and I will marry Justin. Okay, maybe not that last part... but all the stuff before that. ;-) I am stoked. I saw them LAST November, actually too... When they opened for Hanson. LOL

Hanson is ironically how I got interested in Ingram Hill. Back in 04 I went to their show -- a fall show, what's with Hanson and touring in the fall? LOL And Ingram Hill was the opening act and I fell in LOVE. It sealed the deal when they said they were from Memphis and the lead singers name was Justin. I fainted. LOL Okay, not really. LOL

*thinks* Wow, I've seen Hanson 6 times. More times than I ever thought I would.

Anyhowwww...

When I got home I had some wonder wonderful happen. I was so happy because I rushed home so that Jenn and I wouldn't miss Ugly Betty or Grey's Anatomy (which both weren't as fantastic as I thought they would be. UB was a huge letdown.) And what's sitting on my porch?!?! The HL book that Gemma had sent me! :D I literally screamed.

This was like, moments after I opened it, hence the goof smile. LOL



During the commercials of my shows I flipped through the book and read some Heath quotes and looked at all the photos.

I cannot express enough -- I adore him. Adore. Love is too soft for how I feel for him.

This is where the title of my blog title comes from... I realize how crazy I'll sound, but this isn't for you, this is for me.

Here's a few of my favorite quotes of his from the book...

"People always feel compelled to sum you up, to presume that they have you and can describe you. That's fine. But there are many stories inside of me and a lot I want to achieve outside of one flat note."

You are so right, Heath. I've tried for months, probably years to describe you and it's one of the hardest things I've ever done. I agree with you that people always think that they know you. People do that to me, when in reality you may think I tell you everything, but honestly? You know nothing.

"My parents left my soul and spirit untouched. They gave me nothing but confidence andlove. And I think that's all you need. As long as you're surrounded by love, it gives you the confidence to do anything."

I am really trying to understand this one, actually, Heath. I almost feel that this quote is above my head. What do you mean they left your soul and spirit untouched? Like, they didn't try and mold you into who they wanted you to be? They left you alone, loved you and let you become who you became? Wow, that's very lucky. I truly admire that person that you became. You are a very good man.

"I'm not good at future planning. I don't plan at all. I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow. I completely live in the now, not the past, not in the future."

This is something that you're teaching me. I'm not a good planner, so I'm just scrapping the whole thing. I really admire this quote from you because I aspire to do this in my own life.

"If you just be safe about the choices you make, you don't grow."

That's true, sometimes I forget to let go and let the wind take me. It seems like you do that a lot. I would like to have that trait of yours. To learn to just be free...

"When it's true love, it feels like something you're rekindling, as if you've met the person before."

I've tried my whole life to describe what love is, to wonder if I've had it... but they say if you have to wonder, then you haven't been in love. You just successfully described love for all it's worth in one sentence. I hope one day to know what that's like.

"Music is such a pure expression of a song from the soul. It's always been a key that unlocked or enabled me to express anger or pains of any sort. It's always been a wonderful door opener for me in terms of being able to express, creatively and personally."

This one I definitely understand. Music has been one of the things that's most helped me to cope with losing you. Although it's been hard to listen to some songs, I feel that sometimes you have to burn through the pain to get to the joy on the other side.

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date;
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st:

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,

So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

-Sonnet 18 read by Michelle Williams at Heath's funeral.

Well how about some happies now?


Can't go wrong with Chihuahua!

She does be the prettiest.

I think that's all for today. I was going to post a couple new Heath pics that I got, but I think I'll just leave you wanting more Heath. LOL You got quite a lot of him today.

xoxox

*I can't remember what you said, but I'll never forget the look on your face.

Here Comes The Sun

"Slow down you crazy child,
You're so ambitions for a juvenile,
But then if you're so smart,
Tell me why are still so afraid?
Where's the fire? What's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out
You've got so much to do and only so many hours in a day..."

Scale has been pitting against me the past two days. I'm mad at it and I will seek revenge.

Today, besides the number on the scale, has been good. I made something, which I will show you later in this post -- and I received two wonderful things in the mail! WOO! Gemma had made me a card on moonpig.com or something like that with manipulations and it was pretty sweet. ;) It's huge actually, and I didn't know that it wasn't going to be the size of a normal card. LOL Surprised me... LOL

Also! I got Brokeback Mountain in the mail today!! WOO! *swoons* Heath sure is something else. It really wasn't fair for him to lose the Oscar... I mean, Phillip Seymore Hoffman is an incredible actor, (I particularly liked him in Almost Famous) but Heath was just... incredible in Brokeback. Incredible... I may have to watch that one tonight.

Speaking of tonight, it's the start of Dancing with the Stars!! Go Lance! Don't forget to vote for my boy!!

I was thinking last night and when Joe was on DWTS, Justin was on tour and all the other boys came out to support Joey, but Justin couldn't obviously because of his hectic shedule, well now I was thinking if Justin was going to come out to Dancing and support Lance? I mean, either way... he's dammed if he does, dammed if he doesn't.

If he does then people will write about how he didn't come out to see Joey and blah blah blah...

If he doesn't, maybe because he is busy with the tournament, maybe he's busy with his side projects, maybe he doesn't think it would be fair to Joey if he went to support Lance -- whatever the reason, then people will write about how he just plain doesn't care about NSYNC boys anymore. I mean, I remember when Joe was on there and how they made a huge deal about all the others coming to see him but Justin couldn't show... well maybe you don't know the whole story, baby?!

Today is 19 days until Vegas and today it sort of just slapped me in the face. I need to jump start my game... :S I remember Vegas last time like it was yesterday but Jesus, it was practically two years ago, if you believe that!! We were there January 19, 2007! That's too long to go without some Vegas! Luckily, this time, the longest we'll have to wait is for the next October to roll around! ;) And, if you didn't catch that by now... YES, we're going to all FIVE years of Justin's golf tournament.

Of course, going to Justin's golf tournamanet every year puts a damper on our other travel plans. We have plans to go to San Fransisco, (I think? It's where Jenn's people live. Free place means I must travel) Hawaii (again, more of Jenn's people) and I don't think I can wait five years to go see Gemma or Australia. It's just not going to happen...

I can't believe that I actually have a five year plan. Three years or so from now we'll be in LA [with Rachel, Rachel, Rachel, Rachel!] and that scares me... not the moving to LA part -- but the plans part. I've never really been a plans person. I'm more of a lets-make-plans-then-throw-them-out-the-window-person. LOL

[I can't wait to move to LA and live with Rachel because then I can wake up every morning and jump on her bed. She thinks she loves me now!! Ha! She's never lived with me! You're bout to get sick of me, sweetheart!]

Also in my five year plan is of course to lose all my weight -- which isn't going to take five years... to have my recording studio up and fully running -- again, that's not going to take five years and to just plain be happy. I don't want to have to want to make any more changes in my life. I want to be happy with things the way they are. That sounds like bliss to me.

The next few months are going to be hella busy. Well, first off - Vegas for a week in 19 days - Kristi is going to look after Miss Bellarita. We're leaving her here at home and Kristi is going to come by each day and bring in the mail, check the house, feed and water Bella, spend time with her and stuff... I really can't think Kristi enough for doing this for us. I was going to leave her with my Aunt Laura, who lives three hours away, but it had actually come to my attn that that might not be the best idea, so that was when I started looking for a new person to watch her. Then it just dawned on me like bam! I should leave her here anyways because she gets such bad anxiety when she's staying with other people. She won't eat and she shakes all the time... so it's best if Kristi just come by each day and spend time with her here.

I've already decided that next year we're going to road trip out there so we can take Bella. I can't think about not having her here for a week without me. I need my Bella. So next year we're going to take her with.

Speaking of road trips, Jenn and I might be making a road trip out to LA in late February for the Oscars... we'll see if I win the bleacher seats. ;-) If I do well then balls awesome woo!!

Before that, of course is when we're going to New York for Jenn's birthday. I just asked Jennifer if she wanted to drive to NYC for her birthday... why not? We're getting our new van on Wednesday and this way I could take Bella. Our hotel accepts pets. ;-) Of course then we have to find parking. Ick. But we're just there a couple days, won't be that bad... ahh, we'll see. Either way we're going and I'm stoked.

I was more excited for New York than Vegas because of the Heath, but then today came and I realized just how close it is for us to go to Vegas and I got excited. :D

Anyhow, I'm rambeling...

Here's your "of the day":





I made this -- watch it.

xoxox

OMG. I can't wait for my birthday.