Turn My Back & Run Away

"Far away,
This ship is taking me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die..."

I keep meaning to blog again, or starting a blog and then getting sidetracked by something shiny - so sorry for the delay.

Heath day was not quite as painful as I was bracing myself for. I bought his Entertainment Weekly cover, but I can't bare to read it just yet.

Matilda died on the 21st... I had to bury her the 22nd and that was just awful. We said some nice words for her and had a couple moments of silence for her. I really am going to miss her. I've never lost a pet before. :-(

I'm not sure if I'll get another bunny, and if I did - it wouldn't be for at least a year. Then we'll see where I'm at.

Jenn and I are focusing more on getting things ready to move than moving them. We're going to move everyday from the 28th-1st.

Speaking of the 1st. Jenn's manager called a few days ago and told her that she could no longer have the 31st and the 1st off. (The 31st is Justin's birthday, the 1st is Jennifer's and we always go out on the 31st and then do a shot at 11:59 for Justin and a shot at midnight for Jennifer.)

Since we have to be out of our house by the 1st, she opted to close on the 31st. :-( And since we're going to be spending all day the 1st moving out and cleaning the house, Jenn isn't going to have a birthday.

We were going to go over to her parents on the 1st (which happens to be the super bowl... again...) and I was going to make Alfredo and cake, but now Jenn and her parents are on the outs... again...

See the other day when Jenn went to talk to her parents about our situation her parent's said, "we're just here to listen and to offer advice... we're not going to do anything... we're just listening." So then they talked for a while and their [bright] idea was for us to stay here until the summer and then move -- to pay just a little on the things we owed and to keep in contact with the people like the electric, rent, water, gas, cell phone... and if we did that then they wouldn't cut them off. (How naive are Jenn's parents, really?)

Anyhow, so Jenn and I had already had this 'backup' plan to just turn off all our bills and pay down on them while living in a hotel. (How are our bills going to go down if they're still accumulating?)

So she calls her mom the other day and officially tells her what we're doing and her mom blows up at her! She calls her yesterday and now her dad isn't speaking to her and her mom's still mad because she "didn't listen to our advice..."

IF IT WAS ADVICE, WHY ARE YOU MAD WE DIDN'T TAKE IT???

It was just advice... they weren't forcing it on her. They're just mad that they can't control her anymore. She's a week away from 24 for fuck's sake!

What were they going to do for us when we got evicted? When our gas was turned off and we had to pay a $400 deposit that we can't afford before we could turn it back on? I know they aren't going to give us anymore money...

I get it -- I really honest to god get it -- we've fucked up.

We have had a good thing going for us many times and we burned it. I get it...

Moving really is going to help us. It'll help us so much that we'll be back on our feet [with bells on] in 2 weeks. Seriously. I'm not joking here, it's going to be awesome. I wouldn't be planning all this future stuff if I couldn't honestly afford it. That was Jodie-2007, and I don't care for her much anymore. Jodie-2009 is much smartered. ;-)

Everyone's mad at us right now. Her parents are mad at us because we keep fucking up and they just can't understand how this will work. My mom is mad at me because she doesn't want me to live out of a hotel. She recommended that I either move back to Wamego with Daddy, move in with her and take a "real" job working for the man -- or [?] pack up everything I can in the van and move to California and camp it out for a while. (Sounds a bit backwards to me, but gotta love her for trying.)

I just plain refuse to move back to Wamego. It took me 11 years to get out of there and if I go back now I'll never leave.

I'm not moving in with my Mom and Pam -- they have 3 cats, for one -- and two? I'm 24. When I was 18 I promised myself I would never fuck up so much that I had to move back home. I refuse to fail. Yes, I have too much pride, thanks.

The California thing? I don't want to just camp out, if I was going to pack up the van and straight up flee to anywhere (LA, Vegas, NYC, Forks Washington, LOL) -- doesn't matter where, if I was going to do that for anywhere I wouldn't just up and move without some cash. Jobs are easy to find, but I would have to have some back up cash.

*deep sigh*

There's just so much here that I wish I could share. So much talk is going on between Jennifer and I right now and so many plans are slowly getting set in concrete. There's going to be a lot of unhappy people here in the next 7 months, but in the end of it all, WE will be happy, and in the end of it all, that's what really matters, right?

Enough about all that... hints in the playlist. ;-) You're smart! I won't say anymore about it, no matter who you are.

Let's just call it a day.

Playlist

1. Starlight - Muse
2. Bright Lights - MB20
3. Cruz - Christina Aguilera
4. Waking Up In Vegas - Katy Perry
5. California Waiting - Kings of Leon

I see that the format from blogger doesn't really allow the last song on the playlist to show. You can go about listening to it one of two ways. You can click on #4 and then click the "next" button, or you can actually just barely click on the song itself. Sorry... blame blogger.



xoxox