Ohh...

"I said I don't want nobody
Nobody don't want me
I'm so sad, so lonely
I'm always landing on my feet"

Sorry I didn't blog yesterday... yesterday was a crazy day.

Before work I had a panic attack and so I took half of a Klonopin and went to work. By the time I got to work and started working I had wished I took a whole one. I was just not dealing very well at all.

They put me in the window because that's what I'm best at and I swear I wanted to scream at every customer and throw drinks at them. I just wasn't doing very well and felt like I wasn't in my body.

So I asked Jennifer to move me from customer service to running for drive thru so I didn't do or say something to a customer that I would regret.

So I'm running for drive thru and I'm trying so hard to keep myself composed but it's being very hard. I'm having nervous twitches and trying hard not to scream at people.

I'm the kind of girl to where, if I'M doing something, then just let me do it, don't help me... DONT HELP ME. If I want help I'll ask for help. I don't need help running, I can do it by myself. And the other manager, Beth, doesn't put the fry scooper back where it belongs, she just lays it in the bed with the fries and that makes it hot and then when I go to grab it, it's hot.

Just let me do my job.

I kept telling Jenn, "I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart..." and she told me that I was going on break next and so finally I went on break and I just went to the car and cried and cried and screamed... over basically nothing...

So then I went inside and I asked Jennifer if I could go home to get more Klonopin or Xanax... it's about an hour round trip, but I told her if I didn't have anything that I wasn't going to make it... or I was just going to go home and leave for the day. She told me that I could go home and get it.

So I cried and screamed the entire way home. I was so anxious and nervous, I just didn't feel like me...

I got home and knew where my Klonopin was but I hadn't seen my Xanax in a while so I tore the house apart looking for it and finally I found it in the medicine drawer. I don't put ANYTHING in there, so it made me feel like Jennifer intentionally hid it from me... even though now I see that she probably didn't.

So I cried some more and Bella licked my tears and then I took half of a Klonopin and started to feel better so I went back to work. When I got to McD again I took a Xanax and made it through the rest of my shift.

I'll bet people thought I was stoned. I wasn't moving so fast and I wasn't responding too well to people. LOL But it felt good. Felt better to be like that rather than feel like I was going to come out of my skin.

Next subject.

Doing my hair on Wed... or at least buying the stuff to do my hair... I have one box of kinda goldenish blonde with just a tint tint tint tint tint of red. Hardly noticible which I like...

Apparently like EVERYONE hates the black and blonde thing, so I'll just be normal. Blonde. I already rocked that look, so why go back anyhow, right? Plus, black is so hard to lift.

I've got 3 people who's hair I love (in these specific photos... not saying I always love their hair...)

Now, here's what I love about these photos/celebs hair... I love the color, the style and the cut all in one. So collectivly I want to take all 9 of these photos and make it my hair. Gotcha??

Consider this pics of the day. ;-)

Bridget: Mah girl... we're so the same but different.


She's got long hair like mine, but I think her's is a few inches longer. She's got the blonde blondest out of these girls.



Bitch has the cutest body ever and makes roots look good!!!



I love this picture the most because it shows the definition in her hair color. It shows she's got lightest blonde, golden blonde and a lil light brown in there too... which is probably what my hair will end up like. I always have a thousand colors in my hair. LOL


Britney: Bitch used to have killer hair... now her weave scares me. Seriously B... get strand by strand extensions, not that cheap shit. Your hair used to rock my face.


I'm loving the golden blonde and platinum blonde here in her hair. That's what I'm going to try for, I believe.



I love her bangs. I need to trim mine so badly!!! They're so long I can put them into my ponytails!!! (Alright, the ponies on top of my head, but still!!!) I haven't cut my bangs in forever... just haven't really had anything important to do so no reason to do my hair... now I have Omaha (6) and LA (25)!



One of my ABSOLUTE favorite photos of Britney... I love the straight straight (even though it's a little too short for me...) and her makeup is so Jodie. Here she's got light blonde and platinum and I love that, but I don't have the talent to get that on my own and on the first try... so maybe next time. ;-)


Jessica: Jessica's best friend is her hair stylist. How unfair is that? Damn. And he's gaymayzing. My God... above the other girls Jessica's hair is the most I want to emulate. Her hair is freaking perfect. Style, cut, color... hell her hair has its own attitude. God Bless Ken.


This photo is incredible. She looks so thin, plus she's got the most perfect golden blonde and hightlights. The volume and bounce in her hair is so sexy and she's very "Farrah" here.



My hair will probably end up like this, blonde on top (sort of just one color... you can tell it's not, its got just a few high tones... but mostly just one color) and then darker golden blonde on the bottom. The bottom of my hair has always been darker than the top, which I hate... but I guess if I ended up like this it would NOT be the end of the world!!



She's so cute here! Here you can tell her hair has a little more definition and really that's what I want.

Golden blonde, blonde and platinum. Yep. Alright. I hope it works.

What do y'all think????

xoxox