I'm Gonna Fight Em Off

"I am the damage, I am the relief
Sometimes I'm people,
I never hoped that I would be
If I take in whatever they turn out
Then what's that gonna make me now?
Don't you understand?
I'm not real anymore,
I am an illusion..."

I am burning my Heath mix CD... songs that can't help but remind me of him. Here's how it goes... some of them were associated with him, some of them were written for him and then some were played at his funeral.

Australia - The Shins
Seven Nation Army - White Stripes
Here Comes The Sun - The Beatles
The Times They Are A Changing - Bob Dylan
The Past and Pending - The Shins
These Days - Powderfinger
Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd
Superstition - Stevie Wonder
River Man - Nick Drake
Morning Yearning - Ben Harper
Bulletproof Weeks - Matt Nathanson
Who You'd Be Today - Kenny Chesney
Ol Man River - Paul Robenson
Crystal - Fleetwood Mac
You Are Mine - Mute Math
Happy Ever After In Your Eyes - Ben Harper

What's your favorite song on the list? Or which song reminds you the most of Heath Ledger?

Well, this morning Jennifer quit her 2nd McDonalds job. She's just been getting more and more burnt out on McD. I don't blame her. From 5a-1230a everyday she lived and breathed McD... she will for a minute get to spend more time with me which makes me happier, but she is looking for another job.

You know, some people get confused and twisted thinking that Jennifer works two jobs to pick up for my slack, or because she doesn't make enough at the first job, which is complete shit. This girl has worked two jobs since she was 16 years old... it's just what she does. She's an Aquarius they're workaholics who don't know how to stop... do you think that Justin works all the time because he needs the money? No... it's just in his nature. If it were up to me she would just work one job because then I would get to spend more time with her... so I hope that I have finally set the record straight.

Imma miss when Jenn quits McD all together... I love free specialty coffees. ;-)

You know, I put an obscene amount of lotion on my feet every night before bed and fuck me, they're dry.

Wanna hear something weird? You don't really have a choice, I'm going to tell you anyhow...

So Bella did something unthinkable the other day -- I'm not going to tell you what it was because it's disgusting... anyhow, so she was a very, very bad girl... so bad that I decided to cage her for a while -- so I put her into her cage and she didn't fight it and she just laid right down and was quiet until Jennifer came home... wtf? I can lock her in the bathroom or something and she will bitch moan and cry until she's unbearable to listen to anymore... Anyone wanna help me out with that?? LOL

I finally loaded my videos from Vegas to my youtube. You can access them through my acct or here's the direct link to what I have. Comments = Love.

Like I Love You, End of Like I Love You, Ayo, This Love, Esmee and Justin's duet, and Cry Me A River. CMAR and Esmee's song with Justin (which he wrote for her new album) are the only full clips.

Let me know what you think... also on my acct there are two Boyz II Men clips. End of the Road and Motown Philly.

So tonight in celebration of Jennifer not having to get up early tomorrow we're gonna get drunk and karaoke with Jasmine and her peeps that are apparently living at her house with her or something... *shrugs* Who knows... More the merrier or something like that.

I've said it for years and years but I'm not an intermediate partier... I like either small groups or 2-4 or huge parties of 20-100... Anywhere from 5-49 people and I just get anxiety, so we'll see how tonight works out, I'm not sure how many people are going to be there... *worries*



Jennifer has decided that she doesn't want to go to NYC for her birthday anymore... I suggested we go to Pebble Beach for the PGA tournament out there once I heard at the golf clinic that Justin was going to be there and so she's pushed NYC back until Heath's birthday... which actually kinda works out for me... I get to see Justin just 10 days or so after his birthday and I get to be "with" Heath on his.

Heath will wait for me.

Okay that last part sounded a lil crazy.

xoxox