I'll Be The Melody, You Be My Drum

"She's so magic to me
Strangest things have happened
The way that you react to me
I wanna do something you can't imagine..."

I know I'm getting old... my knees and hips pop all the time. I have had knee issues for the longest time, but it's all getting worse lately. When I'm sitting cross legged my knee will get really tight and I haveeee to stretch it out. The other major concern with it is when I'm laying in bed it needs to be popped nearly constantly.

*worries* That's not good.

Last night we were supposed to do some drinking and more karaoking at Jasmine's but decided to forgo it and turn in early... I think we're going to do that tonight though. Jasmine came by earlier to ask if she could do a couple loads of laundry and expressed that she wanted us to come over and drink tonight and whatnot. :-D

*heavy sigh*

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and while I'm not actually sure where I wanna go with that I felt nearly compelled to tell you.

I've just been thinking so hard about what I want out of life... Unfortunately, most of that has to do with how people perceive me. I listed all those things in my blog the other day of what I want to be "when I grow up", and I really thought that somehow that might help me get closer to touching them.

I really want to be liked... loved... understood. I want to be somebody, but unfortunately you can't be somebody in someone's eyes unless you have a career. It's all defined by what you do. When making small talk, what do you say? "What's your name? What do you do for a living?" That's almost always the 2nd or 3rd question someone asks you... and sure they might not actually give a damn, but it's just what they define you by.

You job speaks levels about you.

"What do you do?"
"I work for McDonalds."
Translation [to them]: "I don't make much money and I don't have many career goals in life. I have never been to college."

"What do you do?"
"I'm a doctor."
Translation: "I make lots of money and I am probably better than you. I don't have time for this conversation."

"What do you do?"
"I'm a teacher."
Translation: "I care more about others than I do about myself and I look forward to shaping the young minds of America."

I've told people when I worked for McDonalds that I worked for McDonalds. I saw the cringe on their face. "Yeah... what do you do there?" Translation: "I feel really bad for you and I'm just trying to keep this conversation going."

When people ask me what I do, I tell them I'm a singer. 99% of them get that twinge in their voice that makes it go up a few notes to indicate their surprise. "Really?! Wow..." Then 70% of them respond back with this question: "Where do you sing?"

What the fuck?

The first couple times that I got that response I was taken aback and unprepared for an answer so, as usual, I pulled something out of my ass... Now I'm prepared.

"Um... *look at them like their stupid* Nowhere... I am/was signed to a record label and am currently recording/writing my album."

"Ohhhh..."

I guess I'm just not like some people and I don't really see the point of them asking that question. Anyhow... I understand that people are "defined" by their jobs, but... why?

I've been getting back into my eBaying again. haha. woo!

Well, I reckon I don't need to type a whole lot here...

Have a good night.

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Happy third birthday, Matilda! I hope you get [almost] everything you asked for, though I know one thing on your list that you can't have. It must be so hard to celebrate it without your Daddy. I know that he's thinking of you and watching over you on this fabulous day. The birthday's will get better, I promise. My first birthday without both my parents was also my third... Love and hugs.

xoxox