"They say your head can be a prison,
Then these are just congeal visits,
People will dissect us,
Till this doesn't mean a thing anymore..."
Actual personal journal entry:
I've always known that I would die young.There are many things that are important to me, and many things that are not. I would do nearly anything to have a child of my own. To get married and have an eternal companion sounds blissful.I imagine I will not make it to 30. I am scared of death. Not the dying - but after. If people will remember me or I'll get to keep my memories.
I have visions that I will join the 27 club. That doesn't give me much time. I would think that people would call my life a "waste" since I've accomplished so little in the time that was allotted to me, but in reality, I've done many things. No, I don't have any awards and my name isn't in bright blinking lights - but I have traveled many places, I've met many outstanding people, I have loved and been loved... There's still so much I have yet to accomplish; there's many more things on my to-do list - but just promise me that after I'm gone you won't call my life a "waste".
Isn't it incredible how we continue to make plans for the future when not even our next breath is promised to us? Not our next breath... let alone tomorrow or 5 months from now. My schedule is planned out to the end of 2010. Many plans are written in stone, plans that I would sooner die than break - but whatif it's not up to me? What if something were to happen to me a week from now and I couldn't make it to this long list of plans?
...Some would continue on without me, some wouldn't. I guess that's something I'm terrified about - the fact that although my personal world has ended, others will continue. Other worlds that revolve around my friends and family will continue to turn. It's bizarre.
How do you feel about death? Do you have a feeling about when you will die? How do you want to go? (It's inevitable people! Don't say in your sleep, that rarely happens.)
For me? Blaze of glory.
xoxox
2 comments:
Hey there.
The things you are questioning and thinking about are actually normal. I myself have not led an extraordinary life, but it has been filled with experience that have made me who I am today.....and on most days, I'm proud of that. You've read my blog so you know where my head goes at times. Yes, I think about death. I think about it way too much if you ask me. I don't want to go in my sleep. I want to go knowing I lived in the true sense of the word. I will never have children of my own, but I will have touched the lives of some children whose lives are better because I was part of their life. I don't particularly want to find a perfect mate. I feel like I have had my chance at love. I know what it's like to love and be loved. I don't need a man to make me a complete person, I already am one. I hope you'll pick a higher number than 30. I have a number, but it changes. Sometimes it's a year, sometimes it's day. Depends on where my head is. Most people don't get what you're talking about. I do. I think you are such an awesome example of life. I hope you keep being an example for a long time, until it is your time. Then, every life you touched will be part of your legacy. And all the lives touched by your legacy will pass that on. In a sense part of you will live forever and will never be forgotton because part of you will be passed on, long after future generations forget your name.
gosh wow what a powerful bloggage Jodie.. and exactly true for millions of ppl.
Isn't it incredible how we continue to make plans for the future when not even our next breath is promised to us?
THAT made me think
what do i think about death?
i try NOT to think about that. im not sure wether its because idk where i'll be going after, or if its the thought of leaving my kids behind. I think maybe the latter.
however i do believe in lost souls. everyone has a purpose in life, and if it isnt fulfilled while your still breathing then you simply stick around after life until its been done.
how do i want to die? u seriously want to know? in the ocean. thats it. idc how as long as its somewhere i love, and alone. i dont want anyone to see me die. i watched 3 ppl die right in front of my eyes and i never want to put my kids through that, even if they are all grown up.
after that? we find our loved ones that passed before us, and we just wander together on earth. watching the ppl we love come and go and spend the rest of eternity loving and being loved by those we missed the most.
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