"I don't hold my breath
& I don't hold my tongue
& I know that you know, that I don't back down to no one...
You shoulda stayed home,
You shoulda known better,
That I melt in your mouth like liquid sugar,
You thought you were gonna throw it back in my face,
But tell me how do my leftovers taste?"
Today Jennifer and I watched a show on TLC about these "super-morbidly obese" people. People who consume 16,000 calories + a day (the average male needs 2,500 to survive, the average female, 2,000) Some of these people were nearly 900 lbs. It was absolutely revolting to see the amount of food that they put into their bodies.
However... I did sympathize with some of the things they had to say about food. Saying that it's an addiction, it's just like heroin... you'll do anything to get your next fix. Some of these people's family were being pursueded by them to give them food.
Unfortunately I can relate to that.
There are so many people out there that probably don't understand how hard it is to stop eating. If it was so simple, do you think I would choose to be this way? Do you think I'm proud that I now have a new highest weight? No...
I'm terrified that one day I'll end up like one of those people on TV. Eating mass amounts of fried egg sandwiches and whole boxes of Oreo's... too huge to get out of my bed and I end up wearing a diaper... I've said to myself that I was never going to be one of those people, but then again - when I was 220 pounds I said I would never make it to 250... Now... now I would kill to be 220 pounds...
I'm scared...
I can keep saying I'm starting tomorrow... I'm not eating tomorrow... Tomorrow is a new day...
Fuck tomorrow.
I'm starting today.
Playlist:
1. My Leftovers - Porcelain & the Tramps (I fucking love this song, it's badass.)
2. Not Coming Home - Maroon 5 (I need a new M5 album.)
3. La La - Ashlee Simpson (I like her... shhh.)
4. I Miss You - Blink 182 (I am sooo stoked to see mah boys on the Grammy's!! Annnd, they're putting out a new album!)
I'm so stoked for the Grammy's tonight. :-) Rae and I are gonna date later and I've got my beers in a bath all set and ready for the big show!! (I promise I won't break the remote this time if Justin loses.)
xoxox
2 comments:
sometimes those that eat all the time, are often waited on hand on foot by a parent... i watched this one guy, he was 19. and weighed a ton. he was the way he was cos his mother did everything for him, and cooked him anything he wanted. her excuse? she lost a son when he was little so she was gonna do everything for her other son. sorry.. NOT the way to do.
theres never a tomorrow.. do it now. NOW
i love u and i read this blog LOL
unfortunately i get EVERYTHING you are going through...its so hard to watch shows like that..i get worried it might be one day and that ill be a lonely blob..i was doing pretty good over a year ago but fell off over personal issues..im taking a pe college class and hope my eating habits might change but my will power right now is weak but at least im a little active..good luck with everything jp!!!
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