A Very Important Day

"and tonight we're gonna party like it's 1999..."

I remember December 31, 1999 very well. It was a day that changed my life. I'm sure most people can say that about each New Years Eve - maybe they made mistakes that they would unmake if given the chance, maybe their lives were changed when someone drove drunk... mine was for the better.

Ten years ago today, I met my very best friend, Jennifer.

Jennifer is someone that I frequently blog about, sometimes it's about something ridiculous that she's said, sometimes it's because she's frustrated me beyond recognition, but without both of those things - she wouldn't be the Jennifer that I love.

For New Years Eve 1999, Jennifer and I were both invited by a mutual friend, Stephy, to her party. Jennifer had attended middle school with Stephy and I had freshman classes with her. She had tried to get us together before, thinking that we would really like each other - but it never happened. (It was my fault, not Jennifer's.)

I got to Stephy's party before Jennifer did, her family was just getting back from snow skiing *rolls eyes* and so she arrived a little late. I can vividly remember the moment that she walked in the door and set down her suitcase. She was in an NSYNC shirt and couldn't stop smiling. "Oh great," I thought to myself, "one of those *happy* people." I smiled at her, introduced myself and then walked off. I couldn't be bothered with the happy people.

We went up to Stephy's room and on her bulletin board there was a autographed pictured of NSYNC that I had given to her. Jennifer looked at it and her eyes got big and wide, her mouth hung open. Stephy told her that I had given it to her. Jennifer looked at me, eyes wide, mouth open. I smiled. I love making people feel like that... That utter shock that I did something, or they're just uber impressed, perhaps jealous.

We went down to the basement where I everyone had split into two groups. I was looking at a magazine, doodling and singing and Jennifer was over with Stephy and a few others, doing... well, I wasn't doing it, so I wasn't paying attention. In a moment of complete honesty, I will tell you something that I've never told anyone before. I wanted to be Jennifer's friend - she seemed popular and kinda cool... (she liked Lance, I liked Justin - this could work out) but I had forgotten her name. So I took my piece of paper and went over to her and sat down, asked everyone how they would "autograph" their name. Jennifer signed her name and I was like, "duh, Jennifer... what an easy name", in my head.

A few minutes later we went up the stairs and I followed Jennifer, I vividly remember as we got to the top of the stairs I said, "I think we clicked!!" Stephy's mom said, "who clicked?!" And I announced that Jennifer and I had.

Jennifer was wearing two necklaces. A "Lance" necklace and a "Justin" necklace. I told her I liked Justin and that I didn't have the necklace. She took it off and told me I could borrow it for the night.

We played makeup, Jennifer googly-eyed my pager (I had just turned 15 and I was so cool, I had gotten a pager for my birthday -- what the fuck does a 15 year old need to be paged for?!) and we talked about NSYNC. I explained that I loved NSYNC. That I loved Britney. But I hated them in the same sentence together.

At 15 we weren't thinking of the end of the world, so at midnight we all went outside barefoot and walked down the street. (I can't remember why.) Later Jennifer laid on the couch, said she wasn't feeling good and I sat on her. (LOL, Literally.) She called her parents and went home early, even after I begged her not to go.

I was sneaky... I hid her necklace under my tank top that I was wearing, I was planning on keeping it so that I would have a reason to call her. She left and later on (years later) would tell me that she never intended on asking for it back.

I called her the next day and we talked for hours and hours, she invited me to her birthday party a month later and that was the next time I saw her.

Jennifer I spent everyday on the phone together. It started out that she would call me when she got home (she got home after I did cuz she lived in BFE) and we would talk until dinner and then after dinner talk until bed time... we saw each other each weekend and then spent a few weeks together in the summer time... then once I got my car when I was 17, I drove down to get her from work... after I dropped out of school I would come and get her out of school early or she would sneak out of her house at 3a and we would go to Denny's.

We started talking on the phone for up to 12 hours a day. We would talk from the time she got home from school until she had to go to school again -- no sleep. (And then I wonder why Jennifer never wants to talk to me on the phone anymore!!)

Right after Jennifer graduated HS early she moved in with me. The longest time we've spent apart was the week that I was in LA and we talked every day. The longest time we've gone without seeing each other and without speaking was 5 days, 4 years ago... It was hell, but beyond our control.

Jennifer has become more than my best friend - she's my sister. She's my person. My companion. Once in a blue moon does a friend come along that "gets" you, better than you "get" yourself. And it just so happens that tonight, on our ten year anniversary, that it IS a blue moon. Lucky us! :)

I would say, "here's to another ten!" but honestly, that's not long enough.

Just you and me, kid. This world ain't big enough for us. I love you.

Jennifer and I, a month after meeting, on her birthday.

The Apple & The Tree

"...you make me feel alone..."

Alright, time to play ketchup! It's been a while... I went down to my Daddy's for Christmas and then of course we had what they will call The Christmas Blizzard of 09 and I got snowed in there for a few extra days. My step mom got snowed into Topeka and Jennifer got snowed into KC, so it was just my Daddy and I for a few days. It was actually really nice. :) We watched a lot of movies together and on Wednesday night we did his weekly bar thing... after which I wrote in my notebook something that I wanted to blog about when I got back.

Let me start with that...

I was thinking about how much we are alike our parents. Sure, we have features resembling them, and of course their morals are instilled in us, but how much do we really take after them?

I look exactly like my father. (They say that babies do that so the father will bond with them.) I wonder what it's like to look at myself through my fathers eyes when I look and act so much like him.

Both of my parents are tall, so it's no surprise that I'm 5'8". My dad was adopted, so I'm unsure of his background, but I'm fairly sure of some German and Native American. My Mama is pure Swedish. My dad has very dark, thick hair that grows quickly and my mama has blonde, thin hair. My mama's eyes are crystal blue and my dad's are hazel.

I turned up with dirty blonde hair, thick, grows very quickly. (About 6" just this last year) and green eyes. (Spent half my life with blue eyes and then sometime around 14 or so they changed to green.)

The purpose of this post came after I was watching TV at my dad's and I turned it off to go to bed. I stood up and I started talking to myself. It's not something I do unless I'm totally alone, I find it quite embarrassing, but I do it; so does my dad.

My father and I are also very reclusive. The same evening he asked me to call Pizza Hut because he hates phones. Little does he know I harbor the same fear.

I have my dad's sense of humor and an eclectic mix for both of their musical tastes. I have my mama's nerves, geekness, and anxiety. I also get my "powers" from my mama... (another subject for another day.) My driving skills definitely come from my father...

I guess this list of comparisons could go on and on. Of course there are some things that I'm original at.

I was BORN with a fashion sense... I have no idea where I got that from. I don't know how I ended up disliking television... both my parents adore it. I could live without it. Although I do like movies. I have an inner compass. I don't know so much about my dad on this one, but my mama gets lost and turned around easily. I love to travel... Definitely don't know where I got that one.

Never once did we go on a family vacation. We never traveled anywhere when I was younger and then somehow I grew up and I started going places. I adore it. I need to travel to be able to breathe. I have no idea how people can just stay put and be okay. There's so much world out there - I am determined to see as much of it as possible.

This has all been more of an open thought than a complete one... it's still processing. Most people can instantly tell you how they are like one parent more than the other... I'm still on the fence I suppose.

Alright... Christmas... let's see... Daddy got me an HD 1080p flatscreen with a DVD player and an iPod dock. :) It's absolutely fabulous. Fan-freaking-tastic. I haven't been over to my Mama's to have Christmas with her yet. I also got the book The Host by Stephenie Meyer from my step mom. :D And some lil things. My step mom gave Jennifer a badass penguin poster from National Geographic!! She adores it. She also got the book "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies." It's this guy who rewrites classics and puts like zombies and vampires into them. BADASS! I can't wait to read it.

Tomorrow is New Years Eve. I definitely have faith that this one will be better than last year. (If you knew what happened last year, you would agree.) Still not as amazing as it had planned out to be -- but plans change, right? I'm sure that Jennifer and I will still have a kick ass time. Tomorrow marks ten years that we will have known each other. Insane.

Pics of the Day:

My Mama and I being cheeseballs.

A telephone booth in a bar in Wamego. :)

The Nightmare Before Christmas

"I walk around and I feel so lost and lonely,

You're everything that I want,

But you don't want me..."

I've got a new slew of icons! I made that one up there yesterday from Jackson's movie, Dread. :) Thought that it fit well for today.

The Monkeys released some tour dates yesterday... 40 minutes after I found three of them. I was search-search-searching for Monkey leaks and I found the Austin, San Antonio and Tulsa dates before they were released... and then they had to go and dumb down my miraculous find by releasing the dates up until January 13th. LOL Oh well... Check out the dates here.

Today my Daddy is picking me up and taking me back to Wamego. First we're stopping in Topeka to go to the World Market with my step mom. I've decided that I'm not taking Bella down to Wamego with me this time... she's too much to hover over for 4 days. Jennifer will be coming down to Wamego on Christmas day and so she's bringing Bella down with her then so my step mom can see her.

Last night I had to clip her nails... I admit, it had been a long time since I had done it. Poor girl hates it being done so much, if she only knew how much I hated doing it. Ugh. Miserable.

Last night Jennifer and I had a few beers and I showed her S. Darko. :) It's the sequel to Donnie Darko and featured a certain birthday boy. It's not the best movie on earth, but it has it's good moments and it has a very freaking adorakable Jackson Rathbone in it, so I recommend.

Jenn made fun of his glasses. XD I was like, "those are his real glasses!!" She goes, "nuh uh!" I said, "true story" and then showed her pics.

S. Darko still:

Ta daaah:

I personally fucking love his glasses. They rock.

That's all for today, kiddies.

Lucky you, two pics of the day!

Found this picture I took back in August right before I went to Michigan. :) The parents are getting a copy of it for Christmas. Too cute! Must avert your eyes!!!

Two reasons I am posting this photo, first of all, Phoenix Taylor is fucking amazing. Check out his other shit if you don't know him -- and secondly, the red, black and white bracelet on Jay's left hand over there? I didn't notice this until yesterday as I was going through my pictures and I looked down at my wrist and I was wearing the same bracelet!! XD Too cool for school, kids.

xoxox

The Massive Post

"and when I woke up, you were by my side..."

Two days without sleep. The first night I was just wide awake all night and I didn't even try to sleep. Last night I actually attempted it. Finally this morning I slept for a whole 30 minutes before being awoken violently by my dreams... which I will not share.

Lately it's just been agony to close my eyes. Every time I close my eyes, or turn off my music, turn off a movie -- have just a moment of peace and silence, I find myself traveling down roads I never wanted to venture down again, reliving memories - searching for different endings, horrible endings... my mind is... horrible. I really wish I could take my brain out, rinse it with bleach and stick it back in - start over.

I've always said my memories were my most valuable possession, but I do love sleep. Would it be worth it to lose all my memories if I could rest easily and never have a worry or care in the world? I don't know. I don't know what I would do if I was faced with that opportunity.

I've always had trouble sleeping. I don't know why it's been just so much harder as of late.

I've been watching a lot of movies lately... trying to take my mind off of things. Watched Dread, as I blogged out... watched it again last night with Jennifer and then we watched The Nightmare Before Christmas. :) [[heart]]

Today I'm going to watch Walk The Line and S. Darko. :)

So... I still have yet to send Christmas cards. Bugs me. I feel bad... what's worse is that I don't know if we can even afford to send Christmas cards... terrible, right? I know there's going to be one person in Tennessee who will literally think I hate them and never want to talk to them if they don't get a Christmas card. So I guess I have to find at least enough for one stamp.

No one gets Christmas presents this year. Can't afford them. Was going to get everyone cards... but while I paid $5 for my box of 18 cards, I can't afford the stamps.

I guess that's what we get for moving this close to Christmas.

I would like to lump this all together and say "2009 sucked." But... well... wait... upon further observation... 2009 DID suck. It was a shitty year with a few good moments, but nothing more. I can literally think of 2 good things that happened this year. I met Willow. I met Monkeys. If you would like to add to that list, if you can find something else spectacular that happened, then please, by all means, add to the list.

The year started out horrible. Not even 30 minutes into the New Year and I knew this year was going to be hard. It's times like that that make me have no faith in my own survival. Speaking of which, I only had two suicide attempts this year. That number decreased from 2008.

We moved three times this year. Jennifer broke every single promise she made to me about moving... I won't put her on blast here about that...

Listen, I'm not trying to be Debbie Downer here, I'm just being honest. Honest. This isn't a pity party for one - I'm literally just blogging about my life. I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me. I don't want that.

Let's see, what plans do I have for 2010? Well, on New Years Eve Jennifer and I will have officially known each other for 10 years. I guess that deserves it's own massive blog, eh? We're going down to the Power and Light District... which... well... err... every time I go down there I end up getting waay too drunk and someone has to carry me home, so either that's what's going to happen or I'll "pace" myself. I assume it's going to be the first one, seeing as how it's a holiday and all.

At midnight they're shooting off a cannon full of $5000. Reckon I'll try and grab $5 so I can buy myself a drink. We'll probably end up partying at The Shark Bar. We LOVED it there on St. Patrick's Day - they only play 90s music. (Or at least, that's what they did for SPD.)

As far as the rest of 2010 goes, my goals are: learn guitar, take more photos, be honest, lose weight (rolls eyes), no suicide attempts, only move once, take better care of Bella, travel more.

Tomorrow my dad is picking me up to drive me back to Wamego so I can have Christmas there. Jennifer is driving down on Christmas to spend some time with us and then to drive me back home with her... I don't think I'll take Bella down there this year. First of all, her nails are facking long and I'll catch flack for that. (Can't find her clippers.) And secondly, I hate hovering over here the whole damn time to make sure she doesn't get into anything. It's different at my own house... so maybe Jennifer can bring her down on Christmas so my step mom can see her. (If I clip her nails and give her a bath before then.)

I'm nervous for Christmas.

I always feel terrible showing up anywhere empty handed, let alone on Christmas. I burned my parents some CDs...? I don't think that counts as a "gift".

Tell me something, does life ever get easier? No? Didn't expect it to, was just wondering. (I guess it's my own fault and I could make it "easier" if I wanted to. Financially speaking, of course... but it's all more money, more problems. I would rather be poor and happy than "comfortable" and miserable...)

Pic of the Day:

Happy 25th Birthday, Jay! :)

I'm so proud you celebrated it the right way by taking it to Vegas!

Dread - The Movie

"but it's just because I'm fearful... fearful..."

This post contains MASSIVE spoilers/stills for the movie Dread with Jackson Rathbone.

If you don't want to know what happens so you can be surprised on January 29th when the movie hits theaters, then I suggest you run now. If you would like to read about part of it but don't want to know what happens at the end, I will warn again before I post stills of the ending of the film.

Don't get pissed at me if you know the ending after you read my blog! I warned!! ((And I don't spoil EVERYTHING!! You will still be surprised about a lot when you see the film!!)

I was lucky enough to see Dread, starring Jackson Rathbone. After seeing a few stills, the trailer and a behind the scenes of the movie a few months ago, I could not wait to see the movie. It looked different, scary and something that would allow Jackson to have some range and put himself in a different role than he had ever been in.

The story is by Clive Barker, the same guy who is responsible for Hellraiser, so I was expecting genuine, balls-to-the-wall HORROR.

The film is rated R for "strong bloody violence, disturbing sadistic content, graphic sexuality, nudity and language."

Strong bloody violence? Check. (But not until the end.)

Disturbing sadistic content? Check. (Not till about half to 3/4 the way through though.)

Graphic sexuality? Check. (They manage to get that in there pretty quickly.)

Nudity? Check. (At the same time as the graphic sexuality.)

Language? Check. (Jackson's character, Stephen, has a bit of a potty mouth.)

(PLOT SPOILERS, MINOR.)

For those that don't know the plot, let me lay it out for you. Stephen (Jackson Rathbone) is a film major student who works part time at the library with his friend Abby. Abby has a birthmark covering half of her body... Stephen meets Quaid (Shaun Evans) and they decide to do their senior thesis on "dread", what it is about people's fears that keep them from living, that sort of thing. They enlist Stephen's friend Cheryl to edit the film.

The three of them have very diverse backgrounds that lead to their "dread". Quaid's parents were murdered in front of him when he was six and subsequently, he's on medication to keep the nightmares and illusions at bay. Cheryl's dad molested her and worked as a butcher, so she's a vegetarian that can't stand the smell of meat and Stephen's brother drove drunk and got in a car wreck, killing himself when Stephen was only 15.

(PLOT SPOILERS, MODERATE)

As they are interviewing people for their film Cheryl and Stephen hit it off and have a nice little date, make out a little...

but it turns out that Abby likes Stephen more than just a friend. While they're interviewing people for their video, Quaid goes off of his meds and Abby offers to be interviewed, but only if Stephen will do it alone. He goes to her place and interviews her and while the tape is rolling she says that she'll show him what she's not shown many people and she strips down to her underwear. (Major kudos to the makeup department.) She touches his face lightly and kisses him. He kisses her back briefly but then tells her that he can't because, "my heart is in a different place." She goes, "what the fuck does that even mean?" And then she tells him to get out. He leaves the camera, while it's still on, and then asks Quaid later to go pick up the camera.

When Quaid goes to pick up the camera at Abby's place, he seduces her, makes her feel beautiful and they have sex. (Hot, kinky, sex.) Later on, Quaid loses it at his place and breaks all Stephen's camera equipment and Cheryl's computer. Cheryl storms out and Stephen basically tells him he's bat shit crazy and leaves, abandoning the assignment, even though it's near the deadline.

(PLOT SPOILERS, MAJOR)

Turns out that Quaid had a backup on an external hard drive and edited the assignment and turned it in, getting them all a B+. While Stephen is leaving school that night, Quaid pulls up in a car exactly like the one that Stephen's brother had been driving when he died (which Quaid had bought for Stephen off of Craigslist...) and apologizes, tells him he'll replace everything and asks him to get into the car so he can apologize.

Stephen gets in the car and Quaid starts to tell them how he wants to take their film to the next level, he doesn't want to stop it yet. Stephen tells him that he's done with the film, it was just a senior thesis for him and he wants to move forward. Quaid takes out a flask and takes a drink... Stephen is mad... Quaid tells him to think about what it would have been like for his brother to be drinking and driving... what he would have thought moments before he died as he's pushing the car as fast as it will go... Eventually the car stops and Stephen gets out, looking like he's about to throw up... he leaves as Quaid begs him for forgiveness... again... Stephen leaves him.

Quaid starts to turn the project around make people face these fears that they opened up about... he does it with Abby and Cheryl (I won't tell you how... he did it with Stephen and the car - that was minor compared to the girls...) and he does it with one of the other interviewees.

Finally Stephen realizes that Quaid isn't going to stop this until he's faced with HIS fear... so Stephen gets an axe... heads up to Quaid's bedroom while he's sleeping... starts to chop down his door. (It's intense.) Finally Stephen drops the axe and Quaid storms out from his bedroom and shoves a gun to his head before pistol whipping him...

(PLOT SPOILERS -- ENDING)

Stephen wakes up and he's tied to a chair, his face bloodied. While Stephen and Quaid are watching a video of what happened to Cheryl, they hear a noise downstairs. Quaid storms off and leaves Stephen, who eventually gets himself untied from the chair and he heads down to the kitchen to get a knife...

(I'm in the kitchen with a knife that's itchin' for your red blood...)

he's about ready to tackle Quaid and stab him when one of the other interviewees comes to Stephen with an axe and chops into him.

Stephen lays there... dying...

Quaid hovers over him... watching him die and looking majorly unimpressed.

Stephen dies...

his eyes unfocus and Quaid drags his body down to his basement where we find Cheryl is still alive...

(NO MORE SPOILERS)

The movie, overall, was not as scary as I had imagined... however, as far as phycological thriller goes, it definitely seeps into your brain and makes you think. You genuinely care for Stephen, Cheryl and Abby's characters. (And not just because it's Jackson Rathbone...)

Jackson did an outstanding job. It was everything that I was banking on it to be, honestly. Jackson can probably rest assured that he'll never be typecast. I will say what I've been saying for over a year now -- Jackson is the most talented actor out there today. He's got depth and range that are going to eventually make him a veteran in this business. The way he develops his characters is fascinating, little nervous ticks, glints and looks in their eyes... etc...

The film reminded me of a lot of things, one thing it reminded me of was Spencer... so it was almost not a surprise when I heard The Stevedores "Fearful" in the credits. :) A little bit of Spencer everywhere you go.

I hope that you'll see the film!

The Beers Are Always Empty

"drinking by myself while everybody else

is passed out in the park

or going home in police cars..."

Last night I got a very strange urge to go back and re-read my journal entries. I didn't go back too far, I went back to last November and read up until August of 2009. It was kinda weird. I found the journal entry where I discovered Twilight... When I first blogged about Jackson, a whole bunch of Heathisms, when Matilda died, when I dyed my hair pink... and black... and cut it short... was kinda nice to go back and see things. Of course, there was also a lot that I had forgotten about and blocked out of my mind... like New Years Eve last year.

Swiftly moving on from Memory Lane... I guess we could rock down to Electric Avenue.

Two days ago Jennifer comes to me and says that she 'might have a place for us to live'. I said, "I'm not moving in with anyone else." (Just clearing that out before she gets any more "ideas".) She said, "no, no... it's an apartment." I asked where. She said 29th and Metropolitan. I told her that I was unfamiliar with KCK. (I know KCMO and the cities North of the river just fine, but I'm sooo new when it comes to KCK.) She tried to explain to me where it was... I can't remember if I was listening or not.

So then last night she comes home and says that we're going to look at this place.

She heard of it from one of her co-workers who had just moved in there... the co-workers cousin owns the building.

So we go look at this place and well... first impressions and all... eh. The lease for where we're living now is up in February so while I didn't express this to anyone but myself, I was really worried that we weren't going to have a place to live when it was up... I was scared we were going to have to move back into a hotel.

I was never fond of the hotel idea.

I never wanted to move into a place with anyone else either... just having a "room". Even while the common areas are just that... I, quite frankly, enjoy walking around the house in less than appropriate attire. I don't want to have to get dressed if I'm in the bathroom getting ready to take a bath and I forget something in my bedroom -- I would like to just walk down the hall naked and fetch whatever it is that I needed. I mean, I guess that I *could* do that here, but I just don't want to scare these poor people. ;)

So living with Laura and [sometimes] Mack was never in my grand plan. It's what was available to us at the time. It was the only opportunity that we had, so we had to take it. That's understandable. Things could have been a lot worse for us.

We've lived with Laura and [sometimes] Mack for 7 months... that's actually quite a long time for us considering our past moving history. We moved three times in 2009. Not something I'm proud of. This will make for move number 4.

The pros about this place is that there's only 4 people that live in the building... all female. (One has a boyfriend, I think... but whatevs.) It's right across the street from a school and a park, so it's a good neighborhood -- though I'm still lost on where it ACTUALLY is. We'll finally be living in our own place again.

When we moved out of the place we lived in at the beginning of the year (before we moved into the hotel) -- Jennifer forced me to throw away hella of our things. All my wine/drinking glasses, all my dishes, pots, pans, silverware, furniture, drapes, rugs, etc... so it'll be nice to start building that stuff up again.

I already have a vision for how I want the place to look... however... I'm having a hard time finding bean bag chairs...

The cons of this place... well, it's old. Very old. The carpet is stained... but, it's just carpet and I plan on getting some area rugs. Hopefully some very loud and colorful, tacky area rugs. :) It doesn't have a bathtub. :( That's a major bust for me. I love baths. The bathroom is insanely tiny and the mirror is a little bigger than 8x10. (That's fine, it can be worked around... I'll go buy more mirrors.) The closet space is... well... the mirror and the closet are about the same size. LOL I prefer the living room to the actual bedroom, so I think we're going to make the bedroom kinda the music/dressing room and make the living room where we actually sleep.

(I don't need an actual living room because I don't have friends and I don't ever have company come over...)

The front room, as we're now going to call it, is going to be badass when I get done with it. It's got really high ceilings and a fan in there... although, the string on the fan is so long I keep hitting my head on it. Heh.

I will post pictures, but it'll be once I'm done making it fabulous.

Everyone keeps asking me why I'm moving again... well, don't hold onto hope that I'm staying too long at this next place either. Nothing feels like home to me.

xoxox

Breathe, Keep Breathing

"Let you choke... let you choke..."

So I asked people on Twitter and Facebook what I should make a film about and I got one response... Megan said I should make a film about a day in the life of Bella. (My dog.) So basically that would be 9 minutes of sleeping, 30 seconds of eating, 20 seconds of playing and 10 seconds of pooping. Not something anyone would want to see...

I text Jennifer today and MADE her give me a suggestion. She said obsessions/addictions (because, you know... that's what comes to her mind when she thinks of me.) And so I've started my film... not exactly on that topic, but almost close.

I'll let you know when I've got it finished.

Loving the HD video setting on my new camera. *BLISS*

Drank last night... that was... almost fun.

Was supposed to be for my the tail end of my birthday, but it kinda blew. I just sat there refreshing Twitter while Jennifer was texting. Ultimate fail. We ended up watching Push and I passed out... I did make good drinks, however. So that's a plus.

I have not been feeling myself lately, I guess. It's been coming through in photographs as well. As a photographer you evaluate every picture that you see, well, I already do that when I see a photo of myself -- I judge it very harshly -- but it had been a minute since I had taken photos of myself, so I tried to do that today and 98% of them came out craptastic. The look on my face just... just wasn't "Jodie".

I guess I'll wait a few days and try again. Don't think there's anything wrong, per se... just apparently my face isn't cooperating with my camera.

Tonight I'm supposed to chat chat chat with Jessie and Willow. :) Looking forward to that. Also tonight I'm apparently supposed to go look at this thingymajigger with Jennifer... should be fun to be 2 places at the same time. (They just slightly overlap each other.)

One of my favorite photos I took today...

Yep, those are my legs.

Turning 25.

"well it's the reaper inside of me,

writhing absentmindedly,

masochistic fashion suits me nicely,

oozing out days and nightly

some sad to see this side of me,

but now it's binding,

I've been losing my teeth in all my dreams,

I just need sweet release..."

Today, I am 25.

I am a quarter. I’m a fourth.

I have accomplished hardly anything I had planned to do before reaching this milestone. On paper, I am not much. On paper, I dropped out of school, I’ve been arrested and I have hardly ever kept a job. I have not been married, I have no children and I don’t even have a bank account or a cell phone in my name.

On paper I am worthless by society’s standards.

I would hope that whoever is reading this knows that there’s more to a person than what is on paper.

I believe that I have done quite a lot with my life and just in the past ten years, actually.

-I managed to have front row for Justin’s concert 6 times in 2007. (One of those times landed me on this HBO special/DVD that was seen around the world and I consider the defining moment of my concert career.)

-I helped out with a children’s charity for a weeklong event in 2008 and 2009. (And will continue to do so until at least 2012.)

-I learned how to produce my own music. I didn’t let people take advantage of me in the music business (no matter how green and eager I was).

-I have traveled more than anyone else in my immediate family has.

-I have met incredible people (celebrity or not).

-I actually read a book (or four – Twilight Saga) and found something other than Justin Timberlake that caught my interest.

-I have not had my heart broken.

-I don’t have a drug addiction.

-I didn’t end up pregnant by some random dude.

-I don’t have a STD.

This list could go on and on. All of these things I believe are accomplishments. Though they don’t seem as great on paper as the words “University”, “$40,000 a year”, “Mrs.”, “mother of two”… I still think that they are things to be proud of.

Life cannot be summed up in your job title. Life cannot be summed up by where you went to college and whom you married. Life isn’t about love; life isn’t about your job, your Twitter, your two kids and which side of the county line your house is on. So many people wrap themselves up in the façade – trying to create a perfect imagery for the outside viewer to gaze upon. So many people want to be the greener side of the grass that their entire lives revolve around this lie.

Their lives are lies.

I refuse to lie anymore. I refuse to pretend like I’m gonna do something that I’m not. Life is about happiness and adventure – or at least, that’s what my life is about. I can’t tell you how to live yours or what to live for. I once thought that I wanted the picket fences, the husband who had the .com, the 3.2 kids, dinner on the table for him when he got home… I once thought that I wanted that kind of life, but I would be living a lie. This is the only chance I get at life and I need to make each day count.

Twenty-five years has passed me so quickly it’s all a blur. I don’t want the next twenty-five to go by in a flash.

face à moi si je vois que vous respirez

"La jeune fille à un oiseau, elle trouve dans la neige

qui a volé sa robe, et c'est comme ça elle sait
que Dieu a fait les yeux pour pleurer à la naissance
puis à gauche le terrain pour faire le tour de la terre..."

It's been a few days since I managed to get my ass to a blog... don't mind me, I have no sense of time...

Speaking of this - It's 3 days until my 25th birthday... Wow.

I got my first birthday present of the year today... :) It was a combo of a thank you gift and birthday present from my Mama.

She was going to get me a Louis Vuitton in Puerto Rico, but then apparently got lost...? She asked me what else I would have liked... I said... "Guitar...?" She goes "uh..." I said, "Camera?" She said, "isn't the camera that you want $400?" (Technically that's the sale price...) I said "That's the Nikon one I want. The Canon I want is $199."

So off we went looking for my camera. She was very against going to Best Buy at first but I told her that's where I had seen it be the cheapest. Blah, blah, blah... we went to Best Buy, found the camera that I wanted and it was uber on sale!

Since it was uber on sale she got me 2 [awesome] memory cards, an extra battery and a case. :)

We went home and played with the camera and HOHMYGAWD. Twas amazing. The camera is awesome. My mama says that she's jealous of my camera. I now officially have more megapixels than her! And it records HD video! :D YAAY YAAAY YAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Canon Powershot SD780is -- 12.1 megapixel, HD video... *mouth watering*)

So Thanksgiving... it was... decent. Wednesday night my Mama and Pam got back from their trip and I made Thanksgiving dinner here. Made it all by myself... cooked the turkey... (with ample help from Willow...) My Mama and Pam both said they loved the dinner.

Thursday we went over to Jane's house for Thanksgiving dinner. It was deelish. :) I loved it. We had so much fun there too... we had a jam session after dinner. We sang John Denver, Indigo Girls and James Taylor. Some very talented musicians in that house.

I tried to get them to do a rendition of 100 Monkeys "Keep Awake" but we didn't get very far. I was the only one who could keep a straight face.

Hope you all had a good holiday and got some kick ass stuff on Black Friday!

xoxox

Hog Log Thy Lilly

Le mie ferite del cuore. Il dolore è tutto che sembri sapere. Siete il mio salvatore, voi siete tutto che conosca. Siete l'unica cosa che può aiutarmelo, prego.

Ogni mattina osservo al mio lato e trovo che you' re non là. Ogni sera grido quando vado a letto e you' re non là.

L'un giorno so che you' il ll è ancora sul mio lato.

Il Forever sta andando rapidamente e devo avere le mie pretese. Lascilo prego sentire ancora la musica della vostra anima.

Faccio voto in fare il mio meglio a amarlo.

Tyler Shields

Random thought after checking out www.tylershields.com and seeing the New Moon post that he did - I think that Tyler should photograph Jackson Rathbone. (or 100 Monkeys as a whole.)

Amazing.

Also, to add to that... I would love to one day be photographed by Tyler... but seeing as how that's NEVER going to happen, I sooo want to own one of his pieces, I just can't decide which one.

He's my favorite photographer. Or, I guess I should say my 2nd favorite photographer... after my mother, of course. ;)

New Moon

"and good luck with shootin' the moon..."

What an AMAZING Twilight/New Moon day I had yesterday.

First of all Jennifer and I went to Target where I got the cutest new boots and I got some jammies for my Bella... they're adorable and they have feets!! :)

Then we went to Hot Topic to see some of thew NM stuff and see if there was anything that I couldn't live without... the employees brought out some of the Twilight merchandise they had stuffed in the back that was now on clearance so we got some trading cards, a pillow case for $3 and I bought the Twilight lunchbox. XD Yep.

The movie theater experience was incredible. We went to the Mainstreet 6 AMC downtown in the Power and Light District. It's fairly new, hasn't been up a year yet and it was our first time there. That alone was mindblowing! I'm so, so glad that we chose to go to that theater. It was super fancy, if I do say so...

The staff was very helpful and uber professional. They sold merch there, which was kinda strange... t-shirts, posters, bags... They had a collectors cup if you bought the large drink so we both did that. Bad idea. I peed twice before the movie started and then 10 minutes into the film I had to go again (now, you know I didn't leave my seat, though! I would have just peed myself first before missing any of that film!)

Speaking of pee, (there's a sentence I never thought I'd say...) the bathrooms were exquisite! Each stall featured an Academy Award winning actress. (I got Lauren Bacall both times I went pee... Jenn got Reese Witherspoon both times.) In each stall they had their own private sinks and hand dryers, astonishing!

This theater had assigned seats, which I adore. I think every theater should have assigned seats! We were right in the middle of the rows, pretty much dead center.

Now.

Onto the film.

**SPOILERS**

**SPOILERS**

**SPOILERS**

**SPOILERS**

**SPOILERS**

**SPOILERS**

**SPOILERS**

The opening title sequence FLOORED me. I do believe I literally held my breath. Wow. The dream sequence in the beginning was just as I had imagined it to be and this is where we first get to see Edward's new sparkle.

Wow.

I could write an entire paragraph on the sparkleage that is Edward Cullen. THAT is how a vampire is supposed to sparkle.

Now, sorry Catherine... you know I love you, I know that you didn't have basically an open budget in order to make Twilight, so I will cut you some slack, but goddamn. Chris Weitz NAILED it.

Also, I am uber impressed with the new way the vampires run. I know that's something very simple, but it was definitely something that needed to be fixed from Twilight.

Edward and Bella talking in class about Romeo and Juliet and about suicide was great. It was heavy enough, not dulled down for the audience, I really appreciated that.... that honesty with such a mature subject.

Bella/Kristen Stewart looks sooo much more beautiful in this film than she did in Twilight and I'm happy to see she didn't try and chew her face off the entire film. (The lip biting was a tad too much in the first film.)

Edward/Robert Pattinson looks dashing and handsome. I'm glad that they didn't wax his eyebrows like a girls this time around... however the airbrushing on his stomach in the Volterra scene was a tad overboard. (No one believes that that's his real stomach.)

Jacob/Taylor Lautner for some reason annoyed me a bit. Mostly I think it was the god awful wig, perhaps I was distracted by that... I did notice the girls shrieked when he took off his shirt after her motorcycle crash.

The Wolf Pack could use a step up on their acting skills... I'm not familiar with all of their names, I do know that I love Alex Meraz. He's a great actor, but mumbled his line just before he phased. The guy who plays Sam Uley was good too... I liked Emily, she was great and I loved her scar... Hopefully I like the wolves better in the next movie.

Speaking of wolves... I know in the book they say these wolves are like, fucking huge, but my god... did they have to look like big foot?! I think they maybe were a tad TOO large... How is Jake supposed to nudge Bella's hand in Breaking Dawn if they stand 10ft tall?

When did Angela Weber get hot?

Now... onto the good parts!!

Jasper. Jasper apparently has a sense of humor in New Moon, which is strange since he's usually... um... not funny? But it works! I love that Jasper is now the comedic relief! He was so high-larious in the first scene he's in... the school scene... "Happy... uh... nevermind."

I was freaking BEAMING with happiness that we finally addressed Jasper's powers! When Edward is talking about the families talents in Twilight he explains that he can read minds, that Alice can see the future and that... oh no wait, let's just forget about Jasper's awesome ability to taste/alter emotions! *spits*

The stranger chick next to me kept looking at me every time Jasper/Jackson was on the screen because I would cover my mouth. Hahah!

The birthday scene: There were 3 scenes that Chris Weitz had to get right in order to win my love and devotion. The birthday scene, the months and when Bella saves Edward. Well, two out of three ain't bad... I was not as amazed and blown away by the birthday scene as I had hoped to be. *insert mayjah sad face here* Jackson was incredible, it was nothing wrong on his part... his growl? Wow... His eyes, his stance, his snapping of the teeth, the look of remorse/fear/shame at the end? Perfection...

The scene was not intense enough for me... it's THE moment in New Moon. It's the entire reason for the book and it's supposed to capture just how hard this is for not only Jasper and Edward, but the entire family. Jasper didn't come CLOSE to Bella... that was the biggest let down and then he stood there while she was sitting on the ground covered in blood... meanwhile in the book they literally have to DRAG him away.

I loved how it started, I love how Jasper ducked Carlisle and the blur of him as he ran towards Bella, I love the crashing of the piano, I just really wish I would have seen more struggle...

I guess this is the part where things can never live up to how you imagine them in your mind when you're reading.

See, I saw Twilight before I read any of the books, so then when reading the book, I pictured some parts of the movie and I was fortunate enough to picture the cast while reading - but now it's a lot of pressure for these directors to live up to the expectations of the fanbase and I can finally understand why so many Twilight fans were let down after the first film -- it's not their fault, the actors fault, the directors fault -- everyone has their own imagination and that will always be more vivid than anything they can depict on screen.

Moving on... I loved the talk with Carlisle and Bella, that was very well executed and I really loved when he placed his finger under her chin for a split second. That was adorable.

Bella's scar? Badass. Perfect.

The breakup scene was moving and definitely well done... and then as I said he had to get it right... the months.

I had really hoped that he would leave just a blank screen, a black or white screen with simple writing, "October", "November", "December"... however, I LOVED it. That's one of my favorite parts in the book and I can't get through it without putting my bookmark in, setting the book down and putting my head in my hands and bawling. That part just is so overly emotional for me.

Bella writing/talking to Alice while she's away? I loved that addition... That worked well into the film.

Daddy mustache was funny in this one. :) Made me giggle...

Let's see, the hallucinations of Edward... well, it was never addressed that he never actually came to visit her in some form, that she was just imagining him and going crazy... so those who haven't read the book aren't going to understand that.

The cliff diving was great and Victoria was badass... that color red for her hair was WOW.

The scene where Jacob is driving Bella home and Carlisle's car is parked out front? From that moment until Alice and Bella are on the plane --- that was executed EXACTLY how I pictured it in my mind... The phone call made my heart ache. I hate that part in the book... I mean, I hate it with good reason, because it's wrenching... I love it and hate it, if that makes sense...

I was sad that we didn't see Alice and Bella or Bella and Edward talk on the plane... so we miss Alice talking about Jasper and we miss Bella and Edward talking about souls/death/heaven.

When Bella saves Edward? I almost wish that it were dragged out just a liiiittle bit more, just so that it left you more on the edge of your seat like, "dammit Bella, RUN FASTER!!!" You know? But the sparkle, the stepping out into the sun and when she SLAMS into him? Amazing...

"Heaven," he utters... don't think I missed that. *beaming*

I loved the little moment that they had together and their kiss... that kiss was my favorite of the film. His pain was back. It was somehow pain and relief... hurting either way. Hurting to be closer to her, hurting because he knew the Volturi would do something, hurting because he knew that hurting her would never be over... still unable to walk away. Amazing.

Onto the Volturi!

Jane? Wow. Dakota did fantastic. Her acting is so subtle. She's stellar, a real pro. After she realizing she has no effect on Bella her face changes just ever so slightly to reveal her disappointment.

Aro. Aro is my favorite... Aro is in the top 5 of my favorite characters from the Saga. When I heard that Michael Sheen would be playing Aro I knew that everything would be okay, but still, you picture someone a certain way and so you expect that.

Michael said that his daughter was disappointed that he had black hair when she pictured him bald... truth be told, I always pictured Aro with white hair... I'm not afraid of Aro, I don't hate the Volturi. I know they are not bad. They are just old, set in their ways and they make the rules... I get that... and I love Aro's laughter, his buoyancy. Aro/Michael Sheen BLEW me away! Fucktastic.

The fighting scene with the Volturi was sort of freaking incredible. I can't wait to see that again. Wow. Bella's reaction to Edward/the fight was great. Kristen did great in that scene.

The vote...

*sigh* I loved that Bella told Edward to shut up... however, I'll be honest to say I missed half of this scene from the mere shock that Jasper said "yes". I haven't read the book in a while, but I was pretty sure he said no? I thought that two of them said no... I thought it was Jasper and Rosalie...? Course, I could be wrong and I don't have my book with me... anyone wanna open theirs up to Chapter 24 and tell me verbatim what Jasper says in the vote scene?

And then the end... the ending couldn't have been more perfect. Freaking amazeballs. Edward's hella long pause before he utters the words, "marry me, Bella," and the sound of Bella catching her breath.

Freaking incredible. Wow. I was like, so uber impressed with that.

Overall?

I give it 4/4 stars and say that it was 100% improvement from Twilight. I can't wait to see it again!

YAY WOO!

What did you think? What were your favorite parts? Least favorite parts? Etc? Think Chris Weitz should direct Breaking Dawn?

[Insert Blog Title Of Your Choice Here]

"I can see straight through you,

Right to the other side,

There's something that you could do,

But then you'd have to try..."

Today was a hard day.

I had to wake up at 730a.

I don't like that very much.

Catfish had to have her water at 8a... Jane McConnell came over to help me with it this morning. I love Jane. She's truly saved my mothers life and Pam just adores her... I'm glad that they have her in their lives. She's a beautiful soul.

Catfish had a hard day... won't go into all that... *shaking my head*

I took a long nap.

Haven't been sleeping well... dreaming too lucid.

I'm exhausted.

I'm drained.

I'm supposed to be on "vacation", but this is the hardest work that I've ever done in my life.

I HAVE to keep this cat alive. I don't have a choice.

Tonight hasn't been easy, my heart is aching and bruised... My body and mind don't know what to feel, they don't know if they should feel filled with love or hollow and empty.

I'm over it.

Is it New Moon time yet?

Is it the new year yet?

I'm over it.

Lonliness

[blogger's photo uploader was down, picture a pretty icon here]

The icon that I used for my last post, earlier today, was quite accurate. "The loneliness is temporary."

The past few days while I've been here at my Mama's place, I have felt incredibly lonely.

It's not so much as not being able to talk to anyone... I have people that I text... that's not filling this aching void I've been feeling. Today has been worse than the other days. I feel like I'm near tears, that the tear in my chest is slowly getting bigger and I can't place it... I don't know exactly why its here or where it came from.

I'm in need of human contact. I think that could be part of it. I miss my dog, cat's are anti-social and independent, plus I'm deathly allergic to them, so I maintain my distance from them unless I'm administering medication... that could be another part.

Perhaps part of it is change? My birthday? I really don't know... I wouldn't know where to start if I tried to find out the sole cause for this, but I truly don't know.

I just know that I feel empty... Lonely is the best word I have for what I'm feeling at the moment... and the people that could fill this void, this hole in me... they're thousands of miles away, making this ache seem larger than life.

Ironically, I am not feeling depressed or sad. Those are usually common feelings for myself. I've noticed that lately I've been very self-aware, which is rare for... well, anyone, but especially myself. I'm not sad, depressed or even feeling anti-social... I'm just feeling lonely, disconnected from myself and empty, achy.

*shrugging*

Doo-Bee-Di

"She said my name like it was her breath,

And she needed it to survive..."

Few days ago I made a mistake that I swore I would never make again... I was sleeping, I "dreamt" of a song lyric - it was so simple, perfect rhythm and rhyme and yet I swore that I would remember it when I awoke so I didn't write it down... just like the rest of my dreams, thoughts and memories, it faded and now it's forever lost.

I'm on my 2nd day here at my Mama's house... the cats are still alive, the house hasn't burned down yet...

I don't like giving Catfish her IV. I know that I HAVE to or else she'll die, but it's so hard for me to poke a 14 gauge needle into a cat... that just... I can't do it... I mean, I do it, I've given her the IV four times now, but it's just... it's so hard.

Earlier this morning I was writing in my journal and I came across a few thoughts... first of all, no matter how hard I try to be honest with my journal, it's hard for me... What's the point then, you should ask. What's the point in writing in a journal if you're not going to be honest?

I guess there's a lot of my life that I just leave out of my journal. I wish that I had the patience and utter selflessness, honesty to write everything down exactly as it happens... there have been times that I've written in my journal and gone back to read things that happened several years ago and I had honestly forgotten that they happened. So then if I leave things out of my journal now, things that I may believe that I'll remember forever, mundane things like details - I could potentially lose them forever.

My thoughts are precious, I don't share them often. Not my true thoughts. I hardly even share them with myself because I know that I'm crazy. The way I get to conclusions is ridiculous... if you were inside my mind for one day you would kill yourself by lunch time.

Speaking of which, I had a piece of Gouda cheese for lunch and it was exquisite.

But why lie, Jodie? Why lie to your journal?

You see, I lie to my journal because of 3 reasons.

1- I'm lying to myself. I can change the smallest details of how things happened when I write it in my journal. No one will ever be the wiser.

2- I'm paranoid. I can't go into that as much as I would like, but I'll just say that I constantly think that someone will read it.

3- I know that eventually someone WILL read my diaries... Whether someone happens upon them and they read them, or when I die... they WILL get read... unless I burn them, which I don't plan on doing because my memory already isn't so great, (the ADD, I blame.) so I can't afford to lose the things that are written inside of these books.

This thought is still incomplete, just something I thought I would share.

Picture of the Day:

Mr. Jackson Rathbone at the premiere of New Moon last night in Hollywood. Smiling. :)

I heard everyone bitching that Rob showed up with stubble... (which, I think he looked sexy as hell with the stubble, thankyouverymuch) But Jackson shaved for the premiere! I'm really ambivalent when it comes to his facial hair (as well as the hair on his head -- it's HIS choice!!) -- but I do think the long side burns look good on him. Not too many people can actually pull that off.

His suit? His suit looked fantastic. Definitely different, which I appreciate and HE wore it, it didn't wear HIM.

I didn't see many pictures of him smiling wide or laughing, but that by far is his greatest accessory. :)

I am definitely uber proud of that man.

The Apple Is The Curse Of Man

"And every flattened penny we found reminded us,

Of our heart, so we threw them in the creek..."

I have been highly unproductive since my return from Nashy. I did manage to get some new photos up on my photography site. But mostly I've just sat and thought of Monkeys... I ache to plan trips to see these silly Monkeys, however, they're being cheeky Monkeys and not releasing their DATES for the tour... Ass Monkeys.

Fine! Enough Monkeys!!

My Mama is leaving for Puerto Rico on Monday for her very first *REAL* vacation... also she's getting married! Should be fun. :)

They were going to board the cats and instead they got a bad feeling about it so now I'm house sitting AND cat watching... that should be... interesting... with the feline allergies. I'll come prepared with Benedryl.

I'll have to administer medication to two of their three cats... I have to give Catfish an IV. :-\ I'm not too stoked about that. I know it's so that she can feel better, but it really bothers me that I'll have to put a needle into her.

Last night it was about 1045 when I thought of my Mama... thought I should call her - decided that it was too late and that I would call her the next day. Two minutes later she called me. :) I love when she reads my mind.

We have an undeniable mother-daughter bond. We're incredibly intuitive and even more so when it comes to each other...

Anyhow, so she asked me last night if I could watch the cats as well... it's not my first time watching the cats, but it's my first time doing any sort of medical treatment on them.

I gladly accepted and my Mama said that I was the "Worlds Greatest Daughter", I told her that made me happy to hear... she also said that I was her favorite daughter. I beamed, (even though I'm her only child) and then I told her that she was my favorite Mommy... she smiled wide and said that that actually meant something. (Since I've got three Moms.)

She said that I had grown a lot over the last six months... matured a lot... she was really impressed with me. Last night was a great conversation with her. :)

She comes back from Puerto Rico the day before Thanksgiving and she asked if we could do a mini-small Thanksgiving at her place... told her that sounded nice and low-key... and then later in the day Jennifer and I are going to get drunk at the casino and go watch New Moon again!!

Speaking of... New Moon comes out like... freaking soon. (I would say "tomorrow" to imply how quickly it has gotten here, however I am afraid that some people might take that literally.)

Last night Jennifer and I watched Twilight over again... it had been a minute since we had seen it and I'm not gonna lie... I totally fangirl'd over Jackson... just a little bit... it was kind of a surreal moment of, "oh my god, I REALLY met him... HIM." Haha, don't laugh at me. I'm still the lamest one here. ;)

I meant to re-read New Moon before the release of the film, so I think tomorrow I will do that... if I don't text/Twitter, tis why... I really can't focus on more than one thing at a time.

Chickka, chickka, chickka... then tis my birthday!!

...*shifts mouth*

It doesn't *FEEL* like my birthday.

That's kinda bumming me out.

If the sky would open up and just DUMP a whole shit ton of snow down on me, that would be greaaaat, that would make it feel more like my birthday.

I have a good amount of RSVP's for my birthday party on the 5th. 5 confirmed, 10 maybes... Hey man, I totally get the "maybe" account... you wanna see what else is going on that Saturday before you help Jodie Platz celebrate her 25th birthday... No, I totally get it... I probably wouldn't come to my birthday party either... unless it was just to get drunk and watch me have a nervous breakdown over the number of candles on my cupcakes... in which case, I think it's gonna be a blast.

...Can't remember my point or where I was going with all that...

Tah-dah!

Pic of the Day:

The St. Louis arch as taken bai Jodie.

Where The Whiskey Tastes Like Wine

"Keep your left eye open and your right toe twitchin',

Cuz I'm in the kitchen with a knife that's itchin' for your red blood,

On those white sheets...

I will kill you in your sleep,

So you better try to, try to keep awake..."

HERE'S YOUR BLOG, MONKEYS!

First of all - person that commented my Vegas blog and asked about the song of the day lyrics - I commented back under your comment, but in case you never read that, the song was "Great Lakes" by Telekinesis! Great album, go get it.

Secondly - to the chick who came up to me at the jam session while I was filming and said, "Are you Jodie?" and introduced yourself to me cuz you were a Twitter follower and read my blog -- I didn't mean to not pay attention to you, I felt bad afterwards and felt like I had blown you off -- thank you SOO much for coming up and introducing yourself to me... it's just... MONKEYS! I was a bit distracted by something shiny at the moment... I hope to see you out on tour, come and say hey to me again and we'll sit and chat for longer than 2 seconds!!!!

Alright, down to business.

Disclaimer: Please remember that there are some parts of this story that I'm flat out not going to tell you -- some are private, some I don't think the other people in the story would like me telling, some are quite frankly none of your business -- that being said, you're still in for a good read. :)

Amazing weekend. Best weekend of my freaking life. Amazing. Amazing. Wow. That's about all I can say.

Let's see, I got there Wednesday and was able to spend the entire day with Willow undisturbed. It was very peaceful. :)

Wednesday night Angie, from France, arrived... Thursday we went shopping at a huge mall... Willow got a new shirt to wear to drinks that night, Angie got some makeup and I got a Venti iced coffee, a harmonica at the Gibson warehouse and a memory card. :)

[Harmonica, by the way, harder than it looks... lip ring + harmonica = interesting, but I'm learning quickly. I can play "When The Saints Go Marching In" and the 12 bar blues. :)]

Thursday night we had drinks with Tim, who I swear, is busier than Dave. (One of the other tour mangers that I know. Of course, Tim isn't anywhere near old enough to be doing this as long as Dave has been.) Tim was busy, busy, busy, so we ended up going to this conference room thingy upstairs and drinking there with Tim, Vi, Heidi and a few other peoples.

I hadn't eaten all day and I had 7 of these badass drinks that Vi was making -- surprisingly I didn't fall over or have word vomit. LOL We played drunken Scrabble - (YETI!) and listened to Milli Vanilli. Was badass. I had waay too much fun.

Friday we got there kinda early, Angie had some posters that she needed to give to Shannon (ASCC Now) from the Euro Legacy site... The Monkeys were on TV for an interview and we all gathered around listening to the interview... that was when I officially met Madison.

Madison is this amazing little ball of energy - she reminds me soo much of Ben Graupner (who happens to be her "PEEP FOREVER" XD) and Maddy and I hit it off instantly. We spent the next five hours talking, making inside jokes and naming things, "PLANT!" Madison is the most badass person that I met all weekend. (Jackson Rathbone included.)

Friday afternoon I met Kimbra Hickey - the hand model from the Twilight book, she was so, so awesome and nice... very beautiful person. :)

So that night was the NewCon private party karaoke dealy on "the Bridge". The Bridge was literally a bridge that spanned across the road and had a bar on it. Super trippy and awesome.

...Before that amazingness, however, we had dinner with Brady Bell... well... yep, that's all I can say about that.

So! Then we karaoke'd! THAT was soo much fun! Heidi, Vi, Willow, myself and a few others did "Blame It On The Rain" by Milli Vanilli. I think that Willow and Heidi were the only ones who knew all the words. LOL

Madison and I did "At Last" by Etta James. (Those on here know that that is *my* song, and YES, I let Maddy sing it with me... that's how much I love this chick.)

I also did "Like A Virgin" by Madonna. Totes awesome. :) Jose Zuniga (Mr. Molina) was at the party that night and Willow and I spent an hour talking to him. He was incredibly genuine and so nice. (He said I asked good questions. XD)

It was a fantastic party... definitely one that I'll never forget.

'They' (the man) tried to shut us down at midnight after a few complaints... so we took the party down Broadway to another karaoke bar... It started out with 19 of us... then 16... then we finally came back at closing time with 11 people.

Before we went out we all sat in the lobby bar area and got drunk on Vi's drinks... we chugged lord knows how many of them and we didn't have to buy any drinks when we were out. LOL YAAY! At karaoke we all got up and sang "Bohemian Rhapsody" - I told Jennifer this and she goes, "I know you would never attempt that sober." She's very correct. I respect Freddy Mercury too much.

Oh! Forgot to tell you about the AMAZING jello shots that Jessie made! I hope to have some of them on tour, Jess! I think we need to corrupt the boys with those... just sayin'...

On our way back to the hotel we ran into Ned Bellamy (Waylon in Twilight) who was going out with his girlfriend - he was very quick witted and super nice.

Saturday was the big day... we showed up late to Jackson, Kimbra and Jose's Q&A -- oops. For whatever reason it was just so, so hard for me to get up and going Saturday morning... like something was literally holding me back... I felt bad, but I guess everything happens for a reason.

At the Q&A I was standing next to Jose's... uh... personal assistant? I think she was... she leaned over and asked, "Are you going to ask a question?" I said, "um... no. I wouldn't know what to ask." (Truth is when I thought I was going to Jackson's TwiTour in Chicago I came up with a question, but being in front of him for the first time, I... well... yeah, all that went out the window.) So she leans over and says, "you should ask..." and then she prattled on this very long question with very big words... I kinda nodded and was like, "Yeah, sure..." and then someone asked another question. She kept looking at me, and said, "are you going to ask?" I told her that it confused me. So she dumbed it down like twice for me...

Finally I raised my hand... (sounds so unlike me, I know... something came over my hand and it raised itself...) Jackson looked at me and did that head nod, eyebrows up, as if he were calling on me... and I spoke (I know, something came over my voice as well.) I said, "How do you stay in character when there are so many things that you can't control, such as weather and scheduling?"

I managed to get all of that out -- without stuttering -- all the while looking right in his eyes the entire time. He stared into my eyes and paid complete attention to me as I spoke. Then he answered... it was a long answer and he kept his eyes on mine the entire time. Of course, I couldn't tell you exactly what he said. LOL He did mention his role as Amanda, which made me happy since that's my favorite thing that he's done to date.

Willow told me later that she was so proud of me. :)

For those who don't know me -- that was a big deal for me to speak up like that. I can perform in front of thousands but with social anxiety, its very hard to do things like that. As soon as I started speaking everyone in the room turned to look at me - I didn't waiver, I didn't back down - I just kept my eyes on his and continued to breathe. :) Go me!

After that Q&A was the music Q&A with Tin Tin Can, Shawn Fernando (the Stevedores) and Ben J (the Stevedores, 100 Monkeys) -- it was very awkward, that was... I asked a question there too, which wasn't as nerve wracking... "Do you sit down and write your music collectively as a band or do some write lyrics, some write a melody and then you come together and iron it all out as a whole?" I thought that was a very good question and they all took the time to answer and said that it's a little bit of both... they also mentioned Spencer in answering my question, which was badass. :)

Jennifer arrived shortly after that - I was sooo happy to introduce her to Willow, Kasey and Madison. :) Poor Jennifer, 2 seconds after she got there she was forced to "ride escalators" with Maddy and I as we were like, "PLANT!" It sucks soo hard to be on the outside of an inside joke. I felt bad.

Jennifer and I were riding up the escalator with Ned Bellamy when I was asking him what time he got back in last night... "we were out late," he says, "4 or so." I told him we didn't get in until 5a. "I wasn't out that late!!" He later signed my book, "TWILIGHT FOREVER!" XD and gave Jennifer an autograph, "Worth the drive, yes?!" He's from Joplin, MO. Badass muthertrucker.

Next was the meet and greet with Jackson.

Willow left the meet and greet to go be with Ben Graupner... Can't say I wouldn't do the same thing if I were in her shoes. :) However, my shoes (my epic shoes that have tried to meet Jackson THREE times) were staying put!!

I met Jackson, walked up to him, shook his hand - told him that it was "great to finally meet" him, he smiled and asked my name... I told him... had him sign my Eclipse book on the chapter "Newborn." so he asked how to spell my name... "J-O-D-I-E". He has his hand on the book, he's not signing it... he's... he's... he's reading it?!! Heidi leans over and goes, "Stop reading that!" And he goes, "I was trying to figure out where in the book it was..." she goes, "Newborn... where Jasper tells his story." Jackson moves his hand, turns around to me and grins, "my hand was covering the chapter."

XD

So he asks again... "how do you spell it?" "J-O-D-I-E".

He ended up asking three times before he signed it. Pretty freaking adorable. He smiled big at me and hugged me, I said, "thank you so much," and he said, "it was my pleasure." In his Southern drawl. *giggles*

Then it was Jennifer's turn -- before Nashville she was all, "Jackson Rathbone just doesn't phase me," and I was like, "not even his Southern drawl?!" "No." "Not even his SMILE!?" "No." "His eyes?" "No." "His amazing talent?!" "No."

Nothing.

She gets up there in front of him and the girl is freaking star struck and SPEECHLESS.

Jackson has a certain energy about him... I was very humbled to be in his presence, but surprisingly, I was still able to speak. LOL Jenn? Not so much... she got a picture, hug and then she was going to be on her way... While she was getting her picture with him, Madison came up behind me and goes, "did you tell him?!!" and I shook my head. "TELL HIM!"

So then after Jennifer was done I said to Jay, "oh, by the way... your hat is *really* lame." ((inside joke with Jackson.)) He throws his head back in laughter, smiling as everyone around me goes, "AWWWW!!" like I'm the worst person in the history of the world and he turns to look at Maddy and says, "I guess it's catching on!"

XD Haaaha! It was great! Heidi later commented me on Facebook and said, "I can't believe Maddy got you to tell Jackson he was lame." Hahaa! I loved it! It was great!

So then we went downstairs and found Willow, showed her the pictures and asked where Graupner was... he was over at Starbucks with Johnson, so we went over there and talked with the Ben's for a bit... I introduced Jenn to Ben, finally. :) He said she needed a drink. Yes.

After that was the private jam session... which. was. incredible. I'll never forget it... Jackson's voice... his performance... amazing.

Willow and I got to dance with Jackson... Jackson sang at me... Ben gave Willow the cowbell and Jerad gave me the tambourine so now Willow and I are officially Monkeys!!! (The rule is once you've performed or jammed with the 100 Monkeys, then you're a Monkey!)

(You can see pics from all this on my Facebook.)

After the show I was talking with Jerad for a bit when a girl rubbed his head. He turned his head and another girl rubbed his head... then he offered his head to me... well, I didn't want to be rude, so I rubbed his mohawk and I said, "it's like a petting zoo." LMAO He laughed and said that was very correct. Loves it.

We talked with Ben for a bit... I kinda just let Jackson be - he was already surrounded enough - Willow gave him some shirts and he seemed very happy to be getting clothes!!

Then twas off to the hotel to change, then to the Wildhorse for the concert...

The show melted my entire face off, no lie. Twas a gone face by the end of the show. Jackson sang at me again and pointed to me during the "Thank You" song... which, during the jam session, he touched my arm, was right in my face looking in my eyes and goes, "thank you," :D I love the Thank You song, just sayin'.

We started out in the 10th row or so, by the end of the concert we were in the 4th. Badass. I got some videos, but YouTube can eat me cuz it's been a bitch lately. I'll be sure and post the links here when I get them all posted. I have a few up so far. Nothing amazing, though.

Something that I need to say about 100 Monkeys live - first of all, this was my third 100 Monkeys show, and it was the first with Jackson Rathbone... so I had never seen him perform live before. As you may or may not know, I've seen over 200 acts live and I can honestly say that I have never seen anyone perform with such passion and energy as Jackson. I was impressed beyond belief. His energy and stage presence was so huge it filled the room and it was impossible for you to take your eyes off of him. All the energy that he gave to the crowd I tried to give right back to him by singing every word that I knew, dancing my ass off and grooving along with him.

I was blown away and I left the concert feeling high and enlightened.

After the concert we went and bought some Tin Tin Can merchandise (soo my favorite band right after the Stevedores.) After buying their merch I talked to two of the boys and was like, "this is going to sound so weird and random, but I listen to your album, Confetti Machete, every time I straighten my hair, which is like, everyday..." then Jennifer goes, "it's true, I'm her roommate and it's like, 'oh! Tin Tin Can again!'" haaahaa!! They loved it.

When we got back to the hotel parking garage we got to ride the elevator with 2 other members of the band and I said, "I was just telling your other bandmates..." and then I said the same thing... they laughed... was great. I was sooo high at that point. (On music only.)

Sunday was sad... sad to say goodbye to Willow and Kasey... sad to leave Nashville... however, there was hope there at the end, hope because the boys would soon be releasing the rest of their tour dates!! (Those funky Monkeys are addictive!)

Driving home from Nashville was awesome, actually... we listened to Tin Tin Can the entire way home and made it back in record time... usually it takes us double time to get home - nope... we got home in 9 hours... and that was also counting our little Harold and Kumar White Castle adventure we went on in St. Louis.

I Heart White Castle.

So that's it, babes... phew. Now I'll have some mayjah cities to look forward to on tour. ;)

Little Rock & Fayetteville, AR • Auburn, Birmingham, Mobile & Tuscaloosa, AL • Phoenix & Tucson, AZ • Fresno, Los Angeles, Sacramento, San Diego & San Francisco, CA • Colorado Springs & Denver, CO • Bridgeport & Hartford, CT • Wilmington, DE • Gainesville, Jacksonville, Miami, Orlando, Tallahassee, Tampa & FT. Lauderdale, FL • Atlanta & Savannah, GA • Honolulu, HI • Des Moines, IA • Boise, ID • Chicago & Champaign, IL • South Bend & Indianapolis, IN • Wichita & Topeka, KS • Louisville & Lexington, KY • Baton Rouge & New Orleans, LA • Boston, MA • Baltimore, MD • Ann Arbor & Detroit, MI • Minneapolis, MN • Kansas City & St. Louis, MO • Jackson, MS • Missoula, MT • Asheville, Greensboro, Charlotte & Raleigh, NC • Omaha, NE • New Brunswick, NJ • Albuquerque, NM • Las Vegas & Reno, NV • Buffalo, New York City, Syracuse, Albany & Rochester, NY • Cleveland, Cincinnati, Columbus & Toledo, OH • Oklahoma City & Tulsa, OK • Portland, OR • Allentown, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Scranton & College Station, PA • Providence, RI • Charleston, Columbia & Greenville, SC • Chattanooga, Knoxville, Memphis & Nashville, TN • Austin, Dallas, Amarillo, Houston, San Antonio & Midland, TX • Salt Lake City, UT • Arlington, Richmond, Virginia Beach & Roanoke, VA • Burlington, VT • Seattle & Spokane, WA • Madison & Milwaukee, WI • Huntington, WV

Pic of the Day:

Mr. Rathbone and I.

(I meant it when I said that I would trade all of my photos with Justin Timberlake just to MEET this man. His talent far exceeds any expectation that I would never dare set for him.)