Turning 25.

"well it's the reaper inside of me,

writhing absentmindedly,

masochistic fashion suits me nicely,

oozing out days and nightly

some sad to see this side of me,

but now it's binding,

I've been losing my teeth in all my dreams,

I just need sweet release..."

Today, I am 25.

I am a quarter. I’m a fourth.

I have accomplished hardly anything I had planned to do before reaching this milestone. On paper, I am not much. On paper, I dropped out of school, I’ve been arrested and I have hardly ever kept a job. I have not been married, I have no children and I don’t even have a bank account or a cell phone in my name.

On paper I am worthless by society’s standards.

I would hope that whoever is reading this knows that there’s more to a person than what is on paper.

I believe that I have done quite a lot with my life and just in the past ten years, actually.

-I managed to have front row for Justin’s concert 6 times in 2007. (One of those times landed me on this HBO special/DVD that was seen around the world and I consider the defining moment of my concert career.)

-I helped out with a children’s charity for a weeklong event in 2008 and 2009. (And will continue to do so until at least 2012.)

-I learned how to produce my own music. I didn’t let people take advantage of me in the music business (no matter how green and eager I was).

-I have traveled more than anyone else in my immediate family has.

-I have met incredible people (celebrity or not).

-I actually read a book (or four – Twilight Saga) and found something other than Justin Timberlake that caught my interest.

-I have not had my heart broken.

-I don’t have a drug addiction.

-I didn’t end up pregnant by some random dude.

-I don’t have a STD.

This list could go on and on. All of these things I believe are accomplishments. Though they don’t seem as great on paper as the words “University”, “$40,000 a year”, “Mrs.”, “mother of two”… I still think that they are things to be proud of.

Life cannot be summed up in your job title. Life cannot be summed up by where you went to college and whom you married. Life isn’t about love; life isn’t about your job, your Twitter, your two kids and which side of the county line your house is on. So many people wrap themselves up in the façade – trying to create a perfect imagery for the outside viewer to gaze upon. So many people want to be the greener side of the grass that their entire lives revolve around this lie.

Their lives are lies.

I refuse to lie anymore. I refuse to pretend like I’m gonna do something that I’m not. Life is about happiness and adventure – or at least, that’s what my life is about. I can’t tell you how to live yours or what to live for. I once thought that I wanted the picket fences, the husband who had the .com, the 3.2 kids, dinner on the table for him when he got home… I once thought that I wanted that kind of life, but I would be living a lie. This is the only chance I get at life and I need to make each day count.

Twenty-five years has passed me so quickly it’s all a blur. I don’t want the next twenty-five to go by in a flash.