I'll Make It Up To You

"I've been changing, think it's funny how no one knows..."

*deep cleansing breath*

*sigh*

life. is. fantastic.

God delivers.

Good things happen to good people.

and -- as I've been told many times before...

you get what you deserve.

I am not a believer in waiting for good things to happen to you. I am not a believer of things falling into your lap... the chips fall where they may and all, and I'm all for seeing how the pieces fit -- but I don't believe ANYONE ever got ANYTHING by just WAITING for it to happen...

Until now.

Someone upstairs is really looking out for me. :-)

Monday night I had another -- shall we call it -- episode, Tuesday night Jasmine offered us her home, Wednesday we went to look at it and today I learned we got it.

I had started this "episode" because of things that I had found in my house. It's nonsense for me to go into details about something that is now in the past, but it hurt me -- I wrote a letter to Jennifer explaining some things and yadda, xanax, yadda, klonopin, yadda, closer to death than I'd been since January... yadda...

Tuesday night I went to work with Jennifer to soak up the free WiFi and Jasmine mentioned that she was wanting to move and that we could have her house... $650/month, 2 bedroom 1 1/2 bath, huge huge huge... I won't know what to do with all the space!

We went to see it Wednesday and we fell in love with it... not in the best neighborhood, but we'll have ADT, and I have actually decided that I want to purchase a handgun for security.

Let's face it, it's no secret that upstairs I'm a bit mixed up and part of that is paranoia... I know living in this neighborhood, with it's reputations, willnot dull those fears down... so I've decided that I'll need to make myself feel secure.

One of my concers with purchasing a gun would be my own depression, but I feel that I would have to be completely off my rocker to actually take my life and like that. Most of my suicude attempts are crys for help and attention, not actual death.

So then Thursday Jasmine let's us know that we got the house! She talked to the person who owned it and we're going to finish out her lease and then sign one of our own when hers is over.

I've already started picking up paint samples and we're planning tons for the house! We're very excited to pick up and move! 34 days! (Also 34 days until I go see Rachel! WOO!)

Now, I just got an email from my Mother and she's unhappy with the neighborhood. She says that I should move elsewhere and I've tried to make it clear to her that with our current situation that that is impossible. The house is equipped with ADT, I'm going to go over plans for everything and have mase and a gun. I am not sure when I'm going to get a gun, but it's on my list of things to do.

It's not like I'm going to be socializing much with the neighbors, I keep to myself a lot. We have a shit car, so if they wanna steal it -- be my fucking guest.

Why is it that neighborhoods like this get such a bad reputation? The drive down to the house?? Not the most assuring... Not gonna lie, made me nervous... not scared. Nervous. The actual STREET that I'd be living on? One way. The only kids are Jasmine's and she'll be living across the street. There are 2 old people that live next door.

One we move in, I'm changing the locks and getting an extra deadbolt plus a chain lock for the front and back doors. I don't trust anyone.

I'm not worried when I'm IN the house that I'll have any problems. Sure, there are problems that go on AROUND the neighborhood and outside the house, but I can't control what other people do.

I can't control that there as much as I couldn't control it here.

Here, in Gladstone... in this "GREAT" neighborhood -- in the 3 years we've lived here someone was stabbed, a woman was beaten in broad daylight in the parking lot, cars were broken into -- including ours -- people call names and whistle, I have to deal with noise here EVERYDAY.

Tell me THIS PLACE is safe??

It's not. It's trashy and I'm not like these people -- so I'm moving. Life is what you make it and I'm going to make mine a helluva lot better than this.



My new home.

xoxox