Happy Birthday, Jay! @100MonkeysMusic

20 days later and you've finally caught up with me... (I actually think that it's really freaking cool that we were born literally 20 days from each other.)

There was something that I always wondered about other December babies: do people try to combine gifts for you between your birthday and Christmas? My mother was born ON Christmas and people do that for her, but I have always been very meticulous about giving her separate birthday presents and Christmas presents... and so you can expect the same thing from me when I see you next. ;)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JAY!

Here's to hoping that 26 can be as kick-ass as 25 was. Choose carefully what your wish is when you blow out your birthday candles because you remember what they say about wishes...

My birthday wish for you is that you spend today with people that you love, you are never short on whiskey or beer and that you can smile from being genuinely happy.

In honor of your day here's a few of my favorite photos that I've taken of you. (Cheesy, I know, but it's an excuse to post some photos... Hah!)

The last two have more sentimental value than they are great photographs... But, I can't help but adore them.

Happy birthday, Jay... I know that it'll be special. See you soon... in a mere five days.

Love,

Jodie

Again, Again... Tour Is Coming.

"You got a lot, a lot of nerve, 

Coming here, 

When I'm still with him

And I can't have you, 

It isn't fair..."

Nine days until tour starts... this will be the third full week that I've been on tour with the boys. I'm already dreading the goodbye. It's never pleasant... I guess I'll get to that when I get to that.

Moving on... I believe that I'm nearing my 33rd show when we get to Atlanta, which means that the last date of tour, San Antonio, will be my 40th show. Funny how things work out like that, isn't it?

I have a few photoshoots scheduled for the tour stops as well... which, I'm stoked for! I can't wait to change it up a bit with the Monkey photos. It'll be nice to shoot something other than them while on tour.

For those not in the know, on the Houston date Jennifer and I will officially be considering Houston our home. Dropping our things off at the new place we'll be staying at and then heading to the show... Finally... Finally I am moving to Texas.

And then there's New Years... I am half looking forward to it, half dreading it and wishing that it didn't exist... only for reasons I can't really talk about... the crap that's in my head... but one thing that will be a plus from the day is that it's me and Jennifer's 11th friendaversary. 11 years she will have put up with my bullshit. Can you believe it? Let's get drunk.

My Least Favorite Things About Tour, by Jodie Platz

-Fangirls and Twihards that are aggressive.
-People who are nice to your face who talk behind your back. (I like consistency.)
-Line jumpers.
-People who hold spots all day long for their ten friends.
-People who scream when the cars pull up... or for this tours case: bus.
-People who molest the band.
-People who scream "JASSSSSSPERRRRRR!!!"
-People who bang on their windows and force me to put myself between them and the band...
-When there's nowhere around the venue to pee.
-When there are four opening acts and they all suck.
-When I get lost and can't find the venue... Oh wait, Micky has a Tom Tom! Wheeee!!
-Being hungry but feeling so anxious I can't eat.
-Sweating my makeup off.
-People who try to get in front of me by using the line, "I'm a photographer..." *shifty eyes, deadpan*
-Saying goodbye.

My Most Favorite Things About Tour, by Jodie Platz

-Seeing people's face light up when they see the band for the first time.
-Seeing people get converted from TwiHards to Monkey Junkies. (No matter how much I hate the word "Monkey Junkie" and no matter how much I DO NOT consider myself one...)
-Being on the road constantly.
-Rest stops/truck stops.
-Sleeping in the van while it's driving... peaceful.
-CHIPS!
-Taking the roaddog along for the ride.
-A new city every day.
-Getting dressed in the van and not giving a shit if the creeper two cars over is stealing a peek.
-The moment the boys take the stage.
-Being as drenched with sweat as they are because everything they're giving I'm giving back to them.
-High fives.
-Getting the venue before the band and helping them know where to park/eat/shop.
-The rush I get when my improv is chosen.
-Interaction.
-Seeing new venues. 
-Being dubbed a "road warrior" because I'm hardcore and don't get hotels each night. (RARELY get hotels... ever. Maybe one night each tour.)
-Saying goodbye... 

Yes, saying goodbye is on both lists... because while saying it is so hard, not saying it is even harder and I've always been masochistic... but... those goodbye hugs are better than any hugs in the world. They're perfect enough to try to make it last until the next time around.

Picture of the Day:

xx

Blood On The Walls

Like a kitten purring during a Christmas day massacre, 

Sitting there soft and touchable, 

The world unfolding and bleeding around you, 

We all must maintain our appearances to survive, 

But there will always be the impending doom, 

Waiting in the wings for you to notice it, 

Just when you think it's disappeared from your line of view, 

It'll snap right out and take you.

The Space

From one side of the room to the other, 

I estimate the number of steps, 

I contemplate the things to say;

Moisture upon my lips.

I fight the urge to run to you, 

But I have to make myself move my legs, 

Our eyes dart back and forth

As you slowly mouth my name, 

I never cared much for what I've been called, 

But to hear it from anyone else won't sound the same, 

The air is thick and tight as the walls they slowly cave, 

Three people or two hundred, 

Doesn't matter, it's all the same, 

When the space between us closes, 

And I'm finally home again. 

Wicked Little Things

"Now that we're all fat and happy, 

We'll be made into pies..." 

I had a bad day today. I'm frustrated with entirely too much and it's all building up in me. Of course, I can't actually say what's really bothering me for fear that those who it affects will read it. It's not something that should be brought to their attention via blog, you know? I owe them more than that.

Regardless, when I'm out of control, I fight to control what I can in my life. Today it was an X-Acto knife, antihistamines and Miller Light. Those are three things that I can control in my life. So I controlled them.

Those that know me know that Benedryl knocks me the fuck out. So a few of those + the 2 beers I had and I was passed out within an hour or so... slept like a rock while Twister played in the background. It was a good sleep. I needed it.

Upon waking everything is still the same, however. I haven't said the things to the people that I need to, but it did make me feel better to temporarily put the world on hold.

Control is a funny thing. There are some areas in my life where I absolutely must have control...  There are some things that I know I'll never get control over...  There are some things that I don't even want control over... It's crazy - the lines are blurred on where all of those things stand.

I can only hope that tomorrow is a better day... but then again - tomorrow is already a better day because it's finally the 14th... :)

Photo of the day:

Say No More

"Surrounded by familiar faces with no names, 

None of them know me or want to share my pain, 

They only wish to bask in my light then fade away, 

To win my love, to them a game, 

To watch me live my life in vain, 

When all is done and the glitter fades away..." 

 
My blog "Situational Friendship" was quite popular. I got 7 comments, which is pretty high for me (sadly), thus I can't even imagine how many people read it. I don't have a counter on my blog or I'd be obsessed with it. I also don't have a tracker on my blog, or I'd be obsessed with it...

Regardless...

Most of the comments were positive and supportive... understanding...

However there was one anonymous comment that I wanted to respond to on here.

Comment: First of all, I'm not spamming nor am I trolling your blog. You don't know me from the next person in a crowded place, but I have been in your presence a few times. And for what it's worth, I've made an attempt to befriend you. Not because I'm interested in who you know and how you know them, but because I try my best to treat people the way I'd like to be treated.

You have a very large wall put up. And from behind that wall you tend to throw harsh words and criticisms to people who may not feel the same way you do about things. It seems to me that you isolate yourself away from other people because of the people you know - but how can you possibly know if that's what people want from you if you don't give them a chance?

Some people are fucking ignorant, I have no doubt in my mind. And the others? The genuine people who'd like to know the person behind the camera? Well, some of them are a bit put off, I won't lie. At the end of the day, no one is better than anyone - we're all people with fears, hopes, dreams and trust issues.

Micky immediately responded (without prompting from me) and said: To Anonymous:

I think what you said was nicely put...and for that maturity, I commend you.

When I first met Jodie, I had heard all of the stories before about supposed attitude, or "nasty looks" from her.

However, I walked right up to her, drunkenly threw my arm around her, and said, "I want you to sing a song with me!"

It was instant. It was genuine. And neither one of us batted an eyelash.

I'm not one to listen to people's opinions and just believe them...but yes, some people are put off by Jodie. Just as most people are put off by me.

They see confidence and confuse it with cockiness. They see insecurity and confuse it with attention-seeking. They see talent and they confuse it with entitlement. They see kindness and confuse it with weakness.

I don't really know why everyone has insisted that it's so difficult to befriend Jodie...it really isn't.

Genuine intentions speak volumes, and so do ingenuous intentions.

Maybe we should all just not come at each other with preconceived notions...and just wipe the slate clean.

It was very nicely put and mature. I really appreciate the fact that this person was able to stay level headed and not just bash me or use their "adult words" because I have seemingly overlooked them.

To this anonymous person I say -- for starters, I apologize to you that I have made you feel anything less than special. Yes, I do have a very large wall built -- and it's been put there for a reason. I was once a naive and over-trusting person and that landed me nowhere. It landed me in bad situations and bad situational friendships. It landed me in places where my so-called-friends used me for everything that they thought that I was worth and then they tossed me aside. So now that you know that, perhaps you can understand that wall and why it's there.

It's there from previous years before Monkeys and it's there because of the few "bad apples" I've met because of Monkeys. Some people are great actors -- some people will say and do anything to get you to trust them and then they fuck you over and you're the idiot standing there robbed saying, "I should have known better"... I know that this is not all people - but it's happened to me more times than I care to share, and unfortunately, the wall grows higher and then the good people with genuine intentions are forced to scale it. For some it's easy... others give up.

Like Micky said - it's not impossible to get around. There isn't an application to be my friend... there isn't someone better suited for the position than not, it's mostly just trust. If you trust me and I trust you -- then there it is. Honesty, I believe is the best way to get that across.

I actually had no idea that I had a reputation as... whatever it is that my reputation is. Honestly, I am a very insecure person - honestly, I feign most of my confidence, but in feigning it I feel like it *actually* gives me some. I tend to hide behind my camera and that wall that I've built, but you know what? In that instant that Micky threw her drunken arm around me, both of our walls vanished because there were no ego's, there were no ulterior motives... there was just honesty and yes, we both were in a vulnerable position at that moment. She could have used me and I could have used her... but because we're both honest and good people, thankfully we have a lifelong REAL friendship that blossomed out of that.

I am more than apt to giving people chances, and I'd be more than happy to get to know you if you choose to unveil yourself. (Privately, of course.)

Please don't think I overlooked any part of your comment -- if I have, please let me know and I'd be happy to address any of it. I am not ashamed of it or anything that you have to say.

Yes, I do isolate myself and like I mentioned, I hide behind my camera and that big huge wall... but hopefully now you're able to see the reasons *why* I do those things...

And another thing... you can't always believe everything that you hear. I've had 2 people who were "brave enough" to befriend me after they heard... whatever it was that they heard... and they happily dispelled other rumors to their friends. Of course, both of those people were people that I had heard things about as well... and you know, in such a tight, close knit circle, it's hard not to believe the shit that people say about other people. But... the rumors about those two people were not true on my end either.

I'm more than happy to give people chances. Honestly. Most of them just never give me the chance to...

Of all the times that people have said that I've hurt their feelings I've more than apologized. If you knew me then you would know that I cannot stand the thought of hurting people's feelings. I don't tend to come out and say exactly what I mean for fear that people won't like what it is that I have to say...

I really wish those who didn't like me knew how much time I spend thinking about why people don't like me. How much it hurts me when people talk behind my back, make up lies, exaggerate stories of encounters, make me out to be this monster... Then again I wish that it were enough for me to just be happy that I have the love and trust of those that I do...

I'm a very conflicted person. I over think everything and Anonymous person, I've done nothing but think of your comment since I read it. That's how much you have affected me. That's how much I worry about being liked.

If you choose to come to me privately, we can talk. If not... then please know that I did try. If I can give you a reason for why I haven't befriended you sooner, than I will -- an honest reason.

I'm not good at this, you know... I don't have someone out there who can create an image for me. I can't be the "typical" Sagittarius and just say what I think and do what I want without any apologies. I apologize too much, for that, I am sorry. (That was a mini-joke... get it...)

I've tried to add all friend requests on Facebook, trying to get to know people more -- but then no one new ever talks to me... they just sit there and I'm confused on who they are when I look at my friends list. So then I went through and deleted all of those people who never talked to me and utilized their medium in order to be my friend. I felt bad and guilty for it... See that! I felt bad for deleting people that never talked to me.

Now, this comment has me all wrapped up in people not thinking that I have a heart or something. I honestly don't know what to do... I honestly don't know what I want. Yes, I want friends. But no, I don't just want to be your friend because we like the same band. Then what? Then we're just going to sit there and talk about the damn band all the time. I can't stand that. I can't stand when I post a Facebook status and EVERYTHING must be related back to Monkeys. God, I love them... I love them with every cell in my body, I do... but I don't want to only talk about them. I'll go crazy.

So sure, we meet at a Monkey's concert or something and you introduce yourself to me... that's amazing... let's talk about the band for a second... (it's the obvious of what we have in common...) sure, let's exchange information or whatever... but then, I'd like to get to know YOU and I would hope you want to get to know ME. Because if you're basing everything you know about me off of 100 Monkeys then you are missing so fucking much.

Photo of the day:

When I Grow Up...

Second blog for the day. I may as well do it if the urge strikes me, right? (That's what she said.)

I can't remember all the things that I wanted to be when I was a kid. I can't remember my dreams of wanting to be a flight attendant, teacher or a princess.

I remember in kindergarten that choir was mandatory and I was the only girl in class that looked forward to it. I remember hearing Whitney Houston's Bodygaurd soundtrack and I remember singing right into the speaker, emulating her... aching to do that... sing.

I didn't realize that it could actually be a career -- that you could potentially make your living off of singing. But from then on all I ever wanted to do was sing.

Around the time I was seven or so I started modeling. As I've mentioned before, my mother is a photographer and so it was a simple transition/decision.

Of course, as I've mentioned before on other blogs and mediums, I wish that when I was that age that someone would have encouraged a healthy lifestyle for me. I wish that they would have told me just because I was the tallest girl in the class didn't mean that I was fat. Everyone in school called me fat... and thus, I became what it was that they saw of me.

If I could have made it through my teenage years without being fat then I could have continued with a successful modeling career... but... everything happens for a reason, right?

Now... I'm behind the camera versus in front of it.

Photography wasn't one of the things that I dreamed of doing when I was a child... but I suppose we rarely get our dreams. I did however, have a short lived music career and now I'm happy to be in a band with my best friend Micky called The Oh Noz!, it makes me so happy to be getting musically creative again. They say that a photo is worth a thousand words, but I think where you can't get something across in photography you can get across in music and vice versa.

What was it that you wanted to be as a child? What stopped you? Why aren't you going for your dreams now?

Situational Friendship

"You take your cigarettes ultra light, 

I like to take them straight, 

You always feel so blue... 

I always feel great."

My mother is very smart. She's taught me many things. She taught me all about photography... (she's an incredible artist herself...)

I mimicked one of her iconic photographs earlier this year, actually.

Mama's original:

My take:

The difference here is that her's is amazing and mine is completely mediocre. At least I am a good enough artist to realize this. My favorite part of hers is everything - my favorite part of mine is the billow of smoke.

Regardless -- she's taught me about photography... she's taught me words that I live by, a quote by Jen Platz: "You never know when you will be reduced to camping." Take that one with you kids, she's amazing.

Amongst her amazing and inspiring art and words she's taught me about something she calls "situational friendship."

I was bitching to her about 2 months ago that people didn't care about ME... that they didn't want to know ME - they wanted to know who I knew, what I knew or my photos. (I had said, once upon a time, that I wanted people to give me attention -- I will reiterate this, kids: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.)

My Mama told me to stop bitching. She said that I was making myself out to be a victim here and while it is unfortunate that more people don't take the time to get to know ME, that I shouldn't write everyone off just because of it.

There are those people out there that we call "situational friends". I am your friend because we know the same people, travel in the same circle, because we have something to gain from each other -- we aren't USING each other... because you can benefit from me and I can benefit from you -- we are friends... just not the lasting kind.

It's like any other "normal" job - you're friends with the person the next cubical over because it's easier to be friendly than to keep to yourself... it's easy because you have that built in person that you can talk to at the water cooler and you know that someone is always there having your back. This person isn't going to be your friend when you get laid off from your job two years down the line -- but it was nice to have them there while they lasted.

My Mama is going to school to be a nurse (she's a Jack of all trades, if you will...) she said that she became friends with the girl who sits next to her in class because they can trade notes and they'll have each others back if one of them has to miss a class... my Mama = smart woman.

Now I don't take it so personally when it's a give and take kind of friendship that approaches me. Perhaps we both can gain from each other in this situational friendship...

However...

It wouldn't hurt to have a few more ACTUAL friends out there who will have my back when I fall and skin my knees... most situational friends tend to flee at the first sign of trouble. (Scroll back up there and re-read that getting laid off part... yeah.)

I said on Twitter a few weeks ago that I was lonely... a follower replied back with "why are you lonely? You're awesomesauce and super talented. How is it possible for you not to be surrounded by people?" That comment really stuck with me. I had to favorite it even though it was so sad. While the compliments inside the note were sweet and I took them to heart -- it's amazing that people don't understand. I love them all... I love each and every person that follows me, I love each and every person that's ever saved one of my photos on their computer or fanned my Facebook page... I really, really, honestly and genuinely love them all with every inch of my heart --- but I'm so lonely.

I'm so lonely because I don't know who I can trust. I'm so lonely because I don't have anyone that I can tell my secrets to. I'm so lonely because no one will listen. I'm so lonely because no one sees me... or takes the time to see me... or takes the time to get to know me.


Yes, there are exceptions to the rule and believe me, I know those who I can count on in a real situation. So... no angry texts from the few I can count on my hand that will argue with me about what I've just said. But, most of those people have lives... wait. Actually, all of those people have lives... all of those people don't live here with me.

And then there's the others that say how much I can come to them... how they love ME for ME yet they only come around when I'm going to a show or I post new photos. Do you know how many people comment or "like" my photography outside of 100 Monkeys? Like... 2 people. I wonder if people even look at it.

You know, my last post I said that I was speaking to the whole four of you that read it and I was surprised that I got a few comments -- I know there's those out there who read but don't comment... I appreciate all of you too...

This was just something I wanted to talk about for a while -- not bitching about the life that I have made for myself - I honestly wouldn't trade it for anything... and perhaps it's better that I have the close friends that I do - most of them are artists and can understand the artists life. It's good to have those ears to listen to me and those shoulders to lean on when I need them.

I love all my friends... situational or not. :)

Photo of the day:

Photo of the Bay Bridge that I took in San Francisco. Reminds me of my mama.

One Amazing Year

I'm about to get sentimental on you...

One year ago today was the first time I ever met Jackson.

Now, for so many of my friends (including my best friend Jennifer) today marks the first time that they ever saw 100 Monkeys live. I had already seen 100 Monkeys twice in August, however, Jackson wasn't there for those shows -- thus, November 7, 2009 was the first time that I ever met Jackson and the first time that I ever saw 100 Monkeys as a full band.

My how far I've come in a year.

I just went back into my blog from a year ago to see what all I had said about Jackson and my first full 100 Monkeys experience and I actually used the same icon that I did a year ago... without trying. :) Funny, it just seemed so appropriate for today.

I tried (and failed) to meet Jay three times before I was actually successful, which... we all know, waiting for something makes it that much sweeter in the end. November 7, 2009 was a great day. I won't say it was the best day of my life - but at that moment it ranked pretty high on the list. I still hold it amongst the memories I love. It seems so long ago, in a sense... and yet, I at times can't believe that it's only been a year.

I really don't think there's any amount of words that can sum up how much it means to me. I only have a few that really hit it on the head:

Be careful what you wish for...

November 2009, Nashville

January 2010, Tulsa

March 2010, Des Moines

March 2010, STL

April 2010, Nashville

June 2010, Seattle

July 2010, Arizona

October 2010, Baton Rouge

Of course those aren't all the photos that I have with him -- I have to keep some things private and just for myself.

I can't and won't even begin to tell you how far I've/we've come in the last year. I suppose it is unfortunate that a year ago I could say and spill anything I wanted and it didn't matter because no one cared to listen and now, now I keep everything to myself... for many different reasons... but yeah. I don't mind though - it makes all of those moments and memories a hundred times more special. 

I will say this, however; I do not take one moment with him (or any of those boys, for that matter) for granted. I appreciate it and them more than I am sure they even know and more than you all could ever comprehend. 

I can't believe it's only been a year... another one of these "year" blogs will be coming at the end of the southern tour... so be prepared for that. It's already being written in my head. 

Thanks to the four of you who read this. :)

26/26

"Never dreamt of such sterile hands..."





26 days until my 26th birthday.

I love the countdown to my birthday. I am determined to make this one a good one... from December 1, 2009 all the way up until now... (and time is still passing...) this has been the best year of my life. Hands down. Without a doubt. Actually, I reckon it could have all started back in August 2009. :) December was really just a good kick off.

December 1, 2009 I bought Grape by 100 Monkeys for one of my birthday presents. Later that day I got my first Fender electric guitar. *happiness*

Of course, other than those two things it wasn't a very good birthday at all. I spent it all alone and no one really gave a shit that I was having a birthday. 25 is supposed to be better than that.

For 26 it's definitely going to be something a bit more enjoyable. I'm spending it with a select group of friends. I'm hoping that I get birthday phone calls even though everyone knows I'm not going to answer the phone... and on my actual birthday, the plan is a new tattoo.

Blah, blah, blah.

No one is listening.

xx

Divorce Amongst Friends

"Faced with the Dodo's conundrum, 

I felt like I could just fly, 

But nothing happened every time I tried..." 

Let's face it - not all friendships last. Unfortunately, friendships are not the same as relationships or marriages. You don't get alimony and there wasn't a prenup.

So usually you are left with nothing.

I feel bad for those with mutual friends, but in my last friendship snafu breakup, I gave the mutual friends to the other person. (I'm generous, what can I say...?)

You know when you file for a divorce you must cite a reason for the split. And both parties must sign the documents acknowledging and understanding what is happening...


The world is full of good people -- they're all good people. There are good people that do bad things, and there are good people that do good things. But there are no bad people. No one was born bad. People just make bad decisions in life.

And you know what? Sometimes if you let those people go... if you let them turn and walk out the door and you don't call back for them? That's the best decision that you can ever make. Because the people that want you to run after them... hold onto them... beg them to stay? Nah. You're not worth their time if they're not even going to try to put you in their life. Let them go. You deserve so much better, little dove.

This message brought to you by scissors. Like... kitchen shears.

Photo of the Day:

xx

This Time Around

"We'll frolic through the clover and pick dandelions
For each others moms..."




I've seen quite a few people use the wrong Spencer Bell lyric there for a while, so I thought I would put it as my Lyrics-Of-The-Day. The songs is called Dandelions and it's my favorite Spencer song. Very fitting song for today.

Take a listen to it and other Spencer songs over at his Memorial website.

I've been almost avoiding my blog... I didn't really mean to, but at times it's just very hard for me to speak about things - it gives them a sense of finality for me. I do the same thing when I get back from shows -- I always promise that I will blog about the experience, but lets face it... I somehow fall short on that promise.

"Life is a one way dirt road; there's only one way to go..." Spencer was right there. Of course, for right now, my car is pulled over to the side and I'm idling. I don't know why, but I can't seem to make progress.

Let me go back a little bit.

Kentucky didn't work out. It wasn't my doing or even not my wanting it to happen -- but you cannot force something like that upon other people. The long and short of it is that Jennifer and I moved to Tuscaloosa, Alabama.

We have been loving it here. It's quite wonderful. While I don't think that anything can ever feel like home to me -- the traveler in me is just way too deep -- I do feel happy here, and comfortable. It's October and we've still got the AC on! The other day it was 95 degrees at 5p in the evening. This place rocks.

A few have asked me/us if we're going to the Justin Timberlake Shriners Hospitals For Children Open this year... the answer is no. We had "plans" to go to all five years of the tournament and it really does hurt that I can't be there this year. Mainly for one reason: Rachel. This year will be Rachel's 21st birthday and I had promised her that I would be in Vegas to celebrate it with her. I ache that I had to break that promise.

It's just not feasible after moving to Kentucky and having to turn around 10 days later and move again to Alabama. That was an entire month of paychecks missed, work missed, money spent on gas + moving... it really ate up into the plans.

I would say next year - but honestly, I am not in the right place to make any more promises. Especially ones that are an entire year away.

Of course not just Rachel wants me out there this year... I've been getting some threats on an old blog post of mine from someone who apparently wants to either intimidate me or harm me whilst out in Vegas because they're going this year.

Now... in this blog I talked about all the horrible things that had been happening to me and how I believed them to be my karma coming back to bite me in the ass because I don't believe that anyone is above getting what they deserve. I said how I was making positive changes in my life to not try and burn those bridges anymore and I can honestly say over the last year that I have been active in trying to be a better person.

Over the last year I have made efforts to contact those people who I have hurt and apologize -- some I have just left alone because it's better to not pick at a scab, but all of the people that I have contacted have accepted my apology. That doesn't make us friends, now... but it means that we harbor no ill will towards each other and we've moved past it. (As I'm talking please know this list isn't long... *maybe* 7-9 people... and only about 3 haven't been contacted because it would be better to just... not.)

Of course I can only assume that these threats are coming from one of the three people I haven't contacted in the last year... I have however now extended the opportunity for me to apologize to them. If they decide to take it is their choice.

People are mean and cruel. This I know too well. The things that I have done to these people are not horrible unforgiving acts. I have not harmed them physically, I have not done anything to them that was unforgivable. But I have hurt them in some way or another. I am a big enough person to admit this. I am a big enough person to apologize for these things. I have received my karma and my fate from these actions. I have taken the steps to better my life.

I only wish they would do the same.

Threatening people isn't nice. (Of course, I'm not naive enough to believe or think that all people are nice.) But they cannot carry out karma as if it was wrath and make it their own personal vendetta. They are not the universe. They are not a god. They should leave that up to powers that are stronger than they are.

I feel horribly. I feel horrible that someone is still aching about something that was done over one year ago. To think that I could hurt someone that badly makes me feel worse than they could ever know. They are harboring a kind of hate in their heart that can only eat them alive and consume them... that's completely unfortunate and I would never wish that upon anyone. I truly would like to apologize for those actions. The things we do when we are young are silly and immature and often times egged on by peers. I now have better peers. I now am older and wiser and I finally know what I want out of this life.

Swiftly moving on... I will try to end on a high note.

Monkeys released their dates for the southern US tour. I've got them on the books to see them 9x in December. That's a whole lot of Monkey. (and literally every show the boys are playing in December... my god.)

I love my job.

Amidst those is this one that you check out... Green Bay, WI... a PRIVATE show. :)

Also, their New Years Eve bash. It's really quite fitting... I have literally spent this entire year with these boys... I definitely should end it with them... and you know what they say... how you spend your New Years Eve is how you'll spend the next year. So I'm going to be the only place that I would want to be on that evening -- with my boys.

Birthday Wish List

I haven't made one of these since I was about nine.

When I was nine my birthday wish list went a little differently. This list seems far more practical than I am used to.

People keep asking me what I would like for my birthday, which makes me so, so happy at the thought that I may receive presents! (I love presents so very much... and you will love watching me open them. Swear.)

I am having a massive birthday party this year (sort of keeps with the theme of the past year for me, actually...) and since so many people are having to travel in to be there, I really didn't expect any gifts and I haven't gotten birthday presents in such a long time. Not that I would ever turn away a present...

The link to my birthday party event page, it's open -- RSVP! http://bit.ly/cCzWys

BIRTHDAY WISH LIST:

*Memory cards. (San Disk, preferred.)
*Filters for my lens. Many cool effects out there - you can find them on B & H Photo's website. (They're cheaper than you think...)
*Spencer Bell necklace from 100 Monkeys Sweden. (I'm Lost or There Is No Plan B.)
*Tambourine (Full size.) I will not turn away any musical instrument.
*Egg shakers
*Gift cards: Best Buy, Starbucks, Victoria's Secret, Sephora, Target, iTunes, gas stations/airlines.
*A new tattoo...? :)
*Alcohol: Jack Daniels or a case of beer will earn you a kiss.
*Hats. Size medium/large.
*Anything unique, handmade or personalized... something odd or random that made you think of me. (Antique/old fashioned mirrors, jewelry boxes and things always intrigue me.)
*Makeup. :) I love makeup.
*Anything Batman.

I am probably the easiest person to shop for. :)

--I may randomly add to this list.--

Jodie Platz vs The World

"If you're from the midwest and 
you think you wanna give the world your best shot
don't come to New York, 
it makes you poor, it kills your soul, 
go to a small town, hold your ground..."

Spencer Bell was right there... hold your ground.

This week I moved from the big city of Kansas City to the tiny, itsy bitsy town of Dawson Springs, Kentucky.

For contrast; Kansas City is the largest city in Missouri with a population of 475,830. Dawson Springs? 2,980.

Where?! I have seen like, four people since I got here!

Another contrast will tell you that the small town that I grew up in, Wamego, Kansas, has a population of 4,246... so... then there's that.

This place is tiny.

The point of this blog is because, if I am being honest here, I am in over my head and am trying to adjust to the culture shock.

While my new "home" is just 8 hours southeast of Kansas City, it's like another world. I was expressing this to my Mama on the phone yesterday and after all that I told her she gave me a few things to think about.

Whereas I have always thought that I have impeccable manners, apparently, my manners don't translate well here in the south. I was raised with the "proper" table manners and I am a stickler on using them. Please, thank you, no thank you, table on the lap, don't take the last of anything, don't chew with your mouth open, don't talk with your mouth full, don't take seconds before anyone else has, etc...

Along with those table manners comes; don't take something that isn't yours without asking.

When in someone's home (which, we stayed with Willow's parents until our place had electricity - for nearly a week) I have never been comfortable. When someone says, "make yourself at home," I find that just the polite thing to say -- that doesn't mean that I will ever just go to your fridge and grab a glass of water or some food. I just can't. So... I have offended many people since I have been in Kentucky because their idea of manners and my idea of manners don't match up.

This brings me to "polite/impolite", "respectful/disrespectful" as my Mama put it.

She made an excellent point. What I may see as polite, someone else is offended by. When I feel like I am being respectful, they're insulted.

Somehow, in those 8 hours from "home" -- everything changed. (I suppose that would be "this side" of the Mississippi... No?)

While I cannot fathom just walking into someone's kitchen and grabbing a drink (I won't even do that in Jennifer's parents house and I have almost known her/them 11 years...) when someone here says, "make yourself at home", they genuinely want you to feel at HOME. Thus, I have offended THEM because of my manners. I do not feel at home, so they feel as if they have failed.

Wow.

My Mama says that I need to change my views and try to fit in... however... when you have been the same way for 25... nearly 26 years... how on earth can you change? I will NEVER feel comfortable just walking into someone else's kitchen...

And... that brings me to...

If someone were in my new home and they got up from my couch and went to get themselves a drink from my fridge or something to eat -- I would be highly offended and I would feel like a terrible hostess... so then there's that!

Suggestions?

Jodie

Ultimate Gratitude

"Now that you've figured it out, don't you miss the puzzlement? 
Befuddled as you were, the answers to your questions weren't
Nearly as obscure as you thought they would be, 
And now you're bored because the wonderment's gone 
And you're starting to forget what you were wondering about all along, 
Well, well, well, well, well... Regardless..."

I'm not sure that I will be able to slap all this together with my words. Honestly the best way I may have to express what I am feeling right now is to put my hand to my heart and just let the tears fall.

One year ago I attended my first Spencer Bell Legacy concert (which also happened to be my first 100 Monkeys concert...) and at that concert I literally only knew Willow - the person I came with. I knew Spencer, but not as well as I do now, I knew *OF* 100 Monkeys and knew some of their songs (most of which they didn't sing) and [besides The Stevedores] had never heard of any of the other bands.

Fast forward one year later (and 28 Monkey shows later) -- my third SBL and I am entrusted with the responsibility of being the official photographer for the event, I have the privilege to call some of these bands/band members friends of mine and I now know every word to nearly every song that all the bands sing.

Gratitude doesn't begin to cover it.

This has easily been the best year of my life (as I have said that many times before). And while you may think it's still only September, it really is nearing an end. I am tying up the loose ends and making birthday plans, I am recounting and reliving all the fabulous moments from the year and most recently, this weekend.

Now, as you know if you're an "avid reader", I don't dish on the moments that happen outside of public view - but I will say that even with inebriation, there's no way I can forget them.

Somehow I went from being the unknown girl last year, on the outside of all the inside jokes - to getting stopped all night Friday and all day Saturday so that people could introduce themselves to me. Insane.

Friday night I sang/helped sing three Spencer songs on the Callahan's stage. (Go To Hell, Twenty To One and Acapella Gumdrop) I had 5 photos raffled off for the fund (a photo of each member of 100 Monkeys which was then autographed) and also I contributed a photo of The Kissing Club and Tin Tin Can to the Wanted banner that they raffled off. They played my music video for Acapella Gumdrop at the show on Saturday and Dr. Gary Hammer even mentioned/thanked me on stage during each show --- all of those little things added up to me being hugely grateful to be so involved.

...It all begs the question... "How did I get here?" I know that some are sick of me for asking this, but the only appropriate answer resides in what has been my motto since last August -- "be careful what you wish for."

I've already said my thank you mentions on the SBL site, but once again I would like to give a resounding thank you to all of those involved in Legacy; from Bill and the bands, Callahan's, all those involved in merch and keeping people on time (and caffeinated!) to the fans -- none of it would be possible without every single piece of this puzzle.

For those who read my blog and who haven't found Spencer Bell yet -- please take a minute to listen to a song or two here. You won't regret it. Read his story, look through his art and fall in love.

Official photos will be posted on SpencerBellMemorial.com before you can find them anywhere else.

xx

JP

Speaking Your Mind

Quick rant... I am in the middle of watching a documentary, so this isn't going to be a full-fledged blog -- just something I need to get off my chest.

Just posted a mini-rant on Twitter -- you probably saw them... something along the lines of "I can't speak out of turn... I am a robot..." etc...

It came about because yesterday I posted a Facebook status that read, "I am moving. I don't know where... I don't know when... but fuck this place. I am getting out of here."

This morning I received a response from someone that Jennifer used to work with who added me as a friend... "WOW! Is it really that serious? Some people wish they had something and you are complaining about..."

I replied with, "I don't think you know half of the situation. It's quite unfair to place judgement on people complaining about their lives when you don't know what goes on in their lives each day."

She responded: "Well that is the point of me asking not judging! So please if you got it that twitsted IT WAS A F***N JOKE! WOW! Who would have thought that you would catch an attitude with me. Never again that's for sure!"

I replied, "I think you're taking all of this... the status... my reply... all of it, quite too seriously."

This has been an ongoing issue I have dealt with for years with people.

Most people would collectively agree that Sagittarius is the most outspoken, blunt and opinionated sign is the astrological chart. While I do have an opinion on everything -- I am NOT outspoken or blunt. Quite the opposite, really. I was raised with impeccable manners and I very rarely speak out of turn.

So while I am usually quite well behaved (unless you try to rape a primates car... then I will peel you off of it and yell at you. Situations. Conditions.) I do have moments where there is just some shit you shouldn't say to me... I have moments where I voice my opinion.

I have, on rare occasion, let my unfiltered opinion slip and the repercussions were irrevocable. This is why I usually keep those opinions to myself. Get me drunk or know me for a long, long while... you'll be "privileged" enough.

Now. I don't believe what I first said back to this girl was that harsh -- I merely said that if you don't know the situation firsthand, you shouldn't make judgements. I think that was polite. I was reminding her of her manners.

Because really, she doesn't understand or know just how bad it is here. How bad my living situation is. The massive anxiety attacks I have at times just walking to my car. So, you keep your mouth shut when you don't know what you're talking about. Yes?

Lessons we have learned today: Not all Sagittarius' are the same. Don't say stupid shit to me. Mind your manners.

You Can Tell Me I Look Lonely...

...And I'll say you look the same... 

Life changes so incredibly quickly for me. One day I am sitting here thinking about how fucking hot it is in my apartment... how I can make a legit profit off of my photos... how much I hate where I am living... how much I miss my road friends...

...The next minute I have plans to go to Lawrence on Thursday to pick up an AC from my Daddy and now I do believe I have plans to move... to... Wisconsin...

The reason for this blog, however, is to say how much I truly appreciate the fact that I have met so many amazing... fantastic people because of this tiny little band that I love.

I wrote out this insanely long blog... and then I realized just how much I need to censor myself now... which, sucks... So... take the time to think about how small things make big waves in your life. If y'all leave some comments of how small things have changed your life in big ways, I maaay finish typing out my blog with what I was going to say...

xx

This Life... It Is A-Changing

The ADD is really killing me today. I came here to get online and get some work on my official site done... of course that didn't happen. I did manage to write, what I think, is a pretty rocking blog -- you can find that entry below this one if you haven't already checked it out.

Someone @'d me on Twitter and said that they got sucked into reading my blog, so I decided I would skim back a little bit and see what all I had written... I used to update for nogoddamnreason, but now it seems like I only update when I have seen the boys. This blog was never intended to just be about the boys... hell, I started this blog long, long ago.

So I was reading back a bit and then I clicked on my archive... I saw my Duct Tape post & giggled my ass off, remembering things that I had long since forgotten, that being from January and only my 4th 100 Monkeys show. (I am now at 26...)

It was pretty adorable to read about giving him duct tape for the first time (when now it's a staple & *expected*) and to read about him using my lighter as a slide for the first time... when now... oh god... well, I still love, adore and appreciate every time that he uses my lighter as a slide (if I am there to see it, or not...) but to read about my reaction to the FIRST time? Pretty sweet. :)

I then decided to click back to November and read about the first time meeting Jackson.

Crazy.

So crazy.

I can't believe how much my writing has changed. If I were to re-write that blog today, I wouldn't have put HALF of those details in there... and also, you can tell I was being respectful (& sogoddamnnew) because I kept calling him "Jackson Rathbone", "Jackson Rathbone". That. Is. Crazy. I don't even call him Jackson now! He never answers me when I call him Jackson! (Learned that one the hard way back in Tulsa...) I suppose there are some times when his name just *NEEDS* two syllables... Jack-son! (That's more of a scolding, if you ask me...) but no, no, no, no... he is J a y.

Alright, time to zip my lips on the comparisons... Oh... one more thing, though... I still talk about Jerad the same. :D

From the 4th show, Tulsa. January.

From the 26th show, San Francisco. July.

Both blue... hah. Awesome.

I just got very nostalgic right now. Great. Now I miss him... *grumbles and walks away* ...just what I needed...

xx

Jodie

Pain Is A Curious Notion

"LA lights, they don't shine quite as bright as back in Frisco... still wanna go?" 




One theory on pain is that there is only a set amount of it that you will feel in one lifetime. Once you have felt all that you were meant to feel... well, I guess then you don't feel any more pain. (Whatever that means.)

Everyone has a different threshold, feel, description & tolerance for pain. Doctors ask you to describe your pain on a scale of 1-10. But this cannot be accurate; someone's "7" is another persons "4".

This is one reason why I dislike when people ask me if any of my six tattoos hurt. I, personally, adore the feel of a tattoo needle against my skin. However, I cringe and bawl like a baby when I have to get blood drawn. (Nurses cannot understand this.) It's a different kind of "pain".

Perhaps it's intention there. I am willfully putting art onto my body, so the vibration, the needle... all of it... is so very enjoyable to me. But when I am getting blood drawn, that's pretty much against my free will there. Another analogy I can use for it is cutting - I don't feel pain when I intentionally cut my skin, but when I accidentally slice my hand while trying to make a bagel in the morning I curse and jump up and down...

The mind controls pain like it does emotions.

Steven and Laura had been in love for four years. They had the windows down and the car stereo as loud as it would go as they drove his red Pontiac around town. Steven was holding Laura's hand as he turned the corner and a Ford F150 ran a red light and T-boned the car on the passengers side.

When Steven came to he was covered in blood, hands shaking, smoke and dust everywhere from the airbags... but he didn't feel any pain. Not until he looked over and saw that Laura had been killed instantly.

When your body feels an immense amount of pain, it ups your adrenaline & makes it nearly impossible to feel anything. Shock.

However, what can your body to in order to keep your *heart* from feeling pain...? It cannot up your adrenaline to stop you from feeling heartache. I would gladly take the pain of broken bones and ruptured spleens over the crushing weight of some other emotions my body has felt.

I am not merely talking about losing someone that you love or care about...

Love hurts. It's true. (And a damn good song, might I add.) Have you ever watched the one you love walk away with someone else? There is no amount of adrenaline (or Xanax. Or whiskey.) that can make that pain go away. (Or that visual reminder...) What about unrequited love? What does the body do to make that pain disappear?

You know, I used to not really believe in love... not the way that others do. But now I believe if you don't really believe in love - love just hasn't found you yet... but pain? That will always find you.

On The Mend

I got back from my week with 100 Monkeys a few days ago and it occurred to me that I still never blogged about Birmingham, Memphis or Dallas... well... those are now lost...

I retract that.

Here.

Birmingham: Best 100 Monkeys show I ever saw. It's not a surprise to me that so many of the songs off their new live album were from the Birmingham show. AL was good to me. :)

Memphis: Baaaad. Boys were off. Played a short set. I was drunk. I got called a "Drunk Ass" by my BFF; I retaliated with "Fucker." That was the last 100 Monkeys show I will ever drink at... well, I've been known to break promises like that before, but I definitely will stick to ONE or TWO beers... not drinking all day and then buying PBR on special. Bad idea.

Dallas: I can't even go there. It was awesome. I barely took any photos because I just ENJOYED myself.

Alright... so I went out for a week with the boys again for their West Coast summer tour. I was on the road for 2 weeks, but only with them for one...

Hermosa Beach: Streamed live again... I didn't drink half a bottle of Jack Daniel's before attending this show like I did the last time I saw them at St. Rocke in February. Pretty badass show. Was the first show I shot with my new camera so I was frustrated with the new learning curve and I noticed that I sing less now that I take my DSLR out... so, I think I am taking less photos... but they're better quality... so the ones I do take are pretty awesome... Ben & Jay used my mini tambourine on stage, which rocked. :) I love tambourines. Jay chucked it across the back wall during Wandering Mind, though and I could not stop laughing. Jenn said, "why are you laughing?" She did NOT find it amusing that he threw it... she was pretty pissed at him. Luckily Scott went and fetched it for me. He's a good man.

Arizona: It was fucking HOT. The show was incredible and definitely the LOUDEST and most fangirly that I have ever been to. The boys did a good job though. Loved the photos that I got from this show. Probably my favorite of the week. They did my improv suggestion for, "There's A Camera In My Face". Loved it. My second favorite improv after the one I suggested in Birmingham: "I Hacked Into Your Email".

Vegas: I was with the boys last time they were in Vegas in January... as you probably remember... or you can go look in my archives & read all about that catastrophe. This show was a little awkward, I think. The improv & Wandering Mind sounded INSANE. Scott is seriously a genius. I love that man.

San Diego: This was my 25th 100 Monkeys show... and I did all that in less than a year. This month I will celebrate my 1 year 100 Monkeys anniversary while out at Callahan's. Back to where I started. :) I stayed in the back to talk/meet my friend Ali for the first half of their set. It was amazing to just hang out and enjoy their music & not worry about getting "The Shot" ++ seeing Ali was the highlight of this entire adventure. I love her so much it was great to finally talk to her IN PERSON! For the boys' encore we managed to get up to the 3rd row and I got some pretty great shots, actually. It's insane what you can acquire when you don't try whatsoever.

San Francisco: San Diego was supposed to be the last show... but how can you say no to Monkeys? I dare you to try. We got talked into coming to San Francisco and I am so happy. It was my favorite show of the week and I got some amazing photos. It was great to finally see a show at the Great American Music Hall; their lighting was INTENSE! I loved it. Great shots. Already said that...

The time I spend with the boys gets more and more guarded. I am definitely guarding myself more and becoming more and more protective of the boys. (Had to be a tad overprotective in San Diego... INSANE fan tried to rape their car. I handled it.)

The goodbyes were difficult. They get harder and harder to let go of and I miss them more and more over less time now. This can't be good. :-/

A few pics from the week that I will share.

Hermosa Beach:

 My tambourine. :) 

Video... Orson Brawl... me soaking up high fives from my BFF in the beginning of the intro. :) And here you can see Wandering Mind and Jay chuck my tambourine across the room. AWESOME. 

Arizona: 

During my improv suggestion, "There's A Camera In My Face". 

I am most proud of this bow photo.

BFF & I take awesome photos. :) 

Las Vegas: 

San Diego: 

San Francisco: 

BFF and I had matching glow bracelets. :) 

You can check out all my other photos from shows on my Facebook page here. 

Thanks for taking the time to read this... comments = hugs. 

xx

Jodie Platz