"You take your cigarettes ultra light,
I like to take them straight,
You always feel so blue...
I always feel great."My mother is very smart. She's taught me many things. She taught me all about photography... (she's an incredible artist herself...)
I mimicked one of her iconic photographs earlier this year, actually.
Mama's original:
My take:
The difference here is that her's is amazing and mine is completely mediocre. At least I am a good enough artist to realize this. My favorite part of hers is everything - my favorite part of mine is the billow of smoke.
Regardless -- she's taught me about photography... she's taught me words that I live by, a quote by Jen Platz: "You never know when you will be reduced to camping." Take that one with you kids, she's amazing.
Amongst her amazing and inspiring art and words she's taught me about something she calls "situational friendship."
I was bitching to her about 2 months ago that people didn't care about ME... that they didn't want to know ME - they wanted to know who I knew, what I knew or my photos. (I had said, once upon a time, that I wanted people to give me attention -- I will reiterate this, kids: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.)
My Mama told me to stop bitching. She said that I was making myself out to be a victim here and while it is unfortunate that more people don't take the time to get to know ME, that I shouldn't write everyone off just because of it.
There are those people out there that we call "situational friends". I am your friend because we know the same people, travel in the same circle, because we have something to gain from each other -- we aren't USING each other... because you can benefit from me and I can benefit from you -- we are friends... just not the lasting kind.
It's like any other "normal" job - you're friends with the person the next cubical over because it's easier to be friendly than to keep to yourself... it's easy because you have that built in person that you can talk to at the water cooler and you know that someone is always there having your back. This person isn't going to be your friend when you get laid off from your job two years down the line -- but it was nice to have them there while they lasted.
My Mama is going to school to be a nurse (she's a Jack of all trades, if you will...) she said that she became friends with the girl who sits next to her in class because they can trade notes and they'll have each others back if one of them has to miss a class... my Mama = smart woman.
Now I don't take it so personally when it's a give and take kind of friendship that approaches me. Perhaps we both can gain from each other in this situational friendship...
However...
It wouldn't hurt to have a few more ACTUAL friends out there who will have my back when I fall and skin my knees... most situational friends tend to flee at the first sign of trouble. (Scroll back up there and re-read that getting laid off part... yeah.)
I said on Twitter a few weeks ago that I was lonely... a follower replied back with "why are you lonely? You're awesomesauce and super talented. How is it possible for you not to be surrounded by people?" That comment really stuck with me. I had to favorite it even though it was so sad. While the compliments inside the note were sweet and I took them to heart -- it's amazing that people don't understand. I love them all... I love each and every person that follows me, I love each and every person that's ever saved one of my photos on their computer or fanned my Facebook page... I really, really, honestly and genuinely love them all with every inch of my heart --- but I'm so lonely.
I'm so lonely because I don't know who I can trust. I'm so lonely because I don't have anyone that I can tell my secrets to. I'm so lonely because no one will listen. I'm so lonely because no one sees me... or takes the time to see me... or takes the time to get to know me.
Yes, there are exceptions to the rule and believe me, I know those who I can count on in a real situation. So... no angry texts from the few I can count on my hand that will argue with me about what I've just said. But, most of those people have lives... wait. Actually, all of those people have lives... all of those people don't live here with me.
And then there's the others that say how much I can come to them... how they love ME for ME yet they only come around when I'm going to a show or I post new photos. Do you know how many people comment or "like" my photography outside of 100 Monkeys? Like... 2 people. I wonder if people even look at it.
You know, my last post I said that I was speaking to the whole four of you that read it and I was surprised that I got a few comments -- I know there's those out there who read but don't comment... I appreciate all of you too...
This was just something I wanted to talk about for a while -- not bitching about the life that I have made for myself - I honestly wouldn't trade it for anything... and perhaps it's better that I have the close friends that I do - most of them are artists and can understand the artists life. It's good to have those ears to listen to me and those shoulders to lean on when I need them.
I love all my friends... situational or not. :)
Photo of the day:
Photo of the Bay Bridge that I took in San Francisco. Reminds me of my mama.
9 comments:
Jodie, I know just how you feel. I can count on 2 fingers the people I know I can rely on. And even then, I still don't know about giving them 100%. Everyone else always seems to want something from me, with no offer of anything in return. I guess that sounds kinda shallow, but when it happens over, and over, and over with the same people....and then they ask "why don't you call me anymore?"
I don't know if they are really as clueless as they seem, or I'm just a sucker. Loneliness sucks.
And I'm sorry for not commenting on your pics, I look at every one, and all I can think is "Awesome shot!"
Hugs,
Ree
I love you.
Wordpress doesn't like my comments.
They are Nazis.
Good enough.
<3
I know we don't actually know each other, so I despite me wanting to say encouraging words, it's inappropriate at best. BUT, I did want to tell you that just the other day I spent a good hour scrolling through all the photography of yours that I could find that WASN'T concert shots and I remember my favorite, because the angle and the colors just struck me as beautiful (http://jodieplatz.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/img_1253-11.jpg) and I just wanted to say how much I admire your work and your talent and if you stopped photographing a certain band tomorrow I would still track your career's every move because you're a phenomenal artist.
When I sent you a tweet about being lonely when u r so awesome I had no idea u felt this way. I guess when I see all your followers and see all the shows you go to and all your amazing photography (not just concert pics)it looks like so much fun with so many ppl that I can't imagine u being lonely.
I on the other hand, work from home and have maybe kept up with 2 or 3 of my closest friends." It seems like the ppl I called best friends" years ago, now cannot be bothered to drive a couple of hours to see me, though they will drive an entire day to go to football game. WTF! So I too have surrounded myself with situational friends. No one knows my deep, dark secrets and no one comes over for coffee and long talks and cryfests when I need them. Even though we have never met, albeit digitally, I hope you can feel some relief in knowing that there are ppl who are there if you need to talk about anything. I hope you will not feel lonely for long.
<3 Julie
No angry texts from me. Not needed. You know how I feel, and that's good enough.
First of all, I'm not spamming nor am I trolling your blog. You don't know me from the next person in a crowded place, but I have been in your presence a few times. And for what it's worth, I've made an attempt to befriend you. Not because I'm interested in who you know and how you know them, but because I try my best to treat people the way I'd like to be treated.
You have a very large wall put up. And from behind that wall you tend to throw harsh words and criticisms to people who may not feel the same way you do about things. It seems to me that you isolate yourself away from other people because of the people you know - but how can you possibly know if that's what people want from you if you don't give them a chance?
Some people are fucking ignorant, I have no doubt in my mind. And the others? The genuine people who'd like to know the person behind the camera? Well, some of them are a bit put off, I won't lie. At the end of the day, no one is better than anyone - we're all people with fears, hopes, dreams and trust issues.
To Anonymous:
I think what you said was nicely put...and for that maturity, I commend you.
When I first met Jodie, I had heard all of the stories before about supposed attitude, or "nasty looks" from her.
However, I walked right up to her, drunkenly threw my arm around her, and said, "I want you to sing a song with me!"
It was instant. It was genuine. And neither one of us batted an eyelash.
I'm not one to listen to people's opinions and just believe them...but yes, some people are put off by Jodie. Just as most people are put off by me.
They see confidence and confuse it with cockiness. They see insecurity and confuse it with attention-seeking. They see talent and they confuse it with entitlement. They see kindness and confuse it with weakness.
I don't really know why everyone has insisted that it's so difficult to befriend Jodie...it really isn't.
Genuine intentions speak volumes, and so do ingenuous intentions.
Maybe we should all just not come at each other with preconceived notions...and just wipe the slate clean.
Hi I am new to your blog I happened to stumble upon it, I read this post and had to comment I completely get how you are feeling like you are sitting in a room full of people but can still be very lonely cause not one person in that room understands where you or coming from or even asks hey whats new with you???. Don't get me wrong I love my friends too but I don't think I have ever been 100% myself with them. it can sometime happen that personalities can drown you out and you can get lost in the noise of it all. sorry for my rambling I just wanted to let you know that someone out there sorta feels the same :) x
PS I love your pic of the SF bridge I have a similar pic that I took on the brooklyn bridge with my friends standing in the thick of it all :)
your photo reminds me of an oversized harp. like you could play it and make the world listen to what you have to say.
we are all lonely people, aren't we? But what does it mean being lonely? It's worse becoming empty. That's pain. Real pain. A pain you can even feel physically.
Just found your site today and you somehow touched me with what you have written. So... Yeah, i just wrote what came to my mind.
Julia
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