For each others moms..."
I've seen quite a few people use the wrong Spencer Bell lyric there for a while, so I thought I would put it as my Lyrics-Of-The-Day. The songs is called Dandelions and it's my favorite Spencer song. Very fitting song for today.
Take a listen to it and other Spencer songs over at his Memorial website.
I've been almost avoiding my blog... I didn't really mean to, but at times it's just very hard for me to speak about things - it gives them a sense of finality for me. I do the same thing when I get back from shows -- I always promise that I will blog about the experience, but lets face it... I somehow fall short on that promise.
"Life is a one way dirt road; there's only one way to go..." Spencer was right there. Of course, for right now, my car is pulled over to the side and I'm idling. I don't know why, but I can't seem to make progress.
Let me go back a little bit.
Kentucky didn't work out. It wasn't my doing or even not my wanting it to happen -- but you cannot force something like that upon other people. The long and short of it is that Jennifer and I moved to Tuscaloosa, Alabama.
We have been loving it here. It's quite wonderful. While I don't think that anything can ever feel like home to me -- the traveler in me is just way too deep -- I do feel happy here, and comfortable. It's October and we've still got the AC on! The other day it was 95 degrees at 5p in the evening. This place rocks.
A few have asked me/us if we're going to the Justin Timberlake Shriners Hospitals For Children Open this year... the answer is no. We had "plans" to go to all five years of the tournament and it really does hurt that I can't be there this year. Mainly for one reason: Rachel. This year will be Rachel's 21st birthday and I had promised her that I would be in Vegas to celebrate it with her. I ache that I had to break that promise.
It's just not feasible after moving to Kentucky and having to turn around 10 days later and move again to Alabama. That was an entire month of paychecks missed, work missed, money spent on gas + moving... it really ate up into the plans.
I would say next year - but honestly, I am not in the right place to make any more promises. Especially ones that are an entire year away.
Of course not just Rachel wants me out there this year... I've been getting some threats on an old blog post of mine from someone who apparently wants to either intimidate me or harm me whilst out in Vegas because they're going this year.
Now... in this blog I talked about all the horrible things that had been happening to me and how I believed them to be my karma coming back to bite me in the ass because I don't believe that anyone is above getting what they deserve. I said how I was making positive changes in my life to not try and burn those bridges anymore and I can honestly say over the last year that I have been active in trying to be a better person.
Over the last year I have made efforts to contact those people who I have hurt and apologize -- some I have just left alone because it's better to not pick at a scab, but all of the people that I have contacted have accepted my apology. That doesn't make us friends, now... but it means that we harbor no ill will towards each other and we've moved past it. (As I'm talking please know this list isn't long... *maybe* 7-9 people... and only about 3 haven't been contacted because it would be better to just... not.)
Of course I can only assume that these threats are coming from one of the three people I haven't contacted in the last year... I have however now extended the opportunity for me to apologize to them. If they decide to take it is their choice.
People are mean and cruel. This I know too well. The things that I have done to these people are not horrible unforgiving acts. I have not harmed them physically, I have not done anything to them that was unforgivable. But I have hurt them in some way or another. I am a big enough person to admit this. I am a big enough person to apologize for these things. I have received my karma and my fate from these actions. I have taken the steps to better my life.
I only wish they would do the same.
Threatening people isn't nice. (Of course, I'm not naive enough to believe or think that all people are nice.) But they cannot carry out karma as if it was wrath and make it their own personal vendetta. They are not the universe. They are not a god. They should leave that up to powers that are stronger than they are.
I feel horribly. I feel horrible that someone is still aching about something that was done over one year ago. To think that I could hurt someone that badly makes me feel worse than they could ever know. They are harboring a kind of hate in their heart that can only eat them alive and consume them... that's completely unfortunate and I would never wish that upon anyone. I truly would like to apologize for those actions. The things we do when we are young are silly and immature and often times egged on by peers. I now have better peers. I now am older and wiser and I finally know what I want out of this life.
Swiftly moving on... I will try to end on a high note.
Monkeys released their dates for the southern US tour. I've got them on the books to see them 9x in December. That's a whole lot of Monkey. (and literally every show the boys are playing in December... my god.)
I love my job.
Amidst those is this one that you check out... Green Bay, WI... a PRIVATE show. :)
Also, their New Years Eve bash. It's really quite fitting... I have literally spent this entire year with these boys... I definitely should end it with them... and you know what they say... how you spend your New Years Eve is how you'll spend the next year. So I'm going to be the only place that I would want to be on that evening -- with my boys.
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