My Mirror Speaks

I suppose that it's almost that time; my birthday is in 3 days. I have attempted to not bother people too much with the count down to it as I usually do. I've always enjoyed the count down to my birthday, but this year I fear there would be too many people annoyed by the incessant reminder of it.

My birthday really is one of those things that makes me truly happy. Of course, I have never had a birthday as was planned. There's always been something that has gone wrong or awry in it and there's always been something that has made me cry or travel off course... though, it has just prepared me to plan better for the future birthdays.

This birthday shall be quite low key.

I had hoped to get a tattoo, but I will wait on that. I already have and/or know what most of my presents from friends are. My grandmother gave me $50 and a card at Thanksgiving because she missed my birthday last year. (I was living in Alabama last year... ...spent my birthday in Baton Rouge with the boys... one of the best birthdays that I've ever had - all because of the company.)

With the $50 I went a little shopping on Black Friday. It wasn't planned that way or anything. It was in the evening and I decided to go to Target for some makeup that I had needed - when I got to Target I remembered about the sales, took a look around and found an amazing leather bomber jacket for $15. I have needed a new coat for a few years and so I bought it. It turns out that panned out quite lovely since it ended up getting VERY cold and raining that night, which made me thankful that I had bought a coat. I ended up spending the rest of the $50 on the makeup that I needed... and beer. :)

For my actual birthday I'm not quite sure what I'll be doing (besides replying to Facebook birthday wishes). I know that I have a sushi date with Jennifer on that day... so I am very much looking forward to that. I think we're also going to have sake and champagne... so... fun, fun!

Saturday (the 3rd) I know we're doing the majority of the birthday celebration by going out... seeing a movie (I've already picked to see My Week With Marilyn again... it was amazing) and to drink a little bit. I've invited some friends that I haven't seen in a long while... I'm hoping that maybe one of them will come. One thing that I've learned about my birthday is to never let your hopes weigh fully on those who are able to attend. It seems that that's where I end up letting myself down and that's where I always end up getting sad.

Plan for the worst & be happy when it doesn't suck + alcohol = decent birthday.

My favorite thing about my birthday is turning it into a multi-day event. :) That's definitely the best thing about being a product of a broken home; I always got to enjoy a week long birthday celebration. My birthday (and I believe ALL birthdays) is too big to fit into one day - it must span at LEAST 3 full days. (Consecutive days.)

I'm sure I'll write another blog about how the actual birthday went... but for now, I'll zip my trap on babbling about the day. ;)

Today 100 Monkeys landed in Sweden (hey, I'm Swedish! I've never been to Sweden, though...) and tomorrow they start their first ever European tour.

While I couldn't attend, I'm definitely nowhere near as sad as I imagined that I would be. I've never missed a 100 Monkeys tour yet, but that doesn't even damper this for me because my heart is so absolutely swollen as I watch my friends accomplish their dreams. <3 The word "proud" doesn't even begin to cover it. The only bad part that I can see of this is that I won't be able to be with them on my birthday like I was last year... other than that... only amazing and prideful joy coming from me. ^_^

Moving on again...

I took a series of [pretty serious] photos yesterday. Inspiration strikes at the most random times... but when it does, you must grasp it fully.

I haven't been inspired lately. I haven't even really touched my camera in quite some time. Tyler Shields says that a camera is just a really expensive paper weight if you don't use it. I firmly believe and agree to that... but I'm not about to force anything. When inspiration strikes, I grasp it.

The title of this photo is called "The Mirror". I believe that it's something where everyone can relate to at least one photo.

And while this photo was not inspired by this song, this is my favorite song about mirrors:



Edit:

There's something quite amazing about mirrors. While they are an unpolished version of yourself, how your eyes perceive them and their reflection can always differ or censor. A photo, however... a photo can never lie. (Photoshop - THAT is the lie, not the photograph.)

Something to think on.

I hope that y'all had a good Thanksgiving (to those who celebrate it) and I hope that you're looking forward to and getting ready for December!

There's Only One November

20 days until my birthday...

It feels the same as it does every year that I count down to my birthday... I love it. The countdown is half the fun.

I'm not exactly sure what I'll be doing for my birthday. A few friends mentioned wanting to come to the city I'll be in and hang out/do birthday stuff. This would please me tremendously if they could work it out.

I can hope for it! *tries to think positive*

Big things happening... some I'll talk about - some I won't. (That's natural, right?)

I should be starting work on my very first solo album here in December. That... THAT pleases me more than almost anything. I need to get back to working on The Oh Noz! album, but now that Micky and I will be in different states again... well, oh well... ;) It'll just mean that I'll have to come back to Alabama to visit.

With the solo record... I can't even begin to explain to you how excited I am to finally start work on this. This, I feel, is my life's culmination. I've had so many "almosts" in my life.

I first started working with a producer and recording when I was 16... when I was 21 I was signed to a record label... 22 I was flown out to LA to spend a week recording a few songs with a hit producer... things crashed and burned from there (that's the short version of the story).

Then photography started being my main art... The Oh Noz! were created and all my energy has been put into that. I just haven't really thought too much about a solo EP/LP in quite a while...

Now that I have this opportunity - I'm grasping it and accepting it with both hands and I can't wait to share it with y'all.

...It almost seems a little ridiculous that it would take this long for me to get a solo album out. *scoffs*

Swiftly moving on and speaking of The Oh Noz!

Here's the latest Oh Noz! video to my favorite song off the ohmygod album, "Keep Your Mouth Shut (Famous)".



What does a photographer do when they need a photographer?

That's a hard thing.

Back when I was... *clears throat* ...engaged... to be engaged -- I had given a lot of thought into who I wanted to photograph my wedding. I narrowed it down to about 4 photographers that would depend on where exactly we were getting married... of course, my relationship ended, but here I am again in need of finding a photographer.

It's just something that is so incredibly hard to do.

If I had my pick on who I'd want to take my photo - I'd pick my friend/photographer Serenity. But, she lives hours and hours and hours away from where I'll be staying for the next few moons and so unfortunately, I don't think she'll be able to take my portrait for this project that I'm working on... which leaves me with finding someone commercially.

Le sigh.

I had an idea for a blog entry today and I couldn't remember it... just as I was typing that last paragraph I remembered what my topic was going to be... but now I feel that it's too late... yet here I am still sharing that information with y'all regardless. xD

I am a little more than excited to get back to a resting place for a hot second. I've been living out of the same suitcase since tour/July... I tend to mention that a lot... part of it is because I'm proud of that fact and the other part of it is that I'm still in complete disbelief that I have done that!

I'm looking forward to a bit of consistency in my everyday life... also, I'm looking forward to exploring... I'm going to try to go out more and meet new people... network some and meet new friends.

I have been feeling a little lost from the friends that I have/had. I won't share all my opinions on that openly in a public forum such as this, but I've had to draw back from a few people over the past few months because I was feeling under appreciated.

I don't really like to keep people around for the "what if"... "Oh, what if I need something from them someday...?" My mind doesn't work like that. If people don't talk to me, I don't feel the want/need to keep them around or to make space for them. I suppose I'd rather spend time focusing on people who make me a priority in their life.

It hurts me, though... because a lot of the times it seems like people never really notice or care when I disappear from their lives. It's not like I did it purposely in order to gain attention -- that's not it at all -- it's that I'm trying to keep my walls straight. My walls are there not only to keep people out, but to keep the people that I love in... when you pull back from me and you put some of those walls between us... well... I suppose that's all I need to say about that.

I am grateful for the people that I do have who love me and treat me well. I have 2 unconditional best friends/sisters when I thought that I was just lucky enough to have one... so I know that I must have done something right...

However, I can't help but think about those other people... I still consider them my friends - I'd still pick up the phone and talk to them if they called me -- I still hug them hello when I see them... I just... sometimes it's nice to feel important and wanted. I'm sure that's something that everyone can understand and appreciate.

I know that friendship comes in all kinds of different forms. Perhaps this is just the way that we are friends. I can live with that. :)

Let's end on a high note, shall we?

Have you got your Christmas list planned out? Why not run it by Santa himself?

http://www.santabot.com/ is a site where you can chat with Santa... I feel he's more realistic that its predacessor, Cleverbot. (http://www.cleverbot.com/)

Cleverbot just doesn't "get" me like Santa does.

Here's some new/up-to-date photos of me... these were spawned of boredom and too much time on my hands.

The editing that I did on them reminds me of the shots of the SNL host before they get back from the commercial break. xD That tickles me... (and it was unintentional)

Homesick?

The past week or so I've been feeling an indescribable feeling of longing, loneliness, and just that something is missing from me.

I've been asked many, many times if I ever get homesick.

The answer to that is simple: no.

I can explain several reasons for it... first of all - I don't technically have a home. (I am on the road, traveling and crashing with friends far too often to call anywhere my "home".) Secondly, I've never felt like I ever had a home.

Even for the years that I lived in one constant place - I'd leave the house and beg my best friend to go to a bar or to the casino or a 24h diner just because I didn't want to go "home".

I've never felt like I belonged anywhere... other than the road.

Many people have told me that "home is where the heart is..." which was not a phrase that I understood completely until a year or so ago. Lately, as I've been talking to Jennifer on the phone and whatnot - with each conversation there comes a point that I would end up crying over something out of my control... the feeling of loneliness and the burden of being out of control is/was just getting to be too much for me.

I thought that perhaps I was homesick... missing Jennifer, my dog, my boys... to which, I am homesick in that aspect. I haven't seen my dog since the beginning of August... I haven't seen Jennifer or the boys since tour ended - and while there are always emails, texts and phone calls with the people that I miss - there is nothing quite as comforting as a hug. (Thankfully I'll get to hug some of these people in another week...)

I realized last night when I was on the phone with a friend and having another moment of this longing and heartbreaking loneliness that I'm not at all homesick, but that I'm roadsick.

I've been stationary since the first week of September and it's driving me up the metaphorical wall. I'm not used to being so still... my mind, body and soul quite literally needs and craves travel in order to breathe and thrive.

My little jog up to Michigan should suffice for a short while. After that I'm heading up plans on going back to Kansas City for a while... and from there I'll need to start working on a trip to LA or Vegas while the boys are in Europe.

Europe would have sufficed me for a while. I would have been able to live off of that travel for a quite a bit... but alas... it didn't work out. It looks as though I'll be spending my birthday in Kansas City versus Hamburg, Germany with my boys. (Perhaps I'll drink German lager all night in honor of them... or perhaps they should drink Bud Light that night in honor of me, since it's my birthday and all...)

I still need to work on what exactly I have planned for my birthday... I'm open to suggestions if you know the KC/surrounding area well. :) I haven't really explored KC in over a year - so I'm not sure of the new stuff/restaurants/bars that they have.

Do you get homesick? Roadsick?

What did you do for your last birthday?

30 x 30

Thirty things that I want to accomplish by the time I turn 30.

It's nearly my 27th birthday, here. It still seems far off to the outside world, but December 1st will come faster than you think. Take for instance, that it's October 3rd. We just passed the first of October (which is my dog's birthday...), 2 months from there is December 1st. On Halloween (October 31st), it'll be just 31 days until my birthday... and November goes by far too fast.

I'm almost 27.

My twenties have gone by in a flash.

I'm not sure if that's how it happens for everyone else, but if the twenties are any indication of what my thirties will be like, then I'll be at the end of the road before I know it.

In honor of that, before my twenties are over, there are some things that I'd like to accomplish. So here is that list - Thirty Things I Want To Accomplish Before I Turn 30.

(In no particular order.)

01. Write a book.
02. Get to my goal weight.
03. See all 50 states.
04. Get my hair healthy.
05. Drive a ridiculously cool car.
06. Learn to shoot a gun.
07. Own a gun.
08. Tip a waiter with something other than money.
09. Do Absinthe.
10. Go off the grid for at least a week.
11. Bury a time capsule.
12. Go on a holiday with no luggage.
13. Host a Martha Stewart-worthy dinner party.
14. Meditate for 3h in one sitting.
15. Wear a fancy dress for a whole day.
16. Keep a diary for a whole year.
17. Complete a 40 day water fast.
18. Spraypaint art on a wall... (IE: graffiti)
19. Get a Brazilian wax.
20. Live abroad or buy a one way ticket overseas.
21. Go on a cruise.
22. Take ballet and martial arts.
23. Go to culinary school.
24. Be happy with my phone, my phone bill and my carrier.
25. Do something elaborate to surprise someone and make them happy for no reason.
26. Eat more tofu.
27. Have a [mindblowing] first kiss that actually means something with someone that I fancy.
28. Wear a wig and create an alter-ego.
29. Hit on the hottest guy at a bar/club/venue and not be intimidated or back down.
30. Actually live to see 30.

What are your plans that you'd like to do before your next birthday milestone? I'd love to hear them!!

26/26

"Never dreamt of such sterile hands..."





26 days until my 26th birthday.

I love the countdown to my birthday. I am determined to make this one a good one... from December 1, 2009 all the way up until now... (and time is still passing...) this has been the best year of my life. Hands down. Without a doubt. Actually, I reckon it could have all started back in August 2009. :) December was really just a good kick off.

December 1, 2009 I bought Grape by 100 Monkeys for one of my birthday presents. Later that day I got my first Fender electric guitar. *happiness*

Of course, other than those two things it wasn't a very good birthday at all. I spent it all alone and no one really gave a shit that I was having a birthday. 25 is supposed to be better than that.

For 26 it's definitely going to be something a bit more enjoyable. I'm spending it with a select group of friends. I'm hoping that I get birthday phone calls even though everyone knows I'm not going to answer the phone... and on my actual birthday, the plan is a new tattoo.

Blah, blah, blah.

No one is listening.

xx

Birthday Wish List

I haven't made one of these since I was about nine.

When I was nine my birthday wish list went a little differently. This list seems far more practical than I am used to.

People keep asking me what I would like for my birthday, which makes me so, so happy at the thought that I may receive presents! (I love presents so very much... and you will love watching me open them. Swear.)

I am having a massive birthday party this year (sort of keeps with the theme of the past year for me, actually...) and since so many people are having to travel in to be there, I really didn't expect any gifts and I haven't gotten birthday presents in such a long time. Not that I would ever turn away a present...

The link to my birthday party event page, it's open -- RSVP! http://bit.ly/cCzWys

BIRTHDAY WISH LIST:

*Memory cards. (San Disk, preferred.)
*Filters for my lens. Many cool effects out there - you can find them on B & H Photo's website. (They're cheaper than you think...)
*Spencer Bell necklace from 100 Monkeys Sweden. (I'm Lost or There Is No Plan B.)
*Tambourine (Full size.) I will not turn away any musical instrument.
*Egg shakers
*Gift cards: Best Buy, Starbucks, Victoria's Secret, Sephora, Target, iTunes, gas stations/airlines.
*A new tattoo...? :)
*Alcohol: Jack Daniels or a case of beer will earn you a kiss.
*Hats. Size medium/large.
*Anything unique, handmade or personalized... something odd or random that made you think of me. (Antique/old fashioned mirrors, jewelry boxes and things always intrigue me.)
*Makeup. :) I love makeup.
*Anything Batman.

I am probably the easiest person to shop for. :)

--I may randomly add to this list.--

I Want To Pick Peaches Off A Cherry Tree

"Yours is the first face that I saw, I think I was blind before I met you, 
Now I don't know where I am, I don't know where I been,
But I know where I want to go, so I thought I would let you know, 
These things take forever, I especially am slow, 
But I realize that I need you and I wondered if I could come home..." 

I reckon y'all will always be able to tell when I'm blogging from my computer and when I'm blogging from my iPhone... iPhone doesn't come with pretty icons and lyrics-a-dozen. ;)

Ten days until I head to Nashville to see 100 Monkeys. You know... Nashville is a very special place where Monkeys are concerned...

(It's where I first met Jackson, if you didn't get that by the photo...)

So very much has changed since November. It's quite mind-blowing actually... the distance that myself and these boys have come...

I won't go into all the changes, of course, but I will say that I will forever live by the words, "be careful what you wish for..." that's the motto to my life and has been since August 2009.

I eventually plan on getting that tattooed on the inside of my left arm... when the time is right. Not a moment sooner.

This photo sort of makes me laugh now... I still love it and cherish it, still smile at it... not like I used to back when it was first taken (now there are other photos I have that make me smile bigger than I ever thought imaginable...) but wow... yeah.

I already have plans for my birthday, can you believe that? I'm not even 25.5 yet and I have plans to turn 26. Of course, nothing set in stone... but surprisingly, none of it revolves around presents.

I guess it makes sense to plan out my life throughout the year... it's a pretty full year. Oh and by the way... so far, 25 has been the best year of my life. ;) I guess we'll see how the next 8 months or so plan out though before we go calling it "the best year ever". Gonna end with a bang, though. I assure you of that.

Picture of the Day:

Tulsa, OK... "Wings On Fire"

j.action & j.rad.









Rock on.