The past week or so I've been feeling an indescribable feeling of longing, loneliness, and just that something is missing from me.
I've been asked many, many times if I ever get homesick.
The answer to that is simple: no.
I can explain several reasons for it... first of all - I don't technically have a home. (I am on the road, traveling and crashing with friends far too often to call anywhere my "home".) Secondly, I've never felt like I ever had a home.
Even for the years that I lived in one constant place - I'd leave the house and beg my best friend to go to a bar or to the casino or a 24h diner just because I didn't want to go "home".
I've never felt like I belonged anywhere... other than the road.
Many people have told me that "home is where the heart is..." which was not a phrase that I understood completely until a year or so ago. Lately, as I've been talking to Jennifer on the phone and whatnot - with each conversation there comes a point that I would end up crying over something out of my control... the feeling of loneliness and the burden of being out of control is/was just getting to be too much for me.
I thought that perhaps I was homesick... missing Jennifer, my dog, my boys... to which, I am homesick in that aspect. I haven't seen my dog since the beginning of August... I haven't seen Jennifer or the boys since tour ended - and while there are always emails, texts and phone calls with the people that I miss - there is nothing quite as comforting as a hug. (Thankfully I'll get to hug some of these people in another week...)
I realized last night when I was on the phone with a friend and having another moment of this longing and heartbreaking loneliness that I'm not at all homesick, but that I'm roadsick.
I've been stationary since the first week of September and it's driving me up the metaphorical wall. I'm not used to being so still... my mind, body and soul quite literally needs and craves travel in order to breathe and thrive.
My little jog up to Michigan should suffice for a short while. After that I'm heading up plans on going back to Kansas City for a while... and from there I'll need to start working on a trip to LA or Vegas while the boys are in Europe.
Europe would have sufficed me for a while. I would have been able to live off of that travel for a quite a bit... but alas... it didn't work out. It looks as though I'll be spending my birthday in Kansas City versus Hamburg, Germany with my boys. (Perhaps I'll drink German lager all night in honor of them... or perhaps they should drink Bud Light that night in honor of me, since it's my birthday and all...)
I still need to work on what exactly I have planned for my birthday... I'm open to suggestions if you know the KC/surrounding area well. :) I haven't really explored KC in over a year - so I'm not sure of the new stuff/restaurants/bars that they have.
Do you get homesick? Roadsick?
What did you do for your last birthday?
4 comments:
I don't really consider any place my "home" either. Like at the holidays...people say "Are you going home?" - it's awkward. Just because I grew up in a particular town...doesn't make it home!! My friends used to make fun of me and say that every year or so I would "run away from home" because I would up and move out of one apartment/house to a different one either in a totally different town or just a few miles away! I'm never fully unpacked. I always have a storage unit. And I am always trying to get rid of more stuff until I can fit everything I need nicely into my car! In fact that's what I'm doing at this very moment - trying to get rid of more clothes! I've been in this town MUCH longer than I anticipated when I moved here. So yes, I am itching to move on!!
I am certain that I was a gypsy in a former life!
As for my last birthday....I honestly can't recall right now what I did on my last birthday!
~CassLynn
I'm glad that I'm not alone in that!
I can fit everything I own in my van... when I moved from KC a little over a year ago, I only took/kept anything that would fit into the van... and now I have even less than I did when I started...
I have been living out of the same suitcase since July when I went on tour - same clothes and all - to which, Alabama is colder in October than Florida was in July -- thus, I do not have the proper clothing for this type of weather.
I suppose that's what happens when you don't plan out what you're doing AFTER the tour. xD
Thanks for sharing your part, Cassie!
If home truly is where the heart is, then I've been homesick for the past 5 years and there's no way that I know of to get over that...
In the traveling sense, though, I spent a lot of time when I was younger traveling. There were times when I'd plan a trip on a whim and just go without telling anyone. There was always an itch to just go, get away for a few days or a week, and forget about the responsibilities I had. Even then, Hawai'i was always home. Always where I'd end up when all was said and done. It didn't matter where in the world I was: Mexico, Florida, Spain, Philadelphia, Tahiti, Las Vegas, Samoa, Anaheim, Australia...
I always came home, regardless of how much I had no intention of doing so when the trip started.
To that end, I guess you could say I get travel sick. I think that's to be expected when you live on an island that you can drive completely around in a couple of hours. In the past few years, that's been tempered a bit as I don't have the kind of responsibilities that I can just bail on without telling anyone beforehand. Now, the extent of my travel consists of 2 hour drives to and from work, or the occasional island hop - though even that is generally for business instead of pleasure.
As for my last birthday, well... I spent my birthday weekend driving from Las Vegas to Anaheim to San Diego and back again while finally getting to see 100 Monkeys play live. It was the best on a whim decision I'd made in quite a few years, and I'm glad I did it.
Come to Europe.
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