300th Post! Wewt!

"If you're gonna clean the knives, for whatever reason,

Don't be overly displeased, when you see that you're bleeding..."

I took a bath today and I already feel dirty again. That's a new feeling.

38 days. Oh jeez. What am I going to do with you, Time? I am so sick of you!

45 days. Oh jeez. What am I going to do with you, Impatience?

Oh crap. Just remembered that I'm supposed to go to the doctor this week. I reckon I need to make that appointment.

Um... let's see heres. Did I ever share my Monkey photos with y'all? Here's two of them.

Monkey Jerad man.

Monkey Ben Ben.

I honestly cannot remember if I posted them or not. If I did, oh well, look at them again cuz they're awesome. It was freaking static-addict to meet those boys. I cannot wait, wait, wait to see them again! They definitely are never going to forget me and Genn anytime soon!! *epic grin*

Off topic - when did my boobs get so huge? I'm not impressed.

Today I'm going down to Jenn's parents house, doing laundry... apparently it's waaay past laundry day. Took a bath today and upon exit I had to put on a thong because all my "normal" panties were in the basket. Not like you wanted to know that I'm wearing a thong at the moment, but it's Victoria's Secret and it's very adorable. *smiles, nodding*

Also going down there to find all the shit that I don't need to take with me to Vegas. Since we're driving I could potentially take anything that will fit into our car... someone talk me out of that. I am however, going to bring like, every pair of shoes that I own. 10 days in Vegas for the 2nd year in a row. I can DEFINITELY get used to this.

Listening to the Stevedores on repeat again. That happens.

Pic of the Day:

Hello, Kellan... nice... um... leash.

xoxox

Look, It's Jesus!

"been working from seven, till eleven every night..."

Oh, to be a fly on my wall. How you wish. Keep wishing. :)

41 days. Whoa. When did that happen?

And then Vegas? Hello? When did you get so close? Last year I looked forward to Vegas for 11 months and it took FOREVER to get here. Now all the sudden Vegas is in like a lil over a month. Crazy.

I'm very zen about the whole Vegas thing. I'm very stoked, but very zen. Very happy that mine Genn is coming with me. :) Can't wait to go see the Bellagio fountains with her. Can't wait to drink yard long margaritas with her. Can't wait to show her the MGM Grand. THOSE are the things I'm looking forward to this year.

The next few months are going to epic and insane all at the same time. I can't bloody wait.

Tomorrow.

Pic O' Tha Jackson:

Fucking love Jerad and Jacks in this pic. So hot. Loving Jackson's Price Is Right name tag. I want.

((I want to go see mine Monkey boys again!))

Rock On, Spencer Bell!

"I've got this chip on my shoulder,

I stole off the old block,

And it's more of a boulder,

And it weighs much more than this world,

And I, can't hold her no more,

I'm gonna walk to the church,

Gonna point at the steeple,

Gonna open the doors,

And dance for the people,

So god can see them when they ignore me..."

I had the most incredible, mind-bending, face-melting weekend.

At the last minute I up and left [what little] life here and caught a Greyhound to Detroit, MI. Nope, never been to Detroit. It was only okay, if you want me to be honest. There were definite key points, but I spent most of my time in Auburn Hills, MI for the Spencer Bell Legacy show. *huge smile that is exploding off of my face*

I spent 20 hours on a fucking bus. Let me tell you something. That's not fun. Fucking 2 hours on a bus isn't fun, so add 18 to that, plus changing bus two times with two two-hour layovers? Not cool man, not cool at all.

On my final bus change, I was sooo close that I could taste it and I had been pretty lucky about sitting with cool people or getting to sit all by myself, but then on the last leg of this some random guy sat next to me and said "if I end up falling over on your shoulder and drooling, it's cuz its the only way I have to lean..." I laughed, thinking it was a joke... he wasn't bad looking, he wasn't like creeptastic or anything, but then he just laid his head on my shoulder anyhow... like, just, "hey, let me nuzzle here for a little bit..."

I ended up falling asleep and not really giving a shit, I was only like 4 hours away from seeing my girlfriend and I was bursting at the seems, I wasn't about to let this dude being all up in my biznass screw up my mood - so then I woke up to him stroking my arm lovingly... I was like, "okay, time to get off me there, buddy..."

I woke up just as we were getting to a sign for the Jackson exit (I assume Jackson, MI) and so I text Genn and told her that there was an exit for Jackson *giggle* then I said, "oh, we're taking the Jackson exit!" I thought that perhaps there was a stop off of there... until I noticed that there was red and blue flashing lights behind us... So then my next thought is that the bus was speeding and I'm going "oh great, Genn is going to have to wait for me at the Greyhound station... LOVEEEELY." Except that then the cop came onto the bus and escorted someone from the back off of it... apparently he had called 911 from inside the bathroom and said that someone threatened him... eventually we were let go, no one was arrested and soon after we were in Detroit.

I got to Detroit at 6a on Saturday - the Spencer Bell Legacy concert was at 3p and the 21+ show was at 8p.

We ended up not actually going to the 3p show - none of us had slept in many, many hours - but the 8p show?!

...If I had a word that was greater than EPICFUCKINGFANTASTICOMFG I would use it, unfortunately, that's the biggest word that I know.

We didn't get there long before the doors opened, but yet we still got the front row. Awesometastic. It was at Callahan's, which was a pretty cool venue. They had ample seats, a GA area, booths, a bar and flat screen in the back, a nice stage area and a smoking patio/lounge area. Very cool. Someplace I would definitely chill.

First Mr. Bell came on the stage and thanked everyone - he was so hilarious I can't even begin to tell you. To be a fly on the wall in the Bell house... oh to be... Then they played a DVD video slideshow featuring Spencer's song "Tourist" (One of my favorite songs) - Genn and I cried... I can't remember if Kasey (Genn's BFF) cried or not, but really I think that if you made it through that without at least getting moist at the eyes... well damn, then I guess good for you... Spencer means to much to me for my eyes to stay dry during that.

Orson Brawl came on next - he was Spencer's roommate at Interlochen... he literally rocked so hard that his fingers bled. That's called ROCK AND ROLL. It was epic. He was really great... probably not by conventional music standards, but I really enjoyed his acoustic set and he definitely gets mayjah props from me for leaving the stage with blood all over his fingers and guitar.

After that Mr. Bell came back on stage and then all the bands came up there and did a shot of Jameson. It was pretty coolness. :)

After that was The Stevedores. Let me tell you something about The Stevedores. THEY FUCKING ROCK. THE END. That's all there is. Jake, the guitarist, is probably the most talented guitarist I have ever encountered in my 24 years, or my 9 years in the music industry. No. Fucking. Lie. Meanwhile, he has no idea that he's this talented. I tried to tell him after the show, but I was really in awe to be in his presence. I told him I wanted to warship him. No lie. I actually said that.

Ben J is the drummer for The Stevedores and now the lead singer since Spencer passed away. (Spencer was the lead singer/lyricist for the band) Now Ben is the lead singer/drummer for The Stevedores and the drummer for 100 Monkeys. Talk about a busy man.

The Stevedores set was absolutely marvelous. Unfortunately, there were fanwhores behind me who kept pushing me and bitching that I was taking photos instead of dancing. (Sorry, I'm a photographer. It's what I do.) Now, it's not like I was just fucking STANDING there in the front row not moving... I was definitely moving to the beat, but I wanted to take photos of this epic band and I wanted to HEAR them. I wanted to listen to every fucking note because of their awesomeness. I do not regret not dancing more. I had the best time ever.

Next was Drew and the Medicinal Pen, awesome band... during one song they said they needed a bell player and Kasey and I both pointed to Genn - so at the end of the song, Genn dinged the bell and she was soo perfect at it!! It was perfect timing and everything. I was very proud. :)

At the end of their set they performed a cover of Spencer's song, "Dandelions". Check out the video I shot here. It was awesome. Missy sang it... she was friends with Spencer. Drew, the lead singer of the band, said that he didn't know Spencer until after he had passed and that it was interesting getting to know someone after they've already died - but I really understood what he meant. That's how I feel about Spencer. I feel like I know him... sure, I don't know him as well as other people - I don't know him personally - but I know him in the ways that his art has touched me and how he's etched something personal on my soul that I will carry with me forever.

Next was Tin Tin Can - badass band from Chicago, IL. Their EP rocks. Here's the link for the free download of it. :) [[don't worry, it's an official link for their free download.]] They opened their set with a cover of Spencer's song "Billy Jean", was great... they made it very rock which I enjoyed.

Last, of course, was 100 Monkeys. Fantastic. Epic. The end. I was fucking impressed. I had about 6 songs of theirs in my iTunes but whatever I knew of them previously went out the window when they got on stage. They sounded great! Very talented, all of them commanding stage presence.

Unfortunately, Jackson couldn't be there. *pout lip* People have asked me if I regret going all that way to find out that Jackson wasn't there and the answer is no. I didn't go there for Jackson to begin with - I went there for Spencer. The Monkey's without Jackson are still Monkey's. They're still awesome. *shrugs* I'll catch him next time. ;)

During the first song, Jerad broke his pick cuz he was rocking out so hard and he handed it to me. :) I learned later that internet fangirls were jealous of that. *giggle*

A few songs in, Jerad pulls out his phone and calls Jackson... so I did get to hear his voice, which was pretty freaking cool beans. He sounded like he was smiling as he was talking, but he also sounded sad, like it was bittersweet that he couldn't be there. I know it must have torn him up to not be there in support of Spencer and his friends.

At the end of the phone call Genn and I both screamed "We love you Spencer!" and Jackson goes, "awww, I love you guys!"

I got many epic pictures from the 100 Monkeys... check all the photos out on my Facebook or check out the preferred ones on my photo blog. They did a kick ass rendition of Muddy Waters "Champagne and Reefer" sang by Ben G. Whoa. That's all there is. His voice was the perfect amount of raspy for that song.

After the show we went out to the patio area and I got my picture with the Guitar God, Jake from The Stevedores and my picture with Ben G.

The next day we went to downtown Detroit to the Hitsville USA building... it was pretty epic to be standing in such musical history. Definitely awesome... still have to get those pictures from Genn of that for me to post...

Later was the 100 Monkey's show in Novi, MI at Lucky Strike. Pretty big place, actually. I thought it was going to be itty bitty, but there was a bar/several lounge areas downstairs and then a bar/band area upstairs with an outdoor smoking patio.

The show was originally going to start at 6, then they pushed it up to 5 because they wanted to start earlier... then they had soundcheck issues so they didn't go on until 7. It was all very frustrating... however once we got in there and got all situated in our spot it was fine. Definitely worth the wait.

Drew and the Medicinal Pen and the Stevedores opened again. I was very happy to see The Stevedores again. Genn said she was happy to see my dance more at this show. :) We were at the end of the stage by the drummer/backstage area, so I didn't take as many photos as the day before, might as well dance. *shrugs*

We spent much of our night talking to band boys. Genn and Ben G. are like, BFF's now. :) I'm not going to go into all the details of everything because honestly, it's something I would rather keep to myself... but it was epic.

I got Ben G's guitar pick at this show, and Ben J's drum stick. Epiiiiiiiic.

After the show we hung out with the band for a bit out of the patio, taking pictures with all of them and talking... making plans... *grin*

Unfortunately, that night I had to put my ass back at the Greyhound station. It was sooo hard to leave Genn. I won't bore you with more Greyhound tales, but it took 22 fucking hours to get home. That's just too damn long...

...but I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

See you soon, Monkeys!!

xoxox

Don't Trust A Ho

"Down to the wire, I wanted water, but I walk through the fire,

If this is what it takes to take me even higher,

Then I'll come through, like I do when the world keeps testing me..."

Things I did today:

Danced around the house singing loudly to Britney Spears

Worried about how my girlfriend will perceive my loud singing to Britney Spears

Bought a shirt designed by Miley Cyrus

Wrote a to-do list for tomorrow

Saw a squirrel

Sang to the sounds of Spencer Bell

Bought my two favorite Spencer songs on iTunes

Felt like shaving my head

Heard about my friend Meredith's experience at TwiCon

Was satisfied with myself that I didn't go when I heard there was like 5000 people there

Realized that today was Wednesday

Was mind boggled learning that my friend Kristi is going to be an aunt 3x in 2 months

Ached for a new tattoo

Wrote this blog entry - click to see blog entry, wait, you're reading it...

Thought that that joke was funny

Thought that I should do these more often

Misspelled "often" the first time I wrote it "foften"

The Case Of The Disappearing Hair Clips

"I can't feel the way I did before,

Don't turn your back on me,

I won't be ignored..."

I have four hair clips. For the most part, I always have one in my hair, so then I should have three. Two blue... two pink.

One day, I saw my roommate Laura wearing one of my pink hair clips.

No, I didn't say anything and it was never returned to my cabinet in the bathroom - but I didn't say anything. I bitched and moaned and whined to Jennifer about it, but I never said anything to Laura and I let it go... even though, at the time, my hair clips were brand new.

This morning I wake up and go into the bathroom, there are two of my hair clips hugging each other on the floor - I most certainly didn't put them together like that, and I most certainly didn't put them on the floor. I reckoned they were on the floor because she let her nearly one year old daughter play with them while she showered.

Not cool man.

So I pick up my hair clips and tuck them under some stuff in a drawer.

I don't know about you, but I don't get into other people's shit. This is the exact reason why I never wanted a roommate. Jennifer doesn't borrow my shit without asking, but if she did, that would be different, she's Jennifer. This is Laura, who I don't barely know from Eve and she's taking my fucking hair shit. Not cool man.

Am I overreacting here?! Who just gets into other people's things and just takes without asking, and on top of that --- if you do take without asking, who is careless enough to not put back before you notice?! If she's going to basically steal my things, she could put them all back before I notice they're missing.

Fuck my life.

Take Away The Anxiety

"Paranoia's brought me to my knees,
Lord, please, please, please,
Take away the anxiety..."

Today my girlfriend and I were talking about Robert Pattinson and his anxiety, which that isn't for me to discuss here. I think later she's going to post something about it later, which I will link here for you to read - she's got far better points than I could ever make about the entire situation... However, it made me think about my own anxiety.

It's not something that I usually freely talk about and discuss with people, but I thought that now might be the time.

I've had a lot of issues my whole life, but I didn't really realize that I had anxiety until about 1996ish. (Around the time I was 12.) Of course, I didn't finally discover Xanax until much later. I've never had a perscription for it - I've lived very much of my adult life, since I was 19, without insurance - which fucks me up bad...

Then, of course... I discovered that I could take away the anxiety other ways than Xanax or Klonopin... one way I found is to get hopped up on Benadryl... the other way I'm not ready to talk about yet. Then of course there's just having a fit while I'm balled up in the corner, but that doesn't really take the anxiety AWAY... it sort of just let's me have a fit while I'm balled up in the corner.

Things that cause me to have anxiety? Large crowds, close surroundings, speaking in front of people, nervousness about specific events, family is a big cause... that's where all my Xanax went... those are the big things... the tiny things? Misplacing something, current events, being late, not being able to find something to wear, my hair.

I can't explain anxiety - they way it feels to me. I'm sure it feels different to different people, but for me? My vision narrows and all I can concentrate on is whatever it is that's making me anxious at the moment... my chest aches and I can't breathe... I wring my hands and dig my nails into my skin, scratching myself or pulling my hair because it alleviates some of the tension that I feel in my chest... then I just concentrate on the physical that I'm causing myself at the moment.

Some may ask, "doesn't that hurt?" Some may have seen what I did to my wrist last May when I was in LA (I posted the picture in my mobile uploads on my Facebook page) and ask how I could do that, and how bad it hurt... honestly? It doesn't hurt when I'm doing it. It's something to concentrate on. It's something to focus on to take my attention away from whatever is making me so anxious at the moment... then the next day...? It's a constant reminder that I'm very fucked up.

To my surprise, no one has ever really tried to stop me from being fucked up. I'm a recluse, which I believe I get from my father. I'm completely paranoid all the time... add anxiety to that and yeaaaaaah...

I'm not at a complete loss. I do manage to survive and I try to not let it hold me back too awful much. Yeah, sometimes I leave things early because I get too anxious... but I've been lucky that it's never prevented me from singing/performing. Even if I felt like there was a gaping hole in my chest while I was on stage, I would still perform through it. I wouldn't care.

In conclusion, my anxiety is tolerable with the amount of medication I use to cover it. With the amount of pressure that I can apply to my wrists. With the amount of time I spend holed up in my room.

Pic o-tha-day:


Madmartigan.

Please Play Again

"When Michael got lobotomized they must have cut his brains connection to his eyes,
Cuz after Michael got lobotomized, Michael went blind..."

I think that I may have to change the title of my blog, yet again... it was titled Everything But Happiness for probably most of 2009... but now that I'm actually happy, I may have to change it.

Before that... well I can't remember if there was anything after the original one before this one... the original title was Day In The Life Of. How original.... I think have a good title for it now... let me know if you like it. It came from a poem of mine.

It's kinda true... the line is "I am a trainwreck, beautiful in my own destructive way, and no one can seem to look away".

That's very true. I know that I'm a trainwreck, I know that I'm destructive. I know that I ruin everything that I touch and I make a constant ass out of myself. I thank god that I didn't make it so big in music that I was photographed by the paparazzi because I already live my life in constant scrutiny from my friends and family, it's not like I need strangers judging and poking as well.

Although, I do tend to handle all that well. And to be honest, I approach everything as if I'm still "famous". I know that I wasn't ever that famous, but once upon a time I had fans and now and then I still get noticed - so to the four people that stalk my blog and wanna tell me that I wasn't ever anybody and that I'm always going to be a nobody, just go fuck yourself, eh? I was signed. You never got signed. (Yeah, it's my fault for fucking that up, but whatever.) I went to LA to record my album, you didn't. So just chill and don't start up on me again, eh?

Back to my earlier point - I still approach everything as if I'm "famous" - I take everything I hear with a grain of salt and I work very hard to keep my name clean and gossip free. Of course, just as when I was "famous", I can't always control the gossip - however if the gossip is true, what is there really for me to control? I can't control people's opinions [unfortunately] so I guess there's nothing left for me to do.

For those that care - there's three photos up on my photo site from the Warped Tour.

Is it freaking October yet? I'm taking hella photos the whole damned month of October. I want it to be October.

Well crap, now all I'm thinking about is October. Excuse me while I day dream about my panties melting...


I talked about October and my panties melting and then I put a picture of Robert... okay, not exactly the best transition I've ever had, definitely a rocky one, but I just wanted to use this picture of Robert cuz he's fucking gorgeous here and I've been thinking about him since THIS post on TEN today. :)

xoxox

Lost In Translation

Voglio spendere il resto della mia esistenza che lo amo.
Commetto il resto della mia vita ad adorarlo.
Se potessi avere chiunque altrimenti nel mondo, lo sceglierei soltanto.
Amilo prego per eternità.

Ti amo.

My Hot Dog Has A First Name, It's B-E-L-L-A

"The feeling of going down way too deep, And holding on so you don't lose your feet..."

I can't even tell you how long I sat here staring at this blank page wondering what in the world to write. I guess my words just don't come as easily as Genn's. She always has something to say, a new cause to write about or an opinion that she wants to share. Click here to check out her amazing blog which she updates several times a day.

Tomorrow I'm going to the Warped Tour. Got me some free tickets cuz I'm freaking cool like that. LOL In actuality I know one of the tour managers that does the tour each year, so she gives me the hook up. She's pretty freaking badass. I hope to take a shit ton of photos tomorrow. Of course, you'll only see a few of them here, in order to get the full effect you'll have to be on my Facebook, which there's only like, what four of you that read this that are on my Facebook. The rest of you are stalkers. (I would normally put LOL there, but it's the truth.)

[[ooh, just found out that I get a wristband for the Warped Tour! I love wristbands! I can't wait!]]

I read the article in the new People magazine with the Saved By The Bell cast on the cover. Jennifer brought it home for me as a surprise. I still am completely in love with Zack Morris. I remember that he was the first fan letter that I ever wrote. After each line in the note I applied bright red lipstick to my lips and pressed a kiss to the paper. I was all of 7 years old. LOL Hitting on high schoolers at 7 years old... boy... at least I turned out alright.

The article was really bland, so either the journalist is a shitty writter or their publicists all bribed them not to print anything about their drug use, bi-sexual tendencies, how they lost all their money, etc... The photos were oversized because they had so little to write. Saved By The Bell is still to this day a pop culture phenomenon, otherwise why would they play it so much on TBS? Why would people want to see the cast still together 20 years later? And why would they have Zack Attack shirts at Hot Topic? Yet they had NOTHING to write about? I find that hard to believe.

I must be a little off today. I know that I have loads to talk about, but yet none of it is seeming to come out right. Perhaps I will try blogging again later...

Below are 4 poems and yesterdays update, read and comment if you get a chance, kthnxbai

Pic of the Day:

Twilight boy of the day: Klutz.

I kinda want to rip off those tacky leather pants and throw him into a jacuzzi full of holy water. Something tells me that by the end of the night neither of us will be saved.

The World Through The Eyes Of Everyone I Know

Do as I say, not as I do,
This life is only okay for me, not you,
I've smoked, I've drank and cursed up a storm,
But I'll be dammed and you'll be scorned,
Don't fuck up, don't screw up, don't cheat, steal or lie,
Cuz those things are only okay for my eyes,
Go to school and get good grades,
Drink your milk while I have lemonade,
No TV and you clean your plate,
When you grow up you better not move out of state,
That's the only way this will ever be fair,
Don't run around the house in your underwear,
I get to make the rules cuz I'm older than you,
and I'll always see you as a kid,
So what are you gonna do?

I Am...

I am a sinner.
I am a saint.
...Actually I'm neither.
The titles you want to put on me weigh me down.
I cannot breathe under your dictionary of words.
I will tell you what I am, however.
I am a daughter,
I am a friend,
I am a waterfall of emotions.
I am a ______,
I am a fan,
I am an actress in my own life.
I am loyal,
I am a liar,
I am an assassin of boundaries and lines.
I am a human,
I am a spirit,
I am unable to be summed up in words or titles.
I just am.

Friends

The deep blue sea you left me in turned purple,
That should have been the clue that it's not easy to walk away,
If you could be my friend you wouldn't leave me for my benefit,
Because you'd know leaving would kill me in the first place,
I don't want you to stay and rob you of your freedom, however,
Now isn't the time for searching,
It's the time for love, the time for friends,
And the time to make use of time

Actor

I live my life like an actor,
I make the world my stage,
I put on a show everyday,
To say what I need to say,
I can play any role that
you want me to portray,
I've been the daughter,
Been the house wife,
The curtain still falls the same,
I play the liar everyday,
and some days I play the fool,
But the only role I didn't get
was to be in love with you,
That part was taken, I'm afraid,
And there's no way I'll be the understudy,
Cuz if I'm going to be your lover,
you're going to love me already,
So I've played with black magic,
and I've played a princess,
I've been alive and I've been the victim,
I couldn't tell you where all my parts went,
But I'm still waiting to kiss you

Ketchup

I mades that ^^.
"baby, take a seat, eyes on me, this is my show, your one and only pleasure all decked in lace and leather, fantasy courtesy of me, baby let's go..."

First off - I want to talk about Spencer Bell. <-- Click his name to view his site. Spencer was many things... poet, musician, artist, son and friend. Unfortunately in December of 2006 he was taken from us because of adrenal cancer. The Spencer Bell memorial page (Linked on his name up there. Click it when I'm done talking.) is dedicated to preserving his art and sharing it with the world. I can tell you that Spencer has touched the very core of my soul. The first poetry I read from him was My Name. (Click to read the poem.) I have found a lot of myself in Spencer, and this is where I started. He's everything, as am I. He's many things that people might see as a contradiction, but really they're not if you take the time to learn the person.

This part is particularly me:
"Quite complicated for such a simple fellow, or perhaps just very simply complex."

When I read Plan B I immediately knew that Spencer and I had the same mind.

My favorite is It Wouldn't Be So Bad. It touched me so deeply that I have a tattoo planned around it. I shared it with Jennifer and she said that it was "fitting" for me.




It's a crappy cell phone photo, but it's just a concept... I don't want my own sketch of headphones, but I want them to look sketched out, along the cord I want it to say, "it wouldn't be so bad to die with my headphones on..."

Spencer also has a lot of music on his page... he has a wonderful style and I hope that you enjoy it as much as I do. My favorite songs of the moment are, "Certain", "Cleaning Up", "Tourist", "The Whole Damned Thing", "Friends", and "Beautiful, More So".

In transition with Spencer - my Genn has a website on which she daily posts about Spencer. Please check out her site and her "soap boxes" when you get a chance. She's so captivating and passionate with her words, there's no way that you'll regret it. Watch out for this girl because she's going to change the world. One person at a time, she's fucking determined. She's already changed my world...

Lastly today, I want to talk about Jackson Rathbone's crotch. Okay, okay... moreso, musicians and how performing gives them a hard on.

I don't blame them. I mean, I've been there... not the exact sense as the male performers, but I can most definitely relate. Performing is a very erotic experience... to be worshiped by a sea of people all hanging on every single note...

I have a ever growing (no pun intended) list of male musicians who get hard when they perform.
-Justin Timberlake
-the lead singer of Alien Ant Farm (my was that impressive from the front row!!)
-Jackson Rathbone

I have seen the first two in person, and I'm sure if I really thought about this and if it wasn't 430am I could come up with more to add to my list... but, who cares... you just want the proof right? Here's the pudding.

My god, he's so epic gorgeous. I think I will take him home... it's been a while since I brought home a stray. You don't mind, do you Genn? No no, I didn't think so.

Picture of the Day:


Keeping in theme with Jaxxx... this tis my new favorite photo of him... I titled it, "Jacks has a hat and my heart" that's the honest to god truth. I kinda would basically sell my soul to the devil to photograph him. He's so beautiful. In photographs you can see past him and into his thoughts, into his soul... course, that's not necessarily the case here, here I just really like this photo. :)

xoxox

Well I Just Skipped Over July, Didn't I?

"baby your love is built like a drug and I don't want to be sober..."

It's been a fucking long ass time, eh?!

Well, I've been without interwebs for a while, so that was a lot of it... course I've had the net back for a hot second now and I just haven't gotten around to updating... been spending online times with my LOVE.

Yep, still in love. Still head over heels... actually, when I wrote that post over a month ago I wasn't as in love as I am now. I just keep wondering when I'm going to peak, but it doesn't happen.

Enough about that... for now.

Do me a favor? Go to this site: http://www.weallshouldcare.com/ It's the fucking TRUTH, I tell you that!

Also... go here and learn about the beautiful Spencer Bell. His art will touch you deeper than you ever thought possible. Promise and swear.

I'm going to try and update more often now, sorry that I've been MIA, I'll fix that. :)

xoxox