"Go get your ribbon box, go get your wounded heart..."
Relationships have never been my strong suit.
I, like every other woman on planet earth, fall for the wrong men and I seemingly do everything wrong.
Another problem that I have with men and relationships is that I'm a realist; if I don't see the relationship having a future I'm not the kind of girl who can stick around and "have fun" waiting to "see" if it "goes anywhere".
I don't know if I can blame that on being 26 years old and just not being able to [literally] fuck around and waste time... I don't know that because honestly I was the same way at 18. I guess I'm just wired differently.
While at 18 I was definitely less serious about relationships than I am now - I have never felt like my heart was something to be messed with. I have never willingly gave it away. And I can also say that I have never been in a relationship where I was in love. There was once that I thought I was, but it was an illusion. I can realize that now, of course, in hindsight.
To have made it 26 years without being absolutely in love seems either a travesty or pure luck.
While I can say that I've never been in love in a relationship, that's not to say that my heart has not been pulled. As I stated yesterday, I have more emotions than I know what to do with...
Some have said that they are in love with me... though I have never said it back. I just cannot fathom speaking the words without having the meaning pressed behind them forcing them from my mouth.
I guess if I don't feel anything bigger - if I can't see it going somewhere, the point is - why waste time?
Sure, sometimes wasting time is fun... but it was fun at 18. At 26, one day I will wake up and be 40 and all this time I thought I had will be gone... then where will I be?
I suppose all of this is spurred from my head and my inner thoughts and the running monologue I have badgering me.
A few days ago on Facebook I mentioned that Liz and I were watching Say Yes To The Dress and it was making me want to call up my girlfriends and ask them to set me up with their single guy friends... now... that might sound a bit scary of a thought -- to go from a wedding TV show to, "hey, maybe I do want to start dating again..." but believe me, I don't *expect* to go on four dates and be engaged. Though, I do think that once you know, that's all you need to know...
Regardless...
Yes... yes, marriage is something that I'm thinking about. As I inch closer to 30 and I think about my future, my life, what I want from my life -- marriage, kids... career... happiness. All of those things come into focus...
At the same time... I know greatness is worth waiting for.
I will not settle.
I've watched friends settle before and while I'm happy they are opening a new chapter of their lives and getting married or having babies - I wonder if they quite realize just how special, unique and amazing they are and how they deserve so much better than the asshole husbands that they walked away with.
But hey, those are the things that good friends keep to themselves.
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13 comments:
Spot on. My theory is to not let society dictate what to do with your life. Truth is, some of us will never marry or fall in love. Sad, but I'd rather that than forcing a relationship with someone and have it end in an ugly divorce and possibly fuck up my kids lives. Might make me both selfish and selfless at the same time.
Love ya Jodie. xxx
"I wonder if they quite realize just how special, unique and amazing they are and how they deserve so much better than the asshole husbands that they walked away with.
But hey, those are the things that good friends keep to themselves."
No. Good friends are the ones who should always tell their friends what they think.
Those keeping these thoughts to themselves aren't good friends but cowards.
Selfish and selfless at the same time... I absolutely adore how you worded that. Thanks for your input!
To tell my good friend that her fiance is a worthless piece of crap wouldn't do any good... she'd end up resenting me and always questioning herself.
I believe that a good friend supports the other in all her decisions. Clearly SHE is not a coward, for she married him to serve some purpose in her life no matter what it is.
While during the beginning of relationships I believe that your friends input serves as a great tool - once wedding invitations have been sent out, once there's a ring and a dress -- your opinion no longer matters and all you can do is smile and love your friend and support her no matter what.
I'm sorry if you feel that my views make me a coward. I have blogged many times on not always being able to express myself fully... so in that sense, I suppose I am.
No matter what you think of me and my views - thank you for reading and for taking the time to comment.
" those are the things that good friends keep to themselves."
sometimes i wish that one of my friends had opened up about how they truly felt about my relationships and maybe they could have helped save me some heartache. now i feel that i could have been one of the "luckies" instead of ending up one of the "drearies".
but anyaway. you are so smart to figure all this out at 18. don't ever settle.
when you are alone you are free to do whatever you want.you can make anything happen if you set your mind to it. when someone loves you, you loose that. they will always be a factor in the choices you make. you don't just give someone your heart, you give them some of your power and control. they go hand in hand. that is NOT something you give to just anyone. i'm rambling sorry. kudos for your insite on love, keep it as long as possible
Thank you for the sweet comment and I'm sorry to hear that things didn't go the best way with your relationship.
I definitely wasn't this aware at 18... at 18 I wanted everything and I wanted it all then... it definitely took me until 26 to get all those crazy teen hormones out of my system before I could see things a little clearly... of course, don't we all wish we knew then what we know now?
Being in love feels amazing, but don't rush it or push it too fast. You're right to say that greatness will come. And don't you ever settle, doll. Patience is key.
There is no reason to ever settle. That being said, don't sit back and let something good pass you by just because you're not sure that things would go anywhere. No matter how jaded you may get, life will always find a way to surprise you.
Oof... you Anonymous people are after my heart... <3
Thank you for the amazing uplift.
I was going to be silent on this one..but a personal experience of mine is bursting to get out! I was young and stupid. My boyfriend was graduating college and I had to choose to stay with him and move to Baton Rouge or break up. I moved with him. We got engaged. We sent out the invitations. By the day of the wedding - I could not stand him. My best friends since the age of 5 years old were in my wedding. I did not want to get married to him, but I felt like I was so stuck. His Mom had spent a shit ton of money on the wedding. I spent like literally 10 minutes getting dressed and ready for the ceremony, while my best friends primped for hours in front of the mirror.....fast forward 7 months.......
I arrived on the doorstep of the house that my best friends all shared. I had left the dumbass. THAT is when they decided to tell me "we thought about saying something right before the wedding - you looked like the most unhappy bride in the world".
...fast forward a week.....I finally went and picked up the video of my wedding. My friends and I sat and watched it together. About 10 seconds into the video, they stopped it. They stopped it right where my brother (he walked me down the aisle) and I came through the door down the aisle. It looked like we were fighting! They asked me what was up with that. .... The bridesmaids had made their way down the aisle, and they closed the doors so he and I could get in place for our turn. He looked at me and said "you don't want to do this do you? If not, we will leave right now, nobody will find us for a week". I said let's go. We were turning around to leave and the photographer assistant opened the door to the church and everyone was staring at us. I went forward while my brother was trying to pull me towards the door. The wedding went on as planned.......the moral of this story is......you don't have to be mean and out of bounds about it, but if you really feel in your heart that your friends are making mistakes - just make sure you let them know that if at anytime they want out, you will be there to support them and help them. Sometimes it's all we may need to hear to be brave enough to get ourselves out of a bad situation.
Sorry this is so long, but I felt it was kind of relevant to the story.
-CassLynn
Thank you all for sharing so much on this topic -- I suppose the reason why I would keep my mouth shut is because I easily put myself in the shoes of others...
If I was marrying someone and even if my very best friend told me not to -- if she told me that he was wrong for me, that I could do better... If I had a reason for marrying him, if I loved him... I would be so upset.
While friends need to be there for you thick and thin... once you know that they don't approve of who you're marrying, that's a point of no return.
On the other hand, if I had been waiting for a way out, it would be a blessing in disguise...
So, while I don't take back my previous statement that I made in my blog, perhaps after reading all of your comments, I may think twice about the things that I keep from my girlfriends.
Love can sometimes be magic, but magic is more often than not, just an illusion.
i was 26 when i finally knew what both my heart AND head was saying, and i couldn't be happier.
One day, sometime, Love will hit you in the face and knock you for 6. Wether you are 26 or 46, when the time come's, you'll know :)
Gemma xoxoxoxoxo
I think in the trials and tribulations of love and life everyone was meant to experience something different. Not that one person's journey is better then another's but just to add to example. Friends can chose to say something or not say something, however, ultimately it's up to us to either take that leap of faith for whatever reason or back off because we decided to second guess. Granted yes the relationships that have ended or the times where we have been stabbed in the back (have I mentioned mine figuratively looks like a sculpture from Picasso it's happened so much XP haha) have SUCKED.....but this is the chance we take, you know that whole freewill thing ;)
A lot of people have succumbed to what society has asked of them. To get married by a certain age, to force relationships so you aren't alone and "look desperate", to satisfy parents because it's " whats right" and it's not that they were doing something wrong but I think the idea of living life to the fullest gets misinterpreted or lost.
To prevent me from my continuing my babble, I just want to say that you do what got to do.. Do with what you can live with... If you don't think you haven't fallen in love yet or have and it just felt weird and confused you a bit, well, this is life....the opportunity to try and experience and feel anything and everything the universe has to offer you. People come in and out of our lives for all sorts of reasons. However, I will never not say at some point, men can be a real pain in the ass!! Hahaha :)
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