"What's the point of holding on to what never gets used?
Other than the sick desire for self abuse..."
Leaving for Nashville in less than 24 hours...
*inhales and holds breath for a long minute*
I'm still really not sure what to think and it hasn't completely hit me yet... I mean, I *think* I get that I'm going to be on a plane tomorrow morning... I may comprehend that... I know I'm anxious to get to be with Willow again... other than that? I can't see past Wednesday, really...
Things to do today:
Chargers
Carry on items
Pop bubbles
Get lots of sleep tonight
I may update this throughout the day and cross off what I've done... check back for edits.
This photo ALMOST made it hit me last night... ALMOST... but not quite.
EDIT 101p: Thank you soo much for all the comments/support,
people! I appreciate it soo much! Unfortunately, I only know
who one of you is! Haha!! Come up and say
something to me in Nashy!
...Now I don't really know where to start...
EDIT 236p: When Jennifer did the laundry she didn't wash either
pair of my jeans... so now I'm like, "No Pants Platz".
Just did my nails, I know I'm stoopid for typing now because
it's just going to fuck them up, but the ADD restrains me from
just sitting there and doing nothing, watching paint dry.
I finished my painting. :)
My wax is... uh... waxing... tis melting itself. And then its
facemask time... I guess I'm putting off packing as much
as possible. Been listening to Death Cab all day. <3
Definitely calms me and makes me feel soo much better.
EDIT 450p: I am going to kill my dog. She won't stop barking,
and whining... and jumping on my clean clothes. Let me
tell you a typical day with me and Bella... she sleeps all day,
I sing loudly, she licks my face twice and we're just calm
together. Today I've been cursing and screaming at her all
day. She knows change. She feels it... so I can't blame her
too much, but still it's soo obnoxious. I think she knows
that she's not coming with me. Now she's sitting in my lap
and being all adorable... that's why they're so cute, you
know? So we don't kill them.
I can't find any of the clothes that I want and it's pissing
me off. I keep going, "okay, 2 outfits a day... wed, thurs,
fri, sat, leaving sun..." yet, I feel like I'm packing for life.
That always happens because I have a horrible fear
of forgetting something. I'm using my medium sized suitcase,
which I usually only bring with me as my 2nd suitcase...
my "accessories" suitcase. In Jan 07 I took it to Vegas
and filled it with JUST purses and shoes... and we were
only there one night... so this is definitely a big change
for me and I'm not comfortable with it... but I'm
also not comfortable with carrying around a 15lb laptop/
carry on bag AND dragging around a huge suitcase.
*sigh* this is a classic no win situation.
None of the outfits I've packed will make me happy...
I had to pack "dirty" jeans. (Technically they're just
worn and a big baggy, I would classify them as "dirty"
just yet.) I feel very fat this week. I mean, I know
I'm already fat, but I feel fatter this week than, say,
last week... I haven't been eating any more... probably
less... but it's just how I FEEL. You know?
I still have no idea what I'm going to the airport in
tomorrow... the "plane outfit" is the most important and
I have no idea what I'm wearing... *bites lip*
EDIT 749p: I napped.
EDIT 1007p: It hit... not organically, but I forced it to hit...
the bad part is is that I know it's going to hit again, when
I least expect it to... I just hope it's not when I'm standing
in front of him. *shaking my head* that would be
terrible and mortifying.
I thought I couldn't breathe BEFORE... *shakes head
once more* that was nothing compared to what I just
went through...
Three days... when I wake up I'll be seeing him/them
in three days...
Photos definitely helped lunge me into the realization
process... the guitar and harmonica photos especially.
I'm glad that Bella-dog was the only one here to see that.
She sat on my lap and licked my face. Perhaps I do
love her after all.
5 comments:
Just breathe hon. It's all good. If you need a pep talk, you know where to find me.
Whoa... is this at the Palladium in Dallas? Great show!! :D I can't wait for this weekend! We're all going to have a blast
I know what you mean, at least a little bit. I've been really excited about this Nashville deal, but I haven't quite grasped the idea that it's THIS weekend.
I'm stoked to see you and Willow again! Friday is going to be awesome!
You'll be able to breathe easier soon, I promise.
It will hit you the closer that it gets, wait until either hours before it actually happens, or the minute that it does.
Regardless, you'll have me (and JENN, kase and patty) to walk you through it, you'll be fine, I promise!
Of course I'm going to try to get it to hit you well before that, so prepare yourself lol
This week/weekend will be amazing.
You're getting stuff done. That's the important part. You'll be able to breathe easier soon.
On another note--
Never heard any Death Cab. I'll have to download some.
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