Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Any Way That I Wanted

"Well, there's a tin can sitting on your window sill,
Open it up... see how you feel...
Cuz inside there are hearts that are stone,
Wrapped in radio wire, cuz they're locked in the coils,
And each World War's an offering to me,
And each one has a battery feel,
So they're hissing and screaming with the electricity,
Take em out one by one, line em up and you'll feel the...
Yeah, I could have you any way that I wanted..."

Today is supposed to be 100 Monkeys day! They're supposed to release their tour dates for their 100 city tour today, but alas... it's nearly 5p here and NOTHING. :(

I'm wearing my 100 Monkeys shirt in support for it and everything... I suppose that I can be patient... or try to...

Only 10 days till I see my Monkeys again! :) That's exciting!

I'm definitely beginning to think that the dates won't be released today... so then they SHOULD be released tomorrow, right? That would make sense? I mean, they SAID today, but today is nearly over so we should expect them tomorrow, yes? (Someone reassure me and make me feel better...)

I have to pee, but I don't want to get up... fail.

I'm chillin' at Panera and soaking up their free wifi. I heart doing this. I can get my comp, phone and iPod all wifi'ing at the same time. :) Good times.

I want a new camera... yes, let's talk about that for a minute.

The new Verizon Wireless "Droid" phone, (which, by the way... it the most geektastic name of a phone EVAAR) has a 5 megapixel camera...

Now, previously I blogged about how my mama said her first digital camera was a 2 megapixel $700 Fugifilm camera and now she has a 2 megapixel camera in her cell phone... I said that when I spoke to my dad I was saying that one day they would have 10 megapixel cameras in cell phones...

I have a 2 megapixel camera in my cell phone currently and I really did not expect the leap to 5 megapixels in a cell phone for another year or so... so I am astonished and very impressed The cell phone looks a bit... eh... but it's very impressive that they placed a 5 megapixel camera into a cell phone...

My current camera is a 6 megapixel Canon. I've had it for nearly 4 years. Oh lord... I can't believe that 1) I just admitted that... and 2) that it's REALLY been that long.

The camera that I was looking to get was the Nikon Coolpix P90, however, I then decided that a 24x zoom might help me in concerts... that although the 15 fps is facking *moans* incredible and the swivel LCD screen is awesome... that it's not what I need to make money or do anything productive with my photography. This is more of a camera to have fun with... to take to concerts and just around town with me... I still want this camera, but I need something different.

So then I went back to dSLR talk and that's when I found out that the camera I wanted, the Nikon D60, has been discontinued.

Now I'm forced to either get the Nikon D40... a 6.1 megapixel "beginner's" dSLR, or shell out a little more for the new Nikon D3000.

The D3000 seems to be Nikon's 'replacement' for the D60... it's a 10.2 megapixel camera with a few upgrades from the D60.

Obviously I want the D3000 over the D40. Price is of course what's holding me back. $469 vs $599... quite a price difference...

So then do I wait it out longer and continue to save for the D3000 or do I get the D40 "now" and do the best with what I've got?

My biggest gripe about the D40? I already have a 6 megapixel camera... to go from a 6 megapixel to a 6.1 megapixel dSLR... will I even notice? I know that it's Nikon... that it's a dSLR and it has capabilities that my Canon does not have, but would that even be worth it? I'm not sure and I can't seem to decide what I want to do.

*le sigh*
Picture of the Day:
It's true.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Guidance Of Your Flame

"Interchanging mind control,
Come let the revolution take it's toll,
If you could flick and switch and open your third eye,
You'd see that we should never be afraid to die..."

11.

So... trying something 'new'... trying to have a birthday party again this year. Jennifer doesn't understand why I still try. Her constant faith is very reassuring. I guess I keep trying because I want to believe that people are busy and that they actually DO like me, they just have a schedule to keep up with.

Got a few RSVP's for 'yes'. Loadssss of 'maybe's, which made me still feel really good. Seriously, if like 5 people come to my party, I'm going to consider that a success.

One of the people to RSVP yes was Rikki. Rikki and I met freshman year and though we were pretty close in HS we've drifted through the years... one thing that Rikki has always done for me that I'll never forget though is that she's ALWAYS come to my birthday party when I've invited her. Each and every time. Some years she's been the only person to ever acknowledge my birthday.

Kristi always RSVP'd yes to my party this year. She's always been good at my birthday celebration too... So whereas I may not have the most consistent relationship with either of these girls... they're both so good to me that it hurts.

I invest so much stock in my birthday. I know that I do this... I do it consciously and though I know I shouldn't do it... I still fucking do it.

Every year my birthday is this huge event... spanning from the day after Thanksgiving until Christmas... My actual birth DAY is my day of HOPE. I hope that it'll be better than the last year, I hope that people will remember it, I hope that I'll get what I asked for...

I can't tell if I'm stressing more or less this year. I reckon it'll end up being more stressful since I'm having an actual party... then when no one shows up and I get plastered on margaritas, I'll end up realizing that there are so many good people out there in this world and I need to move on from the people that I know who keep blowing me off and find the good people.

Now, please... I'm not ungrateful or unrealistic... I understand that not everyone can drop everything to come to my birthday party... please don't think I think that... I am thankful that people are actually RSVPing this year because in years passed I mostly went weeks and weeks without hearing anything and then just no one showed up. And trust... I'm not going to axe everyone in my life who doesn't show up for my stupid party.

I'll be 25 this year... wow. I talked to my Mama today and neither of us know when or how that happened. This is the first year that I've actually started to kinda freak over the number.

Jennifer is super relaxed over 25... I think she may actually be looking forward to it... not me... for reasons that I might discuss closer to my actual birthday, but they aren't too hard to figure out if you have half a mind.

It seriously seems like I just turned 21 yesterday. I remember that birthday vividly... Twas a good birthday... that was actually the last time I attempted a party. I had a good cake. That was before I had a digital camera -- I got the digital camera for Christmas that year... 21st birthday I got my Bella-dog... I still don't have photos developed from that birthday. Terrible.

Film is the devil.

I didn't really have a theme for my 21st birthday party... I had a tiara on my cake... I wore a beautiful, strapless blue silk dress with a sheer overlay and beaded bodice with glittered, strappy, silver stilettos. Wore a tiara, of course... which I've done every year since and I do believe it might be time to retire the tiara... can't tell yet. It just might not go with my party theme.

This year the theme is a beach house party... :) Jennifer and I are pretty stoked for it. At first I was going to have maybe an Alice In Wonderland theme, but I didn't think many people would give a shit... but a beach theme?! That's something that can please everyone!

I won't tell you loads of details, because for those attending, I want them to be surprised... but obviously... beach theme... gonna be balls awesome on the decorations! I can't wait to set it up. We maaay have found some inflatable things. XD margaritas, rum and Corona's galore! Cute little foods and cupcakes. :)

...Apparently, I have to make my own cupcakes... *rolls eyes* I kinda just wanted to buy them, but whatevs. I guess I'm making my own cupcakes. LOL I decided on cupcakes this year. Usually I am strictly a cake girl. Perhaps I'll be greedy and have both. Even though we both know I won't eat but like, a bite since I'm soo not into sweets, but it's just the point of the whole thing! Plus, Jenn loves cake. I know none will go to waste. ;)

Oh... and there's gonna be a pinata! XD Haven't had one of those since the very first of bad birthday parties... my 1st grade birthday party.

Picture Of The Day:

No one gets this.

No one understands it.

I stood atop the walkway for a half-hour while I tried to find a setting on my camera that apparently has gotten up, packed its bags and left me. I found my way around it to ultimately make the photo better... I took these open shutter photos after closing my eyes a few days before the Vegas trip and SEEING the photo... imagining it. Envisioning it.

No one cares that I took this photo.

I told my Mama about the photo on the phone and she said "Awesome! It's great to hear someone excited about photography again... I haven't been lately." So then I emailed her the photo and she replied back, "cool!"

That's it.

Just "cool!"

I showed the photo to Jennifer and she goes, "neat..." in a dry tone. She really just doesn't understand my photography.

Perhaps it really is a very shitty photo... perhaps I suck as a photographer and everyone GETS that but me... but me? I cried when I saw this photo that *I* took... just a few baby tears of absolute astonishment that *I* could take something like this with my plain, mediocre camera. (Mama says it's the photographer, not the camera...)

I love this photo. I think it is the end-all be-all and the most amazing photo that I have taken to date. It's my wallpaper on my computer and my phone... I adore it... I just wish that others felt the same way...

Not that I want them to lie to me, of course... I just don't understand... or maybe I don't want to believe the truth that's right in front of me.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Shooting The Moon

"All of the astronauts,
Champagne in plastic cups,
Waiting for the big hero to show,
Outside the door he stands
His head in his hands
And his heart in his throat,
What can he tell em now?
Sorry I let you down,
Sorry it wasn't quite true,
But don't get hung up on it,
Just soldier on with it and
Good luck with shooting the moon..."

Lately I've felt like I'm constantly on the brink of something... like I'm peeling back the layers and I'm almost to the juicy center. However the ways it's been going, the center it rotten. I'm just going to keep peeling until I get to a center that's ripe and ready.

If I could start over tomorrow, would I? And if I did, is there anything that I would change? Would I still hurt the people I have hurt? Love the people I have loved? And continue to make the same bad decisions? Would I still face the same addictions? Cut in the same places? Cry at the same times?

I know that I can't start over... but there's always the hope that I can and that I'm just brave enough to not push restart.

Brave. Bravery... That's something that I've never been called before. I wouldn't consider myself a coward, but am I brave? Not particularly.

So what am I? Where am I headed? Will I know that I'm there when I get there? I wonder.

Lately I've wondered why I am still alive. Why I am really here on this planet. "They" say that we all have a purpose, but what if I don't have a purpose? What if my one purpose is to not have a purpose? I guess I can't even say that because I have affected people's lives. Probably not many for the better and much more for the worse - but I still have impacted them.

I came into this world wrecking lives and I reckon that wouldn't be the worst way to go out. 'I'll gladly go down in a flame, if a flame's what it takes to remember my name.' - That line always gives me goosebumps and brings tears to the back of my eyes because it's how I've always felt.

I really have been trying to be a better person. That wasn't bullshit. Since the day that we got back from Vegas we've both been trying to be better people. I know that we've hurt you. I can generalize that because we've hurt a lot of people - but do you know how many people have hurt us? Not that that is an excuse... it's just so much easier to love each other, to stick together when we understand each other so clearly. We can have an entire conversation and end in understanding without saying a single word to each other. It's hard to believe that anyone will ever be there for me like she is. We just have an understanding. I know that this bond frustrates some most people, but I feel blessed to have a someone.

Some people have their families and though we have come from two different backgrounds, we don't really have families... for separate reasons, of course... but it's still amazing that we have each other. Without her I don't think I wo... wait... no... I know that without her I wouldn't be here.

There have been many, many times that she's talked me off the ledge. There have also been the same amount of times that she's put me on said ledge. She's pried the knife from my hands, taken the pills from my mouth, taken the bottle from my hands and literally saved my life...

I've picked up her broken pieces. Wiped the tears from her eyes. Told her that everything was going to be alright, and if it wasn't alright that I would make it alright... yet... every single person around us can't see that we can't live without each other. She's my sister.

My Mama hates her. Her father hates me. My dad is ambivalent, I'm sure. Her mom puts in some effort. My step mom thinks she's the daughter she never had... all my friends hate her. All her friends love me.

Why do people keep saying that we're bad for each other? Why did this blog turn into a story about Jennifer?

Her dad says that her life will continue to be shit until she gets away from "that girl" and that I'm the reason that she's the horrible, nasty person she is today. My Mama... well...

This December she will have been in my life for 10 years. Let me tell you something, people... she's not going anywhere. She's the one person who has remained constant. She's the only person I've been honest with. She's the first person I let in... no, she won't be the last...

The more these people push me... us... the more they think they'll tear us apart. The thing is... that's the farther and faster that we'll pull away and push you out of our life.

I don't only want her. I don't only need her. But when it comes down to it, you know that's who I'll choose if you make me.


Thursday, October 22, 2009

What Happens In Vegas... I Spill On My Blog


"Desolation... I don't even know my name,
And as the rain beats down, I think I've seen the ghost again,
Silver moonlight, soaking up the amber waves,
By the heat of the fire, I called your name.
Coast to coast, I will travel any length,
Through the Andes mountains,
Across the great, great lakes,
Through the grandest canyons,
And the highest craves,
Still I hear it's calling, it's calling out my name..."

**Please be warned... this is a VERY long blog... remember that it was an entire WEEK of my life... trust me in saying that it's worth a read. I dish about a lot of people and not all of it's good!**

I really had all intention to blog while I was in Vegas, however... we see how well that worked for me.

That had to be THE longest trip that I've ever been on.

We left the... um... 9th? And getting to Vegas didn't take as long as I expected it to. We actually got there early and slept in the car for 5 hours just outside Hoover Dam because we wouldn't be able to check into our hotel and we didn't want to pay for another night.

We took the southern route which led us towards Wichita, Oklahoma City then down to Amarillo, Texas and over to Albuquerque and Flagstaff.

I had never been to Amarillo, Texas (only Dallas) and I had never seen New Mexico or Arizona ever before, so on the trip there I was very excited.

The rest stop we stopped at in Texas was wonderful... it was huge and VERY nice... they claimed to have wifi, but I couldn't get their signal on my iTouch. :( While Jennifer went to the bathroom I went out into a field and took some photos which I posted on my site.

I saw a "moth" there that was the size of my hand! No lie. Everything really is bigger in Texas!

New Mexico was exceptionally cold. Texas was cold, but I expected it to be, we weren't that far south and I'm not stupid to know that Texas does get very chilly... New Mexico though? It's the desert and I honestly expected it to warm up the farther west that we got. Nope.

It rained and we broke one of our windshield wipers... that was just the tip of the iceberg as far as "Bad-Crap-That-Happened-On-My-Trip-To-Vegas" goes. I dubbed Albuquerque as "Not Much To See". I heard that it was like, a big city, but really... no. It was very... plain.

Arizona didn't warm up much at all but it eventually stopped raining. I was really hoping to see a cactus and that didn't happen. Very disappointing. Arizona was quite possibly the most beautiful drive of the trip. Winding roads through mountains, desert and wide open span of no man-made tainted lands... quite stunning.

We reached peaks of 7,335 ft. The elevation made my ears pop and made me antsy... in a good way... About 200 miles outside of Nevada I made Jennifer pull over to see the stars. I made her get out of the car and look up at the sky.

It. Was. Stunning.

I have never in my life seen so many stars that bright before. I could clearly see the Milky Way and all the constellations. The highway was pretty deserted so there wasn't any lights as far as you could see EXCEPT the stars. I'll never forget it.

We got to drive over the Hoover Dam at sunrise. I wasn't as moved by it as I had hoped or expected to be, but still it was quite amazing. Hoover Dam houses enough concrete to pave a two lane highway from San Francisco to NYC. It was huge.

We didn't have any problems driving in Las Vegas, which surprised me. Jennifer isn't the greatest driver and we actually didn't get honked at! Yay!

We were staying at the Motel 6 on Tropicana, (directly behind the Strip and right across the street from the MGM, it's the largest Motel 6 in the world and it's newly renovated with hardwood floors and plasmas! Plus, they accept pets free of charge. I pity those who spent $100+ a night when we only paid like $29. Hah!)

We got there Sunday morning and unfortunately our hotel room wasn't ready yet so we leashed the dog and walked to our favorite convenience store on the strip to get a beer... at 7a! (It's VEGAS baby! It's perfectly acceptable to start drinking at 7a!)

Everyone tried to come over and pet Bella... look, I know she's cute and adorable in her little shirt and all. I know she's like, the smallest Chihuahua ever, but YO. Don't touch my dog. People think that just because Bella is adorable that she's sweet. She is... she's very sweet and very loving and will lick your face of... if she knows you. Chihuahua's are very protective of their owners. They only obey one or two people and they are very loyal and think that all other people are a threat. So when these strangers come up and approach Bella, she growls and barks... strangers laugh at her because it's really cute to see a dog in pink barking at you, so they reach out their hand and I have to pull her back because she will snap at them. She doesn't know the difference! She doesn't know that you're complimenting her! She's protecting me. I'm her mama. That's all she knows. Children are the worst. Chihuahua's hate kids.

Eventually we got to check into our hotel and we got ready to head to Summerlin. They did things a little different this year and they held the golf clinic on Sunday instead of later in the week on Saturday.

We watched Justin golf for a little with Butch Harmon and I took a few good photos and some videos (someone remind me to get my ass to YouTube...) We were sitting right in front of Lynn and Paul and we laughed with them as Justin attempted to not make an ass out of himself.

We left early so we could go get our volunteer uniforms, which, ROCKED this year. Fitted and embroidered hats with the year on the back of them instead of lame tan hats like last year. A grey ACTUAL golf shirt that was tailored different for women than men instead of the salmon polo shirt like last year. And a black pullover jacket. I actually liked last years red zip up jacket, but the black one is one that I'm more likely to wear...

After we got our uniforms we went to the volunteer party and although I'm not going to say much about the volunteer party on here since this is public - I will say that Justin actually came this year... his table was right next to ours and we had a drink with him. That's all I'll say about that. :) Oh, and it rocked. I heart open bar.

Justin left the party early and then we met Phil there who volunteered with us last year. We had a few beers with him and tried to get as many of the cups as we could. On the bus ride back I told him that I thought we had about 42 cups. He said, "42 specifically?" And then I tried to explain to him the number 42 and the meaning of life...

When we got back to the hotel we counted the cups and we officially got 39... oh... sooo close!

*I had gotten to Thursday and then I had to scroll back up and add this in there! I nearly forgot to tell y'all this...

Jess from WorldofJustin.com was supposed to be staying with us. Jennifer was on the phone with her when she booked her airfare and she walked her through it slowly since Jess had never flown before.

So when we're at the volunteer party and Justin was there, Jennifer text Jess and told her that she should have booked an earlier flight so that she could have been there. I can't remember if Jess replied back or not. Anyhow... so the chick just DOESN'T SHOW UP! WTF? Then she texts us the next day and says that Hotwire.com fucked up her plane tickets or something and that she's catching a flight out on Tuesday or something... okay, okay... fine and dandy... Let me just tell you... the week came and went without her showing up.

Now tell me something - who just doesn't come to Vegas? For Justin? When you RUN a Justin fansite and I KNOWWWW that you're a huge Justin fan? Who? Well, apparently... Jess. More on that shit later.

We continued drinking and then decided we were going to go spread our awesomeness on the Strip again and we found ourselves walking through the NYNY. I can't remember why we were but it was all gravy when we got pulled into Coyote Ugly! I was wearing my tiara that night and not 2 seconds after walking into the bar the bar girl pulled me towards the stage and asked me what the occasion was... I told her that I was just there to party and she turned around and on the mic she said, "this girl thinks she's the princess of Las Vegas!"

TWAS AWESOME.

Later we got HELLA shots and danced on the bar! :) When I told my Mama that she goes, "wow, you areeee my daughter." XD

We left when I was plastered and then went to Denny's. I then ate the best pancakes I've ever had in my existence. However, they didn't taste so great coming up once I made it back to the hotel.

I have a firm belief: Never go to bed with alcohol in your stomach. Ever.

After drinking obscene amounts I'll honestly admit here that I force myself to throw up so I don't go to bed spinning. I have no qualms in admitting that. I'll also admit that I only eat when drinking so that I have something to throw up...

Monday morning I woke up at 730a. Why? Because the alcohol/hangover god HATES me. I always wake up early after drinking... lord knows why... I chugged some water and made myself throw up again.

Later I had Lays plain potato chips and an Arizona iced tea. Usually my hangover food of choice is Lays plain potato chips and a red Gatorade, but the tea was on sale and actually was quite tasty. :)

It was cold Monday and I stayed at the hotel while Jenn went to her first day of volunteering. She fell down in the Suncoast parking lot and hurt her knee really bad. (It STILL looks gross. You can see pics on my Facebook.)

Justin didn't show up Monday so I didn't miss anything. Actually now would be a really great time to tell you that Justin didn't show up for ANY of the tournament. The only days he made an appearance were Sunday for the golf clinic/volunteer party, Wednesday for the celebrity Pro Am and then Sunday for the trophy presentation.

Last year he actually came and watched his own tournament. Just sayin'...

I spent the day in bed with the spins and watched movies on HBO all day. Jennifer and I have decided we now need to invest in a television AND premium cable. We heart HBO. After Jennifer came "home" we went to In N Out.

Jenn had never had In N Out... I had it last year when I was in LA and lurved it. (It's a West Coast thing... you wouldn't understand.) Jenn was brave and had Animal Fries. I tried one and nearly gagged -- their "special sauce" is like 80% mustard. *barf*

That night... I can't remember if I drank anything or not but we walked the Strip and I took my open shutter photos. :) I am soo proud of those pictures. You have absolutely no idea. When I uploaded them it literally brought tears to my eyes.

Tuesday was my first day of volunteering. I had to get there HELLA early because of Jennifer and her stupid Marshals scheduling... I sat around and listened to my iPod for like 3 hours soaking up all the free Figi water I could hold.

Special Events had the same chairperson from last year so I was happy to see him again... unfortunately this year there were soo many more Justin fans volunteering. One chick even came to the volunteer party in a Timbershirt. Not. Acceptable. No. I think on the volunteer application they should put, "how big of a Justin Timberlake fan are you?" and if you even answer the question you're not allowed to volunteer.

I heard that most volunteers came and picked up their credentials and their uniforms and then never showed up for their shifts... Nice. Real classy, peeps.

My job for the day was wrangling children who were there to meet the pro golfers. I love working with the kids, it's soo rewarding. These kids were so cool and fun to talk to! They seemed so nervous to meet the pro golfers. I got to stand by Chris Riley for like an hour and I was like, "WHOA". Just sayin'...

Something else unacceptable? I saw so many volunteers asking for autographs while in uniform. There were rules about that last year and since there's so many fangirls on the course now, I guess they're out numbered?

That's a good segway into Wednesday -- I was supposed to work Wednesday but problems and issues later: I didn't. I did however get to see Justin play two holes. (I wasn't about to follow him around to all 18 like the other crazy bitches...)

At hole 10 I saw something that made me GASP. Three or so volunteers asked Justin to take a picture with him... WHILE HE WAS GOLFING. He walked away from one of them and she goes, "shit." He turned around and came back to her and said, "Well we should do this now then... I heard you, 'oh shit!' Let's do this." I know it doesn't sound like much as I'm typing it, but you should have heard the tone in his voice.

He was so cranky and irritated the entire week and I'll bet everything I have that it had a lot to do with the volunteers.

Also, in something that's potentially unrelated, this year seemed much more disorganized than last year. I heard many people say that it was more awesome than last year, but no, no no... they're wrong... Who knows, maybe they weren't even there last year. This year just kinda blew chunks all over.

Wednesday I got my picture with Chris and Alice Cooper. Both awesome. :) I got to hang out with Chris and his people for a good 30 minutes while he practiced his putting annnnd his Mama was there! You should have seen him run up and give her a hug! It was adorable! And then he was like, "watch me do this..." it was soooo cute!

On out way back to the hotel we got a flat tire. Fun. Stuff. The security at the Suncoast was nice enough to change us to our donut. Oh boy was our mini van awesome cool then!

That night we went to dinner at the Excalibur's "Tournament of Kings" dinner show with this chick named Diane. She was a fellow volunteer from LA and I *thought* that she was cool beans, but as you'll find out later in the week, she's not.

So!

At the volunteer party they raffle off items and whatnots... she won this dinner for 4 at the Excalibur. It's like a $200 dinner and she didn't have any friends with her or anything and I guess her and Jennifer had talked a lot during volunteering so she invited us to go to dinner with her.

We get to dinner and we're in the front row (how cool is that?!) The dinner is presented like in Renaissance times without any silverware. Diane bitched about that, but I thought it was pretty badass to just eat with my fingers. :)

I felt like the waitstaff should have had an old English accent, but unfortunately they were not in character. The dinner was exceptionally dry and bland and the show was good and entertaining, however the costumes looked like they were on sale at a discount warehouse. I never would have paid the $55/ticket price for this out of pocket. If I did I would have been PISSED.

The Excalibur in general is just a poor excuse for a hotel/casino. It's classless and cheap. I hate it. I hope it's the next to get torn down.

Diane was loud and obnoxious during the whole dinner and I didn't get to sit by Jennifer which irritated me.

Thursday Jennifer was supposed to work at 530a but that sooo didn't happen. We instead went to Walmart to fix her flat tire. Jennifer's dad gave her a credit card for "emergencies" and told her that "pizza was not an emergency"... Well after Jess didn't show up Jenn knew that she was going to have to use the credit card for some gas money home since Jess wasn't there to pay for her part of the hotel or the pass to the tournament that she was going to sell her...

The tire people at Walmart told her that her tire wasn't fixable and that she'd have to get a new one. Whatever... tis on Daddy's credit card. So we got a new tire. Yaaaay.

While waiting for the tire we went to get a drink at the McDonalds in the Walmart and they have hot and spicy chickens there! I just HAD to try one and oh my yummy. They also had pumpkin pies, which were... interesting. Jennifer liked them though.

That night we went to dinner with Phil and Paul. (We had drinks with Phil at the volunteer party earlier in the week. Paul was also a volunteer from last year, but he didn't get to this year.) Phil brought his girlfriend (which made Jennifer jealous) and Paul brought two of his friends from back home in Liverpool that had just flown in.

We all had a great time catching up... until Paul said that he was getting deported back to Liverpool in January unless he got married. :( I reckon that just gives me another excuse to go over to England. Gemma and Paul. :)

After dinner with them we went back to the hotel and changed and then went to get a drink on the Strip and walk around. I love just people watching in Vegas. It's very calm, ironically. Most people wouldn't see Vegas as calm but as I'm walking down the Strip my mind is clear. I think the bright lights, the people rushing and the ding-ding-ding's from inside the casino just take me away from all the bullshit that awaits me back in my real life. I adore it.

Around 1230 that night we went to Hooters (the casino/hotel is next door to the Motel 6) where they have 25c wings at Dan Marino's restaurant. We waited a good half hour to be seated at freaking 1230 in the morning! I reckon that's what Vegas is all about! The wings were great! I'm kinda sad we only went the one time... 25c wings?! Who can beat that?!!

Friday... Friday... I can't remember what happened Friday day... I think that was the day I hung out and watched movies while Jenn volunteered. I watched Fred Claus that day... strange that it was on, but it was soooo sweet... so sad. I loaded my photos that day. I spent like the whole day Photoshopping.

That night we went to Fremont.

I had been to Vegas 6 times and I still had never seen Fremont. It was definitely [as they say] an experience...

2 seconds after we parked we had 4 bums asking us for money. It smelled worse than NYC. (I didn't know that was possible.)

We found a place that had 99c everything. Jenn had a 99c deep fried Twinkie and I had a 99c frozen chocolate dipped banana. I *think* mine won on being healthier. :) It was super delicious!

We tried to find a good place to have a drink. The entire Fremont area had $2 Corona and Heineken bottles so we went into this place that had a 99c margarita and I ordered a Corona and a margarita. (Jenn wasn't drinking.) The bartender said, "$4... well, $3 plus tip." I kinda just eyed him like, "um... loser" and Jennifer paid. She gave him $3 and handed me my drinks. He stood there and waited for a minute and then took the money and said, "thanks... for nothing." I had to storm off before I ripped out his fucking hair!

Let me tell you something about the 99c margaritas in Vegas... they're awesome, no lie. They're 99c and well... you get what you pay for. They come out of a machine like a slushie and they're in tiny solo cups like you get for water at Starbucks. So this dude puts the cup under the machine and pulls the lever for 3 seconds, opens a fucking bottle of beer and he expects what? A dollar? AND he has an attitude?

No, dude, you DID NOT earn your dollar tip. If you were POLITE to me and you actually did something to be a bartender, not a bottle opener - THEN you would have earned your dollar. I hope every slob in Vegas stiffs you, asshole. What a prick.

We got some beads from a few casinos and walked the whole length of Fremont before deciding that it was awesome yet lame at the same time and we left.

Not being able to decide where to go for dinner we settled on the Denny's down the street from us on Tropicana. The only reason I'm telling you this is because I have an "awesome" story to go with it...

We order and get our drinks. Our waitress was exceptional. She was sooo nice, pretty and polite. She was one of those "above and beyond" waitresses that anticipates what you're gonna need. She was being extremely patient with the drunken family that sat across from us. (There were like 8 of them and they were all very loud and not very nice, yet she never wavered and was always gracious.)

Behind me as we sat down the lady behind me was just getting her food as her phone rang. She answered it and talked very loudly to her apparent boyfriend. He was wanting to come and see her and she kept telling him, "well get in your car then, I'm not telling you where I'm at until you're on you're way... you always tell me that you're coming to see me and you never do... all my friends think I'm stupid for taking you back all the time..." Blah, blah, blah... she was going over to his house in the morning to do his laundry... She complained that she wasn't going to talk to him while she ate and then she ate her entire meal while yammering away on the phone.

It was one of those situations where I tell myself, "if this bitch says oneeeee more thing, I'm gonna turn around and say something." Then she was done with her meal and she hung up and left... didn't tip the waitress...

But I learned more about this chick before I got my dinner than I needed to. I basically learned that she has no standards and she's a loud mouthed whore. She told her boyfriend, "sweetheart, when you get drunk every time you drink at your age... you have a problem..." blah blah blah... I wanted to turn around and say, "you just put this asshole down a hundred different ways, but you still fuck him! What does that make you?! You ain't no better, bitch! Shut the fuck up."

That's what I WISH I had the balls to say.

Saturday Jennifer worked and then came back to the hotel to get me when she was done. We got into the Hill and I finally got to try Justin's tequila, 901. :) Twas goooood. I had three palomas. Can you say, yummy?! I definitely was buzzing early on that day. I hadn't eaten anything, but whatevers. I got tipsy, so yaaay!

That night was the concert. Diane was supposed to come over to the hotel before the show and she was going to give us a ride over there and stuff... she gets there like .2 seconds before we're supposed to be walking out the door and then she wants to use our bathroom... use our hairspray... borrow eyeliner... do this... do that... blah, blah, blah... It was 30 minutes until the show and Jennifer and I were getting antsy. We're USED to this. We're GOOD at concerts. I know we don't do many things well in life, but we're fucking GREAT at concerts. Especially Justin concerts. We're PROS at Justin concerts...

So these two girls from LA are about to give us a ride... we're now sitting in their car and for whatever reason, I can't remember why... but we aren't moving. One LA bitch is whining about perfume or a necklace or something and the other LA bitch doesn't know what to do with her bag... Jennifer goes, "y'all don't go to many concerts, do you?" I was actually thinking it as she said it. It was miraculous. They laughed and said, "no, does it show?" I said curtly, "Yes."

Finally we started going and LA bitch number one nearly ran us into like, 4 cars... then she was going the wrong way.

Let me tell you something people... Mandalay Bay is not hard to find... it's right next to the Luxor... you know, that giant pyramid with the light shooting out the top of it? Yep. I coulda walked there faster...

Then this dumb broad decided to turn around in the MGM... okay... and then she pulled into the taxi cue where we SAT. And SAT. AND SAT!!!!!! I nearly got out and hailed a cab, no lie. I wanted to strangle this BITCH.

So FINALLY we get to the Mandalay Bay and she pulls into the parking for The Hotel, which is Mandalay Bay's sister building... I'm thinking that we're going to have to walk for like, evaaar... so we're in this parking garage and finally by the elevators I just fucking got out. Jenn followed, I never looked back and we never spoke to them or saw them again.

I don't care how good their intentions were. Their lack of brain cells were not going to make me late for Justin. NO ONE makes me late for Justin.

We got to the show and stopped by the bar before heading to our seats... I had another 901 and Jennifer had a Jack and Pepsi. All was right with the world.

Our seats were in the last row... again, this year. I don't care. Honestly, I don't. I saw him from the front row 7x during 2007 and I have it on the HBO DVD to prove it. I am more than happy to sit in the last row of his ONE concert in 2008 and 2009 because at least I'm there.

The show was good... I got a lil worried about Justin (even though he's a big boy and can [sorta] take care of himself...) because he was basically plastered at the show. It was humorous, but I don't really wanna laugh at him for that. He changed around some lyrics in Like I Love You from, "you will know the difference when I touch you," to "you will know the difference when I fuck you," I reckon he wouldn't have done that sober... just sayin'...

He did my favorite Nirvana guitar riff and I jumped along with him. :)

He started Cry Me A River out with Kings of Leon's "Use Somebody"... a song I haven't listened to since... well... in a long time. I wasn't sure I could handle it. He did it well... I was proud of him for it, but unfortunately it kinda ruined my favorite live song for me.

I cried three times during his set... for reasons that I'm not willing to discuss with you, but it was just... emotional.

After the show we went back to the room and drank. A lot.

(We went to his after party last year and it blew chunks... course most of that could have been the company that we were with...)

Sunday was our balls to the wall day... we had a plan. We had a damn good plan. It failed. *Insert Mute Math's "Backfire" here*. So instead of seeing Justin on Sunday we got facking parched, drank a liter of Aquafina in less than five minutes, left the tournament early without saying good bye to our friends and headed back to the hotel.

We went swimming for a while. Twas good. :) Later we went to the Strip... of course... since it was our last night we were going balls out, babes! We had drunk times, watched Death Race, had Panda Express (yummmmmy!) and called it a fucking WEEK.

Monday morning Jennifer woke me up waaay too early. (8a LOL) She had claimed that she wanted to leave by 8a... that didn't happen. I got dressed, didn't get a shower, but figured that I wasn't THAT dirty and that we would be home in a short 24 hours anyway. Jennifer was supposed to close at work on Tuesday night... so we HAD to get home... right?

We stopped at the gas station across the street from our hotel and Jennifer filled up the tank... with E85.

For those that don't know... APPARENTLY E85 (85% Ethanol) isn't supposed to go in all cars! And since it's 60c cheaper than regular unleaded, Jennifer thought this was a bargain... $46 in gas later we were on our way down Las Vegas Blvd when the car wouldn't accelerate... For whatever reason it wouldn't go higher than 25mph...

I'm going to shorten this down since it was a LONG hour or so before we figured out what was wrong with our car... three mechanics later we ended up with them all telling us it was the gas we had put in and that the gas had to be taken out and all the fuel lines flushed or it could do major damage to our car...

$500 and 4 hours later...

Yep. Thank god for that emergency credit card, eh?

We went and hung out at Bagel and Bagel for 4 hours. We sat outside... it twas VERY windy... dusty... we drank loads of soda and ate hella bagels.

Even with being 4 hours behind schedule, there was still potential that we were going to make it home in time for Jennifer to close... or so we thought.

We head home and think the worst of everything is behind us. We chalk it up to being a bad week and we had a whole year of being not so great to people to we called this our karma payback. That's fine. I accept my karma'd fate.

We stop and napped for a while when Jennifer got tired and waited for the sunrise in Oklahoma... as we were about to get back on the road Tuesday morning, hoping that Jennifer was just going to be a little late to work -- we had ANOTHER flat tire. Yep. Okay, universe... I get it... we need to be nicer to people. Duly noted.

Jennifer didn't make it to work Tuesday night. Or Wednesday morning.

Thankfully we did make it home however without any other major problems or issues. We got baths, we got food that didn't come in a wrapper and we got a real bed... we spent like three days in that stupid van and quite frankly, I don't want to ever road trip again!

So that was the trip, ladies and gentlemen! I just have one final thing to say before I end this novel...

So many people promised that they were going to be in Vegas this year. I can count at least 5 of them off the top of my head... and you know what? NONE of those 5 people showed up. All five of those people were somehow worked into our trip and it somehow caused a ripple into OUR trip.

Let me just say something here... I know that Justin isn't at the top of the priorities list for everyone, believe me, I GET that. But you don't cancel a major trip like Vegas 13 days before you're going... or fuck... THE day that you're supposed to be there.

Jennifer and I plan out our trip a year in advance and there would have to be some mayjah money issue or a death in the family to cause us not to go.

Although we considered this year to be shitty, we STILL WERE THERE. That's more than you five people can say. We learned a lot this week, honestly. We learned that the karma we have put out into the universe has finally come back to bite us in the ass and you know what? We're fine with that. EVERYONE gets what they deserve and we are not above that. We're already actively trying to better ourselves. We learned that we are NEVER going to be friends with Justin fans ever again. (Unless we're already friends with you... you're safe.) We are just too protective over that boy and can't stand how people treat him. We also learned that we're NOT inviting anyone on any Justin/Vegas trips with us ever again. We can't afford the backlash of it.

...So if you thought "hey I didn't go this year, but maybe next year Jenn and Jodie will help me out..." You're wrong. Sorry. But no... and also for the fangirls out there that might volunteer at the tournament 2010? WATCH IT. You break the rules or do something stupid towards Justin and I swear I'll break your face.

I'm going to get Jennifer to blog later because she has even more stories that will make you hate on the fangirls.

Thank you sooo much for taking the time to read this. I really appreciate it and I would love you forever if you took the extra time to comment. :)

Friday, October 9, 2009

The Day

"It's Friday, I'm in love..."

Nope, haven't packed or gotten anything done on my list yet for the day... I reckon I'll start that in a minute.

Last night I organized my jewelry, that was semi-productive. I always tend to forget my jewelry on trips... I mean, I reckon I have a lip ring, a tragus piercing and an industrial so it's not like I'm WITHOUT jewelry... sometimes it's just nice to have a necklace or something though. :)

As per request... [and I reckon you'll be taking that back here shortly cuz I have 10 of em]... ;) Here's the playlists that I made for our road trip to Vegas.

ENJOYS!

The Vegas CD:
some of the tracks are for obvious reasons and some of them only Jennifer will know why they made it to the list.

1. Waking Up In Vegas - Katy Perry
2. I've Just Begun (Having My Fun) - Britney Spears
3. Just Dance - Lady Gaga
4. Bad Influence - P!NK
5. Viva Las Vegas - ZZ Top
6. Black and Gold - Sam Sparro
7. Troublemaker - Weezer
8. I'm Bad - The Last Vegas
9. Hyper Music - Muse
10. Fuck The Men - Willa Ford
11. Got Monkey - Lil Wayne feat T-Pain
12. Flashing Lights - Kanye West
13. Walking On A Dream - Empire Of The Sun
14. In One Ear - Cage The Elephant
15. Long Day - Matchbox 20
16. SOS - Jonas Brothers
17. Little Red Corvette - Prince
18. Follow My Lead - Esmee Denters feat Justin Timberlake

The Rock/Punk CD:

1. Celebrity Skin - Hole
2. My Leftovers - Porcelain and the Tramps
3. Sixteen - No Doubt
4. Shake It Off - The Donnas
5. Barcelona - Plastiscines
6. Queer - Garbage
7. Creeping Out Sara - NOFX
8. Skeletons - Tiny Masters of Today
9. Here Comes Your Man - Pixies
10. No One Can Touch Us - Sing It Loud
11. O Shot - The Gay Blades
12. Myth Takes - !!!
13. House Of Wolves - My Chemical Romance
14. I Don't Care - Fall Out Boy
15. Come Back To Texas - Bowling For Soup
16. Wrong Way - Sublime
17. Dammit - Blink 182
18. Small Man, Big Mouth - Minor Threat

The Mellow CD:

1. Hallelujah - Hana Pestle
2. Grapevine Fires - Death Cab for Cutie
3. Slow Dancing In A Burning Room - John Mayer
4. Pins and Needles - Mute Math
5. Seen Some Better Days - Tony Lucca
6. Stupid - Toad The Wet Sprocket
7. Yesterday - The Beatles
8. Nine Sixteen - Bruno Merz
9. Banana Pancakes - Jack Johnson
10. Until I Die - Ben Kweller
11. Paper Bag - Fiona Apple
12. Pins + Needles - Drew and the Medicinal Pen
13. Champagne Supernova - Oasis
14. Three Hits - Indigo Girls
15. No Rain - Blind Melon
16. 1973 - James Blunt
17. Te Busque - Nelly Furtado
18. Black Horse and the Cherry Tree - KT Tunstall

The Dance CD:

1. When I Grow Up - Pussycat Dolls
2. Hot and Cold - Katy Perry
3. The Fame - Lady Gaga
4. Feedback - Janet Jackson
5. Breakin' Dishes - Rihanna
6. Potential Breakup Song - Aly and AJ
7. Damaged - Danity Kane
8. Give It 2 Me - Madonna
9. Something Kinda Ooh - Girls Aloud
10. My Love Is Pink - Sugababes
11. Heartbroken - T2 feat. Jodie
12. Better Off Alone - DJ Jurgen
13. Shut Up And Let Me Go - Ting Tings
14. Crank It Up - Ashley Tisdale
15. Mind In The Gutter - Chris Crocker
16. Prisoner - Jeffree Star
17. Sexy Back Remix - Justin Timberlake
18. Blowing Me Up (With Her Love) - JC Chasez

The Indie Rock CD:

1. Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand
2. L.E.S. Artistes - Santigold
3. 1901 - Phoenix
4. Ugly Girl - 100 Monkeys
5. Backfire - Mute Math
6. I Was Born (A Unicorn) - The Unicorns
7. Hole In My Sail - Drew and the Medicinal Pen
8. Annan Water - The Decemberists
9. Tin Man - Animal Kingdom
10. Check Your Time - Westbound Train
11. Be Gentle With Me - The Boy Least Likely To
12. Don't Call Me Whitney, Bobby - Islands
13. The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot - Brand New
14. The Heinrich Maneuver - Interpol
15. All My Heroes Are Weirdoes - !!!
16. Sometime Around Midnight - The Airborne Toxic Event
17. Sorrow - Bad Religion
18. Better Together - Jack Johnson

The Rap CD:

1. Lollipop - Lil Wayne
2. Let Me Blow Ya Mind - Eve
3. Lark On My Go-Kart - Asher Roth
4. My Dad's Gone Crazy - Eminem
5. 2 Many Hoes - Jay-Z
6. What's Your Fantasy - Ludacris
7. Dog In Heat - Missy Elliot
8. Country Grammar - Nelly
9. The One - Slaughterhouse
10. Caribou Lou - Tech N9NE
11. Jerk It - Thunderheist
12. She Don't Love You - Lil Kim
13. Can't Tell Me Nothing - Kanye West
14. She Tried - Bubba Sparxxx
15. When It Rains It Pours - 50 Cent
16. La Di Da - Asher Roth
17. Ms. Jackson - Outkast
18. Natalie Portman's Rap - The Lonely Island

The Country CD:
Remember that I am not fond of country, so this is MY idea of a country CD.

1. You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift
2. You Get To Me - Meredith Edwards
3. Full Moon Of Love - k.d. Lang
4. Blue Jeans - Jessie James
5. Whiskey Girl - Toby Keith
6. Here For The Party - Gretchen Wilson
7. Gunpowder and Lead - Miranda Lambert
8. he Hates Me - Sarah Johns
9. Didn't I - k.d. Lang
10. Strawberry Wine - Deanna Carter
11. But I Can't Let You Go - Meredith Edwards
12. I Love This Bar - Toby Keith
13. Pullin' Back The Reins - k.d. Lang
14. Reach - Meredith Edwards
15. The Galway Girl - Steve Earle
16. Take Me Home, Country Roads - John Denver
17. Teardrops On My Guitar - Taylor Swift
18. The Thunder Rolls - Garth Brooks

The UK/European CD:

1. Unspeakable - Ace of Base
2. I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor - Arctic Monkeys
3. Around The Bend - Asteroids Galaxy Tour
4. Great DJ - Ting Tings
5. Sally - Sam Sparro
6. Wake Me Up - Girls Aloud
7. You're A Superstar - [I actually don't know who this is by, Gemma gave it to me.]
8. Faster Kill Pussycat - Paul Oakenfold feat. Brittany Murphy
9. Bye Bye Boy - Jennifer Ellison
10. Pocket Full Of Sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield
11. Stronger - Sugababes
12. Natural - S Club 7
13. Valerie - Amy Winehouse
14. Right As Rain - Adele
15. Blackened Blue Eyes - The Charlatans
16. Uprising - Muse
17. Love Me Or Hate Me - Lady Sovereign
18. Thou Shalt Always Kill - Dans Le Sac

The Pop CD:
Totes made this for Jennifer, she's stuck in bubblegum constantly.

1. 3 - Britney Spears
2. Masquerade - Ashley Tisdale
3. Accessory - Jordyn Taylor
4. Did Ya Understand That - Willa Ford
5. It Makes Me Ill - NSYNC
6. When The Lights Go Out - 5IVE
7. Can I Get Your Number - No Authority
8. Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! - A*Teens
9. Burnin' Up - Jonas Brothers
10. Rumors - Lindsay Lohan
11. Panic - BSB
12. Casanova - Esmee Denters feat. Justin Timberlake
13. Up Against The Wall - NSYNC
14. Get Over Yourself - Eden's Crush
15. Same Ol', Same Ol' - PYT
16. Messed Around - Boyz and Girlz United
17. Bite The Dust - Pussycat Dolls
18. With Love - Hilary Duff

The 90s CD:

1. I'm Only Happy When It Rains - Garbage
2. If I Wanted To - Melissa Etheridge
3. You Outta Know - Alanis Morissette
4. Just A Girl - No Doubt
5. Hannah Jane - Hootie and the Blowfish
6. Flagpole Sitta - Harvey Danger
7. All I Want - Toad The Wet Sprocket
8. Wonderwall - Oasis
9. Adia - Sarah Maclachlan
10. Fast As You Can - Fiona Apple
11. These Are Days - 10,000 Maniacs
12. Losing My Religion - REM
13. Pink - Aerosmith
14. Father Of Mine - Everclear
15. Hell - Blind Melon
16. Santeria - Sublime
17. I Get Lonely - Janet Jackson
18. Bawitdaba - Kid Rock

There's the whole... "ask and you shall receive" thing... then there's also, "be careful what you wish for"... LOL I hope that wasn't too overwhelming and I also hope if there's songs on those lists that you haven't heard that you take my word for it that they're worth the listen. :)

I would think that taking the time to write out those lists would be worth it if I turned some of my readers onto new music. Let me know when you go have a listen. :)

Alright, time to go be actually productive. It's noon now and so that means I've only got 7 hours to pack, straighten my hair and get everything ready before we leave...

Pic of the Day:

Justin and I at the tournament last year. This pic was taken Monday of the week... I get to see him Sunday this year! :) Can't wait.

BUT!

I am not going to hold my breath to get my picture with him again. I already have three pictures with him, so if it's meant to be, it's meant to be and I won't cry, whine or otherwise throw a temper-tantrum if I don't get a 4th photo with him. Swear.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

That's Not My Name

"The ribbon on my wrist says 'do not open before Christmas'..."

Leaving for Las Vegas in less than 24 hours. Let's see what I've completed on my To Do list, eh?

To Do List:
-PACK.
-Make CDs for the road trip. Just have to burn them.
-Buy snackies for the road trip. Peanut butter and jelly!
-Paint nails?
-Do face mask thingy. Tis on my face as I type.
-Shower/straighten hair Going to take bath after I get done with this post.
-Bathe the dog -- someone remind me of this, she reeeeeks! I even cleaned her ears.
-Set up booby traps
-Bring Fun Sized Edward
-Wash car? Nah.
-Pop bubbles.
-Find something to wear to the concert.
-Talk to my liver about what is about to go down. I'll do that right now.

Dear Liver,

I know we've had some good times... and some bad times together... but I ask you, are you prepared for what you're about to endure? 10 days of draaanking? I think you'll do just fine. After all, you're only 24 and it's not like I've fucked you up THAT bad yet.

Hey... I love you. You know that? *nods* It's true.

xoxox

Jodie

Pic of the Day:
He's 17 years old.

This is just fucking wrong. LOOK at him! I never knew any 17 year olds that looked like that when I was his age!

Oh god. Did I just say "when I was his age?"

Fuck my life. I'm officially old.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Oh Hai

"This beat is hypnotic, I wanna ride it like chauffeur... "

I have not liked a pop song as much as I like LOVE Ashley Tisdale's "Crank It Up" in a hella long time. Probably since Hilary Duff's "With Love". Oh crap. Is this the return of pop? I sure hope not. I'm not done with indie rock yet, y'all... but damn, this is a perfectly structured pop song. Good job, Tiz.

I leave for Vegas in two days. The countdown on my computer basically scared me with that. I am so unprepared.

Last night I got SOME clothes together, but we have to do laundry again Friday morning (we are leaving KC by 9p Friday night) so there's really no sense in "packing" just yet.

To Do List:
-PACK.
-Make CDs for the road trip.
-Buy snackies for the road trip.
-Paint nails?
-Do face mask thingy.
-Shower/straighten hair
-Bathe the dog -- someone remind me of this, she reeeeeks!
-Set up booby traps
-Bring Fun Sized Edward
-Wash car? Nah.
-Pop bubbles.
-Find something to wear to the concert.
-Talk to my liver about what is about to go down.

Tis all I can remember at the moment. Anyone think of anything else?

Pic of the Day:
That's how you make me feel daily.

Just sayin'.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Today Is The Hard Day


"And the hardest part was letting go, not taking part..."

Not sure how to say it any other way:


Yep.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

The Mask



It was beautiful and made of porcelain, painted to perfection,
She wore it daily to hide the look of her own reflection,
Everyone fawned and gasped at her beautiful face,
But no one knew just what she hid behind it in its place,
For what she showed the world was merely a facade
To lift the mask and reveal herself was completely unheard of,
No one minded, no one bothered, they thought her to be peaceful,
But she had trained herself long ago to keep things short and simple,
His mask was glass and flawless, never slipping from it's place,
No one cared to know the man, just cared to know his face,
He hadn't removed his mask in years, was unsure if he knew how,
Until one day he met her and he knew he had to now,
They both took a deep breath and locked eyes,
Determined to get through this together,
And they watched the superficial world crumble
As they started their forever...

This Cave




I think you're crazy... you must be insane,
To look at me and not be able to see all of my pain,
I wear it written on my face, it's like I'm tattooed with my name,
And all the stares from all around me make this place seem like a cave,
You know me so well, know my insides, you can tell me what I'm thinking,
So why then don't you see now that I'm the captain and we're sinking,
If it's so simple for me to smile and make it seem like it's alright,
Don't you know that that's not near enough to get me through the night,
The halo of the sun in rising burns my eyes from which I've cried,
Spent the evening staying up cuz there are demons left to fight,
I know I must be cursed and I am dammed to regret this life,
But at times I think it much easier to just not be alive,
Call me careless, call me worthless, call me ungrateful if you must,
But your touch just takes away and I've got nothing left to love.

Unrequited



Can't you see this? She can't breathe.
She can't see without you.
She refuses to live a single day of her life
And she won't live without you.
The colors are all backwards, and the air doesn't taste the same,
She lives and dies by the look in your eyes
As you call out for her name,
Her bones are brittle and they ache
Just to feel your touch,
To surpass your life and live without your skin
Is a thought that's just too much
The morning is the hardest as she wakes up without you,
Living on another day to try just to get through
But you can't see this, you won't listen
You are just as blind,
As you search through life next to the girl
Who just isn't worth your time,
You cry and ache and you don't know why
Wasting your life just passing you by
Her love is but a simple crime,
Still you prosecute her for it.

The Purpose Of My Life



He took the last one out; he missed the last train,
He took the chance to know her to feel her pain,
Their cars collided on 20 highway
And she almost didn't survive,
He saw her bracelet, she looked up and all she saw were his eyes,
She was just past Stanton, not quite to Odessa
And she was all but lost,
As he pulled her out of the rubble he saw she had just missed the white cross,
The tears came down his face but he didn't have a reason why,
She knew that he would never believe her so she forced herself to lie,
They took her away and he held her hand, refused to let her go,
Once in the hospital she told herself that it was time that he had to know,
She wasn't real, she was sent to merely save his life,
And now that he was in the clear he knew that she was right,
So he bent down to press his lips gently to her forehead
And when he came back up to smile at her,
The girl he knew was dead.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Keep The Car Running

"Gonna make some plans, wait and see,
Turn it off, turn me on...
Open your eyes look around you,
Fuck what you heard,
You were lied to..."

This morning I woke up twice. Once at 530a-ish and again at 930a-ish... both of which are too damn early for me.

Why did I wake up that early, you ask? Because it was like 50-fucking-degrees in my house and I was literally shaking from being so damn cold.

I think my dreams get weirder when I'm freezing... I had a dream that I was in Vegas and at a charity event and Muse was performing. My childhood friend, Shena, was sitting across the table from me and Paul (who I met last year in Vegas) was next to me. His blue eyes were piercing. That was the most vivid part about the dream; his blue eyes. Jennifer was off galavanting with Timberlake and it pissed me off... LOL Figures.

Today was hardly productive. I think I did three or four posts for Truth... nowhere near enough to consider it a full day of work. Reckon the news had better stop being slow or Imma start just making up shit. (I would never do that, for those who don't understand my sense of humor.)

Talked to my Daddy tonight! :) That was really awesome, actually. I keep trying to think back about the last time I talked to him and I can't remember if I have talked to him since the 4th of July...? Either way, it's been so freaking long that I can't remember and that's just sad.

I always wonder if I have anything to say to him, but then we end up talk-talk-talking, which I love. We always talk about technology too, which rocks. My dad is the only person I know who loves technology, yet doesn't have a computer. LOL

He told me about these glasses that have a camera in the frame of them and our mind both went to the same place: CONCERTS. Yep. That made me happy, I am my father's daughter. *beams*

From there I told him about how I went to have coffee with my Mama and she took a picture of me with her cell phone and then told me that her cell phone camera was a 2.0 megapixel and that in 2000 her first digital camera was a 2.0 megapixel Fugifilm camera that set her back $700 and now she had 2.0 megapixels in her PHONE. From there I told her that it was insane that the 12.1 megapixel camera I want is only $199.

My dad and I are both flabbergasted by technology.

While I was talking to him I realized that while filming the 1989 Batman they thought they were cool shit... going onto the next Batman (Batman Returns) which was filmed in 1992 - their technology advances just over those 4 years or so was incredibly dramatic and of course it just gets more advanced with Batman Forever and Batman & Robin...

Then I told him that while watching The Dark Knight I'm thinking to myself that this is just the coolest thing in the entire universe and that the quality of it is mindblowing... but then, I'm sure that's what they thought about all four of those Batman films, right?

So if the technology from 2000 to 2009 can expand this far with digital cameras, eventually there is going to be a 12.1 megapixel camera inside of your PHONE. Think about that.

Now think about how awesome The Dark Knight was... It's been 20 years since the first Batman movie... you know how shitty it looks? Think about watching The Dark Knight 20 years from now and thinking that it looked "shitty".

That's almost hard to wrap your mind around, but you should get used to that idea because that's where we're headed.

Technology is ever changing and as my Daddy said, it's supply and demand... there's always going to be a demand for it, for something better... so they're always going to have to make better.

My Dad also told me that my thinking of this was pretty progressive, which I'll admit, made me very happy to hear. I think it also just means that I think of things that others are too busy to think of... my mind works differently than yours.

Pic of the Day:

Jackson in Hurt...

I'm kinda anxious for this DVD to come out. (November 10th, 2009) I saw two mini clips today and got all kinds of excited that he's an artist in the film.

He was welding (*DROOL*) an octopus and his girlfriend was like, "eeew!" And snapped back at her, "they're beautiful." And then he told her that if they get a tentacle cut off they can grow it back and that they have three hearts... I mean, c'mon... that's automatic badass on the sea-creature scale.