Come let the revolution take it's toll,
If you could flick and switch and open your third eye,
You'd see that we should never be afraid to die..."
11.
So... trying something 'new'... trying to have a birthday party again this year. Jennifer doesn't understand why I still try. Her constant faith is very reassuring. I guess I keep trying because I want to believe that people are busy and that they actually DO like me, they just have a schedule to keep up with.
Got a few RSVP's for 'yes'. Loadssss of 'maybe's, which made me still feel really good. Seriously, if like 5 people come to my party, I'm going to consider that a success.
One of the people to RSVP yes was Rikki. Rikki and I met freshman year and though we were pretty close in HS we've drifted through the years... one thing that Rikki has always done for me that I'll never forget though is that she's ALWAYS come to my birthday party when I've invited her. Each and every time. Some years she's been the only person to ever acknowledge my birthday.
Kristi always RSVP'd yes to my party this year. She's always been good at my birthday celebration too... So whereas I may not have the most consistent relationship with either of these girls... they're both so good to me that it hurts.
I invest so much stock in my birthday. I know that I do this... I do it consciously and though I know I shouldn't do it... I still fucking do it.
Every year my birthday is this huge event... spanning from the day after Thanksgiving until Christmas... My actual birth DAY is my day of HOPE. I hope that it'll be better than the last year, I hope that people will remember it, I hope that I'll get what I asked for...
I can't tell if I'm stressing more or less this year. I reckon it'll end up being more stressful since I'm having an actual party... then when no one shows up and I get plastered on margaritas, I'll end up realizing that there are so many good people out there in this world and I need to move on from the people that I know who keep blowing me off and find the good people.
Now, please... I'm not ungrateful or unrealistic... I understand that not everyone can drop everything to come to my birthday party... please don't think I think that... I am thankful that people are actually RSVPing this year because in years passed I mostly went weeks and weeks without hearing anything and then just no one showed up. And trust... I'm not going to axe everyone in my life who doesn't show up for my stupid party.
I'll be 25 this year... wow. I talked to my Mama today and neither of us know when or how that happened. This is the first year that I've actually started to kinda freak over the number.
Jennifer is super relaxed over 25... I think she may actually be looking forward to it... not me... for reasons that I might discuss closer to my actual birthday, but they aren't too hard to figure out if you have half a mind.
It seriously seems like I just turned 21 yesterday. I remember that birthday vividly... Twas a good birthday... that was actually the last time I attempted a party. I had a good cake. That was before I had a digital camera -- I got the digital camera for Christmas that year... 21st birthday I got my Bella-dog... I still don't have photos developed from that birthday. Terrible.
Film is the devil.
I didn't really have a theme for my 21st birthday party... I had a tiara on my cake... I wore a beautiful, strapless blue silk dress with a sheer overlay and beaded bodice with glittered, strappy, silver stilettos. Wore a tiara, of course... which I've done every year since and I do believe it might be time to retire the tiara... can't tell yet. It just might not go with my party theme.
This year the theme is a beach house party... :) Jennifer and I are pretty stoked for it. At first I was going to have maybe an Alice In Wonderland theme, but I didn't think many people would give a shit... but a beach theme?! That's something that can please everyone!
I won't tell you loads of details, because for those attending, I want them to be surprised... but obviously... beach theme... gonna be balls awesome on the decorations! I can't wait to set it up. We maaay have found some inflatable things. XD margaritas, rum and Corona's galore! Cute little foods and cupcakes. :)
...Apparently, I have to make my own cupcakes... *rolls eyes* I kinda just wanted to buy them, but whatevs. I guess I'm making my own cupcakes. LOL I decided on cupcakes this year. Usually I am strictly a cake girl. Perhaps I'll be greedy and have both. Even though we both know I won't eat but like, a bite since I'm soo not into sweets, but it's just the point of the whole thing! Plus, Jenn loves cake. I know none will go to waste. ;)
Oh... and there's gonna be a pinata! XD Haven't had one of those since the very first of bad birthday parties... my 1st grade birthday party.
Picture Of The Day:
No one gets this.
No one understands it.
I stood atop the walkway for a half-hour while I tried to find a setting on my camera that apparently has gotten up, packed its bags and left me. I found my way around it to ultimately make the photo better... I took these open shutter photos after closing my eyes a few days before the Vegas trip and SEEING the photo... imagining it. Envisioning it.
No one cares that I took this photo.
I told my Mama about the photo on the phone and she said "Awesome! It's great to hear someone excited about photography again... I haven't been lately." So then I emailed her the photo and she replied back, "cool!"
That's it.
Just "cool!"
I showed the photo to Jennifer and she goes, "neat..." in a dry tone. She really just doesn't understand my photography.
Perhaps it really is a very shitty photo... perhaps I suck as a photographer and everyone GETS that but me... but me? I cried when I saw this photo that *I* took... just a few baby tears of absolute astonishment that *I* could take something like this with my plain, mediocre camera. (Mama says it's the photographer, not the camera...)
I love this photo. I think it is the end-all be-all and the most amazing photo that I have taken to date. It's my wallpaper on my computer and my phone... I adore it... I just wish that others felt the same way...
Not that I want them to lie to me, of course... I just don't understand... or maybe I don't want to believe the truth that's right in front of me.
3 comments:
If I can make your party, angel, I'll be there. Your birthday is a huge deal, it was the day that you came into this world, the day that breathed you into existence and for that, I am very greatful.
As for that picture, I gasped. Fell in love. Stared at it in awe for a good several minutes.
I am so proud of that picture, and do you know why?
Because so few people would get the gravity behind it, the beauty, and each of us could pull something different from it.
But if you look closely, you can see how so many things in this life move so fast, passing by everything, while other things are stationary, realizing that time is just an illusion, the way we perceive things..
It's amazing.
Your mama is right, it isn't the camera, it's the photographer.
id come to ur party if i could and u KNOW that!!!
the pic is amazing... didnt i already told u that.. What Genn said about it is absolutly true... its the passing of time. everything around us moves on, even if we dont. did i get it? lol
i miss u Jodie x x
oh.. and being 25 aint so bad... hell im 27 soon after ur 25th!!!
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