I Can Has Four Beers?

"I don't hold my breath
& I don't hold my tongue
& I know that you know, that I don't back down to no one...
You shoulda stayed home,
You shoulda known better,
That I melt in your mouth like liquid sugar,
You thought you were gonna throw it back in my face,
But tell me how do my leftovers taste?"

Today Jennifer and I watched a show on TLC about these "super-morbidly obese" people. People who consume 16,000 calories + a day (the average male needs 2,500 to survive, the average female, 2,000) Some of these people were nearly 900 lbs. It was absolutely revolting to see the amount of food that they put into their bodies.

However... I did sympathize with some of the things they had to say about food. Saying that it's an addiction, it's just like heroin... you'll do anything to get your next fix. Some of these people's family were being pursueded by them to give them food.

Unfortunately I can relate to that.

There are so many people out there that probably don't understand how hard it is to stop eating. If it was so simple, do you think I would choose to be this way? Do you think I'm proud that I now have a new highest weight? No...

I'm terrified that one day I'll end up like one of those people on TV. Eating mass amounts of fried egg sandwiches and whole boxes of Oreo's... too huge to get out of my bed and I end up wearing a diaper... I've said to myself that I was never going to be one of those people, but then again - when I was 220 pounds I said I would never make it to 250... Now... now I would kill to be 220 pounds...

I'm scared...

I can keep saying I'm starting tomorrow... I'm not eating tomorrow... Tomorrow is a new day...

Fuck tomorrow.

I'm starting today.

Playlist:

1. My Leftovers - Porcelain & the Tramps (I fucking love this song, it's badass.)
2. Not Coming Home - Maroon 5 (I need a new M5 album.)
3. La La - Ashlee Simpson (I like her... shhh.)
4. I Miss You - Blink 182 (I am sooo stoked to see mah boys on the Grammy's!! Annnd, they're putting out a new album!)

I'm so stoked for the Grammy's tonight. :-) Rae and I are gonna date later and I've got my beers in a bath all set and ready for the big show!! (I promise I won't break the remote this time if Justin loses.)

xoxox

Curiously Strong

"I wonder how you sleep,
I wonder what you think of me,
If I could go back,
Would you have ever been with me?
I want you to be un-eased,
I want you to remember,
I want you to believe,
I want you on my side..."

Jenn's finally posted her first blog!!

www.whiskeygurl.blogspot.com [Link]

I was drunk when I posted the blog with the link to her blog and I had accidentally made 2 blogs -- whatever -- anyhow, she liked that one better. :-) Go comments. (But not more than you comment me!)

Today I wrote a letter to my friend Paul, whom I met in Vegas during the Timber-tournament. :-) He's stationed in Afghanistan until June. :-(




Damn, that was a good day. It was a good hair day, I looked freaking fantastic that day, met Justin and got wasted with Paul and Phil (another Vegas boy) after the tournament.

This picture actually makes me miss my hair. LOL, It's the only one that makes me miss it though.

Anyways, so I wrote Paul a letter today and I'm going to stick it in the mail Monday. I think I'm going to print out a few pictures from Vegas and put em in there too. I asked him if there was anything he wanted me to send him - like goodies and such -- anything he wanted or needed, and he told me no... Just a letter from me would be nice. *swoon*

Do you think I should make him a CD too? Or maybe save that for the next letter I send him?

Playlist:
1. Downfall - Matchbox 20
2. Guns & Roses - Jay-Z feat Lenny Kravitz
3. Be Like That - Three Doors Down
4. Bring Me Down - Puddle of Mudd (awesome live.)

Pic:


Made me LOL... I don't care for Zac Efron one way or the other, but I saw the trailer for his new movie, 17 Again and I can't wait to see it.

Click to see trailer.

xoxox

[Ironic Title Here]

"Standing in line to see the show tonight and there's a light on, heavy glow
By the way, I tried to say I'd be there, waiting for,
Daddy's little girl is singing songs to me, beneath the marquee, overload..."

So I was bored and had nothing to say... I guess that's why I didn't blog for a while... and Jenn's blog? *growl* I made it, but she's been too tired and lazy to actually go blog on it. I hope to pin her down tonight when she gets home and make her blog. Sorry for telling you it would be up when it wasn't.

I want food.

I guess I'm thankful that Jenn is working all day today because then I won't have access to food... I gorged myself of sushi last night, that was incredible... then I had cheesecake. Today, I fast. I bought some wheatgrass juice and I'm starting a fast today. So far, only had water.

I wish I could tell you thing are looking up for me, weight wise, but what I can tell you is that I'm definitely thinner than yesterday. For those who have followed my weight, take my highest weight and tack on an extra 20 lbs to that... seriously... I have never been more ashamed of myself than I am currently. It's absolutely ridiculous and completely uncalled for.

I need to starve it out for a few days, (I know how some of you hate that, but it's what I gotta do...) and then I can get back to one meal a day and small portions. Currently I feel like The Blob. I don't even know this body anymore...

Enough about weight.

So I finally got my phone number to the hotel correct... twas weird... Long story short, Gemma called, we had little to talk about, as always. :-( Ehh, we just need to get our mojo back... Anyhow -- so we were gonna MSN for a bit and before she got online I went down to the office to get some ice. I come back and my room key doesn't work. [fuck my life.] Luckily, the housekeeping is like, 2 doors away, so I ask them to open the door for me -- they did and then they didn't come to clean my room!! :-( I definitely needed clean towels.

Whatevers.

No playlist today, I'm lazy.

Pic:



Those beautiful green eyes. XD

xoxox

EDIT::

http://www.whiskeygurl.blogspot.com

Jenn's new blogger.

I messed up on the last one. She's about to blog right now.

Drizzi Drunki

"When we said we were gonna move to Vegas, I remember the look her mother gave us, Sent the team without a purpose or direction, We don't owe anyone a fucking explanation..."

Lyrics from my own personal life...

So we moved all day yesterday. I didn't sleep the 31st...

Happy Belated...



I have no current comment on Timberlake... maybe later.

I stayed up all night on the 31st to clean/pack... moved all day the first. Hate Jenn's dad. I don't care if her parents helped us move. Her dad took my stuff and threw it on the floor... my wallet and an Edward Cullen cuff included. Asshole... I hate her parents. We moved all day the first... okay, all day until 130p -- Jenn made me leave a TON of shit behind... my microwave we've had since I was like 8, tons of glasses, knives, pans, casserole dishes... I mean, I won't have a use for them until May, but it's not like she really wants to have to buy me new ones, but she made me throw them away, so she has to buy me new ones... New hangers, new clothes, new shoes... whatevers...

All our stuff is in storage now... We're happy it all fits...

Today I walked to the grocery store, which I have to cross the busiest street in Blue Springs on foot to get there... that was fun. LOL I bought wine and chips.

Jennifer and I both had the same idea at the same time today... we're not as bad off as some people... Things could definitely be worse for us. Jennifer read an article in the USA Today to believe that... I just kinda realized it on my own, or I was reading her thoughts again... I realized that living in a hotel and having a storage unit was the worst of my problems... some people are actually homeless and can't bathe but once a month, how awful... here I am taking a shower for granted... I honestly do...

Anyhow, I just wanted to make it known that I don't MEAN to take anything for granted. I try to appreciate everything.

I had my interview for the lap-band today. I built it up so much that I think in the end I will be completely crushed and disappointed when I don't get it... There are people who are double my size who probably deserve it more than I do.

Playlist:

1. Rock Show - Blink 182
2. Sunburn - Muse (I hope I've gotten you to love Muse by now...)
3. Let It Happen - Jimmy Eat World
4. Territorial Pissings - Nirvana

Pic:::


He crushes on her soooo hard... he could have any girl in the world and he chooses her... she could have any guy in the world and she chooses to not have him...

xoxox

EDIT --

Thanks for all the comments lately... please don't stop them, I love them. I made Jenn's new blog. It's a blogger, no need to register, please read and comment. She gets sad when no one comments, but if you comment her more than me, I might kill you... check it Tuesday for an update!!!

http://www.whiskeygurl.blogspot.com

BOOKMARK ALONG WITH MINE!!!

Best. News. Ever.

"Ever carry the weight of another?
For how long...?"

I had actually debated on whether or not I was going to blog today, then I got an email that sent me over the moon...

I didn't tell anyone, and I almost didn't tell Jennifer because I knew she wouldn't really be too supportive -- but Mix 93.3 had a contest on their website where you could enter to win a LapBand procedure... (It's a weight-loss thing, not as risky or dramatic as gastric. Click the green <--- to learn more if you still don't know what it is and all that. Anyhow, so I entered this contest and that was a while back, I emailed to follow up a few weeks ago, just asking if they had chosen a winner yet - I was sure it wasn't me, because I obviously hadn't heard anything. But! Today, I got this email:

You recently entered the Mix 93.3 contest with Malley Surgical Weight Loss Center and NewHope Bariatrics. We received over 1200 entries!

We are sorry for the delay, I know many of you have called asking for updates. The number of entries was far greater than we had anticipated. I personally have spent countless hours reading through all 1200 entries.

I am VERY excited to let you know that you have been selected as one of the top 100 finalists. I am currently trying to reach you to schedule a time to come in and interview with me. I am starting these interviews as early as tomorrow.

Please call me at 913-***-**** or 913-***-**** and I will get you scheduled.

I basically pissed myself.

I have an interview on Monday at noon!!!! I'm so nervous!! Even if I DON'T get picked for this procedure, it's still a nice lil pick me up to get chosen as one of the top 100! XD

I'm sure with the top 100 they have to find the 'perfect' candidate. They are going to want a flawless procedure... So, I don't know if I'll qualify for that or not, but I really hope that I can be what they're looking for.

When I called to schedule my interview with the chicka she said there were only like 4 days to pick from, so I think they're wanting to crank out the interviews ASAP and pick a winner fairly soon. That's a yay!

God... this would be... lifesaving... literally...

Onto better other things. LOL

I think this hotel bed is too soft. I think I prefer a firm mattress. I'm used to the couch now... which, was recently starting to hurt my back, but when I'm in a bed, I'm in my futon... so ick. I need something more firm than this. I feel like I'm sleeping in jello.

Oooh, wouldn't that be fun?!

Not...

So my mom forwarded me something from FailBlog - a nice way to spend 10 minutes to 10 hours... I've been through 150 pages of Fail. LOL Here's some of my favorites.


You shoulda seen the look on Jenn's face with ^ that one!


I love this picture ^ for 5 reasons.
1. The first guys face.
2. The 2nd guy is holding his nuts.
3. The 3rd guy is totally cool when he's the one who's fucked.
4. The 4th guy is totally safe.
5. They put their "fat friend" on the bike!

What's that ^^ tell ya?? LOL







LOL









That's soooo my last computer!

So, I was showing these to Jennifer, and Bella goes over to the power strip (I asked Jennifer to bring it home last night -- it was NOT plugged in) and licks it... I said, "Fail."

LOL

Playlist - Weight Related:

1. Overweight -Blue October
2. Someone I Once Knew - Dead Celebrity Status
3. Skinny - Filter
4. Ana's Song - Silverchair

xoxox

The Suite Life of Jenn & Jodie

"In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun,
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed, you said...
'You don't know me, you don't even care,' She said,
'You don't know me, you don't wear my chains,' oh yeah..."

Last night was the first night in the hotel. It felt good to sleep in an actual bed. It's been a long time since I slept in an actual bed. It was nice.

The hotel is... well a hotel. I put up some Twilight poster and a calendar. I'm going to put around some candles and stuff to try and make it more homey, but I'm... well, I'm here and I'm safe.

The hotel has three channels of unsecured wi-fi, so I don't think there's any risk of me not having the internet. Now the only thing I have to do is not crash my computer, right? The TV we had became possessed last night and started flipping channels on its own and turning on and off by itself... LOL So they replaced it today. :-)

So last night the plan was to see Twilight again, but after going to my mum's house - not even Edward Cullen would have cheered me up. I don't want to explain too much of it, but... just... Pam.

What I will say is this, if you're a therapist -- you've gone to school like, twice for degrees in therapy and all that, how is it RIGHT for you to cut someone down? To guilt trip them and make them feel so small? Would that be right? Or would that be like a doctor hurting instead of helping... isn't that against some kind of oath? Shouldn't she KNOW what it does to someone's mind when people say things or manipulate people? Manipulate... that's the best word I can use.

I've known it for forever, but Pam is just wrong on all kinds of levels. She makes false promises, builds me up, cuts me down - makes me feel guilty about things with my Mom... if me Mom had a problem with me, she would tell me -- instead, Pam tells me and my mom just stands there.

I can't say more than this. I shouldn't be saying any of it... There may come a time when it'll all be the right time to say, but this isn't it.

I guess I should just go... I'm not in the right mind frame for bloggage.

Playlist:
1. Boston - Augustana
2. If You Could Only See - Tonic
3. Arms of the Angel - Sarah McLaughlin
4. Gimme Stitches - Foo Fighters

Pic:


He makes my heart swell.

xoxox

I'm In Love With My Own Sins

"I found god,
On the corner of first and Amistad,
Where the west was all but won,
All alone, smoking his last cigarette,
I said 'where you been?',
He said, 'ask anything',
Where were you
When everything was falling apart..."


-I could throw up right now and it wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing.
-I want some cantaloupe.
-I slept two hours and woke up like, completely refreshed.
-I am very thirsty.
-My stomach hurts.
-I have lots to do today...

It's 637a, I woke up at 430a and couldn't go back to sleep... that's after I went to bed at 230a... who knows. I get weird like that. I had planned on sleeping until 1115 when Jenn gets home from work. I'm sure I'll end up going back to bed around 10... knowing me.

When Jenn gets home we have to get our stuff ready to take over to the hotel. Then at 3 we're going to get Jenn's paycheck and then we're going to check into the hotel!! After that we're going to run a couple errands (get some of my money, mail a birthday card and a letter, etc.) and then we have to drive back out to Overland Park so that I can give my friend Megan a few things that I'm getting rid of. :-) She was nice enough to take them off my hands for me! After that I have to go to my Mom's house because Pam owes me money and I'm giving my mom back this antique lamp... at least giving it back to her for the time being.

After THAT, I think we'll probably go back to the house to get some more stuff together to take to storage, then back to the hotel to change, Applebee's at 9 for beers and Twilight at 10! (or 1045, I can't remember.)

Depending on how well today pays off for me -- literally pays off, we're talking about money here (for the slow) -- I'm trying to get enough together to get the iPod Touch. Yes yes, I've wanted it for... oh... ever.

...Sun is coming up...

So with trying to get everything out of the house by Sunday, now Jennifer has said that she wants to be done by noon on Sunday... which, I can't blame her - I wouldn't want to move on my birthday!

We're going to have everything downstairs and waiting by the door to move it on Sunday morning, so I'm relieved that that will make it all easier. All the trash will be out of the house by then, everything left will JUST be what is going into storage. Pretty stoked.