My Mirror Speaks

I suppose that it's almost that time; my birthday is in 3 days. I have attempted to not bother people too much with the count down to it as I usually do. I've always enjoyed the count down to my birthday, but this year I fear there would be too many people annoyed by the incessant reminder of it.

My birthday really is one of those things that makes me truly happy. Of course, I have never had a birthday as was planned. There's always been something that has gone wrong or awry in it and there's always been something that has made me cry or travel off course... though, it has just prepared me to plan better for the future birthdays.

This birthday shall be quite low key.

I had hoped to get a tattoo, but I will wait on that. I already have and/or know what most of my presents from friends are. My grandmother gave me $50 and a card at Thanksgiving because she missed my birthday last year. (I was living in Alabama last year... ...spent my birthday in Baton Rouge with the boys... one of the best birthdays that I've ever had - all because of the company.)

With the $50 I went a little shopping on Black Friday. It wasn't planned that way or anything. It was in the evening and I decided to go to Target for some makeup that I had needed - when I got to Target I remembered about the sales, took a look around and found an amazing leather bomber jacket for $15. I have needed a new coat for a few years and so I bought it. It turns out that panned out quite lovely since it ended up getting VERY cold and raining that night, which made me thankful that I had bought a coat. I ended up spending the rest of the $50 on the makeup that I needed... and beer. :)

For my actual birthday I'm not quite sure what I'll be doing (besides replying to Facebook birthday wishes). I know that I have a sushi date with Jennifer on that day... so I am very much looking forward to that. I think we're also going to have sake and champagne... so... fun, fun!

Saturday (the 3rd) I know we're doing the majority of the birthday celebration by going out... seeing a movie (I've already picked to see My Week With Marilyn again... it was amazing) and to drink a little bit. I've invited some friends that I haven't seen in a long while... I'm hoping that maybe one of them will come. One thing that I've learned about my birthday is to never let your hopes weigh fully on those who are able to attend. It seems that that's where I end up letting myself down and that's where I always end up getting sad.

Plan for the worst & be happy when it doesn't suck + alcohol = decent birthday.

My favorite thing about my birthday is turning it into a multi-day event. :) That's definitely the best thing about being a product of a broken home; I always got to enjoy a week long birthday celebration. My birthday (and I believe ALL birthdays) is too big to fit into one day - it must span at LEAST 3 full days. (Consecutive days.)

I'm sure I'll write another blog about how the actual birthday went... but for now, I'll zip my trap on babbling about the day. ;)

Today 100 Monkeys landed in Sweden (hey, I'm Swedish! I've never been to Sweden, though...) and tomorrow they start their first ever European tour.

While I couldn't attend, I'm definitely nowhere near as sad as I imagined that I would be. I've never missed a 100 Monkeys tour yet, but that doesn't even damper this for me because my heart is so absolutely swollen as I watch my friends accomplish their dreams. <3 The word "proud" doesn't even begin to cover it. The only bad part that I can see of this is that I won't be able to be with them on my birthday like I was last year... other than that... only amazing and prideful joy coming from me. ^_^

Moving on again...

I took a series of [pretty serious] photos yesterday. Inspiration strikes at the most random times... but when it does, you must grasp it fully.

I haven't been inspired lately. I haven't even really touched my camera in quite some time. Tyler Shields says that a camera is just a really expensive paper weight if you don't use it. I firmly believe and agree to that... but I'm not about to force anything. When inspiration strikes, I grasp it.

The title of this photo is called "The Mirror". I believe that it's something where everyone can relate to at least one photo.

And while this photo was not inspired by this song, this is my favorite song about mirrors:



Edit:

There's something quite amazing about mirrors. While they are an unpolished version of yourself, how your eyes perceive them and their reflection can always differ or censor. A photo, however... a photo can never lie. (Photoshop - THAT is the lie, not the photograph.)

Something to think on.

I hope that y'all had a good Thanksgiving (to those who celebrate it) and I hope that you're looking forward to and getting ready for December!

There's Only One November

20 days until my birthday...

It feels the same as it does every year that I count down to my birthday... I love it. The countdown is half the fun.

I'm not exactly sure what I'll be doing for my birthday. A few friends mentioned wanting to come to the city I'll be in and hang out/do birthday stuff. This would please me tremendously if they could work it out.

I can hope for it! *tries to think positive*

Big things happening... some I'll talk about - some I won't. (That's natural, right?)

I should be starting work on my very first solo album here in December. That... THAT pleases me more than almost anything. I need to get back to working on The Oh Noz! album, but now that Micky and I will be in different states again... well, oh well... ;) It'll just mean that I'll have to come back to Alabama to visit.

With the solo record... I can't even begin to explain to you how excited I am to finally start work on this. This, I feel, is my life's culmination. I've had so many "almosts" in my life.

I first started working with a producer and recording when I was 16... when I was 21 I was signed to a record label... 22 I was flown out to LA to spend a week recording a few songs with a hit producer... things crashed and burned from there (that's the short version of the story).

Then photography started being my main art... The Oh Noz! were created and all my energy has been put into that. I just haven't really thought too much about a solo EP/LP in quite a while...

Now that I have this opportunity - I'm grasping it and accepting it with both hands and I can't wait to share it with y'all.

...It almost seems a little ridiculous that it would take this long for me to get a solo album out. *scoffs*

Swiftly moving on and speaking of The Oh Noz!

Here's the latest Oh Noz! video to my favorite song off the ohmygod album, "Keep Your Mouth Shut (Famous)".



What does a photographer do when they need a photographer?

That's a hard thing.

Back when I was... *clears throat* ...engaged... to be engaged -- I had given a lot of thought into who I wanted to photograph my wedding. I narrowed it down to about 4 photographers that would depend on where exactly we were getting married... of course, my relationship ended, but here I am again in need of finding a photographer.

It's just something that is so incredibly hard to do.

If I had my pick on who I'd want to take my photo - I'd pick my friend/photographer Serenity. But, she lives hours and hours and hours away from where I'll be staying for the next few moons and so unfortunately, I don't think she'll be able to take my portrait for this project that I'm working on... which leaves me with finding someone commercially.

Le sigh.

I had an idea for a blog entry today and I couldn't remember it... just as I was typing that last paragraph I remembered what my topic was going to be... but now I feel that it's too late... yet here I am still sharing that information with y'all regardless. xD

I am a little more than excited to get back to a resting place for a hot second. I've been living out of the same suitcase since tour/July... I tend to mention that a lot... part of it is because I'm proud of that fact and the other part of it is that I'm still in complete disbelief that I have done that!

I'm looking forward to a bit of consistency in my everyday life... also, I'm looking forward to exploring... I'm going to try to go out more and meet new people... network some and meet new friends.

I have been feeling a little lost from the friends that I have/had. I won't share all my opinions on that openly in a public forum such as this, but I've had to draw back from a few people over the past few months because I was feeling under appreciated.

I don't really like to keep people around for the "what if"... "Oh, what if I need something from them someday...?" My mind doesn't work like that. If people don't talk to me, I don't feel the want/need to keep them around or to make space for them. I suppose I'd rather spend time focusing on people who make me a priority in their life.

It hurts me, though... because a lot of the times it seems like people never really notice or care when I disappear from their lives. It's not like I did it purposely in order to gain attention -- that's not it at all -- it's that I'm trying to keep my walls straight. My walls are there not only to keep people out, but to keep the people that I love in... when you pull back from me and you put some of those walls between us... well... I suppose that's all I need to say about that.

I am grateful for the people that I do have who love me and treat me well. I have 2 unconditional best friends/sisters when I thought that I was just lucky enough to have one... so I know that I must have done something right...

However, I can't help but think about those other people... I still consider them my friends - I'd still pick up the phone and talk to them if they called me -- I still hug them hello when I see them... I just... sometimes it's nice to feel important and wanted. I'm sure that's something that everyone can understand and appreciate.

I know that friendship comes in all kinds of different forms. Perhaps this is just the way that we are friends. I can live with that. :)

Let's end on a high note, shall we?

Have you got your Christmas list planned out? Why not run it by Santa himself?

http://www.santabot.com/ is a site where you can chat with Santa... I feel he's more realistic that its predacessor, Cleverbot. (http://www.cleverbot.com/)

Cleverbot just doesn't "get" me like Santa does.

Here's some new/up-to-date photos of me... these were spawned of boredom and too much time on my hands.

The editing that I did on them reminds me of the shots of the SNL host before they get back from the commercial break. xD That tickles me... (and it was unintentional)

The Right Atrium Of The Heart

Rigorous and treacherous, he's utterly reprehensible 

His actions and his words were mirrored, however indispensable, 

A priority in private, but a stranger to the world,

His faults were never sheltered; they're constantly unfurled,

By definition he was a sinner, but his eyes claimed him a saint, 

The demons of his muddled past had him perpetually in restraint, 

Being frequently surrounded left him feeling isolated, 

While the changeless atmosphere kept notion he was violated, 

With every new day that passes he is on the brink of his new threshold, 

And every night that sets upon him his loneliness grows by tenfold.

26 Days Left Of 26

What does it mean when you're older; are you wiser? 

Are you a better person now that you've circled the sun once more?

Does your skin change knowing you're one step further away from your birth date? 

Another anniversary of cake and candles left upon your plate,

How can you know when you're done becoming the person you were set to be? 

I don't know who I am so I keep changing to see if I like me, 

If I take a little bit from all the things that make me happy

And I set them all together I call myself a finished masterpiece.

Growing

There's a moment when the person you know starts becoming the person you knew, 

It doesn't matter anymore about where you came from or what you're going through, 

Life and status and bank accounts and accountability all don't matter, 

You were born from a silver spoon and I was raised on plastic platter, 

Your life and ribs and girlfriends and hair are all transparent, 

My scars and knees and loves and things are all of which can't exist, 

I'm proud of you for moving on, for picking up and moving out, 

I'm happy that I don't need to lean upon the green age of your heart, 

It's hard, I know, to trust another,

When we rest so easily to trust our own, 

It's needed though; to help to seed, to help to plant, to help to grow, 

It's good for you to stretch your legs, 

To get outside and flourish alone, 

With another, with yourself

Just remember you can always come home.