So Close

I've dreamt of your face,
It was unfamiliar,
Now the sight of it I long to see
I couldn't react
I couldn't breathe,
The sight of you won't let me
You're dangerous now,
I don't know how, but I'm sure this moment will pass
Whether you want me to or not
I'm in love at last

Twilight

You're like my own person brand of heroin.

I'm about a month behind the curve, but better late than never.

I am in love with Robert Pattinson as Edward and his gorgeous everything.

Off to see Twilight for the 3rd time... This week.

And Jackson Rathbone is in there as Jasper! The "crazy" vampire! I haven't seen him around since, like, the OC! Heart him.

xoxox

Too Loud

Take a pill, take one or two
Imagine what it does for you,
Turns your whole world inside out
Bottle says it'll take away your doubt

Fill you up, til you're to the brim
Then purge and go around again
Wash it down with a little ale
And who cares if the food is stale

Fill you up til you're past full
Then cry how your life's so dull
Around the circle we go again,
Take the pills, take the gin,

Eat and chomp and nosh and cut
Can't stop now that you're in a rut
In too far deep for anyone to care
The circles around your eyes say that you're not there

No sleep, no meaning, no life, no more
Can't bring yourself to get out the door
Bottles strewn throughout the house
But I can't shut you out,

You're just too loud

Time To End

g o g o g o...

leave, left, went away...

I hate myself, and I hate you. You only want me to be something that I can't, so I can't be true to you.

I'm leaving and I don't know when I'll be back again.

Good luck.

Change Gon' Come

"You'll always be mine,
Cupid only misses sometimes..."

I had planned on getting up last night and turning my computer back on last night to write the blog I'm about to write... I should have done it last night because now I'm at a loss for everything I was going to say.


I honestly wonder what will come when I die...

I made promises to myself and others that on my 24th birthday a change would come... and I've at least kept one promise I made -- I have not eaten meat, I will not eat meat.

I trail in and out of consciousness on a daily basis, and it's seeming like this blog is my only way of crying and voicing my opinions for those to read unbiasedly. Unfortunately, those who love me, love me conditionally. With terms, like a DVD player or an iPod.

They feel like I should come with terms and conditions and they'll love me as long as I follow them. The Jodie they met however long ago is what they expect me to be now, and let's face it - I'm not brand new, I'm not just out of the package. I have some scratches and dings and I sure as hell don't run the same as I did when you bought me.

I don't have a warranty, and so if I'm broken instead of working on me and fixing what's wrong, they just wanna set me aside in a drawer and hope I'll work the next time they take me out to play with me.

Maybe I will, maybe I won't.

I constantly find myself saying, "Jodie, you've gone crazy..." and you know what I've learned over the past year? Breakdowns aren't that beautiful... yes, in some ways it's completely organic and I feel more alive when I'm "crazy" -- more beautiful... but it's so ugly for others, the way I know they look at me, the way I hear them talk about me... etc.

I know that what I have for Heath isn't normal and sometimes it breaks my heart, sometimes it causes me agony to look at his precious face. There is a time every day that I have to remind myself that he's really gone... it doesn't feel like it - I still feel him.

There are many times when I just want to be with him - at all costs - when I type something out like that, I know I'm absolutely insane. I know that must sound like I'm a crazy stalker chick, which I'm not -- I just am so intrigued by his presence and I never got to experience that sort of bliss that would accompany it so I ache for it.

xoxox

The Night Is Darkest Just Before The Dawn

Who has their Batman: The Dark Knight DVD's reserved? Jenn reserved mine for me as a birthday present. :-)

I hope that y'all go out on December 9th and get the DVD. The Dark Knight has already grossed over $1 Billion worldwide, but c'mon... it needs some more, doesn't it?

"Experts" say that Heath has basically won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor. (Official nominations are released on January 22nd, eerily ironic as it will be the one year anniversary of Heath Ledger's death and the day I'll be getting my Heath Ledger tattoo...) They also say that Christopher Nolan will probably walk away Best Director AND Best Picture for the Dark Knight. I can't wait.

Here's a lil something you can make to watch The Dark Knight at home this coming week:

Heath Ledger Hot Chocolate:

Hot chocolate, whipped cream and crumbled Heath bar toffee pieces on top. ;-) Enjoy and sip slowly so as not to get a sugar rush.

xoxox

24 And There's So Much More

"Wake up Maggie, I think I got something to say to you
It's late September and I really should be back at school,
I know I keep you amused,
But I feel I'm being used,
Oh Maggie, I couldn't have tried anymore,
You led me away from home,
Just to save you from being alone
You stole my heart and that's what really hurts..."

Birthday was okay... Went out with the Mama on Saturday... Monday had some time with Jennifer. Went to the Velvet Dog for drinks, got one on the bartender since it was my birthday. :-) We had some hummus there and I had 4 Cosmo's [in one hour. LOL] Didn't really effect me, actually.

After that we went to dinner at On The Border and I had the guacamole live for my dinner. LOL Then we were going to go down to Tomfooleries on the Plaza where I was gonna meet a someone, but la la la... we went to the casino instead and I had a drink there...

I actually had been feeling dizzy for a few days before my birthday, so I kinda took it easy on my birthday. Went home and was in bed by 1, I think it was. Kinda lame of me.

We're going out to America's Pub on Friday night where I think Rikki is gonna meet up with us there.

For my birthday I got this wrap thing from my Mama, my XM radio renewed by my step mom and Dad + $100, from Jennifer I got a piece of paper saying she had reserved The Dark Knight on DVD for me, 2 room sprays from Bath and Body Works, dinner and drinks.

With my birthday money I bought a cute scarf, a slouch beret, red moccasins, andddddd... Candy on DVD!!!! YAY!!! My favorite Heath movie EVAR!! Jenn and I watched it last night. I love that movie. Heath is so powerful in it. Tis my favorite.

So, I don't think Jennifer and I are going to NYC for her birthday anymore. I think we're going to save the money and go for Heath's birthday in April and then we're going to go for 3 days. I think going for her birthday is too close after the holidays.

Anyhow...

Woo! I just reached 3000 songs on my iTunes!

I'm sleepy. I've been sleepy all the time now. That's not good.

Pic:



haha, how adorable?!

xoxox