This Time Around

"We'll frolic through the clover and pick dandelions
For each others moms..."




I've seen quite a few people use the wrong Spencer Bell lyric there for a while, so I thought I would put it as my Lyrics-Of-The-Day. The songs is called Dandelions and it's my favorite Spencer song. Very fitting song for today.

Take a listen to it and other Spencer songs over at his Memorial website.

I've been almost avoiding my blog... I didn't really mean to, but at times it's just very hard for me to speak about things - it gives them a sense of finality for me. I do the same thing when I get back from shows -- I always promise that I will blog about the experience, but lets face it... I somehow fall short on that promise.

"Life is a one way dirt road; there's only one way to go..." Spencer was right there. Of course, for right now, my car is pulled over to the side and I'm idling. I don't know why, but I can't seem to make progress.

Let me go back a little bit.

Kentucky didn't work out. It wasn't my doing or even not my wanting it to happen -- but you cannot force something like that upon other people. The long and short of it is that Jennifer and I moved to Tuscaloosa, Alabama.

We have been loving it here. It's quite wonderful. While I don't think that anything can ever feel like home to me -- the traveler in me is just way too deep -- I do feel happy here, and comfortable. It's October and we've still got the AC on! The other day it was 95 degrees at 5p in the evening. This place rocks.

A few have asked me/us if we're going to the Justin Timberlake Shriners Hospitals For Children Open this year... the answer is no. We had "plans" to go to all five years of the tournament and it really does hurt that I can't be there this year. Mainly for one reason: Rachel. This year will be Rachel's 21st birthday and I had promised her that I would be in Vegas to celebrate it with her. I ache that I had to break that promise.

It's just not feasible after moving to Kentucky and having to turn around 10 days later and move again to Alabama. That was an entire month of paychecks missed, work missed, money spent on gas + moving... it really ate up into the plans.

I would say next year - but honestly, I am not in the right place to make any more promises. Especially ones that are an entire year away.

Of course not just Rachel wants me out there this year... I've been getting some threats on an old blog post of mine from someone who apparently wants to either intimidate me or harm me whilst out in Vegas because they're going this year.

Now... in this blog I talked about all the horrible things that had been happening to me and how I believed them to be my karma coming back to bite me in the ass because I don't believe that anyone is above getting what they deserve. I said how I was making positive changes in my life to not try and burn those bridges anymore and I can honestly say over the last year that I have been active in trying to be a better person.

Over the last year I have made efforts to contact those people who I have hurt and apologize -- some I have just left alone because it's better to not pick at a scab, but all of the people that I have contacted have accepted my apology. That doesn't make us friends, now... but it means that we harbor no ill will towards each other and we've moved past it. (As I'm talking please know this list isn't long... *maybe* 7-9 people... and only about 3 haven't been contacted because it would be better to just... not.)

Of course I can only assume that these threats are coming from one of the three people I haven't contacted in the last year... I have however now extended the opportunity for me to apologize to them. If they decide to take it is their choice.

People are mean and cruel. This I know too well. The things that I have done to these people are not horrible unforgiving acts. I have not harmed them physically, I have not done anything to them that was unforgivable. But I have hurt them in some way or another. I am a big enough person to admit this. I am a big enough person to apologize for these things. I have received my karma and my fate from these actions. I have taken the steps to better my life.

I only wish they would do the same.

Threatening people isn't nice. (Of course, I'm not naive enough to believe or think that all people are nice.) But they cannot carry out karma as if it was wrath and make it their own personal vendetta. They are not the universe. They are not a god. They should leave that up to powers that are stronger than they are.

I feel horribly. I feel horrible that someone is still aching about something that was done over one year ago. To think that I could hurt someone that badly makes me feel worse than they could ever know. They are harboring a kind of hate in their heart that can only eat them alive and consume them... that's completely unfortunate and I would never wish that upon anyone. I truly would like to apologize for those actions. The things we do when we are young are silly and immature and often times egged on by peers. I now have better peers. I now am older and wiser and I finally know what I want out of this life.

Swiftly moving on... I will try to end on a high note.

Monkeys released their dates for the southern US tour. I've got them on the books to see them 9x in December. That's a whole lot of Monkey. (and literally every show the boys are playing in December... my god.)

I love my job.

Amidst those is this one that you check out... Green Bay, WI... a PRIVATE show. :)

Also, their New Years Eve bash. It's really quite fitting... I have literally spent this entire year with these boys... I definitely should end it with them... and you know what they say... how you spend your New Years Eve is how you'll spend the next year. So I'm going to be the only place that I would want to be on that evening -- with my boys.

Birthday Wish List

I haven't made one of these since I was about nine.

When I was nine my birthday wish list went a little differently. This list seems far more practical than I am used to.

People keep asking me what I would like for my birthday, which makes me so, so happy at the thought that I may receive presents! (I love presents so very much... and you will love watching me open them. Swear.)

I am having a massive birthday party this year (sort of keeps with the theme of the past year for me, actually...) and since so many people are having to travel in to be there, I really didn't expect any gifts and I haven't gotten birthday presents in such a long time. Not that I would ever turn away a present...

The link to my birthday party event page, it's open -- RSVP! http://bit.ly/cCzWys

BIRTHDAY WISH LIST:

*Memory cards. (San Disk, preferred.)
*Filters for my lens. Many cool effects out there - you can find them on B & H Photo's website. (They're cheaper than you think...)
*Spencer Bell necklace from 100 Monkeys Sweden. (I'm Lost or There Is No Plan B.)
*Tambourine (Full size.) I will not turn away any musical instrument.
*Egg shakers
*Gift cards: Best Buy, Starbucks, Victoria's Secret, Sephora, Target, iTunes, gas stations/airlines.
*A new tattoo...? :)
*Alcohol: Jack Daniels or a case of beer will earn you a kiss.
*Hats. Size medium/large.
*Anything unique, handmade or personalized... something odd or random that made you think of me. (Antique/old fashioned mirrors, jewelry boxes and things always intrigue me.)
*Makeup. :) I love makeup.
*Anything Batman.

I am probably the easiest person to shop for. :)

--I may randomly add to this list.--

Jodie Platz vs The World

"If you're from the midwest and 
you think you wanna give the world your best shot
don't come to New York, 
it makes you poor, it kills your soul, 
go to a small town, hold your ground..."

Spencer Bell was right there... hold your ground.

This week I moved from the big city of Kansas City to the tiny, itsy bitsy town of Dawson Springs, Kentucky.

For contrast; Kansas City is the largest city in Missouri with a population of 475,830. Dawson Springs? 2,980.

Where?! I have seen like, four people since I got here!

Another contrast will tell you that the small town that I grew up in, Wamego, Kansas, has a population of 4,246... so... then there's that.

This place is tiny.

The point of this blog is because, if I am being honest here, I am in over my head and am trying to adjust to the culture shock.

While my new "home" is just 8 hours southeast of Kansas City, it's like another world. I was expressing this to my Mama on the phone yesterday and after all that I told her she gave me a few things to think about.

Whereas I have always thought that I have impeccable manners, apparently, my manners don't translate well here in the south. I was raised with the "proper" table manners and I am a stickler on using them. Please, thank you, no thank you, table on the lap, don't take the last of anything, don't chew with your mouth open, don't talk with your mouth full, don't take seconds before anyone else has, etc...

Along with those table manners comes; don't take something that isn't yours without asking.

When in someone's home (which, we stayed with Willow's parents until our place had electricity - for nearly a week) I have never been comfortable. When someone says, "make yourself at home," I find that just the polite thing to say -- that doesn't mean that I will ever just go to your fridge and grab a glass of water or some food. I just can't. So... I have offended many people since I have been in Kentucky because their idea of manners and my idea of manners don't match up.

This brings me to "polite/impolite", "respectful/disrespectful" as my Mama put it.

She made an excellent point. What I may see as polite, someone else is offended by. When I feel like I am being respectful, they're insulted.

Somehow, in those 8 hours from "home" -- everything changed. (I suppose that would be "this side" of the Mississippi... No?)

While I cannot fathom just walking into someone's kitchen and grabbing a drink (I won't even do that in Jennifer's parents house and I have almost known her/them 11 years...) when someone here says, "make yourself at home", they genuinely want you to feel at HOME. Thus, I have offended THEM because of my manners. I do not feel at home, so they feel as if they have failed.

Wow.

My Mama says that I need to change my views and try to fit in... however... when you have been the same way for 25... nearly 26 years... how on earth can you change? I will NEVER feel comfortable just walking into someone else's kitchen...

And... that brings me to...

If someone were in my new home and they got up from my couch and went to get themselves a drink from my fridge or something to eat -- I would be highly offended and I would feel like a terrible hostess... so then there's that!

Suggestions?

Jodie

Ultimate Gratitude

"Now that you've figured it out, don't you miss the puzzlement? 
Befuddled as you were, the answers to your questions weren't
Nearly as obscure as you thought they would be, 
And now you're bored because the wonderment's gone 
And you're starting to forget what you were wondering about all along, 
Well, well, well, well, well... Regardless..."

I'm not sure that I will be able to slap all this together with my words. Honestly the best way I may have to express what I am feeling right now is to put my hand to my heart and just let the tears fall.

One year ago I attended my first Spencer Bell Legacy concert (which also happened to be my first 100 Monkeys concert...) and at that concert I literally only knew Willow - the person I came with. I knew Spencer, but not as well as I do now, I knew *OF* 100 Monkeys and knew some of their songs (most of which they didn't sing) and [besides The Stevedores] had never heard of any of the other bands.

Fast forward one year later (and 28 Monkey shows later) -- my third SBL and I am entrusted with the responsibility of being the official photographer for the event, I have the privilege to call some of these bands/band members friends of mine and I now know every word to nearly every song that all the bands sing.

Gratitude doesn't begin to cover it.

This has easily been the best year of my life (as I have said that many times before). And while you may think it's still only September, it really is nearing an end. I am tying up the loose ends and making birthday plans, I am recounting and reliving all the fabulous moments from the year and most recently, this weekend.

Now, as you know if you're an "avid reader", I don't dish on the moments that happen outside of public view - but I will say that even with inebriation, there's no way I can forget them.

Somehow I went from being the unknown girl last year, on the outside of all the inside jokes - to getting stopped all night Friday and all day Saturday so that people could introduce themselves to me. Insane.

Friday night I sang/helped sing three Spencer songs on the Callahan's stage. (Go To Hell, Twenty To One and Acapella Gumdrop) I had 5 photos raffled off for the fund (a photo of each member of 100 Monkeys which was then autographed) and also I contributed a photo of The Kissing Club and Tin Tin Can to the Wanted banner that they raffled off. They played my music video for Acapella Gumdrop at the show on Saturday and Dr. Gary Hammer even mentioned/thanked me on stage during each show --- all of those little things added up to me being hugely grateful to be so involved.

...It all begs the question... "How did I get here?" I know that some are sick of me for asking this, but the only appropriate answer resides in what has been my motto since last August -- "be careful what you wish for."

I've already said my thank you mentions on the SBL site, but once again I would like to give a resounding thank you to all of those involved in Legacy; from Bill and the bands, Callahan's, all those involved in merch and keeping people on time (and caffeinated!) to the fans -- none of it would be possible without every single piece of this puzzle.

For those who read my blog and who haven't found Spencer Bell yet -- please take a minute to listen to a song or two here. You won't regret it. Read his story, look through his art and fall in love.

Official photos will be posted on SpencerBellMemorial.com before you can find them anywhere else.

xx

JP

Speaking Your Mind

Quick rant... I am in the middle of watching a documentary, so this isn't going to be a full-fledged blog -- just something I need to get off my chest.

Just posted a mini-rant on Twitter -- you probably saw them... something along the lines of "I can't speak out of turn... I am a robot..." etc...

It came about because yesterday I posted a Facebook status that read, "I am moving. I don't know where... I don't know when... but fuck this place. I am getting out of here."

This morning I received a response from someone that Jennifer used to work with who added me as a friend... "WOW! Is it really that serious? Some people wish they had something and you are complaining about..."

I replied with, "I don't think you know half of the situation. It's quite unfair to place judgement on people complaining about their lives when you don't know what goes on in their lives each day."

She responded: "Well that is the point of me asking not judging! So please if you got it that twitsted IT WAS A F***N JOKE! WOW! Who would have thought that you would catch an attitude with me. Never again that's for sure!"

I replied, "I think you're taking all of this... the status... my reply... all of it, quite too seriously."

This has been an ongoing issue I have dealt with for years with people.

Most people would collectively agree that Sagittarius is the most outspoken, blunt and opinionated sign is the astrological chart. While I do have an opinion on everything -- I am NOT outspoken or blunt. Quite the opposite, really. I was raised with impeccable manners and I very rarely speak out of turn.

So while I am usually quite well behaved (unless you try to rape a primates car... then I will peel you off of it and yell at you. Situations. Conditions.) I do have moments where there is just some shit you shouldn't say to me... I have moments where I voice my opinion.

I have, on rare occasion, let my unfiltered opinion slip and the repercussions were irrevocable. This is why I usually keep those opinions to myself. Get me drunk or know me for a long, long while... you'll be "privileged" enough.

Now. I don't believe what I first said back to this girl was that harsh -- I merely said that if you don't know the situation firsthand, you shouldn't make judgements. I think that was polite. I was reminding her of her manners.

Because really, she doesn't understand or know just how bad it is here. How bad my living situation is. The massive anxiety attacks I have at times just walking to my car. So, you keep your mouth shut when you don't know what you're talking about. Yes?

Lessons we have learned today: Not all Sagittarius' are the same. Don't say stupid shit to me. Mind your manners.

You Can Tell Me I Look Lonely...

...And I'll say you look the same... 

Life changes so incredibly quickly for me. One day I am sitting here thinking about how fucking hot it is in my apartment... how I can make a legit profit off of my photos... how much I hate where I am living... how much I miss my road friends...

...The next minute I have plans to go to Lawrence on Thursday to pick up an AC from my Daddy and now I do believe I have plans to move... to... Wisconsin...

The reason for this blog, however, is to say how much I truly appreciate the fact that I have met so many amazing... fantastic people because of this tiny little band that I love.

I wrote out this insanely long blog... and then I realized just how much I need to censor myself now... which, sucks... So... take the time to think about how small things make big waves in your life. If y'all leave some comments of how small things have changed your life in big ways, I maaay finish typing out my blog with what I was going to say...

xx

This Life... It Is A-Changing

The ADD is really killing me today. I came here to get online and get some work on my official site done... of course that didn't happen. I did manage to write, what I think, is a pretty rocking blog -- you can find that entry below this one if you haven't already checked it out.

Someone @'d me on Twitter and said that they got sucked into reading my blog, so I decided I would skim back a little bit and see what all I had written... I used to update for nogoddamnreason, but now it seems like I only update when I have seen the boys. This blog was never intended to just be about the boys... hell, I started this blog long, long ago.

So I was reading back a bit and then I clicked on my archive... I saw my Duct Tape post & giggled my ass off, remembering things that I had long since forgotten, that being from January and only my 4th 100 Monkeys show. (I am now at 26...)

It was pretty adorable to read about giving him duct tape for the first time (when now it's a staple & *expected*) and to read about him using my lighter as a slide for the first time... when now... oh god... well, I still love, adore and appreciate every time that he uses my lighter as a slide (if I am there to see it, or not...) but to read about my reaction to the FIRST time? Pretty sweet. :)

I then decided to click back to November and read about the first time meeting Jackson.

Crazy.

So crazy.

I can't believe how much my writing has changed. If I were to re-write that blog today, I wouldn't have put HALF of those details in there... and also, you can tell I was being respectful (& sogoddamnnew) because I kept calling him "Jackson Rathbone", "Jackson Rathbone". That. Is. Crazy. I don't even call him Jackson now! He never answers me when I call him Jackson! (Learned that one the hard way back in Tulsa...) I suppose there are some times when his name just *NEEDS* two syllables... Jack-son! (That's more of a scolding, if you ask me...) but no, no, no, no... he is J a y.

Alright, time to zip my lips on the comparisons... Oh... one more thing, though... I still talk about Jerad the same. :D

From the 4th show, Tulsa. January.

From the 26th show, San Francisco. July.

Both blue... hah. Awesome.

I just got very nostalgic right now. Great. Now I miss him... *grumbles and walks away* ...just what I needed...

xx

Jodie