Easily Influenced: A Series Of Confessions

I've always been a quitter. Unless I wanted something more than anything... then I have a history of never stopping until I get what I want.

I have only child syndrome. I'm not great at sharing. I was never considered "spoiled" as a kid (we didn't grow up with tons of money, but I didn't go without...) but I had more than my fair share of toys and belongings. I get bored easily and I'm quite bossy at times.

There's a lot of things that I wish I could have had growing up. Most of them are not material. The only toy that I can think of that I wanted so badly but I never got was one of those Barbie 4x4 cars that you actually drive. I wished for one for so many years... I wished on stars, I wished on birthday candles... nothing. It never came. I'm probably better off with the bike that my parents bought me. I was a thin and active child and for that, I am grateful.

I quit dance and now I can't remember why. I actually quit dance twice... I quit acting. I quit band. I quit calling my parents. I quit high school. I quit my singing career. I quit my boyfriends. I quit my jobs.

Now, it's not that I'm the girl that quits as soon as things get hard - quite the opposite in fact. I'm the girl that quits when I've had "enough" or when I'm bored. I work very hard to get the things that I want... unfortunately I just don't have the attention span to reap the benefits for said hard work.

Now, to go back up there... my singing career? I was manipulated into quitting that. Here's a horrible place to tell you that I am easily influenced. But, at least now I *realize* that.

So, now there's so many people (most of them strangers) trying to get me to quit things... (*shifty eyes*) and I realize that I am easily influenced. I realize that they all have valid key points... but... we're missing the most important key point! The keyest of all points... the creme de le point!

IT MAKES ME HAPPY.

Why do so many people take an interest in my life? I'll never know. I actually don't care to know. I don't mind that people take an interest in my life... it makes me feel wanted and needed. Even if I just provide laughter (as they're laughing at me...) or quips... even if I just give them something to talk about and gossip about with their friends... or if they actually like me and they're genuinely interested in what I say... if I inspire someone to pick up a camera and take a photo or if I help them in their personal life by them relating to something that I've said --- I like it.

I don't understand it. It's weird and entirely new ground and I don't mind it. How's that for a confession? But, I've had a great friend able to help me through the process of this... They've offered many words of wisdom. (Most of them humorous.)

So, while I am still happy doing what I do - I will continue to do it. Others may (hell, probably will) try to convince me to stop doing what makes me happy - but those people clearly don't know me. (*See yesterday's blog entry...)

Another thing about me... I have ADD. That's a reason why I have quit so many things... I get bored. Burnt out. Tired. Over it... and, that always happens sooner or later. So... if you're one of the people trying to get me to quit something - just have a little patience, will ya?

Speaking Your Mind

Quick rant... I am in the middle of watching a documentary, so this isn't going to be a full-fledged blog -- just something I need to get off my chest.

Just posted a mini-rant on Twitter -- you probably saw them... something along the lines of "I can't speak out of turn... I am a robot..." etc...

It came about because yesterday I posted a Facebook status that read, "I am moving. I don't know where... I don't know when... but fuck this place. I am getting out of here."

This morning I received a response from someone that Jennifer used to work with who added me as a friend... "WOW! Is it really that serious? Some people wish they had something and you are complaining about..."

I replied with, "I don't think you know half of the situation. It's quite unfair to place judgement on people complaining about their lives when you don't know what goes on in their lives each day."

She responded: "Well that is the point of me asking not judging! So please if you got it that twitsted IT WAS A F***N JOKE! WOW! Who would have thought that you would catch an attitude with me. Never again that's for sure!"

I replied, "I think you're taking all of this... the status... my reply... all of it, quite too seriously."

This has been an ongoing issue I have dealt with for years with people.

Most people would collectively agree that Sagittarius is the most outspoken, blunt and opinionated sign is the astrological chart. While I do have an opinion on everything -- I am NOT outspoken or blunt. Quite the opposite, really. I was raised with impeccable manners and I very rarely speak out of turn.

So while I am usually quite well behaved (unless you try to rape a primates car... then I will peel you off of it and yell at you. Situations. Conditions.) I do have moments where there is just some shit you shouldn't say to me... I have moments where I voice my opinion.

I have, on rare occasion, let my unfiltered opinion slip and the repercussions were irrevocable. This is why I usually keep those opinions to myself. Get me drunk or know me for a long, long while... you'll be "privileged" enough.

Now. I don't believe what I first said back to this girl was that harsh -- I merely said that if you don't know the situation firsthand, you shouldn't make judgements. I think that was polite. I was reminding her of her manners.

Because really, she doesn't understand or know just how bad it is here. How bad my living situation is. The massive anxiety attacks I have at times just walking to my car. So, you keep your mouth shut when you don't know what you're talking about. Yes?

Lessons we have learned today: Not all Sagittarius' are the same. Don't say stupid shit to me. Mind your manners.