Doo-Bee-Di

"She said my name like it was her breath,

And she needed it to survive..."

Few days ago I made a mistake that I swore I would never make again... I was sleeping, I "dreamt" of a song lyric - it was so simple, perfect rhythm and rhyme and yet I swore that I would remember it when I awoke so I didn't write it down... just like the rest of my dreams, thoughts and memories, it faded and now it's forever lost.

I'm on my 2nd day here at my Mama's house... the cats are still alive, the house hasn't burned down yet...

I don't like giving Catfish her IV. I know that I HAVE to or else she'll die, but it's so hard for me to poke a 14 gauge needle into a cat... that just... I can't do it... I mean, I do it, I've given her the IV four times now, but it's just... it's so hard.

Earlier this morning I was writing in my journal and I came across a few thoughts... first of all, no matter how hard I try to be honest with my journal, it's hard for me... What's the point then, you should ask. What's the point in writing in a journal if you're not going to be honest?

I guess there's a lot of my life that I just leave out of my journal. I wish that I had the patience and utter selflessness, honesty to write everything down exactly as it happens... there have been times that I've written in my journal and gone back to read things that happened several years ago and I had honestly forgotten that they happened. So then if I leave things out of my journal now, things that I may believe that I'll remember forever, mundane things like details - I could potentially lose them forever.

My thoughts are precious, I don't share them often. Not my true thoughts. I hardly even share them with myself because I know that I'm crazy. The way I get to conclusions is ridiculous... if you were inside my mind for one day you would kill yourself by lunch time.

Speaking of which, I had a piece of Gouda cheese for lunch and it was exquisite.

But why lie, Jodie? Why lie to your journal?

You see, I lie to my journal because of 3 reasons.

1- I'm lying to myself. I can change the smallest details of how things happened when I write it in my journal. No one will ever be the wiser.

2- I'm paranoid. I can't go into that as much as I would like, but I'll just say that I constantly think that someone will read it.

3- I know that eventually someone WILL read my diaries... Whether someone happens upon them and they read them, or when I die... they WILL get read... unless I burn them, which I don't plan on doing because my memory already isn't so great, (the ADD, I blame.) so I can't afford to lose the things that are written inside of these books.

This thought is still incomplete, just something I thought I would share.

Picture of the Day:

Mr. Jackson Rathbone at the premiere of New Moon last night in Hollywood. Smiling. :)

I heard everyone bitching that Rob showed up with stubble... (which, I think he looked sexy as hell with the stubble, thankyouverymuch) But Jackson shaved for the premiere! I'm really ambivalent when it comes to his facial hair (as well as the hair on his head -- it's HIS choice!!) -- but I do think the long side burns look good on him. Not too many people can actually pull that off.

His suit? His suit looked fantastic. Definitely different, which I appreciate and HE wore it, it didn't wear HIM.

I didn't see many pictures of him smiling wide or laughing, but that by far is his greatest accessory. :)

I am definitely uber proud of that man.

The Apple Is The Curse Of Man

"And every flattened penny we found reminded us,

Of our heart, so we threw them in the creek..."

I have been highly unproductive since my return from Nashy. I did manage to get some new photos up on my photography site. But mostly I've just sat and thought of Monkeys... I ache to plan trips to see these silly Monkeys, however, they're being cheeky Monkeys and not releasing their DATES for the tour... Ass Monkeys.

Fine! Enough Monkeys!!

My Mama is leaving for Puerto Rico on Monday for her very first *REAL* vacation... also she's getting married! Should be fun. :)

They were going to board the cats and instead they got a bad feeling about it so now I'm house sitting AND cat watching... that should be... interesting... with the feline allergies. I'll come prepared with Benedryl.

I'll have to administer medication to two of their three cats... I have to give Catfish an IV. :-\ I'm not too stoked about that. I know it's so that she can feel better, but it really bothers me that I'll have to put a needle into her.

Last night it was about 1045 when I thought of my Mama... thought I should call her - decided that it was too late and that I would call her the next day. Two minutes later she called me. :) I love when she reads my mind.

We have an undeniable mother-daughter bond. We're incredibly intuitive and even more so when it comes to each other...

Anyhow, so she asked me last night if I could watch the cats as well... it's not my first time watching the cats, but it's my first time doing any sort of medical treatment on them.

I gladly accepted and my Mama said that I was the "Worlds Greatest Daughter", I told her that made me happy to hear... she also said that I was her favorite daughter. I beamed, (even though I'm her only child) and then I told her that she was my favorite Mommy... she smiled wide and said that that actually meant something. (Since I've got three Moms.)

She said that I had grown a lot over the last six months... matured a lot... she was really impressed with me. Last night was a great conversation with her. :)

She comes back from Puerto Rico the day before Thanksgiving and she asked if we could do a mini-small Thanksgiving at her place... told her that sounded nice and low-key... and then later in the day Jennifer and I are going to get drunk at the casino and go watch New Moon again!!

Speaking of... New Moon comes out like... freaking soon. (I would say "tomorrow" to imply how quickly it has gotten here, however I am afraid that some people might take that literally.)

Last night Jennifer and I watched Twilight over again... it had been a minute since we had seen it and I'm not gonna lie... I totally fangirl'd over Jackson... just a little bit... it was kind of a surreal moment of, "oh my god, I REALLY met him... HIM." Haha, don't laugh at me. I'm still the lamest one here. ;)

I meant to re-read New Moon before the release of the film, so I think tomorrow I will do that... if I don't text/Twitter, tis why... I really can't focus on more than one thing at a time.

Chickka, chickka, chickka... then tis my birthday!!

...*shifts mouth*

It doesn't *FEEL* like my birthday.

That's kinda bumming me out.

If the sky would open up and just DUMP a whole shit ton of snow down on me, that would be greaaaat, that would make it feel more like my birthday.

I have a good amount of RSVP's for my birthday party on the 5th. 5 confirmed, 10 maybes... Hey man, I totally get the "maybe" account... you wanna see what else is going on that Saturday before you help Jodie Platz celebrate her 25th birthday... No, I totally get it... I probably wouldn't come to my birthday party either... unless it was just to get drunk and watch me have a nervous breakdown over the number of candles on my cupcakes... in which case, I think it's gonna be a blast.

...Can't remember my point or where I was going with all that...

Tah-dah!

Pic of the Day:

The St. Louis arch as taken bai Jodie.

Where The Whiskey Tastes Like Wine

"Keep your left eye open and your right toe twitchin',

Cuz I'm in the kitchen with a knife that's itchin' for your red blood,

On those white sheets...

I will kill you in your sleep,

So you better try to, try to keep awake..."

HERE'S YOUR BLOG, MONKEYS!

First of all - person that commented my Vegas blog and asked about the song of the day lyrics - I commented back under your comment, but in case you never read that, the song was "Great Lakes" by Telekinesis! Great album, go get it.

Secondly - to the chick who came up to me at the jam session while I was filming and said, "Are you Jodie?" and introduced yourself to me cuz you were a Twitter follower and read my blog -- I didn't mean to not pay attention to you, I felt bad afterwards and felt like I had blown you off -- thank you SOO much for coming up and introducing yourself to me... it's just... MONKEYS! I was a bit distracted by something shiny at the moment... I hope to see you out on tour, come and say hey to me again and we'll sit and chat for longer than 2 seconds!!!!

Alright, down to business.

Disclaimer: Please remember that there are some parts of this story that I'm flat out not going to tell you -- some are private, some I don't think the other people in the story would like me telling, some are quite frankly none of your business -- that being said, you're still in for a good read. :)

Amazing weekend. Best weekend of my freaking life. Amazing. Amazing. Wow. That's about all I can say.

Let's see, I got there Wednesday and was able to spend the entire day with Willow undisturbed. It was very peaceful. :)

Wednesday night Angie, from France, arrived... Thursday we went shopping at a huge mall... Willow got a new shirt to wear to drinks that night, Angie got some makeup and I got a Venti iced coffee, a harmonica at the Gibson warehouse and a memory card. :)

[Harmonica, by the way, harder than it looks... lip ring + harmonica = interesting, but I'm learning quickly. I can play "When The Saints Go Marching In" and the 12 bar blues. :)]

Thursday night we had drinks with Tim, who I swear, is busier than Dave. (One of the other tour mangers that I know. Of course, Tim isn't anywhere near old enough to be doing this as long as Dave has been.) Tim was busy, busy, busy, so we ended up going to this conference room thingy upstairs and drinking there with Tim, Vi, Heidi and a few other peoples.

I hadn't eaten all day and I had 7 of these badass drinks that Vi was making -- surprisingly I didn't fall over or have word vomit. LOL We played drunken Scrabble - (YETI!) and listened to Milli Vanilli. Was badass. I had waay too much fun.

Friday we got there kinda early, Angie had some posters that she needed to give to Shannon (ASCC Now) from the Euro Legacy site... The Monkeys were on TV for an interview and we all gathered around listening to the interview... that was when I officially met Madison.

Madison is this amazing little ball of energy - she reminds me soo much of Ben Graupner (who happens to be her "PEEP FOREVER" XD) and Maddy and I hit it off instantly. We spent the next five hours talking, making inside jokes and naming things, "PLANT!" Madison is the most badass person that I met all weekend. (Jackson Rathbone included.)

Friday afternoon I met Kimbra Hickey - the hand model from the Twilight book, she was so, so awesome and nice... very beautiful person. :)

So that night was the NewCon private party karaoke dealy on "the Bridge". The Bridge was literally a bridge that spanned across the road and had a bar on it. Super trippy and awesome.

...Before that amazingness, however, we had dinner with Brady Bell... well... yep, that's all I can say about that.

So! Then we karaoke'd! THAT was soo much fun! Heidi, Vi, Willow, myself and a few others did "Blame It On The Rain" by Milli Vanilli. I think that Willow and Heidi were the only ones who knew all the words. LOL

Madison and I did "At Last" by Etta James. (Those on here know that that is *my* song, and YES, I let Maddy sing it with me... that's how much I love this chick.)

I also did "Like A Virgin" by Madonna. Totes awesome. :) Jose Zuniga (Mr. Molina) was at the party that night and Willow and I spent an hour talking to him. He was incredibly genuine and so nice. (He said I asked good questions. XD)

It was a fantastic party... definitely one that I'll never forget.

'They' (the man) tried to shut us down at midnight after a few complaints... so we took the party down Broadway to another karaoke bar... It started out with 19 of us... then 16... then we finally came back at closing time with 11 people.

Before we went out we all sat in the lobby bar area and got drunk on Vi's drinks... we chugged lord knows how many of them and we didn't have to buy any drinks when we were out. LOL YAAY! At karaoke we all got up and sang "Bohemian Rhapsody" - I told Jennifer this and she goes, "I know you would never attempt that sober." She's very correct. I respect Freddy Mercury too much.

Oh! Forgot to tell you about the AMAZING jello shots that Jessie made! I hope to have some of them on tour, Jess! I think we need to corrupt the boys with those... just sayin'...

On our way back to the hotel we ran into Ned Bellamy (Waylon in Twilight) who was going out with his girlfriend - he was very quick witted and super nice.

Saturday was the big day... we showed up late to Jackson, Kimbra and Jose's Q&A -- oops. For whatever reason it was just so, so hard for me to get up and going Saturday morning... like something was literally holding me back... I felt bad, but I guess everything happens for a reason.

At the Q&A I was standing next to Jose's... uh... personal assistant? I think she was... she leaned over and asked, "Are you going to ask a question?" I said, "um... no. I wouldn't know what to ask." (Truth is when I thought I was going to Jackson's TwiTour in Chicago I came up with a question, but being in front of him for the first time, I... well... yeah, all that went out the window.) So she leans over and says, "you should ask..." and then she prattled on this very long question with very big words... I kinda nodded and was like, "Yeah, sure..." and then someone asked another question. She kept looking at me, and said, "are you going to ask?" I told her that it confused me. So she dumbed it down like twice for me...

Finally I raised my hand... (sounds so unlike me, I know... something came over my hand and it raised itself...) Jackson looked at me and did that head nod, eyebrows up, as if he were calling on me... and I spoke (I know, something came over my voice as well.) I said, "How do you stay in character when there are so many things that you can't control, such as weather and scheduling?"

I managed to get all of that out -- without stuttering -- all the while looking right in his eyes the entire time. He stared into my eyes and paid complete attention to me as I spoke. Then he answered... it was a long answer and he kept his eyes on mine the entire time. Of course, I couldn't tell you exactly what he said. LOL He did mention his role as Amanda, which made me happy since that's my favorite thing that he's done to date.

Willow told me later that she was so proud of me. :)

For those who don't know me -- that was a big deal for me to speak up like that. I can perform in front of thousands but with social anxiety, its very hard to do things like that. As soon as I started speaking everyone in the room turned to look at me - I didn't waiver, I didn't back down - I just kept my eyes on his and continued to breathe. :) Go me!

After that Q&A was the music Q&A with Tin Tin Can, Shawn Fernando (the Stevedores) and Ben J (the Stevedores, 100 Monkeys) -- it was very awkward, that was... I asked a question there too, which wasn't as nerve wracking... "Do you sit down and write your music collectively as a band or do some write lyrics, some write a melody and then you come together and iron it all out as a whole?" I thought that was a very good question and they all took the time to answer and said that it's a little bit of both... they also mentioned Spencer in answering my question, which was badass. :)

Jennifer arrived shortly after that - I was sooo happy to introduce her to Willow, Kasey and Madison. :) Poor Jennifer, 2 seconds after she got there she was forced to "ride escalators" with Maddy and I as we were like, "PLANT!" It sucks soo hard to be on the outside of an inside joke. I felt bad.

Jennifer and I were riding up the escalator with Ned Bellamy when I was asking him what time he got back in last night... "we were out late," he says, "4 or so." I told him we didn't get in until 5a. "I wasn't out that late!!" He later signed my book, "TWILIGHT FOREVER!" XD and gave Jennifer an autograph, "Worth the drive, yes?!" He's from Joplin, MO. Badass muthertrucker.

Next was the meet and greet with Jackson.

Willow left the meet and greet to go be with Ben Graupner... Can't say I wouldn't do the same thing if I were in her shoes. :) However, my shoes (my epic shoes that have tried to meet Jackson THREE times) were staying put!!

I met Jackson, walked up to him, shook his hand - told him that it was "great to finally meet" him, he smiled and asked my name... I told him... had him sign my Eclipse book on the chapter "Newborn." so he asked how to spell my name... "J-O-D-I-E". He has his hand on the book, he's not signing it... he's... he's... he's reading it?!! Heidi leans over and goes, "Stop reading that!" And he goes, "I was trying to figure out where in the book it was..." she goes, "Newborn... where Jasper tells his story." Jackson moves his hand, turns around to me and grins, "my hand was covering the chapter."

XD

So he asks again... "how do you spell it?" "J-O-D-I-E".

He ended up asking three times before he signed it. Pretty freaking adorable. He smiled big at me and hugged me, I said, "thank you so much," and he said, "it was my pleasure." In his Southern drawl. *giggles*

Then it was Jennifer's turn -- before Nashville she was all, "Jackson Rathbone just doesn't phase me," and I was like, "not even his Southern drawl?!" "No." "Not even his SMILE!?" "No." "His eyes?" "No." "His amazing talent?!" "No."

Nothing.

She gets up there in front of him and the girl is freaking star struck and SPEECHLESS.

Jackson has a certain energy about him... I was very humbled to be in his presence, but surprisingly, I was still able to speak. LOL Jenn? Not so much... she got a picture, hug and then she was going to be on her way... While she was getting her picture with him, Madison came up behind me and goes, "did you tell him?!!" and I shook my head. "TELL HIM!"

So then after Jennifer was done I said to Jay, "oh, by the way... your hat is *really* lame." ((inside joke with Jackson.)) He throws his head back in laughter, smiling as everyone around me goes, "AWWWW!!" like I'm the worst person in the history of the world and he turns to look at Maddy and says, "I guess it's catching on!"

XD Haaaha! It was great! Heidi later commented me on Facebook and said, "I can't believe Maddy got you to tell Jackson he was lame." Hahaa! I loved it! It was great!

So then we went downstairs and found Willow, showed her the pictures and asked where Graupner was... he was over at Starbucks with Johnson, so we went over there and talked with the Ben's for a bit... I introduced Jenn to Ben, finally. :) He said she needed a drink. Yes.

After that was the private jam session... which. was. incredible. I'll never forget it... Jackson's voice... his performance... amazing.

Willow and I got to dance with Jackson... Jackson sang at me... Ben gave Willow the cowbell and Jerad gave me the tambourine so now Willow and I are officially Monkeys!!! (The rule is once you've performed or jammed with the 100 Monkeys, then you're a Monkey!)

(You can see pics from all this on my Facebook.)

After the show I was talking with Jerad for a bit when a girl rubbed his head. He turned his head and another girl rubbed his head... then he offered his head to me... well, I didn't want to be rude, so I rubbed his mohawk and I said, "it's like a petting zoo." LMAO He laughed and said that was very correct. Loves it.

We talked with Ben for a bit... I kinda just let Jackson be - he was already surrounded enough - Willow gave him some shirts and he seemed very happy to be getting clothes!!

Then twas off to the hotel to change, then to the Wildhorse for the concert...

The show melted my entire face off, no lie. Twas a gone face by the end of the show. Jackson sang at me again and pointed to me during the "Thank You" song... which, during the jam session, he touched my arm, was right in my face looking in my eyes and goes, "thank you," :D I love the Thank You song, just sayin'.

We started out in the 10th row or so, by the end of the concert we were in the 4th. Badass. I got some videos, but YouTube can eat me cuz it's been a bitch lately. I'll be sure and post the links here when I get them all posted. I have a few up so far. Nothing amazing, though.

Something that I need to say about 100 Monkeys live - first of all, this was my third 100 Monkeys show, and it was the first with Jackson Rathbone... so I had never seen him perform live before. As you may or may not know, I've seen over 200 acts live and I can honestly say that I have never seen anyone perform with such passion and energy as Jackson. I was impressed beyond belief. His energy and stage presence was so huge it filled the room and it was impossible for you to take your eyes off of him. All the energy that he gave to the crowd I tried to give right back to him by singing every word that I knew, dancing my ass off and grooving along with him.

I was blown away and I left the concert feeling high and enlightened.

After the concert we went and bought some Tin Tin Can merchandise (soo my favorite band right after the Stevedores.) After buying their merch I talked to two of the boys and was like, "this is going to sound so weird and random, but I listen to your album, Confetti Machete, every time I straighten my hair, which is like, everyday..." then Jennifer goes, "it's true, I'm her roommate and it's like, 'oh! Tin Tin Can again!'" haaahaa!! They loved it.

When we got back to the hotel parking garage we got to ride the elevator with 2 other members of the band and I said, "I was just telling your other bandmates..." and then I said the same thing... they laughed... was great. I was sooo high at that point. (On music only.)

Sunday was sad... sad to say goodbye to Willow and Kasey... sad to leave Nashville... however, there was hope there at the end, hope because the boys would soon be releasing the rest of their tour dates!! (Those funky Monkeys are addictive!)

Driving home from Nashville was awesome, actually... we listened to Tin Tin Can the entire way home and made it back in record time... usually it takes us double time to get home - nope... we got home in 9 hours... and that was also counting our little Harold and Kumar White Castle adventure we went on in St. Louis.

I Heart White Castle.

So that's it, babes... phew. Now I'll have some mayjah cities to look forward to on tour. ;)

Little Rock & Fayetteville, AR • Auburn, Birmingham, Mobile & Tuscaloosa, AL • Phoenix & Tucson, AZ • Fresno, Los Angeles, Sacramento, San Diego & San Francisco, CA • Colorado Springs & Denver, CO • Bridgeport & Hartford, CT • Wilmington, DE • Gainesville, Jacksonville, Miami, Orlando, Tallahassee, Tampa & FT. Lauderdale, FL • Atlanta & Savannah, GA • Honolulu, HI • Des Moines, IA • Boise, ID • Chicago & Champaign, IL • South Bend & Indianapolis, IN • Wichita & Topeka, KS • Louisville & Lexington, KY • Baton Rouge & New Orleans, LA • Boston, MA • Baltimore, MD • Ann Arbor & Detroit, MI • Minneapolis, MN • Kansas City & St. Louis, MO • Jackson, MS • Missoula, MT • Asheville, Greensboro, Charlotte & Raleigh, NC • Omaha, NE • New Brunswick, NJ • Albuquerque, NM • Las Vegas & Reno, NV • Buffalo, New York City, Syracuse, Albany & Rochester, NY • Cleveland, Cincinnati, Columbus & Toledo, OH • Oklahoma City & Tulsa, OK • Portland, OR • Allentown, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Scranton & College Station, PA • Providence, RI • Charleston, Columbia & Greenville, SC • Chattanooga, Knoxville, Memphis & Nashville, TN • Austin, Dallas, Amarillo, Houston, San Antonio & Midland, TX • Salt Lake City, UT • Arlington, Richmond, Virginia Beach & Roanoke, VA • Burlington, VT • Seattle & Spokane, WA • Madison & Milwaukee, WI • Huntington, WV

Pic of the Day:

Mr. Rathbone and I.

(I meant it when I said that I would trade all of my photos with Justin Timberlake just to MEET this man. His talent far exceeds any expectation that I would never dare set for him.)

Oh My God, The Wings On Fire

"Hey little waitress lady, please,

Hand me a little liquor bottle,

Anything to help me ease the pain of this crashin' plane because,

Oh my god, the wings on fire,

Oh my god, this suckers gonna hit the ground,

We're going down..."

This isn't going to be "THE BLOG" of which I spill all about my time in Nashville, but I wanted to give you something.

Patty called me out at the show and told me she'd kick my butt if I didn't get to bloggin' quickly, so I just wanted to give you a short one with a few highlights.

-November 7, 2009 was so the best day of my life.

-I spoke to Jackson at the Q&A.

-Met him officially, shoot his hand, got my picture, autograph, hug, epic smiles.

-I made Jackson laugh... was the highest feeling I've ever had in my life.

-Went to the jam session with 100 Monkeys

-Danced with Jackson.

-Jammed with the Monkeys, playing the tambourine.

-Had a pretty epic spot as far as the concert was concerned.

-Had so many realization moments. (Will discuss later.)

I will blog about all that and more... I was in Nashville from Wednesday until Sunday and so, so much happened along that time. Some of it I can't talk about, but I will try and spill as much as possible.

Here's a little something that I'll leave you with, however:

(You have to wait to see my picture with Jay. XD)

xx

Airport Blog!

"Goddamn she ain't breathing, don't do this to me..."

I love my airport blogs... let's see... I've airport blogged before I went to LA... uh... I'm sure there was a Vegas one in there somewhere... NYC... I can't remember what else, but once I get to the airport I think it's a nice way to pass the time. :)

I only got about an hour of sleep last night. I laid down "early". I was scheduled to get 4 hours of sleep... then Jenn and Bella were snoring their asses off... then Bella couldn't get comfortable... then blah... just blah... so finally I fell asleep and I was supposed to get up at 445, I woke up at 535 when Willow text me and I rawred at Jennifer, "why didn't you get me up!?" She said we didn't need to be there 2 hours early anymore and that we would get up at 6 and leave the house at 630... we did and all was fine... I checked in and everything went smoothly...

Put my shit through the x-ray machine... my shoe got stuck. haha, I find that high-larious.

Willow is almost to Nashville as I type this... going to pick me up. :) I'm so happy to see her... fuck, I love her. Just sayin'... she's my air.

You know, speaking of air - I'm surprisingly calm right now... I'm not sure what that's about, actually... I'm usually a wreck... I was last night. Perhaps it's all gotten out of my system? Perhaps that was like, a fake "hitting" me thing? Perhaps I have no idea what I'm talking about.

I will try to blog again soon. :)

xx

I Hope You Have More Luck With This Than Me

"What's the point of holding on to what never gets used?

Other than the sick desire for self abuse..."

Leaving for Nashville in less than 24 hours...

*inhales and holds breath for a long minute*

I'm still really not sure what to think and it hasn't completely hit me yet... I mean, I *think* I get that I'm going to be on a plane tomorrow morning... I may comprehend that... I know I'm anxious to get to be with Willow again... other than that? I can't see past Wednesday, really...

Things to do today:

Shower

Straighten hair

Wax eyebrows

Face mask

Pack pills

Camera

Chargers

iPod

Update iPod

Find/pack clothes

Carry on items

IDs

Do nails

Pop bubbles

Finish painting

Get lots of sleep tonight

I may update this throughout the day and cross off what I've done... check back for edits.

Pic of the Day:

This photo ALMOST made it hit me last night... ALMOST... but not quite.

EDIT 101p: Thank you soo much for all the comments/support,

people! I appreciate it soo much! Unfortunately, I only know

who one of you is! Haha!! Come up and say

something to me in Nashy!

...Now I don't really know where to start...

EDIT 236p: When Jennifer did the laundry she didn't wash either

pair of my jeans... so now I'm like, "No Pants Platz".

Just did my nails, I know I'm stoopid for typing now because

it's just going to fuck them up, but the ADD restrains me from

just sitting there and doing nothing, watching paint dry.

I finished my painting. :)

My wax is... uh... waxing... tis melting itself. And then its

facemask time... I guess I'm putting off packing as much

as possible. Been listening to Death Cab all day. <3

Definitely calms me and makes me feel soo much better.

EDIT 450p: I am going to kill my dog. She won't stop barking,

and whining... and jumping on my clean clothes. Let me

tell you a typical day with me and Bella... she sleeps all day,

I sing loudly, she licks my face twice and we're just calm

together. Today I've been cursing and screaming at her all

day. She knows change. She feels it... so I can't blame her

too much, but still it's soo obnoxious. I think she knows

that she's not coming with me. Now she's sitting in my lap

and being all adorable... that's why they're so cute, you

know? So we don't kill them.

I can't find any of the clothes that I want and it's pissing

me off. I keep going, "okay, 2 outfits a day... wed, thurs,

fri, sat, leaving sun..." yet, I feel like I'm packing for life.

That always happens because I have a horrible fear

of forgetting something. I'm using my medium sized suitcase,

which I usually only bring with me as my 2nd suitcase...

my "accessories" suitcase. In Jan 07 I took it to Vegas

and filled it with JUST purses and shoes... and we were

only there one night... so this is definitely a big change

for me and I'm not comfortable with it... but I'm

also not comfortable with carrying around a 15lb laptop/

carry on bag AND dragging around a huge suitcase.

*sigh* this is a classic no win situation.

None of the outfits I've packed will make me happy...

I had to pack "dirty" jeans. (Technically they're just

worn and a big baggy, I would classify them as "dirty"

just yet.) I feel very fat this week. I mean, I know

I'm already fat, but I feel fatter this week than, say,

last week... I haven't been eating any more... probably

less... but it's just how I FEEL. You know?

I still have no idea what I'm going to the airport in

tomorrow... the "plane outfit" is the most important and

I have no idea what I'm wearing... *bites lip*

EDIT 749p: I napped.

EDIT 1007p: It hit... not organically, but I forced it to hit...

the bad part is is that I know it's going to hit again, when

I least expect it to... I just hope it's not when I'm standing

in front of him. *shaking my head* that would be

terrible and mortifying.

I thought I couldn't breathe BEFORE... *shakes head

once more* that was nothing compared to what I just

went through...

Three days... when I wake up I'll be seeing him/them

in three days...

Photos definitely helped lunge me into the realization

process... the guitar and harmonica photos especially.

I'm glad that Bella-dog was the only one here to see that.

She sat on my lap and licked my face. Perhaps I do

love her after all.

Soon Everybody Will Ask What Became Of You

"As the flash bulbs burst,

She holds a smile,

Like someone would hold,

A crying child..."

It's been a few days... 5 to be exact now since there's only 5 days left before I go see the Monkey boys. :)

I am leaving on Wednesday morning. I cannot wait to get to Nashville. Can't. Freaking. Wait. Jennifer is going to drive down to Nashville after work on Friday and then the Monkeys concert is Saturday night.

I can't wait to see my Willow. *beams* Can't. Wait. I will finally be able to breathe again...

(God, both our boobs look freaking great here... just sayin'.)

This is soo my favorite photo ever. Hopefully I will get my ass in line and take more photos of us on this trip than I did in August. August! Can you believe it's been so long since I've seen my Willow? Or my Monkeys?!! Insane.

This trip... *bites lip* I don't know... I guess I don't want to express all of my worries here (for obvious reasons) however, this trip is worrying me... I'm worried about so many different aspects of it - ultimately I want to just GO and just GET THERE and just BE with my Willow. Then perhaps either we can worry about these things together or we'll just say "fuck it" and we won't worry about any of it and we'll just GO and have a fucking great time... Lord knows. *shrugs*

I'm stoked for Friday... *excited squeal* ...but I'll tell you about it AFTER it happens. I am so not jinxing that!!! XD

I'm nervous. Anxious. Excited. Nervous. Nervous. Shaking. Anxious. Excited. Why? I'll tell you why:

<--THAT IS WHY.

The last two times that I was supposed to meet/see Jackson he unfortunately had to cancel because of Eclipse filming/scheduling... but this time? This time he is GOING to be there... and I'm... well... yep.

I'm still waiting for it to hit me and sink in. I wish myself good luck with that. (I'm so screwed.)

Pic of the Day:

Lady Gaga is my hero/style icon.