Wicked Little Things

"Now that we're all fat and happy, 

We'll be made into pies..." 

I had a bad day today. I'm frustrated with entirely too much and it's all building up in me. Of course, I can't actually say what's really bothering me for fear that those who it affects will read it. It's not something that should be brought to their attention via blog, you know? I owe them more than that.

Regardless, when I'm out of control, I fight to control what I can in my life. Today it was an X-Acto knife, antihistamines and Miller Light. Those are three things that I can control in my life. So I controlled them.

Those that know me know that Benedryl knocks me the fuck out. So a few of those + the 2 beers I had and I was passed out within an hour or so... slept like a rock while Twister played in the background. It was a good sleep. I needed it.

Upon waking everything is still the same, however. I haven't said the things to the people that I need to, but it did make me feel better to temporarily put the world on hold.

Control is a funny thing. There are some areas in my life where I absolutely must have control...  There are some things that I know I'll never get control over...  There are some things that I don't even want control over... It's crazy - the lines are blurred on where all of those things stand.

I can only hope that tomorrow is a better day... but then again - tomorrow is already a better day because it's finally the 14th... :)

Photo of the day:

National Hangover Day

"that's the way, that's the way it ought to be..."

I hope that everyone had a happy and safe New Years Eve and that no one is TOO hungover today.

Strangest thing happened to me last night. (Well, more than one strange thing, but one at a time now...) Jenn and I polished off 3 bottles of champagne and I didn't "break the seal" once... didn't pee before bed and then when I woke up this morning I didn't have a hangover, didn't even really have to pee...

See? Strange.

Had a dream about Monkeys and boat... that was weird.

Now, onto our New Years.

We opted to stay in, thinking it would be the safest way to party... we got champagne and some snacks, listened to music... had some laughs, talked, took pics... etc... It was all fun and gravy until about 1115p when I went to get another drink.

I left Jennifer sitting in the living room and she was texting, I went into the kitchen... I come around the corner and the front door is open just a crack and there's some random dude in a white hat and a red shirt peeking around the corner. Jennifer is completely oblivious. I said, "what the fuck?" And the guy pulled the door closed, leaving.

Jennifer was still completely oblivious and unaware of what had just happened.

I grabbed the kitchen knife and I went out of my door... I said loudly, "who the FUCK was just in my house?" I looked and looked, couldn't find anyone... knocked on the doors downstairs, no one answered...

I guess it's a good thing that no one answered because they would have gotten to see a very bad side of me.

However, the landlord and I are going to have WORDS. Many words... not many words on his part -- but he's going to get an earful from me.

So... needless to say, that ruined my night and my buzz... Jennifer apologized for not locking the door. (Something I am a stickler for.)

I ruined my tally of "good days" and ended up taking the knife into the bedroom with me... The feeling of being out of control just makes me want to control something. I can control the pressure in which the knife cuts my skin.

Jennifer spent midnight with me wiping up my blood and wiping up my tears. I only cried after she saw my cuts. She deals with too much from me... she takes care of me entirely too hard. I really am completely useless without her.

So now I'm pressed. Do I want to move? I've only lived here like 2 weeks or something like that... I guess we're approaching 3. It's pretty unpractical to want to move... however if shit doesn't start to change fucking YESTERDAY with this asshole of a landlord, I'm going to have to kill him and hide the body in the attic with the critter that lives up there.

Pic of us from last night... I'm laughing at how Bella is positioned:

xoxox