Situational Friendship

"You take your cigarettes ultra light, 

I like to take them straight, 

You always feel so blue... 

I always feel great."

My mother is very smart. She's taught me many things. She taught me all about photography... (she's an incredible artist herself...)

I mimicked one of her iconic photographs earlier this year, actually.

Mama's original:

My take:

The difference here is that her's is amazing and mine is completely mediocre. At least I am a good enough artist to realize this. My favorite part of hers is everything - my favorite part of mine is the billow of smoke.

Regardless -- she's taught me about photography... she's taught me words that I live by, a quote by Jen Platz: "You never know when you will be reduced to camping." Take that one with you kids, she's amazing.

Amongst her amazing and inspiring art and words she's taught me about something she calls "situational friendship."

I was bitching to her about 2 months ago that people didn't care about ME... that they didn't want to know ME - they wanted to know who I knew, what I knew or my photos. (I had said, once upon a time, that I wanted people to give me attention -- I will reiterate this, kids: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.)

My Mama told me to stop bitching. She said that I was making myself out to be a victim here and while it is unfortunate that more people don't take the time to get to know ME, that I shouldn't write everyone off just because of it.

There are those people out there that we call "situational friends". I am your friend because we know the same people, travel in the same circle, because we have something to gain from each other -- we aren't USING each other... because you can benefit from me and I can benefit from you -- we are friends... just not the lasting kind.

It's like any other "normal" job - you're friends with the person the next cubical over because it's easier to be friendly than to keep to yourself... it's easy because you have that built in person that you can talk to at the water cooler and you know that someone is always there having your back. This person isn't going to be your friend when you get laid off from your job two years down the line -- but it was nice to have them there while they lasted.

My Mama is going to school to be a nurse (she's a Jack of all trades, if you will...) she said that she became friends with the girl who sits next to her in class because they can trade notes and they'll have each others back if one of them has to miss a class... my Mama = smart woman.

Now I don't take it so personally when it's a give and take kind of friendship that approaches me. Perhaps we both can gain from each other in this situational friendship...

However...

It wouldn't hurt to have a few more ACTUAL friends out there who will have my back when I fall and skin my knees... most situational friends tend to flee at the first sign of trouble. (Scroll back up there and re-read that getting laid off part... yeah.)

I said on Twitter a few weeks ago that I was lonely... a follower replied back with "why are you lonely? You're awesomesauce and super talented. How is it possible for you not to be surrounded by people?" That comment really stuck with me. I had to favorite it even though it was so sad. While the compliments inside the note were sweet and I took them to heart -- it's amazing that people don't understand. I love them all... I love each and every person that follows me, I love each and every person that's ever saved one of my photos on their computer or fanned my Facebook page... I really, really, honestly and genuinely love them all with every inch of my heart --- but I'm so lonely.

I'm so lonely because I don't know who I can trust. I'm so lonely because I don't have anyone that I can tell my secrets to. I'm so lonely because no one will listen. I'm so lonely because no one sees me... or takes the time to see me... or takes the time to get to know me.


Yes, there are exceptions to the rule and believe me, I know those who I can count on in a real situation. So... no angry texts from the few I can count on my hand that will argue with me about what I've just said. But, most of those people have lives... wait. Actually, all of those people have lives... all of those people don't live here with me.

And then there's the others that say how much I can come to them... how they love ME for ME yet they only come around when I'm going to a show or I post new photos. Do you know how many people comment or "like" my photography outside of 100 Monkeys? Like... 2 people. I wonder if people even look at it.

You know, my last post I said that I was speaking to the whole four of you that read it and I was surprised that I got a few comments -- I know there's those out there who read but don't comment... I appreciate all of you too...

This was just something I wanted to talk about for a while -- not bitching about the life that I have made for myself - I honestly wouldn't trade it for anything... and perhaps it's better that I have the close friends that I do - most of them are artists and can understand the artists life. It's good to have those ears to listen to me and those shoulders to lean on when I need them.

I love all my friends... situational or not. :)

Photo of the day:

Photo of the Bay Bridge that I took in San Francisco. Reminds me of my mama.

10x10

"I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard, 
Handful of complaints but I can't help the fact that everyone can see these scars..." 

Jennifer and I have been watching a lot of movies lately... first we watched The Stepfather, which had a slow start, was pretty good but had a fail ending. Next we watched Burn After Reading and on the way home after renting it I said to her, "Yay Coen Brothers!" She said, "what?" And I said, "they also directed Fargo..." (We had just watched Fargo the day before) She replied with the heaviest of sighs.

I loved Burn After Reading. I thought it was fucking hilarious. I dare say that I liked it almost more than Fargo... which is classic. My Mama and I can have an entire conversation in Minnesota speak and Fargo quotes. It's quite fantastic. :)

Then we went back and rented Labor Pains with Lindsay Lohan... It was something that sounded like it had a good plot and then the downfall was going to be Lindsay Lohan... well, turns out it's got quite a few "name" actors in it and it wasn't terrible! I definitely laughed, only rolled my eyes like once, which is more than I can say for like, Twilight. So yeah, not going to buy the DVD or anything, but it wasn't bad!

Last night we watched The Proposal... completely predictable, but still funny... errrm... mostly that would be Betty White and her badass self and Ryan Reynolds and his hot self. Sandra Bullock... I don't really know what to think of her. Still. After all these years. To me she kinda seems like one step above Jennifer Aniston - like she just plays the same rolls over and over and always plays each roll the same. She was better in this movie than in others, though. I'll give her that.

I said to Jennifer while we were watching The Proposal, "And the trend for tonight is 'lying to keep your job'." (Labor Pains) We always seem to watch movies in a row that have to do with the other somehow... themes like cheating, cheesy music, certain actors... etc...

Saw the new Timberlake and Timbaland video for "Carry Out" yesterday. I definitely expected something more amazing from them. I was highly disappointed. Justin looked like he stepped out of the Like I Love You era and his part of the video seemed to be straight out of his video for My Love. It was tired, played and unoriginal. Lame. Sick song, lame video... but then I guess who cares about music videos these days now that there's no "music television"...?

You're probably wondering what the title is about for todays post... or you've just accepted the fact that I'm completely random and you've gotten over it.

10 days until my 10th Monkey show! 10x10

I'm beyond stoked. I am addicted now for sure... I don't know how I went from August to November without seeing them... well, I have one idea. Not sure how I made it from November until January without seeing them -- that one for sure... Managed to survive this long between shows, I suppose. It's been 15 days since I've seen them -- going to be another ten... jeez, that's nearly a month. O_O

Ooh! I got Jerad his present! ...I have to make it... Nowhere had exactly what I was looking for so fuck that, I'm just going to make it. *nods once* ...I also may have gotten Jay a lil something... Still have to get a few other things for the other boys. :)

I'm going to my Mama's house today to help her build a website for her wife's practice... I'm also going to make her get a Twitter while I'm over there. Will be fun.

Picture of the Day:

Have I mentioned of late how much I love her? I don't think I have. I love her and her sloppy kisses.