I Wish You'd Known Me When I Was Alive

"One day you're gonna have to face,

The deep dark truthful mirror,
And it's gonna tell you what I still,
Love you too much to say..."

I started this yesterday, no sense in wasting it. I just got sidetracked and went and downloaded 802 songs instead of blogging.

I'm up much earlier than I would prefer. Bella was barking this morning because they were doing some lawn maintenance at 930a... of course, as soon as I got up, she went back to bed and is now soundly sleeping. Doesn't seem quite fair, does it?

Lot's to do today! I have to stop by the storage place -- of course, I think this blog is going to end up saying it's yesterday instead of today, but really it's today, not yesterday... or tomorrow... Storage place, bank, post office, then going for coffee with the Jennifer.

I did have things that I specifically wanted to talk about a few days ago and now, of course I have no idea what those things were. Doesn't surprise me. I have the worlds worst ADD.

Rob Pattinson's song, "To Roam" just came on my iTunes - he's finally back in the States! England kept him too long!!!! Yes, I know he belongs to them or whatever, but I like to keep my boys close! ;-) ---- ("Some people were born to roam, some people are in this world alone..." I love it. His voice is truly unique.)

He's presenting at the Oscar's this weekend. I'm pretty stoked about that. I need a good RPattz fix. Jenn said, "what are you going to do if he presents Best Supporting Actor?" (The award that will undoubtedly go to Heath.) I said, "Probably poop myself." She said, "I'll get a toilet." There was more to the conversation, but we don't need to take it in that direction.

So I was on this Twilight fan site, checking my news as always, and they posted this [fanmade] trailer for New Moon. Now, I don't normally watch fanmade stuff, because it's usually shitty and I always get mad that it's shitty, but they said that this had had over 3 MILLION views... well, 3 million views can't be wrong, so I watched it.

O
M
G

I got chills.

I don't get chills for shit... something has to be really fucking spectacular for me to get chills... but yaaa... Seriously. Chills.

Here's the video, please watch it. It's badass. Just like the movie will be (and like the book was) there's very little Robert. But this chick actually put Kristen clips in there. Jacob is portrayed by a different actor, but it still works.

Yellow Ferrari? Check.
Paper cut? Check.
Cliff diving? Check.
Volturi? Check.
Awesome? CHECCCCCK!

Check it out!!! It's HQ, click full screen for the awesomeness effect!



Even if you're not a huge Twilight fan, you have to admit that was badass, right?!

Insaaaaaaaaaane...

Alright, I'm off to watch it 100 more times...

There's no use for me now, I'm only thinking of Twilight.

xoxox

Oh, random addings, anyone who says that Heath doesn't deserve the Oscar, or who bashes him gets an ass whooping by me. Get it?

Since I've Been Loving You

"How, how are we off on a tangent again?
Always we say what we say
And the poison is breaking our skin,
Blame was to blame,
It's an argument no one can win
Cuz at best, we don't know and it's wearing us thin,
And we stare at the sun,
But we never see anything there,
Just a glare has become,
All that we'll ever see there..."

I'm bored, so here's another blog. I reckon this should take up a good hour or so of my life. I'm at McD with Jennifer. We're having a good day together. :-)

I can listen to the entire Mute Math album front to back, I think you should too.

You know that feeling, like, when life is kinda blah or shitty and then something awesome happens or maybe life hands you something good to look forward to and it totally turns your world around??

That's me right now.

I'm usually pretty down/depressed/suicidal, but the closer moving gets, the happier I become. I'm super stoked about it all.

One of the things that Jennifer and I have been talking about recently is when we're going to get an actual place to live, and right now it looks like we're going to save up for a few months -- take everything super easy -- no World's of Fun passes, no Nikon D-SLR for me [insert sad face here] and then we're going to get a place May/June-ish. So yay!

Sucks that we aren't going to get those World's of Fun passes, but really? Really we don't need them.

Alright, so I can't have caffeine because of my ADD, right?? So I've had two cups of decaf coffee here at McD and all the sudden I'm feeling weirdly, I go up to Jennifer and ask, "are you SURE that you made decaf and not just brewed normal in the decaf pot?" She goes, "oops."

"OOPS?"

Oops, I guess I'll just take a nap on the McD table then, eh?

She's making me fresh decaf.

Bitch.

...Damn life, I was gonna say something and I forgot.

Alright, let's see what I can babble on about...

Oh!! I remember what I was going to say... here around May/June, I'm going to be full on EATING my words -- replies to some people in a previous post from a bit back... Gonna suck to eat my words, but man this is gonna be awesome.

Another thing... I've been posting easter eggs... I've posted a few in previous posts and you can always find them when you view my blog from your phone, but if you are on the computer, I guess you just have to be smarted. ;-) If you don't know what an easter egg is, google it.

So I didn't get my Heath tattoo on the 22nd like I wanted, but I really hope to get it on his birthday. That'll be right before we move again, but it should be alright because it's not gonna cost a whole ton, we'll see, right??

Jennifer wants a Twilight tattoo, she wants me to design it. Like, she wants a full on Twilight tattoo -- I wouldn't mind a Twilight-inspired tattoo, but not a full on like, "I <3 href="http://twilightsaga.wikia.com/wiki/Aro">Aro calls Bella "la tua cantante" because her blood "sings for Edward".

I had previously thought of getting "plus que ma propre vie", which is from Breaking Dawn - it's French for "more than my own life" which Bella gets in a locket for her daughter. But, I changed my mind, because I'm not sure that personally applies to me, however, "your singer", works for me, as well as Twilight. ;-)

Don't worry folks, this isn't a tattoo I'm rushing. I have many more on the list before I run out and get inked for a book.

I just found a badass Twilight site while I was linking Aro up there...

http://twilightsaga.wikia.com/wiki/Twilight_Saga_Wiki

It's Twilight wiki!!!!!!! It's not just a wiki page for Twilight, it's a whole wiki site for Twilight. Click it!! It's got all the Twilight info you could ever need. :D YAY! *bookmarks*

Gosh, I reckon that's enough for now... if that didn't give you something to comment on, you're lame.

if you find this easter egg comment mentioning that there is no playlist. ;-)

Pic:



Robert Pattinson in an explosion of cute.

xoxox

Please Don't Leave Me

"I can be so mean when I wanna be
I am capable of really anything,
I can cut you into pieces,
But my heart is broken..."

Only a week until we're out of here. We've slowed on packings and whatnots, we've more been discussing things rather than doing anything. Tis okay though. We moved the entire apt in one day and a lot of it wasn't packed, most of our house is packed - very little got unpacked - and we're moving everyday from Wed - Sun.

Heath won the SAG award last night for Best Supporting Actor!! XD
Congrats Heath!! I actually didn't watch it, kinda wish I had... oh wells. Youtube.

So I randomly wondered if my xanga sites were still up - and lookie, haha!! They are!! LOL

This was my first xanga (don't comment, I don't go there anymore.) And this was my second. Annnnd, the third.

I kinda can't believe I had so many of those. Blogger is waaay more rockstar than xanga.

The third was my faveee. I think I might start that icon thing again, it was like the pic of the day, but at the beginning... and it was an icon. LOL

I tried to find my old livejournal, but can't. I was never much into livejournal. I only made one because that's what everyone else had.

Jenn says she want's to make a blogger, so yay! You can expect her first entry on Sunday. :-) Please read her and comment. She doesn't deal so well without the comments, like I do. *raises eyebrow* Oh, yeaaah... please comment me, c'mon, you read it... Can't you go back and say "hey, this part was really cool"? On a couple of them? It would seriously make my day. I mean, I'm not going to sit here and whine like a lil bitch about no comments, just saying that it would make my day, is all.

Should I start an icon of the day like in the third xanga?

Playlist:

1. Please Don't Leave Me - Pink (This is me... unfortunately.)
2. Kiwi - M5 (Jenn loves this song. Kiiiiiwi.)
3. Call Me - Blondie (If I was a music teacher, I would do this song in an acapella choir. Badass.)
4. Hook Me Up - Veronicas (I'm sick of all my friends, girls can be so mean... LOVES.)
5. Bella's Lullaby Remix - Twilight Soundtrack (This is badass. It's on the score soundtrack. It's got track samples from the movie. Ooooh, Edward.)

LMFAO

xoxox

Did you know there were easter eggs in a lot of the posts? I'll bet you did because you're smart. I'm going to start posting easter eggs in all the posts just to see who's smart enough to figure it out. Don't worry, I'll tip you off soon and then you'll come back to all these posts and try and figure it out. ;-)

Heath Ledger

"So you think you can tell, Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain, Can you tell a green field,
From a cold steel rail, a smile from a veil,
Do you think you can tell?
Did they get you to trade, your heroes for ghosts,
Hard ashes for trees, hot air full of cool breeze,
Cold comfort for change,
Did you exchange, a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage,
How I wish, how I wish you were here,
We're just two lost souls, swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year, Running over the same old ground,
On how we found, the same old fears,
Wish you were here..."

One year.

This post will be of all my favorite Heath things, as well as things to remember him by. Please click on the photos to view them at full size.





















^ The last three always make me cry. ^





























Heath:


One of my favorite scenes from The Dark Knight:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81LeooTiKI0

(embedding was disabled.)



I was there... it was magnificent.

Playlist - Heath.

1. Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd (Perfect song, played @ his funeral.)
2. Here Comes The Sun - Beatles (His favorite song.)
3. Australia - the Shins (I adore.)
4. Ol' Man River - Paul Robeson (He had a tattoo of the song title on his arm.)
5. Happy Everafter In Your Eyes - Ben Harper (Written for his daughter, Matilda.)

I knew that you would get a nomination.
There would be riots if you didn't.
I am so proud of you, you have no idea.

I love you Heath, I miss you and I will never forget you.

xoxox

We All Break The Same

"Come on can I dream for one day
There's nothing that can't be done?
But how long should it take somebody,
Before they can be someone?"

I have felt really close to Bella lately. I'm not exactly sure why, though. I just feel like we've bonded a lot in the past 6 months or so. She's been eating a lot more, I didn't realize that her appetite grew... and she's been snuggling with me a lot more. Not that I'm complaining at all!!

I'm still on my download kick. Downloaded 5 or so more albums yesterday. Music keeps me happy. :-) Plus, it's cheap. ;-)

I think this blog will be pretty short, I'm actually quite stoked to get to the playlist and video for today... you'll see.

The camera [link] that I've been saving up to get went down in price, which helps me out even more... Not that I'm anywhere close to buying it! I hope to have it in March... hope. If not March I should have it in April for shizzle.

'Only' 269 days until Vegas...

I tried to start that fan fic that I talked about a few days ago last night, but there were too many distractions for my poor ADD filled mind. LOL Perhaps I'll get some writing done today. I still have to watch last night's ABC shows since I hung out at McD last night with Jennifer and missed the first airing of them.

We bought School of Rock the other day, I love that film. Jack Black is hilarious and that movie is super cute.

Alright, clearly I'm not talking about anything, I'm just too excited to get to the music portion of the day.

Playlist - Featured Artist: Mute Math

I saw Mute Math open for Matchbox 20 last year and they blew my mind away. Not only do they have incredible music, they are exceptional performers. (Plus the drummer is FACE MELTING, annnnd from Missouri!)

All of their songs are catchy, meaningful and innovative. They are excellent musicians.

Here's a video that I took of them live last year, watch it to see how incredible the drummer is, watch until the end... or come back to this video after you watch the actual "video of the day"... you will...



Here's a tribute to Heath that I made to their song, "You Are Mine" which describes my love for Heath perfectly.



1. Typical (video is awesome, featured below.)
2. Noticed (Love song, "I can't believe I never noticed my heart before" very catching.)
3. Chaos (For whatever reason, this song mellows me out.)
4. Break The Same ("we all feed doubts, what a shame, when only tears remind us we all break the same."
5. Spotlight (featured in the Twilight movie and on the soudtrack. Uber catchy)

The video that you HAVE to watch:

Mute Math |MTV Music

If everything I just said wasn't a selling point for you on Mute Math, if you didn't listen to any of the songs posted above, please, please, please -- just watch this video. I swear to you within the first 10 seconds you'll be determined to watch it to the end.

The video is for the song "Typical" and it's a backwards video... (so the end is the beginning and the beginning is the end...) But it's not like the Beyonce "Me, Myself and I" video... no, not at all... it's still forwards...

Mute Math learned to sing and play their instruments backwards so that everything would look correct in it.

This will bend your mind.

Watch!!

Alright, I'm done pushing for today, tell me what you thought!!!

xoxox

You Will Be The Death Of Me

"I think I'm drowning,
Asphyxiating,
I wanna break the spell,
That you've created,
You're something beautiful,
A contradiction,
I wanna play the game,
I want the friction,

You will be the death of me,
Yeah, you will be the death of me
Bury it, I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it,
I won't let you murder it..."

Something new!!

I've done lyrics/song of the day long time the times of xanga and livejournal, but now I'm going to start with playlists as well. Please please please take the time to listen to the couple songs that I post onto a playlist for y'all. I'm taking great consideration into the songs that I post.

The first song on the playlist will be the song of the day/the lyrics posted above...

I'm not sure how many songs I'll put on each playlist/blog, but I won't put a whole lot and I'll try to make them songs that go with the post of the day (of course) and songs that you perhaps haven't heard. (I loveeeeee introducing people to new music.) I've downloaded about 320 songs in the past two days (crazy, right) and I am sooo anxious to share new music with you.

I think I've decided on 5 songs per playlist. It's not really worth it to have a shorter amount, but any more and I doubt you would listen. PLEASE LISTEN. It'll be worth your time, I promise. Who doesn't love new music??

There's only a few gifts that I have to offer this big ol' world and I've always had a knack for being able to love and spot great new music. My step mom once said when I was about 14 that I should work for a label as A & R. It's not an awful idear.

I can't get enough of Muse right now. Their songs are absolutely incredible. Each one is so different from the last one... so much so that I was just playing their tracks and each time a new track would come on Jennifer would say, "who's this?" "Muse." "who's this?" "Muse." "who's this?" "...MUSE!"

Twas funny.

So about yesterday's blog about moving to Connecticut... I talked to my Mom today and she had talked to Alex last night, apparently... This wasn't a well thought on plan on her part. I guess it was spur of the moment. He's 88 years old and is family by marriage to my mom's Aunt Joann, who passed last year. She's my grandma Janet's sister... Anyhow, my mom is going to go up to the NYC area where he lives to see him with Pam because Pam has a good friend up there and then I guess we'll see where that goes from there... so far, I believe all of this talk is on hold.

That doesn't change the fact that Jennifer and I want to move. Today Jennifer is going to talk to her mom about moving/the house/etc... I am nervous... I guess I don't really know what to expect out of this entire month. We could live in another place as soon as a few weeks. It's all really up in the air, I hate not knowing.

...ew I just threw up in my mouth a little bit... gross.

Speaking of throwing up. [Bad segway alert] I have got to get on another "diet". I've just been stuffing my feelings full of food to make them go away and I've gained back all the weight I lost last year. I wasn't entirely surprised, although I hate to see such high numbers on the scale... Anyhow, I keep making retarded excuses for myself on why not to "stop" eating. I need to start it out with a week fast, me thinks, because I am so full of toxins [and food] that it's all crusting my vision. (Not in the literal sense)

Playlist:

1. Time Is Running Out - Muse (Incredible. That's practically the only way I can describe it.)
2. Never Think - Rob Pattinson (If you haven't heard him sing... click away! There's a 1 min intro if you wanna fast forward, but then you'll miss him playing the guitar! haha!)
3. Decode - Paramore (I can't decide which Paramore song I like more on the Twilight soundtrack, but I just love to turn this one way up in the car and BELT IT.)
4. Flightless Bird, American Mouth - Iron & Wine (One of the most original songs I've heard in a long while, one of the most beautiful compositions I've heard ever.)
5. Violet Hill - Coldplay (Rawks. The End.)

Please take a listen and let me know what you think... at least what you think of the playlist idea... something, c'mon people!! :-)

Pic:















*click for bigger*

Still not getting easier.

Comments rawk my fucking face... ohhh!! One more thing!! Who would like to see a Jennifer blog? (No hard feelings to those who don't answer this or say no...) I'm trying to get her to open a blogger.

xoxox