I Could Drink A Case Of You

"Do you always trust your first initial feeling?
Special knowledge holds truth bears believing
I turned around and the water was closing all around like a glove
Like the love that had finally, finally found me
And I knew in the crystalline knowledge of you
Drove me through the mountains
Through the crystal-like clear water fountain
Drove me like a magnet to the sea,

How the faces of love have changed turning the pages
And I have changed oh, but you... you remain ageless..."

That's my new Heath song. Nothing will ever compare to Mute Math's "You Are Mine" but that's just a new one to add to my collection of them. ;-)

In the last ten minutes I've had a wonderful day! You ever hear a song that reminds you of a song that you missed? Well for literally YEARS I've been wanting this song, but it's one of those things that you forget to download or buy... and finally in an instant I remembered! It was my favorite song when I was 4. Yes, 19 (OMG.) years ago. I seriously can't believe that I'm old enough to say that... I kinda just freaked out a little bit.

Anyhow, Roxette's, "Dangerous". I had this bright blue tape of their single and I remember making my Mom play it over and over again. I finally downloaded it and it brought back such happy memories. Of course, now, 19 years later I can see that the song is actually about prostitution... oh the wonderful 80's. Go download it. It's fabulous. (It's hard to believe that song came out the same year that Rae was born. Rachel, I'll send you the song if ya want.)

So today something fabulous happened... first off, let me start my story with, all through school in Wamego there was this witch... did I say witch? I meant bitch named Jessica. She practically made my life a living hell. But she didn't do it by throwing rocks at me or anything, she did it by just being condesending to me and pretending she was better than me. It irritated the piss out of me. She was miss goody two shoes, she had everything and would just ignore me, basically. I had no idea why... I tried hard to be nice to her, but nothing... I had to invite all the girls in my class to my first grade birthday party and she was the only one that didn't show up.

Anyhow, I moved away, life moved on, I got Facebook -- I tried to add her to Facebook and never got accepted, finally one day I said to myself, "what's wrong with this girl? What did I do to her that was so awful?" So I emailed her and this is what I said...

Hi, Jessica -- Jodie Platz here -- we went to school together from K-5th and it seemed throughout all those years you did your best to avoid me and ignore me.

In first grade you were the only person I invited to my birthday party that did not attend. Yes, I have held onto all of this for all of these years. I don't remember what grade we were in, but I was sitting across from you at lunch, around 4th grade or so, and you made fun of me since I had never been on an airplane...

I have tried multiple times to add you as a friend here on Facebook, only to get rejected each time.

It's not that I want to be your friend per se, but I've added everyone else, and I thought that perhaps we were past childhood rivalry, or whatever you want to call it.

The only reason I've ever thought a bad thought of you in all the years I've known you was because you never gave me the time of day.

All I want now is to know why... what did I do to you that was so awful as a child that we were always like water and oil? I think you're very beautiful and you were always well liked... I may not have been the most popular girl in school, but I definitely wasn't the outcast.

It just doesn't make sense to me now at 23... I'm just searching for some answers to mend the past.

Thanks for your time, I hope you're well and enjoying life.

xoxox

Jodie Platz

I sent that August 30th and then finally today I got the answer I was searching for. It made me cry.

Jodie,

Let me start by saying I apologize for all the hurt I've caused you. I know that the person I was when I was little was not always as kind as I had hoped and I am sorry that my own insecurities were take out on you. Secondly, I am in no way trying to avoid being your facebook friend. I don't get on facebook but maybe once every few months. I have added you as my friend and will look forward to seeing how you are doing!

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to apologize to you, sorry again for any hurt over the years.

Jessica

I think that was the strongest thing I've ever seen a 23 year old say. She admitted to her faults and apologized to someone she didn't like as a child. It was just remarkable. I completely admire her for that. I am so happy that this part of my life is in the past. It really had torn me for the longest time. I can't tell you why it did, but it did...

Is there anyone you wish this could happen with?

Well that's enough substance for today.

Pics: Quotes: Enjoy.






I thought this guy was cute! ^^







I loves it. ^^



;-) Soooo true for you. ^^

Right Rae? ^^


^^ that's a great one. So true for me.

Word bird. ^^


That ones for Gemma... ^^ Spitch.



So. Me. Whoa. ^^


That's enough there, no clip today, bitches. ;-)

xoxox

Chloeeee.

Loveees It.

"We are young,
heartache to heartache we stand,
No promises, no demands...
Love is a battlefield..."

I'm sleepy.

So I am expecting some more Heath and eBay things in the mail but they haven't arrived yet. :S How long should I wait for them to come?

I'm down even more on my weight...

I really don't have anything to say... LOL I really wanna cook and eat food. I've been watching the food network a lot and I just love it. I really can't wait to make Thanksgiving and such.

Ooh! I was researching places to eat in Las Vegas and came up with a list... ;)

The Deli in NickelTown @ the Riviera
Slots-A-Fun ($1 hot dogs that I won't eat and $1.25 margaritas!)
Gold Spike
Main St. Station Champagne Brunch
In-N-Out!!!!!!
Chipotle
Cafe Sienna in our hotel. CHEAP late night deals.
Tuscany for cheap late night deals

That'll be enough. ;-)

I checked out the best places to get cocktails and I'm STOKKKED.

Pic of the Day:



I cannnn't wait.

21 days.

Clip of the Day:



I just wanna listen to him speak all day. I love hiiim.

xoxox








www.thinnertoday.blogspot.com

And I'm Feelin' Good

"Miss Otis regrets she's unable to lunch today, madam,
And she's sorry to be delayed,
But last evening down at lovers lane she strayed, madam..."

So up until yesterday's 2nd post of the day with my before and after photos I had actually remained fairly reserved about speaking on my weight loss... that doesn't sound like me, does it? LOL

Anyhow, I think I have been quiet about it because I didn't wanna jinx it all or build myself up to be something I wasn't and then let myself, and you down.

Today is the 7th day of doing great and I've lost 10 lbs in the process (24 pounds total from my highest weight.) I'm not even thinking about breaking my concentration on this. I'm going to keep going until Vegas and then in Vegas I'm going to eat small and try to be as good as possible, but I know while I'm there I'll gain a few pounds. That's okay because when I come back it's back on track for me.

So last night Gemma and I were having a pretty deep conversation. She's been a good constant fall on for my weight loss the past week, as she's doing the system with me. We're doing everything the same so it's easier for me to go to her than anyone.

But Gemma was the first to notice that not just my weight has changed:

I've seen a BIG change in you these past few weeks. Like, everything u say and do has some kinda bounce to it, sure u still take meds, and I think that's helping a lot.

You seem to have much more of a positive outlook on things, and I believe heath has brought something out in you that was scared to make itself known.

The past week or so we've chatted has been some of the greatest times with u, the chats on ichat, the random sillyness, the deep chats we've had. I've loved every minute of it.

So for not only your sake, but for that of others, including me, don't go back to being a jodie. Sure I loved jodie to death, but chloe has something that jodie never had... And I'm loving every minute of u.

I've never had anyone really be that honest with me about change. I've tried in the past to change myself, but I have never been completely successful.

I told her she was the sweetest person and that I felt Heath had a lot to do with it as well. Which... I'm not going to get into openly here.

I will always thank heath for what hold he has over you, cos even from far beyond to the other side with the angels, I SWEAR he's checked In on you. And you've felt his presance.

But ya.. I've noticed that a lot recently about you, and couldn't find the right time or words to say so. U really are something else miss ledger, and I'm proud, and very very very honoured to call you my best freind. I'll love u til the day the earth runs out of air.

I guess I could keep going, but I think I'll keep the other parts to myself.

It's incredible to think that Heath has changed me in some way for the better, but I really do notice it. Maybe it took Gemma noticing it for me to really notice, but now I do and it's perfectly clear to me.

I've had my moments of ---- well, we'll say uncertainty with Heath, but I'm past that now. I live to celebrate his life and carry on his memory -- no longer mourn his death. Sure, to me it's still tragic and mysterious, but he's more to me than just a dead actor.

Heath is and always will be my angel. I truly feel that he watches over me in some way and in some weird way, I feel like I'm living for him. Heath and I have too much in common when it comes to sleeping disorders and prescription pills, anxiety, depression, etc -- and there was someone wise who once told me that I should learn from his death.

I may not be able to speak for everyone you assosciate with, but I can speak for myself when I say I love you and care about you, because we've got a bright future ahead and a lot to look forward to together, as best friends...I mean fated friends ;) maybe my purpose in your life is to be the one who saves you because I will if I have to. I'm not just gonna watch you give up on life and everything when you've got so much left to see of the world! Trust me ;)

You and Heath may have everything in common but you won't end up like him instead you'll LEARN from his death. Maybe that's why he even matters to you at all? Maybe in a secret sort of way he's teaching you to change before its too late like he should have?

Think about it.

Love you hard Jo.

Miss Rachel is far wise beyond her 18 years.

These two friends I have, Gemma and Rachel, are my everything's. They hold two seperate parts of me, our friendships are polar opposites but one thing remains the same: they both are my world. I think that because our friendships are so different is why they both mean so much to me. I really couldn't imagine my life without either of them... it would be hard to live.

These girls save my life everyday. It's not just when I'm suicidal and I call upon them -- everyday that I wake up and there are messages on my phone from them is reason enough for me to keep living.

I know sometimes you don't understand,
But know I need to hold her hand,
She means to me what you won't know,
And I'm living for our friendship to grow

Anyhowwwwwwww... I think that's enough for today. I love you girls.

Pic of the Day:



I love this pic. (Do I ever post pics I don't love?!) I think he's just too adorable. This was back in Sydney a few years ago. I love how he just kicked off his shoes and took a seat. :) Shows a lot about who he was.

(Pssst, I do that all the time.)

Clip of the Day:



I can't wait to see this movie! I wanna sneak Bella into the theatre. ;-)

xoxox

INSAAAAANE.

So I reckon this is post two of today...

As the numbers go down on the scale a few times each day, I kept putting off taking a photo of myself.

On July 19th I posted this photo of myself:::



No one said anything specific about the photo, but whatevs. ;-)

Now, today -- I weigh 267 and I decided to take another photo of myself.

Here's a different photo from the same day -- July 19 @ 284 lbs.

Before:



After:



That's today. Is it just me or are there WORLDS of difference there. I never noticed before just how much about 20 lbs could do. Crazy.

I'm not stopping here. ;-) I hope to be down to at least 250 by Las Vegas in 23 days. Waay doable.

Please comments and stuff!

xoxox

New Beginnings

"Oh, I've been travelin' on this road too long,
Just tryin' to find my way back home,
The old me's dead and gone,
Dead and gone..."

*repeat forever* I fucking love it. It literally knocked my socks off (hence the bare feet.)

Today was a pretty good day. In the mail I got some Heath. ;-) I'm Not There. WOO! I loveeee that movie. If you haven't seen it then get to steppin' over to Blockbuster and rent it. (It's only at Blockbuster.)

Jenn and I went to look at cars today and her dad had promised that she would get to choose from a Chevy, an Oldsmobile and a van... Needless to say, we weren't feeling the van. But long story very short -- we're getting the van.

It's actually really nice. It's got a sweet CD player, AC, doors on both sides, and I'm going to sweetly dub it "The Loser Cruiser". ;-) I might as well make pink lemonade out of the lemons that life has given us.

Speaking of turning life into pretty pink lemonade -- I've been taking my vitamins and anti-depressants for about 3 or 4 days consecutively.

I can finally say for the first time in my life -- I am happy.

My life has been going all kinds of fantastic. I have nothing, nothing, nothing to complain about. Just a week ago I was depressed, and it's wonderful how a couple little gray pills can make you see the rainbow on the other side of the rain, isn't it?

The only part about my day that was bad yesterday was that I was particularly weak to food. But I refused to give in. I am not going to let something so small as FOOD ruin my life anymore.

Yesterday morning Jennifer and I spent an hour or so on the couch drinking coffee and laughing. It was the most fun that I have had with her in a long time.

Jenn and I were on our way to the mall yesterday before going to see the cars when we were going to make a stop at the library to return two DVD's -- I spotted a car and I said "that's like Rae's car, only hers is a two door, and it's a convertible and it's not dirty." LOL and Apparently Jenn was listening more to the radio than me because she picked up her phone and started calling the radio station and won the Love Guru on DVD! :D Crazy, right?! I was sitting there talking about Rae and Jenn goes and wins the DVD. Freaky... anyhow so we canceled the mall and went to pick up the DVD and we got this pass to go to this exclusive shopping thing -- I can't remember when it is... and we also got 2 coupons for a free burrito at Chipotle. We're going to save them for Vegas and eat there and we're going to split the burrito bowls there. ;-) Sweet.

Yo, now I'm stoked for Chipotle.

Last night I went to see The Dark Knight for the 8th time and probably the last time in the theater. All was fine and I was all alone in the big ol' theater until the movie started and this couple came in. :-( I wanted to have Heath all to myself. Poop.

It was interesting... watching it this time - knowing literally every word in the movie - I seemed to watch Heath differently, but one thing was the same... his first line... "what doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger." It was like he was saying it for the first time. I got chills all over. :)

It's like... when you're in a relationship, or friendship for that matter and you have this moment where you realize you still love the person because they still have the ability to surprise you -- it was like that for me. You can't help your emotions, your feelings, your chills... so it amazed me, surprised me that the movie can still do that after 8 times and all these months.

I can't wait for the re-release. ;-)

Plans for today, today, today... let's see. I woke up at 530 after only sleeping a few hours. I'll probably be up the rest of the day. (I got an adrenaline rush with a new Justin song. ;-) Haven't felt that in a while.) I'm having coffee again with Jennifer this morning, I'mma wake her up at 9. Then I don't really know what all we're doing. We need to go to the post office, the library and unpack some more while Jennifer has a day off. At 330 I'm going to Panera to have a cup or so of coffee so Jennifer can have some alone time.

Pic of the Day:



Mr. HL 5 years ago picketing against the war on Iraq.

5 years later we're still at war and we're missing Heath.

Clip of the Day:



"You gotta do everything yourself..."

xoxox

BAM!

"That's life... that's what all the people say
Riding high in April, shot down in May
I know I'm gonna change that tune,
When I'm back on top in June,
I said, that's life...
Oh and as funny as it may seem,
Some people get their kicks,
Stomping on your dream"

Ah, today has been a good day. Aside from the fact that Gemma's phone and net has been cut and I won't get to talk to her until Thursday... today has been going quite well. I'm down on my weight! YAY!!! I've lost several pounds this week and of course, I'm not stopping there!

Bella was napping earlier today and snoring, it twas adorable.

Jenn text me today and asked for me to find her the download of Kristy Lee Cook's new album, which is out today... I was like "whaaa? Why?" I don't know. Apparently she adores her or something. I haven't heard her sing since I heard "Devoted" -- *rolls eyes* Jenn says she's been really into country lately... I told her that I couldn't find the download of Kristy's album... but really I'm going to surprise her with it tonight when she comes home. ;-) I also downloaded her some Rascal Flatts since she said she was really looking forward to seeing them in Las Vegas.

25 days until Las Vegas!! I'm hoping to continue to lose weight up until the moment I get to Vegas. ;-)

I think we got a little over our heads on which clubs we're going to go to. LOL I am delerius if I don't expect us to be just plain exhausted. So I think we're going to cut out some clubs and try to actually mellow the fuck out in Vegas. While in Vegas I'm not going to eat a whole lot. I've been doing so good lately, I have a good frame of mind right now and there's no need to ruin it all with something as minimal as -- food.

I once read that the longest you should stay in is three days. Anything more than that is unnessecary. Now, when I was turning 17 we were in Las Vegas for 4 days, and we got bored... of course we couldn't drink or go to clubs - so I don't know. I don't think we'll get bored, but I do think we'll get tired of going out.

So! I'm planning on bringing all my Heath movies and we can have a Heath movie night. ;-) We'll get some drinks and bring em up to the room and just chillax.

Also today I got it in my head to thinking about Thanksgiving and so I decided to write out what we will have and the recipes for it and this is what I have so far:

Stuffed Foccacia with Roasted Eggplant
Cornbread
Golden Gravy and Mashed Potatoes
Candied Sweet Potatoes
French Onion Soup
Green Bean Casserole
Stuffing
Asparagus with Lemon Butter

I don't know what to have as our main dish, however. I found some good ideas for vegetarian main courses but nothing seems to have struck my fancy yet. I did think about just making something out of Tofurkey, but I was unsure...

Anyhow. I've been writing this blog for literally hours. It's time to wrap it up.

Pic of the Day:



Loves this pic. Of course.

It's an actual polaroid of Heath, in which afterwards he drew on it and wrote Money Man under it... and yes, that's his signature. LOL

Winner winner.

Clip of the Day:



One of my favorite scenes. ;-)

The bass in his voice makes me... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

I love him.

xoxox

Blog TWO Of Today

"you're gonna be a shining star,
in fancy clothes, in fancy cars,
and then you see you're gonna go far
cuz everyone knows, just who ya are..."

So this is blog 2 of today, so be sure to read the small blog that I have posted below...

I was thinking about what I said about my pic of the day from earlier...



I was thinking about how I said I didn't know where to begin, but first lets begin with the sex on his face... LOL He has the greatest expressions. His eyes always say so much... His lips are the perfect shade of pink. His jawline is... wow... his jawline is something else.

That is one thing that I really don't know where to begin on. His jawline.

I refuse to turn on the heat in our home yet, but I've turned off the air and and the fan... and I was thinking about where I put all my sweaters and whatnot and the only one I knew where it was was the one I bought in LA... when I bought it it was a little tight and I was slightly embarrassed to wear it... butttttt...



It fits now! YAY!!!!

My smile looks painful there, doesn't it. LOL It's because the flash on my BlackBerry is freaking bright and always throws me off. LOL

So the previous blog I was talking about fashion and whatnot because I don't really know what Jennifer and I are. Like I was saying I'm a little bit of everything, so I showed her these photos of friends that I found and we tried to figure out what we are.

What do you think Jenn and I are?




Celebutantes/Rockstars.



Depressed.


Silly.




Posers.


Dressing Room Posers.







Beach Bums.


Made Up.





Together.



Chilly.


Fashion Forward.






Nice Blue Springs North Shirt... LOL ^^ ICKKKKK!



Fun/Silly/Crazy.



Strippers.


Dancers.



Scene.


Party Girls.




Cute.


Tattooed.



Sluts.


Tanorexic.


Drunk.


Hippies.


Work Out Chicks.


Hipsters.


Free Spirit.


Mean Girls.


Plain Jane's.

So what you think? What's your favorite photo? Which screams me and Jenn? Me and Rae? Me and Gemma?!

Hope you enjoyed. It took a long time, so pleasssse comment. Thanks...

Also!! Don't forget the post below!

xoxox