High

"I'll always think of you inside of my private thoughts,
I can't imagine you touching my private parts,
and just the thought of you, I can't help but touch myself
That's why I want you so bad..."

So... I'm tired. That's not good, I have to go to work soon. Oh well.

So yesterday was interesting. I had text Mitch... yes, Mitch who -- whatever to my heart back in March -- I had text him several days ago and I just wanted to basically see if he hated me, and if he really just wanted sex from me or if he actually liked me.

Yesterday he came over and we talked breifly about the fact that he's actually quite infatuated with me, he's just not been in a lot of relationships and since he grew up without his mother he feels the only thing he "needs" from women is sex.

So he came over after not seeing me since early Aprilish and wanted to basically pick up where we left off. Of course, as a woman, I thought he was coming over so we could talk and perhaps talk about the idea of us getting back together.

He wanted to have sex, like... now.

I was like, "NO!" So then he keeps talking about us having sex and I'm like, "Mitch, I already gave you my answer..." and he actually told me that he was trying to change my mind.

*rolls eyes*

He admitted to me that he someday could see himself marrying me -- without any hesitation he said it... but... oh, a big ol lardy butt right here --- he said he doesn't want to have kids.

Deal breaker.

I can deal with drugs, they don't interefere with his work and whatnot, I can deal with a smoker, because he doesn't do it around me, I can deal with the drinking because he's cut back --- but no kids?

Well, nice to know ya Mitch.

I want a litter of kids.

I used to just want one because I loved being an only child and the pain... then I was like, "I want one of each" and then I decided that I want 4 or 5 kids.

Yes. I'll find someone who wants that joy too. I don't think there's any joy like a child and for me to have MY OWN child -- wow.

First of all before I can share my life with someone I need to be comfortable and confident on my own. Gemma and I decided this last night. Rachel was a huge help too in telling me just "NO!" to Mitch. Loves you both for helping me because if you weren't there I'd sooo be with Mitch. You know what I mean? You see things I can't see.

Anyhow, I need to get my life in order because right now I have too much extra shit to worry about without a boyfriend on top of that. Yes yes.

Moving on. Watched 5 movies yesterday.

Man Of The Year - Very funny. Robin Williams kills.
The Grand - Much funnier than anticipated. Completely improv.
Hitman - Good fight scenes, not good movie.
The Water Horse - SOOO good and I want one!!
Semi Pro - not funny, sucked assholes.

Pic? How about I promise to post some of Heather's wedding pics tomorrow?!?! Yes yes.

xoxox

Let Go

"the feeling of going down way too deep
And holding on so you don't lose your feet
Sometimes you've just gotta trust, you've gotta take that leap,
and let go..."

*sigh* ahh, my week is complete. :-) I just got home from work and I know I should be sleeping now, but I have too much to do.

I have to get all of Heather's photos together and burn her a CD of them and mail them this morning. I have to go to the pet store when they open and get Bella some "fancy pants" because she's in season and is just bleeding all over everything!! And then I might head to Taraget and see what they got over there. ;-)

Yesterday when I was at work I wrote a list of 24 things to do before I turn 24 and I can't wait to complete them!! WOO!

I really don't have much to say today, I really should get working on Heather's photos.

Maybe I'll blog later.

xoxox

This Is Not A Life Saving Device

"Don't go, don't leave, don't walk away
I told you everything, I swear..."

Let's see. There is a LOT to tell here now. Let's do buisness first.

I am in the process of leaving ZT.

Ahh, crap. You know, it doesn't bother me so much that I'm moving on from ZT, the part that bothers me the most is that I have to edit my profile on MySpace. LOL

In my contract it says that if I have not released an album within my first year of being signed that I am free to go and search for new representation... so that's what I'm doing. I thought after LA that that would be the start of my album, but really it proved to be... well... not.

I already have new management interested, so no worries on Jodie being unsigned. I'll be signing soon. ;-)

LA... well. *thinks* LA turned out to be more of a paid vacation than progress. Fortune Otega seemed to be a well rounded, genius musician with his shit all lined up and together, but really Fortune Otega was an immature, unprofessional, wannabe. That's all I need to say about him. The music that I spent work on day in and out and literally cried over will never be heard by a single soul.

LA was a learning experience. I am thankful that I had the oppertunity to head out there and see the things that I saw. I gained a weeks worth of studio experience and I will never forget the things that I got to see along the way.

Now that I have business out of the way... :-D

I went to Wamego this weekend for Heather's wedding, which was super awesome. Heather looked absolutely gorgeous. Tim, her now husband, well... he's... He's making Heather happy and that's all that matters. I saw her sonogram photo!! She's gonna have a gorgeous baby. Heather's so pretty and she looked absolutely stunning on her big day. I am so proud that I was such a big part of it.

I bawled like a little baby during the father daughter dance. Her dad was always very nice to me. He reminds me a lot of my Daddy, he's very funny and always joking. It was so moving to see him be serious when he was walking his last daughter down the aisle and then dancing with her at the ceremony. I've never had more genuine tears.

Jennier caught the bouquet but I asked her beforehand if she caught if I could have it. I told her she could have the luck that comes with it, but I wanted the flowers because they meant a lot to me.

Heather's colors were blue and yellow and it worked really well for her cute summer wedding.

I'll post some photos that I took later after I get Heather her CD. It's not really fair for me to post them for all to see without her even seeing them first!

I cut my hair!! YAAAAY! 5" gone and I dyed it too... annnnnnd...

VOILA!



At the rehearsal:



With Heather @ her wedding:



What do we think??

Comments are appreciated and returned.

xoxox

Xanax Is My BFF

"The way I've sinned is hanging off of me..."

I can't wait to get the fuck out of KC and go back to my simple, simple people of Wamego, KS.

God, it shall be sweet.

Everyone has just been too much lately. I am a simple girl, I come from a very simple world and to be honest, you're fucking up my chi.

There's been just too much movement within the Platz circle lately, therefore its on lockdown. No one in, no one out. Best friends stay -- outsiders stay out side. I need time to calm everything down, and by that I just mean settle with myself. My mind can hardly rest with the drama within 2 individuals. I am working hard everyday to put everything that's happened within the last month behind me. (Tina, stop thinking this is all about you, because it's not. I have other problems besides you. Trust me, not just you alone can ruin my life.)

I have been and need to continue to do soul searching. I need to be what I want to be. I need to become what I feel is right for me. Maybe not right for me in the future, but right for me - right now. I spend way too much time pleasing others and not worrying about the concequences later.

It may seem right to please others and make other people happy, but there are awful concequences that come along with that. Not only have you lied to yourself, but you have betrayed yourself. You are the only person who will ever be there for you. So why let yourself down? I feel it's just causing tons of therapy later on in life.

So, my hair. 5" of me gone. My Mama said I was gonna lose 20lbs. LOL It's SO much lighter and thinner, I loves it. I am dying it here in a few, then I'm gonna style it, take some pics and I'll post pics here later. So, even if you read the blog, come back later to see the pics. They will probably be in a new post. I will also post to myspace.

I got my Mama's camera last night... ooooh, I so badly want to steal it. I love it. Feels good in my hands. Mama said she would help me when I'm ready to buy my own. Like, as in, she'll go with me to get it. She knows all the deals and know what the fuck she's doing. LOL

Anyhow... pics of my hair to come later.

xoxox

My Love Is Like Whoa

"Hello, is it me you're looking for?"

*giggles* I'm like, seriously... giddy right now. It's kind of awesome, I haven't been this happy in a while. Wow. I'm giggling and practically smiling out of my skin. Wow...

So I was a lucky dreamer last night!!! I had 2 dreams about Rachel and one of them had Mr. David Cook in it! I was his cousin and I didn't know it and Rachel and I were hanging out, driving in her car and he was walking across this bridge and we got to talking. Rachel basically freaked out and drove off. LOL It was great.

The dream I had before that I was at her house and I was looking at her backyard... it was really simple, but it was -- fate.

Speaking of Rachel -- we're better than ever. We talk all the time, every day and in fact, I'm heading over to O-hii-o in August for several days to chill with her. :-) I don't have exact days just yet, but we're both super stoked about it.

Well, hell, this is turning into the Rachel blog. :-)

Change of subject --

I can't wait to get my hair cut today. I'm ready. So ready. :-) I will most definitely post pics.

Last night Jennifer and I went to Taraget and I got wedding cards and Fathers Day cards. I also got some awesome product for my new hairrrr. I haven't really changed my actual hairstyle in years, so this is going to be awesome. Usually if I'm lazy, I'll just wash is, mouse and hairspray it so it's curly... if I have energy and time I straighten it... Well, since my hair is going to be shorter I can do more with it... yaaaay!!!

So I got this Garnier anti-humidity styling cream. Yes yes, that sounds perfect for me. Also I got Garnier Surf Hair, for texture. I can't wait. Got my dye -- you'll have to wait and see. ;-) Also got some new conditioner because I go through it faster than most. LOL

Then we were going to go to Chipotle but we werent going to have time, so we're going to go tomorrow before we go see the Love Guru -- more on that later. Anyhow, so we went to Applebees for half price appetizers and cheap drinks. I got a beer and Jenn got this like, spin of a Pina Colada... (speaking of which, that's our song, that and Bon Jovi's "Livin' On A Prayer" LOL) It was awesome and stuff.

Then we went home and watched Jessica Alba in "The Eye" which I didn't want to see for the mere reason that the poster freaked me out. LOL It was actually good. Then we watched The Jumper -- did I say we?? I mean, me... Jenn fell asleep with her mouth open. It was funny. LOL That movie was good. Today I'm watching Because I Said So with Diane Keaton and Mandy Moore all by myself. LOL

I think Mandy Moore is a better actress than singer. Who's with me?? She's an incredibly actress. I'm very proud of her. :-) Diane Keaton is good but annoys me and I think it's her damn wardrobe. LOL

I can't wait to get my hair cut, did I mention that??!?

Tomorrow morning we're going to see the first showing of the Love Guru because we have sooo much to do tomorrow. We have to leave KC at 2p to get there a little after 4 in Wamego. My Daddy won't be home until 4... Then at 6p we're going to Heather's wedding rehearsal and actually her bridesmaid or maid of honor, something can't come to the rehearsal so she called me last night and asked me to be a stand in. I thought that was sweet.

I wanted to go to the rehearsal so I would know and understand the whole set up and prepare myself for Saturday.

Saturday I actually have no idea what I'm going to do with Bella while I'm away all day. I guess she's gonna get locked in the bedroom or the bathroom for a while. Daddy will probably open the door and let her roam a bit. He's so sweet to her. Sunday night Jenn and I have to work so we'll probably leave Wamego around 4ish.

I'm just realizing that I'm not going to get to spend much time with my parents. That's kinda shitty. :-(

Friday night we'll just see the rehearsal and then leave. Apparently there's gonna be sandwiches and other foods but I'm not going to be hungry at 6. Then I can spend more time with my parents. Yes yes, that will be good. Unfortunately, there's no way to get around Saturday. I have to be gone from Noon until reception. Fudge.

Sunday we can do something together... so that's good. It will just be nice to spend a little time with them. Then we'll be back down in a few weeks for the 4th of July.

YAAAY for that!! I CANT FUCKING WAIT!! I loveeee the 4th of July. :-D

No pic today.

xoxox

Yesterday & Days Before

"faster kill faster still pussycat,
those high heels are not your friends..."

In moments of doubt, don't we all look for change? With the insane week that I've had, it was only time before I tried to start my *counts* 8,030th rebirth.

New diet in place, the rebirthing/changes that I had planned previously to this week are still in effect, and now I'm searching for a new Jodie. New hairstyle.

Usually, I'm actually quite afraid of hairstyle changes. My theory is, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." My manager hates the idea of me cutting my hair because, really, how often do you see a whole lot of celebs with short hair? Not too often. It's the fantasy effect. Men adore long hair and you're more attractive with long hair, so yeah... anyhow, manager wants long hair. Whatever.

Manager can suck it, Jodie's chopping her hair. Now, I don't know exactly what I want, again... how short etc. I'm also dying it -- now, I could always go dark, which makes me depressed, eh... I have medication for that now. Or just blonde myself out again. Probably the latter.

Anyhow -- so I've been checking out photos... I'm a very visual person, see it do it, you know? So I've got options here... I can go short short, medium, choppy, la... I have no idea. This is going to take some serious research.



I am very attracted to Cameron's hair. It's always competely gorgeous.

This is a safe option for me. ^^ It's not too much change.



I'm sure these are too big for blogspot, but I'm too lazy to size them. Fuck it.

I am still unsure on color, but if I did decide to go dark again, I would do it this color. I love Cameron with dark hair -- it makes her eyes pop.

I love this legnth too.



I loveeee this photo of Cam. She's so sexy. I love how her hair always looks like she just had mad sex or rode in a convertible. She's got effortless hair, but you know it takes hours to achieve. ;-) Cam rocks. LOL



I loveeee this pic, hair, everything. It's great. Again with the sex hair. I need to buy more product. LOL

waaaay back in the day I took the cover of Rolling Stone with Britney on the cover and had the stylist (who charges $100/session!!) re-create this for me:



I was way hot.



^^ One of my fav pics of Cam. It was actually in EW on the back of a Justin photo that I loved. I cut it out and laminated it, and years later after Cam and Justin were dating I came across the photo and laughed.

True story.

I guess that's about all for photos. I have in my head exactly what I want now... if I could only make a print of it. LOL

xoxox

Stalker Much?

"I'm alright, I'm alright,It only hurts, when I breathe..."

I wanted to take this time to first off say, Tina leave me alone. You're clearly not over me like you pretend to be if you won't leave me alone and stop coming to my site. Come to my site all you want, but your opinion on my blog does not matter to me, so keep it to yourself. Keep everything to yourself. I do not ever want to hear from you again. This is the final time I will ask you to please leave me alone.

If you would please take notice, I have not contacted you since May 22 and yet, here you are still. Just move on with your life. Get out of mine.

Next I would like to take this time to thank God for giving me such incredible friends. However trying this time may be for me, its only made my friendships stronger.

Next, I would like to say that the past is behind me and I'm only looking forward to the future. I am good in Gods eyes and anyhow, only he can judge me. I am guilty of sinning, but that's like any human. I was taught by my mama to believe firmly in karma and I do. I know I am innocent and I have nothing to fear. I refuse to be afraid of you because if I give you power then you have it, but you have nothing in my eyes, nothing.

Goals are dreams with a deadline.

Read that in a fortune cookie once.

Speaking of cookies, I get 2 of my songs tonight. I'm very excited to finally get my hands on my material. And, in fact, I'm getting a song a day until Friday when I'll get my final song. I'm so happy that I'll be able to share these rough edits with my family and friends. There's only a select few that are going to be able to hear these songs right now since they're not finished yet.

Fortune's still got some work to do on them and then he's coming out to KC so I can do the final vocals with him. THEN you can really hear em. THEN you can judge them.

My hands are dry...

I'm actually writing this at work, ill email it to myself later and then post it onto my blog. When I get home Jenn and I have to do mites treatment for Bella's ears. I feel so bad for her, she's not going to be very happy with us.

Jenn and I had a wonderful day out yesterday. First we went to Panera for lunch with a friend, who unfortunately, is moving away so we won't get to hang out anymore. Then we went to get Bella's ear mite treatment and got her a toy... Its a snake... I didn't pick it out. Lol

Went to Taraget where I got Bella two very adorable shirts, a beautiful dress for myself, (which I'm saving for Vegas) and Jenn got a new swimsuit. She's got about 3 for this season, meanwhile I just last week got my first swimsuit since 03. Its adorable and Isaac Mizrahi. Loves that gay boy.

Told my Mama when and where I was moving and she's SO jealous! She said that I was living her life. She's been helping me look for a new car. I was going to get a Toyota Prius, then a Toyota Corolla... And my Mama, previous Toyota owner, talked me out of it. Now I'm back looking at Honda's. No problem there. Mt first car was a Honda and I adore the Civics. Anyhow... That's not for a little bit, so doesn't matter now.

Today is going in a much better direction than yesterday. I've got a few things to look up and take care of online, but other than that I'm just gonna take it easy. Tonight I have to work again. It's kinda cool to show up in a polo and jeans... I don't have my uniform yet. LOL

Tomorrow and Thursday I don't have to work. Thursday I think my Mama is cutting my hair. Friday I'm heading down to Wamego, that night it's Heathers rehearsal, Saturday is her wedding and we're coming home Sunday. I think I have to work Sunday night.

That's all for today, kiddies.

Much love. Stay strong.

Pic O Tha Day:











xoxox

xoxox